HERE'S WHAT WE SAY ABOUT HOMELAND SECURITY
We say get Dick Cheney out of his Secret Hiding Place and send him and his shotgun to Mountain View, Calif.
(Thanks to many concerned individuals)
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We say get Dick Cheney out of his Secret Hiding Place and send him and his shotgun to Mountain View, Calif.
(Thanks to many concerned individuals)
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Dress the squirrels as people.
Posted by: Drew | September 29, 2006 at 09:29 AM
So let me see if understand this logic - people fed the squirrels so the squirrels became dependent on that food. Then when people didn't want to feed the squirrels, they didn't understand why the squirrels were peeved off and became aggressive. Now, they want to kill the squirrels for reacting to a situation humans created?
Poor squirrels.
Posted by: wench | September 29, 2006 at 09:34 AM
Has anyone heard from J Scott Wilson lately? Or have the squirrels sought him out and offed him?
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | September 29, 2006 at 09:36 AM
"Exacerbated Squirrels" AGNFARB?
Finally we see blurk's logic:
shotgun + Dick Chenney = dead squirrel (and their lawyer)
Posted by: Siouxie | September 29, 2006 at 09:40 AM
I have this same problem with neighborhood kids
Posted by: Brian | September 29, 2006 at 09:40 AM
*doesn't understand why my home boy Dick Cheney isn't better liked*
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | September 29, 2006 at 09:46 AM
Maybe a scarecrow-like figure of Cheney holding a shotgun (like owl statues used to scare off pigeons) could propped up in parks where squirrels run rampant. It'd sure keep me away.
If people stop going to parks because of squirrels, then the squirrels have won.
Posted by: Lairbo | September 29, 2006 at 09:46 AM
Wyo, I like Dick (hehehe)
Cheney.
Posted by: Siouxie | September 29, 2006 at 09:49 AM
I had a seagull once attempt to take a sandwich from my hand. (I was not offering it to him.) The dude sat right next to me on the bench and when I'd take a bite and then lower my hand (with the sandwich in it) it must have looked just like the "here, have some food" gesture to him. He'd lunge for it, and I'd recoil. This went on for quite a while. I can see how this situation could lead to aggressive behavior on the part of the seagull (or squirrel)if the animal was used to getting handouts from humans (this one was).
Posted by: mudstuffin | September 29, 2006 at 09:52 AM
where's blurk when we need him? Sotguns?
So that was a typo, and I went back to correct it, then thought Hmmmmmm, sotguns. interesting word.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | September 29, 2006 at 09:53 AM
OMG. This park is (and I am not making this up) only two miles from *my house*.
Wait.
Weird squealing sounds outside the door...
Gnawing. In the walls. And tiny voices moaning "acorns", "acorns"...
Posted by: Joe Malin | September 29, 2006 at 09:55 AM
wyo: whacha smokin' this morning? gimme some.
Posted by: mudstuffin | September 29, 2006 at 09:56 AM
I'm happy to report that there have been no new squirrel assaults on the transformers outside of my office, and our power has remained on since Wednesday.
We've left the corpses from the previous two suicide attacks where they fell, in part to dissuade any further attempts, and in part because nobody wants to get near them - it's been warm here the last few days.
Posted by: Clean Hands | September 29, 2006 at 09:56 AM
WyCwby:
"Sotguns" would certainly be a useful word in upstate New York during hunting season.
Business idea: T-shirts that say "I [heart] Dick Cheney: Don't Shoot!" And, maybe the heart shape could include a picture of a little pacemaker.
Isn't he just a make-believe Wyomingian (Wyominger, Wyomingster, Wyomingista, Wyomingan? What the hell is the right word?), anyway, having "relocated" from Texas and spending most of his time in undisclosed locations?
Posted by: Lairbo | September 29, 2006 at 10:03 AM
CH, I'm relieved for you!
We've had no further electrification (having some of what Wyo had) incidents here in my building either. Although our elevator is now out of service and we must huff and puff up the stairs (a whole 3 flights even!!)
I'm thinking a covert operation??
Posted by: Siouxie | September 29, 2006 at 10:06 AM
As the squirrel scurried away it was heard to mutter "All your muffins are belong to us"!
Posted by: casey | September 29, 2006 at 10:07 AM
Lair, Mr. Cheney was born in Lincoln, NE, but grew up in Casper, Wyo. (Where I was born, btw) and graduated there at Natrona County High School. Learned to shoot in Wyoming too, and a d@mn fine shot he is, too.
...and the few of us that are, consider ourselves Wyomingites, if forced to use such a term in a sentence.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | September 29, 2006 at 10:09 AM
Wyo, I need a little help with sending you this info and pic, not sure how to do that.
Posted by: DaveTheRed | September 29, 2006 at 10:11 AM
Joe-Let them in. Feed them. They're just little squirrilies.
Posted by: Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa | September 29, 2006 at 10:13 AM
WyCwby:
I stand corrected about Mr. Cheney's origins.
As far as his shooting skills, well, I just with he'd wait until lawyers were in season.
Too bad about the word "Wyomingites". I can understand why you'd only use it when there was no other choice.
Posted by: Lairbo | September 29, 2006 at 10:13 AM
My kids just had their first experience feeding squirrels in the park a couple of days ago. They gathered nuts from underneath a nearby tree and tossed them to a squirrel who was too stupid to look in the right place. They laughed with delight when the squirrel picked up the nuts and ate them. "Look at that! I can't wait to tell Dad!" my daughter said. But the joy soon turned to fear when the squirrel was done and started looking at them with that expectant, slightly threatening look we've all seen before. The squirrel nimbly moved forward, and my son began backing slowly away. "Kathleen, I think we'd better go," he said in a low voice. A quick glance at his sister, another look at that twitchy squirrel, and a sense of urgency came over him: "Let's get out of here!"
Posted by: takingtheplunger | September 29, 2006 at 10:14 AM
Wyo, I think a lot of people would agree that anyone that shoots a lawyer is a d@mn fine shot (my apologies to El and any other lawyer/bloglit).
*not me of course*
Posted by: Siouxie | September 29, 2006 at 10:14 AM
Wasn't this foretold by Nostradamus?
"And the creatures of the earth shall rise up.
Those that slither on the ground
And those that hide in the trees.
The gray menace will attack the picnicieres,
And the silent squirmers shall invade the water holes and the giant birds in flight.
Women and children will scream and flee.
Only Samuel, the great son of Jack, the dark knight,
shall be able to drive back the M@#$er F*#@ing menace."
Posted by: Punkin Poo | September 29, 2006 at 10:15 AM
DaveTheRed, click on my "Wyo Cowboy" name, and it'll take you to my site. click on "about" and you'll find a page with a link to my email address. Just email me the bio and a jpeg photo.
see ya there soon, and thanks.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | September 29, 2006 at 10:15 AM
I thought it was always open season on lawyers, no bag limit.
Here's another take on national security, from Down Under...
Posted by: Clean Hands | September 29, 2006 at 10:16 AM
Punkin-I had forgotten that quatrain! ;-)
Posted by: Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa | September 29, 2006 at 10:20 AM
I meant "wish" not "with". And I do not have a lithp. Athk any of my friendth.
Posted by: Lairbo | September 29, 2006 at 10:20 AM
the great son of Jack, the dark knight
*snork* at Punkin.
You'd have to be a good shot to shoot a squirrel in the thigh.
Posted by: Wyo Cowboy | September 29, 2006 at 10:21 AM
Y'know, Wyo, thinking about it, that one that I posted the picture of the other day looked suspiciously like Jack Bauer had paid him a visit, come to think of it. (It was his thigh that had detonated...)
Posted by: Clean Hands | September 29, 2006 at 10:24 AM
Checking with the State Game People, it seems that squirrel season starts in two weeks. I need a new transformer to go hunting with.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | September 29, 2006 at 10:39 AM
I dunno if that's the best weapon, Chris - the meat's tenderized (what's not vaporized), but those things are heavy.
Posted by: Clean Hands | September 29, 2006 at 10:41 AM
Try to keep in mind that pic I sent you is about 4 years old, I have had a haircut since then, lol.
I don't have a pic here at work, (which is the only time I get to blog.)
Posted by: DaveTheRed | September 29, 2006 at 10:48 AM
Squirrels seem to REALLY like transformers, so I was going to use that as bait. I like the challenge, so I'll actually be hunting with a Louisville Slugger.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | September 29, 2006 at 11:22 AM
Maybe a scarecrow-like figure of Cheney holding a shotgun (like owl statues used to scare off pigeons) could propped up in parks where squirrels run rampant. It'd sure keep me away.
That would be _GREAT_ for, say, the Columbia U. campus..
Call it a scaredick.
Posted by: otis wildflower | September 29, 2006 at 11:23 AM
"The squirrels will be back," South Bay wildlife rehabilitator Norma Campbell said.
*************
Wow. I had no idea she was also a wildlife rehabilitator. I guess she knew her days as a too-skinny fashion model were numbered.
Posted by: stevie w | September 29, 2006 at 11:29 AM
You can get a nice lift on squirrels with a nine iron. Gotta keep your shoulders straight though.
Posted by: Philintexas | September 29, 2006 at 11:30 AM
I saw a white squirrel in my neighborhood this past week. It was chasing a grey one. In my mind I thought, "Look proof that we need to introduce hawks and falcons to suburbia."
Posted by: almne | September 29, 2006 at 11:30 AM
stevie, she just whacks 'em over the head with her cellphone to revive 'em...
so far, it hasn't worked
Posted by: Siouxie | September 29, 2006 at 11:36 AM
*snork* @ lairbo
Posted by: Blondentropy | September 29, 2006 at 12:00 PM
Might be time for Squirrel Stompin Day?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0l1LBWwQeH0
Posted by: otis wildflower | September 29, 2006 at 01:04 PM
I ♣ baby seals!
Posted by: otis wildflower | September 29, 2006 at 01:10 PM
I ♠ my dog.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | September 29, 2006 at 01:14 PM
The squirrel stealing cookies out of a baby stroller slide show was riveting.
Posted by: Beppie | September 29, 2006 at 01:33 PM
This is your squirrel. This is your squirrel on people food. Any questions?
Posted by: Val | September 29, 2006 at 02:06 PM
Did you see the poll? it's 7 to 3 in favor of killing the bushy-tailed rats, but it's in CA (the SFBA no less) so they might have problems with protests (although they're not in Berkely so there shouldn't be too many nude protests).
Posted by: Sarah J | September 29, 2006 at 02:33 PM
mud:
Yes, I too have had Gull Experience. It was my first and only trip to Seattle. We went to some random place to grab a snack while walking along... er, some other place with water and large boats and stuff (I'm from central Texas, I don't grasp this oceanic concept). I'd procured a small basket of fries and happily gone outside to munch and peer out over the water. No sooner had I set my fries down upon a post on the pier when I was -beset- upon by numerous aggressive ravenous gulls.
(Gulls are much larger in person, I discovered) After my efforts to dissuade them (Quote: "Yaaaaaah!") proved ineffective, I was forced into retreat.
Posted by: Flattman | September 29, 2006 at 04:42 PM
Wyo - one side of my family is from Casper and we used to visit every summer.
My Dad was one year behind Cheney at Natrona HS and his yearbook has photos of Dick & Lynne in their senior year, including homecoming king and queen. They were very popular.
Now as for those vicious squirrels, that's only about 16 miles from my house. I'm ready to blast a bunch of that damn rats for digging up my plants and knocking over the pots.
Is there much meat on a squirrel? do they taste like chicken?
Perhaps Dave should make Squirrel Erradication (GNFARB) part of his presidential platform.
Posted by: Dahlia | September 29, 2006 at 07:35 PM