Dave Barry's Blog

HUH

(Thanks to Steven M. Wells) (attorney at law) (as opposed to, for example, at large)

HOLY WAYNE SMOKES

This is disturbing.

(Thanks to Paul A. Sands)

URGENT BREAKING CHESS SCANDAL FROM SEVERAL DAYS AGO

Toiletgate!

(Thanks to Justin)

WHEW

Some alpaca's breathing a sigh of relief tonight.

(Thanks to Brian Young)

HERE WE GO AGAIN

(Thanks to queensbee)

SPEAKING OF HAMSTERS

Here's a productivity enhamster. This blog cannot figure out how to line the hamster up with the pillow, so our hamsters keep splatting to the ground. This is fine with us.

(Thanks to Ian Woollard)

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY AIR TRAVELERS SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO CARRY SNAKES

Hamster on a Plane

(Thanks to Mary K. Gibbons)

UPDATE (thanks to Gretchen DeJarnett): What the hell is going on?

SNAKES-ALL-OVER-A-HOUSE, THE SEQUEL

Just stay the hell out of Idaho, is our advice.

(Thanks to Brian Davidson)

PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR

The Cross-Dressing Ethnic-Game Cheats!

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

DOES FISHING CAUSE BRAIN MALFUNCTION?

We link; you decide.

(Thanks to Paul Erickson)

CHRISTMAS IS COMING

Here's a special item for the pathetic aging geek Star Trek fan on your list.

(Via Gizmodo)

UPDATE: SNAKE-ON-A-(NOUN)

Here's another one. This blog is way too lazy to register, but we have the basic elements of the story, which happen to be the three basic elements of a classical Greek tragedy: (1) A snake; (2) A toilet; (3) Canada.

HERE'S WHAT WE SAY ABOUT HOMELAND SECURITY

We say get Dick Cheney out of his Secret Hiding Place and send him and his shotgun to Mountain View, Calif.

(Thanks to many concerned individuals)

NEXT TARGET: THE MOTHRA OF ODORS

An important science breakthrough.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

READING RECORD UPDATE

I'm back from Orlando, where Ridley and I went yesterday to join with Florida middle-school students in trying to break a world reading record. We also got to talk to some students and mentor them about writing. In this photo, I am explaining the correct use of the semicolon, and Ridley is demonstrating how writers should protect themselves if they encounter literary critics.

WE PROBABLY AGREE...OR NOT

(Thanks to Ken Royce)

MULTI-TASKER

Thy name is Blog.

(Thanks to Elizabeth)

WHILE WE'RE IN STRUMPETING MODE

Mark your calendars for the Hunt, too, why dontcha?

WE SEE THAT THE BLOG HAS FOUND TIME IN HIS BUSY SCHEDULE TO BLOG ABOUT TOILETS AND EXPLODING COWS

And he and Ridley got a few minutes of reading in, with important men wearing suits:

Meanwhile, the s.b. observed the mayor warming up the crowd in Cooper City:

 

(Thanks to Mrs. Corbiere for the photo)

UPDATE: For those who missed the webcast, click "Broadcast" under Breaking a World Record, here.

ADVISORY TO EVERYONE WHO, FOR WHATEVER REASON, USES TOILETS

Watch out.

SPEAKING OF EXPLODING THINGS: The cow debate continues to rage.

BLOGGING WILL BE LIGHT TODAY

As The Blog and The Mustache meet with the Governor to Just Read. Be there or be somewhere other than a Florida middle school.

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to Judy C.)

UH-OH

(Thanks to jazzzz)

ATTENTION, LADIES

If you start practicing now, you should have your "Oh, my goodness, that certainly is unexpected and fascinating!" face ready by the time your significant other mentions this newsflash.

(Thanks to Chaz)

THERE IS A SEASON

There's a new box set of Byrds songs out, and here's a nice story on Roger McGuinn, who sometimes plays with the Rock Bottom Remainders, which makes us feel (and sound) a whole lot better.

FASCISM CREEPS INTO THAILAND

Now they are taking away the basic human right to go-go-dance near tanks.

(Thanks to Chaz Schlueter)

FLORIDA LAW ENFORCEMENT: COMMENDABLE INVESTIGATIVE WORK

Because you can't be sure for the first 91 times.

(Thanks to Chaz)

TRAVELING TO MIAMI

It's fraught with peril.

(Thanks again to Lee "Gainfully Employed? You Betcha!" Allen)

GOOD NEWS FOR GOATS

You can be baaaaad¹ and it won't go on your permanent record.

(Thanks to the male Claire Martin, Lee Allen)

¹Sorry.

WHOOPS

(Thanks to Summer Branum)

WHAT DO THEY CALL IT

...When the perp pretends to be the victim?

(Thanks to Guin)

UPDATE: As if we needed more evidence.

(Thanks to Flash Sheridan)

READING IS FUN-DAMENTAL

The Webcast

(Get the scoop on the event at JustReadFlorida.com)

HEADING DOWN THE ATLANTA UTAHAHAH HIGHWAY

If you see a faded sign at the side of the road
That says 15 miles to the Love Sac! Love Sac yeah yeah

Be careful.

(Thanks to Lee Allen)

SNAKES ON PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING

Here is more from the KIFI Local News 8 Team, which remains perky in the face of the mass snake-itude.

A CALL TO ACTION

This blog is shocked, shocked, to learn (thanks to Claire Martin) that the Wikipedia entry on Exploding Cow is being considered for deletion. Is that wise? Do we really want our children, and our children's children (assuming our children have children, which they better not) to be deprived of reliable information about this topic, so that they have to learn about it on the street, the way we did? This blog thinks not. This blog is calling on everyone reading this blog to do whatever it is that needs to be done. As Abraham Lincoln Albert Einstein Raymond Burr a great man once said, "All that it takes for evil to triumph is for good people to sit around on their butts doing nothing when the Wikipedia Exploding Cow entry is being considered for deletion."

UPDATE: Wow, Wikipedia is fast. This blog's position on the Exploding Cow deletion issue has already been noted. We think the US Tax Code should be written by Wikipedia.
 

WELL, IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE

No, wait, come to think of it, it couldn't have.

(Thanks to Elon Weintraub)

HUH STORY OF THE DAY

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)

MAN'S BEST FRIEND

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

IF HE HAD BEEN CARRYING DEODORANT, HE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN IN REAL TROUBLE

"I have monkeys in my pants."

(Thanks to Clean Hands)

THE APOCALYPSE CAN'T BE FAR OFF NOW

BULLETIN BULLETIN OHMIGOD BULLLLLLLLLLLLLETIN

FASHION UPDATE

Student designer creates Charmin charming dress.

A "MORE BARITONE ORGAN"?

SQUIRREL AWARENESS WEEK

(Thanks to Rand)

Oh yes, we're aware, all right.

IT'S GOOD TO BE THE PRINCE

(Thanks to Otterboy)

FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T HEARD

Mark your calendars and get ready to read along. (Why not? You're 12 years old, and you know it.)

"Governor Bush announced that our middle school students will also move forward to break a reading record through Guinness World Records™ entitled Most People Reading Aloud Simultaneously at Multiple Locations. The record breaking event is scheduled for 11:00 am EDT on Thursday, September 28, 2006. Students will read an excerpt from Peter and the Starcatchers by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson."

24 MINIMALIST EDITION

Jack. Audrey. Edgar.

Steve.

IT WON'T GET FAR ON FOOT

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

ATTENTION, AL GORE

Forget global warming: This is the threat.

(Thanks to Lee Allen)

ANOTHER REASON WHY WE NEED GUYS

Guys never stop trying to make the world a better place.

(Thanks again to Elon Weintraub)