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October 26, 2006


(Also thanks to Gizmodo)


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finally a book my boys will like!

My wife could have used a bullet-proof book last week when there ws a bomb threat at her school. I'm planning to get her a flack jacket for Xmas.

bulletproof books wbagnfarb

so now they'll be wearing their books to school??

like those stupid backpacks aren't heavy enough without kevlar books.

They used to just burn books. Now they're shooting them?

Ironicly though the book will be the Glass Menagerie.

I agree, Wyo...these kids have enough to carry around.

Great, now every terrorist will become bookworms so that Jack can't shoot them in the thigh as easily...

Oh great, the kids have so many books to lug back & forth to school as it is that they use luggage carts. By all means, let's make them heavier!

lol Addicted

Um, if we're going to take the armor approach to school safety, shouldn't the kids be wearing it, not the books?

I think the concept is that they hold up the books as a defense mechanism, like shield. That's a warped visual, huh?

I'm just trying to imagine some poor frightened kid running away from some gun-toting psycho holding a book over his head...wouldn't the first instinct be to DROP everything and RUN LIKE HELL???

would never have worked for me, as all my books were buried in my locker under months of old lunch bags and gym shorts.

I guess installing a bulletproof lock on the door was too costly.

Come to think of it, if I'd had some of that Woody spray, I might not have had to clean out my locker each year.

In addition to training the kids to take the Florida Child Abuse Test (FCAT), we will now be training them in survival skills, utilizing textbooks.

ewwwie Wyo...crusty gym shorts???

Got that, ec, but they're talking about maybe putting Kevlar covers on the books too.

Maybe the kids should carry Manilow record album covers to repel the bullets.

Kevlar covered books is a little far fetched but the concept could definitely save lives. I'm telling my daughter this evening that if, God forbid, there is ever a shooting at her school to put a backpack on. Most bullet wounds occur between the neck and waist because center mass is a natural aiming point. A backpack would cover a lot of that area If Intro to Algebra could save her life I'm all for it.

You'd think it would make more sense to try to keep the guns OUT of the schools, no?

Doesnt' every school already have the necessary material to block bullets, bombs and nuclear attacks in the form of cafeteria pizza?

Please bear with the unfunny post and, if you would please, imagine a period after "area".

thiz iz y i wuz hom skulded

The next step is obvious: evry school will require uniforms made of Kevlar("R" thingy). Our children will finally be safe from shootings, shrapnel, and all manner of skinned knees.

No, that would make way too much sense!

Just feed the kids enough tequila, instead of milk. They'll think they're bulletproof. I always do.

Not Necessarily Funny
After the recent school shootings, my wife's school's administration was inundated with calls, letters and emails suggesting that all of the staff get carry permits and side arms. Apparently, the parents think that there should be MORE guns in the school.
/Not Necessarily Funny

Can the Amish weave kevlar dresses? What does a kevlar sheep look like, anyway?

Can you successfully shoot a kevlar sheep?

how about taking the GUNS away?? errr, duh.

I agree, ec...lets just pack our kids with 50 lbs of books.

Punkin', I'll let ya slide on that last one, 'cause there are some lousy home school parents out there, but...

all three of my home-schooled kids were sought by good schools, and two of them got full-ride scholarships. (the youngest now teaches music in a private School in Co. Spgs.) Meanwhile my wife tutors public high school students who read at or below third grade level and are still earning A's and B's in school.


Jack probably can, Punkin.

Punkin, poison gas woud take care of kevlar sheep. Eeeww, I can't believe I even thought of that.
*slaps hand for typing that*

Don't worry DPC, it'll be in the last place you look.

Because you'll stop looking for it once you find it.

Being a guy-type man, that's assuming that you don't get distracted by other stuff that you find & had been wondering where the newly discovered had been.

queensbee - This is AMERICA! How DARE you suggest that eliminating guns will eliminate GUN DEATHS. That's just CRAZY talk!

Punkin - you can successfully shoot a Kevlar sheep, but you need a bigger gun.

Kudos to Wyo & his better(?) half!!!!!

Wyo - I home schooled my daughter, too.

I was trying to be humorous.

I have failed.

*throws self on sword - cuz she doesn't/won't ever own a gun*

yeah, ec, she's definitely better. (25+ years)

Now now now. Please don't make me pull out the old "If guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns" argument. This is a humor blog.
Besides, like I always say, sometimes there are people who just need killin'. Stabbin' leaves such a mess.

I still love ya, punkin, 'cause it was funny. Ida jist put publik skool in dere.

Yes, blurk, but stabbin' is SO much more satisfying.

I hear.

*snork* @ Punkin.

Well sheesh, Punkin...now you've got blood all over the blog...

*tosses in giant roll of TP to sop up blood*

Coke cleans up blood pretty well. According to the Mythbusters, anyway.

ya'll are depressing me. if anyone needs me, i'll be knitting kevlar turtlenecks for the boysies.

Yeah, Chris - I hear Adam bleeds about every week.

*hides all sharp objects and smiles real big at Punkin*

Were all good, right?


btw, I got me some guns. lots of 'em. Real gun control is a steady aim.

Ain't never been a school shootin' when I was around. (except for when we shot watermelons in physics class, and targets in Phys Ed, and decoys in hunter's safety class, and silhouettes in marksmanship...)

Uh, crossgirl........"kevlar turtlenecks for the boysies".....I really don't think penises get shot at alot, do you?

Oh wait - forgot where I was.

1) Wyo, I need to relocate so my kids can get that kind of education. Does the school still offer those classes?

2) Penises DO the shooting, no?

Just give the kids any philosophy textbook. That stuff's impenetrable.

me too, Punkin' no offense intended, I assure you. I just really like shootin' things, and don't want a few irresponsible, violent idiots to mess it up for the rest of us.

DPC, some are through the schools, and others are outside activities. there are LOTS of shooting clubs for all ages.

and *snork* @ Ford

no sh!t, Ford!

Wyo - would you be willing to run for office with Dave?

DPC, I'd love to, but for Dave's sake, I should probably not. The last VP candidate from Wyo (who's also handy with a gun, most of the time) hasn't proved too popular.

Dave will be wearing kevlar covered copies of his best-sellers during campaigning....

Thank you, Wyo. I had a comment but I still wear a uniform so I had to duct tape my fingers.

We should also ban the wearing of any clothes from T@rget in schools.

I had a comment about me liking Dick...but ya'll know that ;-)

*snork* meanie!

Just great, Siouxie. We had a thread going that Mary's kids could actually read but now...

Siouxie - Imagine my conundrum - I don't like Dick, but I like dick, but......


blurk, when I was still in (right when Clinton was elected) I got in trouble for a bumper sticker that read, "...and you thought Jimmy Carter sucked."

Free speech don't apply when you're in uniform, I found out.

*remains conservative, and proud of it, but has lots of liberal friends, 'cause He respects dissenting wrong opinions.*

Blurkie - we got into the 60's w/out having to use the markers...that's something, right?

blurk, I meant the VP...sheesh... why is your mind always in the gutter?? I HAVE behaved for a while now...Ask Mary!

OH!!!! And I got to be 69!!!!!!!

(move along blog-kids .... nuthin' to see here)

btw, meanie, clothes from T@rget was very clever.

*sprayed coffee @ "St. Siouxie"*


Punkin, don't forget 96, kinda like 69, but her idea.

(I know, I've told that one before)

Isn't blasting femurs what kevlar books are trying to prevent?

Not MY idea, Wyo.....

not gonna fly huh, Punkin??

*didn't think so*

Oh well...is it too early to get lickered up?

Mary..I truly tried. No. Really.

Yeah Wyo, he's real "handy with a gun" - for shooting lawyers.
This is not a lawyer joke for all you attorneys out there. I don't want any"bite mes" today. There was enough of that nonsense yesterday.

T@rget comment was inspired by memory of this classic.

you'll shoot your eye out...!

Shooting kevlar sheep is one thing, try sheering kevlar sheep. They can dull a set of clippers into cheeze whiz in seconds. They are ba-a-a-ad sheep.

LOL very funny though, Meanie!

in a sick sorta way...

off topic alert, from FEMA.

MtB, I have the t-shirt version of that cartoon.

Never too early to take a good lickin', Siouxie!

Reminds me of old joke:

"Did you see they're making maxi pads with wings? Ya know a guy invented it, cuz if it was a woman, they'd have tongues."

super-sized *snork* @ Wyo

*SNORKS @ Wyo & Punkin

Bite Me

It's all good.
It would be better if today were Friday, but whatever.

Never too early, Sioux. Think of a watering hole in-between our offices. Meet you there for liquid lunch!

*SNORK! @ St. Siouxie, lmao

St. Siouxie? Right. Better do a little halo polishin' there, toots.

sheesh..it's not THAT funny... *eg*

ec- we'll have to do that soon!!!!

*passes Sioux econo-sized jar of Brasso (insert yer own tm thingy, cause I'm too lazy to look it up)*

blurk, if you can recall...last time we all talked about polishing halos...Mary got mad at us!

uh...thanks Wyo...I think...yer a pal!

thanks, blurk.

Noooooooooo...Mary got mad at YOU.

Beat ya Meanie.

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