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If I had a nickel for every time I had to cut someone's testicles out of a chair frame...
Posted by: Wookiee Lovin' | August 28, 2006 at 11:45 AM
I woulda voted to save the chair.
Posted by: Punkin Poo | August 28, 2006 at 11:47 AM
I'd bet he was a bit teste, er, testy, uh... cranky when they were all done.
Posted by: Nurse Tammy | August 28, 2006 at 11:47 AM
I hate when that happens!
Sue the chair maker!
Posted by: FCDA | August 28, 2006 at 11:47 AM
Nuts!
Posted by: baligurl | August 28, 2006 at 11:48 AM
Meanwhile, the blindfolded crab hanging out under the chair is asking, "Who took the pinata?"
Posted by: Christobol | August 28, 2006 at 11:51 AM
I know that feeling, Wookiee. Don't you hagte it when they don't have the curtesy to let you know they'vre lefaving their testicles behind when they leave?
Posted by: Poop Dogg | August 28, 2006 at 11:52 AM
do the workers who cut him out get hazard pay?
Posted by: kitten | August 28, 2006 at 11:53 AM
Hang lowwwww, sweet....nevermind
Posted by: alienmare | August 28, 2006 at 11:53 AM
he thought he was safe because it was an adirondick chair.....
Posted by: Chaz | August 28, 2006 at 11:55 AM
I wonder what he tried before giving in and calling for help?
"Excuse me, ma'am. Hi. Say, could I trouble you to fetch a bucket of cold water and put my testicles in it until they shrink enough to...ma'am?"
That would be good.
"Mom, tell us again how you met daddy?"
Posted by: Christobol | August 28, 2006 at 11:55 AM
Water must not have been very cold.
Posted by: angstly yours | August 28, 2006 at 11:57 AM
This once happened to my Dad, with a wooden toilet seat he was too cheap to replace, til a well placed crack changed his mind. Still funny all this time later.
Posted by: baligurl | August 28, 2006 at 11:57 AM
They might as well cut the chair in half-no one else would ever want to sit in it again!
Posted by: artchick | August 28, 2006 at 12:04 PM
New to writing blogs...but have read them, for a while...OUCH...and poor chair, gave it's all and split...Dave watch out down there for the hurricane brings all sorts of weird things with it...kinda like the special session (her)the Gov is thinking about calling...my prayers are for the state (FL)...no hurricane and no special session...that would make for a great way for summer to end!
Posted by: AnneTyler | August 28, 2006 at 12:06 PM
I'm really having trouble figuring out how you can get your nuts stuck in any sort of crack on a toilet seat. How was he holding the goat?
And why was he sitting on an old wooden toilet seat after swimming nude?
Boggles the mind, really.
Posted by: Christobol | August 28, 2006 at 12:06 PM
judi or someone, please note that the 12:05 comment by "Siouxie" above appears to be our resident blog demonboy back up to his old childish pranks.
Dipsh!t.
Posted by: Clean Hands | August 28, 2006 at 12:09 PM
Cheap Croatian chairs!
Should'a been one that kept ALL the danglie bits!
pssst, imagine a babe laying down-the-ramparts?
Posted by: Kibby F5™ | August 28, 2006 at 12:09 PM
I wanna get out of my little chair crack
in Kealakekua, Croatia
Where the humu-humu nuts removal men go swimming by...
Posted by: russell | August 28, 2006 at 12:10 PM
The maintenance guys took the call,
But all they could hear was his bawl.
One scratched his head,
“I think that he said
That his beach chair was having a ball.”
Posted by: slowlayne | August 28, 2006 at 12:11 PM
Snork at C'bol for the pinata.
Posted by: Suzy Q | August 28, 2006 at 12:13 PM
I suddenly got new meaning from the phrase: FREE WILLY
Posted by: unca roggie | August 28, 2006 at 12:13 PM
judi - there is an imposter on the blog again - Siouxie's name, my e-mail
Posted by: 24 | August 28, 2006 at 12:13 PM
Do the imposters do this often on here?
I've been reading/posting for about 2 or 3 weeks and saw messages about them but didn't see the posts.
Posted by: DavetheRed | August 28, 2006 at 12:16 PM
I saw that too, 24. Thanks, judi.
Posted by: blurk | August 28, 2006 at 12:17 PM
And to add insult to injury, the story of his trapped manliness was covered in Short News.
Posted by: Christobol | August 28, 2006 at 12:18 PM
DavetheRed: Some *bleep* shows up every now and then and uses bloglits names to post very stupid things. And by that I mean more stupid than the things WE post. When you've been here long enough you'll get to know the bloglits email addresses and that's an easy way to tell. You also get to know their writing styles and you just know that it's not something they would say.
Well, except me. I'll say just about anything.
Posted by: blurk | August 28, 2006 at 12:21 PM
*snork* @ Christobol! Nice limmerick, slowlayne.
Carry on, y'all ...
Posted by: MOTW | August 28, 2006 at 12:21 PM
Then there was the misprint in the church paper about the salt "Tally pulling contest"...
Posted by: Kibby F5™ | August 28, 2006 at 12:23 PM
LOL thanks blurk, I did think it would be strange for siouxie(spelling) to say that, I notice it's kept fairly clean in here. (except for a few innuendos, lol)
Posted by: DavetheRed | August 28, 2006 at 12:25 PM
*snork* @ DaveTheRed... a few innuendoes?
Wait'll you get caught up in a massive simulcast. :-D
Posted by: Clean Hands | August 28, 2006 at 12:26 PM
And DavetheRed - judi usually deletes their posts so that is why you may see our indignation but not their immature comments.
Posted by: 24 | August 28, 2006 at 12:26 PM
All hail judi, savior of the blog!
Posted by: Clean Hands | August 28, 2006 at 12:29 PM
OK that explains why I didn't see what they wrote.
thanks!
Posted by: DavetheRed | August 28, 2006 at 12:30 PM
24! Put some clothes on! Your indignation is showing!
Posted by: Punkin Poo | August 28, 2006 at 12:30 PM
Punkin - I was told that is how you know me from the imposter.
dang you, blurk!
Posted by: 24 | August 28, 2006 at 12:31 PM
At least, get dressed before taking a seat...
Posted by: Clean Hands | August 28, 2006 at 12:31 PM
Clean - 2 simuls? wow
Posted by: 24 | August 28, 2006 at 12:33 PM
don't be like one of those fools
who don't listen, don't follow rules
when seated sans underwear
on an adirondack deck chair
always keep one eye on your jewels
Posted by: mudstuffin | August 28, 2006 at 12:33 PM
Um...24...I wasn't really lookin'.
Nice indignation, by the way.
Posted by: blurk | August 28, 2006 at 12:34 PM
This happened to a guy in April while sitting at his computer. No phone within reach. Nothing lubricative within reach.
So he did what he had to to.
He submitted a cry for help to Fark.com
Hilarity ensued.
Posted by: Bismuth | August 28, 2006 at 12:36 PM
I wonder if he tipped the maintenance crew.
Posted by: Meanie the Blue | August 28, 2006 at 12:37 PM
shoddy journalism, there are no pictures.
Posted by: crossgirl | August 28, 2006 at 12:38 PM
Indignation is the key
to keeping boggers free
from the dipsh!ts going on a spree.
Posted by: DavetheRed | August 28, 2006 at 12:38 PM
Meanie - It wasn't the tip he was having problems with.
Posted by: Bismuth | August 28, 2006 at 12:39 PM
Bravo, DavetR!
Posted by: blurk | August 28, 2006 at 12:39 PM
I picture the chair he was sitting in as one of those old kitchen chairs with the worn our wicker seat with a hole in it. Grabbed on to his junk like chinese finger cuffs!!! MOMMY!!!!
Posted by: Lardog88 | August 28, 2006 at 12:40 PM
Oh, and I forgot to mention:
On the Fark thread, pics were eventually posted. Whether or not they are still visible, I am not sure.
Posted by: Bismuth | August 28, 2006 at 12:40 PM
Here in the good ole USofA it's proper nudist etiquette to carry a towel with you, and place it on any public seat before sitting. If this yutz had done this he wouldn't have had to pry his jewels outta the chair. Those crazy Croations.
Kibby, reminds me of the old joke about a "peter pulling party at St. Taffy's."
Posted by: Layzeeboy | August 28, 2006 at 12:46 PM
*Does not want to know what he was doing with the chair before ball grabbing incident*
Posted by: Beppie | August 28, 2006 at 12:49 PM
At least it wasn't a sling.
'Cause that woulda been bad.
Posted by: blurk | August 28, 2006 at 12:51 PM
Good one russell!
(...little grass shack...)
Posted by: stevie w | August 28, 2006 at 12:55 PM
Bismuth, that fark thread is hilarity of the most
horrendousintense variety.As a man of the male persuasion, I am very nearly convinced that I should never remove my clothes again for any reason. Ever.
Posted by: Clean Hands | August 28, 2006 at 12:56 PM
Actually russell...
Little known fact: In Hawaiian, "humuhumunukunukuapua'a" means "Help! My nuts are stuck in this beach chair and I can't get up!"
Now, how it became the state motto is a still a little murky.
Posted by: Stevie W | August 28, 2006 at 01:06 PM
Welcome Anne Tyler
*snork* @ C-bol!
Posted by: Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa | August 28, 2006 at 01:08 PM
Bismuth: reading that fark thread was like entering a parallel universe. There was even some dude named "HRpuffenstuff" that submitted a haiku.
I'm scared.
Posted by: mudstuffin | August 28, 2006 at 01:11 PM
back! and HEY!! what did the imposter say????
sheesh!! thanks judi! (24 & blurk for noticing)
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 01:16 PM
D'ya really want to know, Siouxie? ><
Posted by: Clean Hands | August 28, 2006 at 01:20 PM
sure...I'm curious...
@sshole!!
not you CH of course...and btw....how's the Mrs.??
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 01:24 PM
I had to read it twice, and I still didn't believe she'd say it.
Posted by: Stevie W | August 28, 2006 at 01:25 PM
sheesh...musta been bad....
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 01:29 PM
LOL... it was something about an approach to the problem. Inarticulately pornographic. Typical of the dipsh!t.
Posted by: Clean Hands | August 28, 2006 at 01:31 PM
Ya just never know with beach chairs. This one probably started by snagging towels, spiraled out of control to fingers and toes. Now look where it's wound up, broken all to pieces. *tsk*
Posted by: Mrs.Wheezer | August 28, 2006 at 01:32 PM
Mrs. is doing well, BTW. Tired, and ready for it to be over, but that's normal at this stage. :-)
Posted by: Clean Hands | August 28, 2006 at 01:32 PM
Yeah it is normal at this stage...you're like...GET IT OUT OF ME NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
as far as the dipsh!t goes...I'm glad ya'll know me well enough by now to know what a perfect lady I am :)
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 01:35 PM
Meanwhile, the blindfolded crab hanging out under the chair is asking, "Who took the pinata?"
BWAHAHAHAHA!! C'bol, you have been missed!!
slowlayne - excellent! ;)
Posted by: southerngirl | August 28, 2006 at 01:35 PM
hiya, Siouxie. ;)
Posted by: southerngirl | August 28, 2006 at 01:36 PM
hey sgirl!!!! how ya doing???
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 01:37 PM
LArdog88: LOL for chinese finger cuffs
Great mental picture, there!
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | August 28, 2006 at 01:40 PM
I once got my thing stuck in the diswasher and we both got fired.
Pah-dump bump. (Old joke, I know, I know.)
Posted by: Stevie W | August 28, 2006 at 01:50 PM
*snork* *SNORK* Still reading that Fark thread. That poor b@st@rd.
Posted by: Clean Hands | August 28, 2006 at 01:56 PM
Good thing this didn't happen here in Miami during Hurricane "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE" Ernesto...we'd have to throw him, the chair and the danglies into the pool...
Posted by: Siouxie, Living in the Cone of Death | August 28, 2006 at 02:09 PM
hi. just got here. OWWW.
Posted by: queensbee | August 28, 2006 at 02:10 PM
So, y'all got your hatches all battened down?
Anyone here work at Home Depot in the Cone of Death™?
Oh, nevermind - if you do, you wouldn't be on here right now, eh?
Posted by: Clean Hands | August 28, 2006 at 02:13 PM
well I just heard that our schools are closed tomorrow and wednesday...further sign that we're basically f*cked!!
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 02:17 PM
it's lovely to get credit for stuff one didn't do, but today's cleanup was actually brought to you by The Blog Himself, while the s.b. was off buying water. thank you, sir.
Posted by: judi | August 28, 2006 at 02:22 PM
You mean you had to go brave the mad crowds out there, while The Blog Himself remains safely abating nuisances?
And you with a busted toe! There ought to be some hazardous-duty bonus in there for you somewhere.
Posted by: Clean Hands | August 28, 2006 at 02:25 PM
In that case....thank you Mr. Blog!!!
judi, that's one thing they didn't have at the Coral Gables Publix...water.
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 02:26 PM
and Dave was right...there was a LINE to get inside Publix!
and the gas lines...you may as well get your bikes ready...
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 02:28 PM
but I managed to find cheez-whiz...YAY!! all is good!
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 02:31 PM
Siouxie, I'm glad you found the cheez-wiz. I've been huntin' all day and couldn't find one. Spotted a couple of tracks but those processed foods are pretty cagey.
Posted by: blurk | August 28, 2006 at 03:02 PM
blurk, it was touch and go there for a while...had to sneak up around the aisle and launch at the little suckers (squirters) with lightning speed!
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 03:07 PM
I sometimes launch at lightning speed.
But give me about 5 minutes and we'll go again.
Posted by: blurk | August 28, 2006 at 03:14 PM
5 mins, blurk???? I'm impressed...
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 03:23 PM
publix was out of water. cvs, however, in the next parking lot, still has plenty.
Posted by: judi | August 28, 2006 at 03:26 PM
the one on US 1 near UM,judi??
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 03:28 PM
blurk - only 5 minutes? You need to give seminars to other men.
Not that I know any who can't "recover" after 5 minutes
Posted by: kitten | August 28, 2006 at 03:31 PM
only in the cyberworld, kitten :)
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 03:34 PM
It is too much to ask for, huh, Siouxie?
Posted by: kitten | August 28, 2006 at 03:35 PM
5 minutes tops.
Special kinda rocket fuel.
Posted by: blurk | August 28, 2006 at 03:36 PM
And notice, kitten, I did not say "pocket rocket".
Thought I'd forgotten that one didn't ya?
*evil grin™*
Posted by: blurk | August 28, 2006 at 03:38 PM
yeah, it's chock full of bs, I suppose
Posted by: kitten | August 28, 2006 at 03:38 PM
Now, blurk, if you've got a pocket rocket, then 5 minutes for me is a no brainer
*evil grin™*
Posted by: kitten | August 28, 2006 at 03:39 PM
yeah...unless of course they're in their 20's (or so I've heard)
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 03:39 PM
Thanks, Siouxie - see ya in 5 minutes?
Posted by: kitten | August 28, 2006 at 03:40 PM
special rocket fuel huh??
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 03:40 PM
ONE!
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 03:41 PM
Yep, special rocket fuel. All systems go sittin' upright on the launch pad.
Posted by: blurk | August 28, 2006 at 03:44 PM
that's just because Siouxie and I keep simul-ing in front of you!
Posted by: kitten | August 28, 2006 at 03:45 PM
I'd be careful with the forward thrust, blurk...
sometimes that can cause the engine to eject prematurely :P
Posted by: Siouxie | August 28, 2006 at 03:48 PM