QUOTATION OF THE WEEK SO FAR

"I sat there s***ting myself."

Comments

[Sarah J]

i would've too!

[Siouxie]

AFTER I had p**d myself!

[Steven Jens]

Me, three.

I'd like to add that I'm a little bit skeptical of the concept of a "harmless" twenty foot, 220-lb snake.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Maybe he thought that quote was off the record.

[Cat R.]

There was a TV ad for SoaP last night, and as soon as I saw Samuel Jackson, I blurted out, "Snakes on a Plane!"

My husband said, "What?"

And then it dawned on me. Not everyone is surrounded by snakes 24/7, like we are on this blog. He hadn't even heard of the movie.

[O. the U(manity)]

... 8.5 metres ...

Um ... that's 27.887 (approximately) feet long ... merely ... nervous ...

[Annie Where-but-here]

Nightmare alert - there's probably a nest in the attic. If he thinks it's bad now, wait a while....soon he'll be hearing baby pythons slithering above his ceiling....eeeewww!

[slyeyes]

"I wouldn't mind if it was half the size."

Well, I'd be half out of my mind.

[Bearded guy in the middle, Back]

I like the official government response: hey, it's inconvenient for us to do anything, so it's your problem-- Long Live Laissez Faire!

[Malcolm]

Dave,
Shifting?
Swatting?
Snorting?
Scouting?
Spotting?
Sedating?
What am I missing here?

[Wramblin' Wreck]

It may be that I am just unusually dense and stupid but wouldn't this guy solve his snake problem by fixing the hole in his roof?

[pepe]

it's still a really large snake.

[Poop Dogg]

Slyeyes, he eats 3-meter pythons for lunch.

[Now_a_Regular]

In response to the:
...
Shifting?
Swatting?
Snorting?
Scouting?
Spotting?
Sedating?
What am I missing here?
...
post from Malcolm,

how about:
Shouting?
Scooting?
Sporting? (whatever that means!?)
Shorting? (as in "Shorting" some stock on the NYSE/Nasdaq/...)
Skirting? (now, that should appeal to the kilt fans on this blog, right, Judy?)
...
The possibilities are endless, Malcolm.

[Lairbo]

3 Meter Mate WABGNFARB.

[marlodianne]

You know, I don't think they're really doing "everything possible to avoid human contact". When I'm trying to avoid someone, slithering around on their roof, mate or mateless, is definitely off the To Do list...

[crossgirl]

"everything possible to avoid human contact" probably means they'll be wanting to work out a schedule for the kitchen, bath and tv room. and if there's a sock hanging from the attic door knob, don't knock!!

[marlodianne]

crossgirl: That would be one *enormous* sock...

[Jeff Meyerson]

and if there's a sock hanging from the attic door knob, don't knock!!

*snork* crossgirl

[billinbossier]

OK...now I am convinced...pythons are everywhere. Not just the in the jungle, like they used to be, but everywhere. Everyone NOW...look under your bed. Chances are there is a python there.

[crossgirl]

bill, i kicked the snake out of my bed last night and i'm sure i saw him leave. checks under bed. yup, all gone!

[pepe]

I once found one in a desk drawer. Kinda small and cute. It skittered away real fast.

[billinbossier]

crossgirl...how many eyes did the snake in your bed have???

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Last night, I got a call on my cell phone. It was the coolest call ever.

It was Samuel "The Man" L. Jackson calling ME (he said my name!). Calling about the best movie of the year, Snakes On A Plane! He told me to ditch my job on August 18th, forget the computers and the camera, take my wife and go see the movie.

(BTW, it was recorded...but it was cool!)

I don't know how they got my number, knew that I worked with computers and took pictures, named my wife correctly...but it was great.

[casey]

Snakes got skitters?

[24-aholic]

*sigh* more snake posts.

If this were my house, I would have been packed and in new digs before you could say "crikey, snakes in the rafters"

[24-aholic]

don't know how they got my number, knew that I worked with computers and took pictures, named my wife correctly...but it was great.

Yeah, I'd be a little concerned about that as well.

[crossgirl]

no need to panic, it's when the snakes start calling you and the wife by name that you know you're in trouble.

[pogo]

Tropic - Vee know everytink!

[blurk]

boogers□

Mornin' all!!!

Mondays and snakes. It doesn't get any better than this.

[O. the U(manity)]

and if there's a sock hanging from the attic door knob, don't knock!!

When I wuz in college, it wuz a necktie on the doorknob that wuz the "coded signal" ...

Wassamatta? Nobuddy wears ties NEmore?

Oh! They keep the ties for "other uses" ... um ... nevermind ...

[mudstuffin]

Off-Topic Post:

Okay, so I know you're all dying to hear how my day at the "water park" went. Here are the hightlights:

1. Admission: $175.00 + locker rental, $8.00 + innertube rental $39.00 + I made coffee but left it stting on the kitchen counter = we're off to a great start.

2. Canoochie Creek: This is kind of a trench they've cut into the asphalt, about 10' wide and 30" deep that makes a meandering loop around the "park". It is filled with about 100,000 gallons of water and about 10,000 gallons of sunscreen so that the fluid in the trench is kind of translucent. This fluid is pumped around the trench so that it has a "current". You can walk along the trench, wading thigh-deep, or you can sit in a rented innertube and float leisurely along the way. Except that yesterday was 90+ degrees and ikt got a liitle crowded. At one point, my daughter and I were enduring one of the many points along the trench where we came to a complete stop, stuck in a sort of inflated donut gridlock, and the accumulated pressure behind us, aided by the lubrication afforded by 10,000 gallons of sunscreen pushed a young man (also sitting in a waxed donut) on top of my head. The clots would break loose periodically and those of use in repose would be treated to an up close and personal view of an army nearly unclad Ohioans grimly wading along looking for something to justify the expense of the day. Remember that scene in "Fastasia" when the dinosaurs ran out of water and began a mass migration across the desert? That's what it looked like.

Most Disturbing Ramparts of the Day (Besides my own): There was a lady whom I saw twice, with large pendulous and gelatinous pied ramparts barely held within a loose cotton bikini top. This woman's natural skin color would be somewhere near "Wonder Bread" or "Vanilla Yogurt". She had apparently, and very recently, worn a more modest outfit outdoors, in the sun, because her ramparts were half white and half red. The sharpness of the division and the extreme color contrast suggested a piant job. Eew.

[blurk]

*snork* @ mud's fun-filled day.

It's not totally off topic, though, if the ramparts in question look like snakes when released from the relative safety of the bikini top.

[24-aholic]

Mud - excellent day, all in all it would seem (ha). I went to a local pool and saw a woman who could rival Dolly Parton and was VERY VERY proud of her bazoomage! I was in awe and immediately thought "oh, if only I had a crapcam, I could share this moment with the blog boys"

[Wyo Cowboy]

mud, you have all the fun. I was stuck fly fishin' at 9000 ft. in 72 degree weather. When I got bored with that, I had a couple of horses to train on creek crossings. The next morning all I could find to eat was wild raspberries, strawberries and currents by the thousands.

*laments having no punctuation mark for sarcasm, $@? mabye?*

and Siouxie, alway remember, "Ven Monsters is on da loose, boards must be tight!"

[Cheryl]

That's so cool! The bloke reads our blog. He was SNORKING himself when he saw the snake.

[KDF]

as soon as I saw Samuel Jackson, I blurted out, "Snakes on a Plane!"

*SNORK* at Cat R.'s Tourette's

[Steven Jens]

There was a lady whom I saw twice, with large pendulous and gelatinous pied ramparts barely held within a loose cotton bikini top. This woman's natural skin color would be somewhere near "Wonder Bread" or "Vanilla Yogurt". She had apparently, and very recently, worn a more modest outfit outdoors, in the sun, because her ramparts were half white and half red. The sharpness of the division and the extreme color contrast suggested a piant job. Eew.

Sounds funny to me.

If you can't laugh at other people's misfortunes, what can you laugh at?

[mudstuffin]

I almost forgot, The Wave Pool: I didn't encounter any unattached limbs. However, it was crowded, like the afforementioned "attraction" and when the waves started up, my daughter and I were buffeted back and forth and up and down, bouncing off of complete strangers, etc. Several times, I was buffeted in the direction of the "rope" that you were not aloud to cross by order of the "park" owner's insurance company, a fact that would draw whistle-blasts and red-faced arm waving from the lifeguards. This was more than a little ironic. I was no more able to get away from the rope than I was intentionally nearing it. In an attempt to "swim" (while wearing an innertube) away from the rope, I made this clumsy, desparate lunge with my right arm while kicking with both legs and made inadvertant close personal contact with a very attractive young lady of the gynecological sort. She was cool, though, and was able to sit up and speak short sentences after only twenty minutes or so. (Last sentence made up.)

[24-aholic]

Perhaps you should change your name to studmuffin *wink wink*

[blurk]

Poor, poor Wyo. What a terrible way to have to spend a weekend. I went cliff diving at s state park here in good ol' Montana. Keep in mind, I'm too old to do this but did it anyway. After the diving, my son and I kayaked down the river. There is an ongoing drought here in the west. This river didn't get the memo. Class 4 rapids. Keep in mind, I'm too old to do this but did it anyway.
I can't move my arms or legs.
Would someone pour coffee down my throat?
Please?

[24-aholic]

Guess you were too tired to enjoy our simul then huh, Blurk? And to Wyo and Blurk from those of us in the crowded, polluted 'burbs and cities "shut up". But we mean that in the kindest way possible.

[Wyo Cowboy]

Blurk, maybe we should move to Ohio, and soak our aching muscles.

Or, 24, where did you say you saw the bazoomage?

[24-aholic]

Wyo - central Ohio. Come on over boys!

[blurk]

No, 24, I enjoyed it very much, but if you notice, you're on top.
Thank you.

[Layzeeboy]

He sat there SNORKing himself?

[Wyo Cowboy]

BTW, 24, my mortgage payment is $315. I mean that in the kindest way possible too. (there is no Wal Mart, however ® .)

*thankful for this weekend's html lesson*

[24-aholic]

I hate you, Wyo. I can't even write my mortgage payment because the very thought of it hurts me. Damn kids and their need for a "quality" education!

[pogo]

Lack of a Wally World is a mixed blessing.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

mudstuffin-Funny story! And now we know that you DO have arms!! ;-)

[blurk]

Oh, and 24, I don't have a mortgage. Military housing. I do, however, own a house about 20 miles outside of Colorado Springs, Colorado. You step on the front porch and you're staring at Pike's Peak. I also mean that in the kindest way possible.

[Kathybear]

tropichuntguy™, I believe you have a friend who knows you perhaps too well - the SoaP recording is available on line...My DH hung up on Mr. Jackson....

[24-aholic]

is it pick on 24 day? My house is walking disatnce to coffee, blurk so, nyah nyah!

[O. the U(manity)]

... um ... my mortgage payment is ... um ... about $168 ... (except for the farm land payment, which has a different source of income, so it doesn't affect my checkbook balance ... much ...)

... and ... we'll own the house free and clear in about another five (I think) months ...

Wyo & Blurk ... yeah, the "rural" life is really a trial upon our peace of mind and general state of well-bein' ... ain't it? (I got my Turkey Season license on Saturday, and expect my Second Season deer tag in a day or so ... plannin' my recreational autumn season time, which will follow our return from Ireland, merely in time for the Fessunt opener ...)

Oh, and SNORK @ your day, mud' ... reminds me of our outing to Valley Fair, so many years ago ... minus the bazoomage, unfortunately ...

[Wyo Cowboy]

24, IANMTU,

I had to laugh. The front part of our house is>/em> a coffee shop. (That's what my wife does) She brings me coffee and a newspaper every morning, in bed. ISIANMTU.

Try again, 24.

[24-aholic]

Oh, yeah, Wyo, well who got to see humongous bazoomage this weekend!?!?

*flips hair while really really wishing she had mountains in her front yard, but no coffee*

[Wyo Cowboy]

sorry, guys, I was laughing too much.

Also forgot to mention the baby moose that visited our camp this weekend.

Ok, BOT

[chaz]

the Rapture.....

[Jazzzz]

Mornin' blog....Boogers☀ Looks like Mud,Wyo, & Blurk had enough fun for all..Me, I had to WORK! *grumbles* but has today off *grins*.

[mudstuffin]

Well, at least in Columbus we don't have to put up with a bunch of smug geezers telling us how proud they are of the fact that the land they live on ain't worth much, perhaps because of the mountains of buried sh1t from the last thirteen generations pooping on the same plot, digging a new hole every so often.

[crossgirl]

saturday night i was on the beach with cocktails celebrating the sunset. i believe that trumps mountains and coffee AND monday off.

[Wyo Cowboy]

That's right, mud, you'd hate it here.

It's windy, too.

[blurk]

Oh, and for all you citified bloglits, on my way to work (if you can call it that) this morning I had to sit at a stop sign while TWO cars passed. D@mn traffic.

[24-aholic]

I'm one of those rare people that does not mind a 30 minute commute to work. It's the only time I get to myself, ever.

[Betsi]

tropichunt guy, I got one of those calls from Samuel L. Jackson too! It warms the cockles of my little heart to know he wants me to be there. I believe the site, if you want to send one, is www.varitalk.com

[pepe]

Reminds me of a game we played in boring lectures: "Anywhere but here - name your fantasy". we had to be as detailed as possible while staying in the PC range. (we were only 14 years old then :)

Deserted beach, cocktails, sunset, and special-thou. Add in some chocolates, mangos and ice-cream.

[DimWitte]

Happy Monday, bloglits!

In a blatant grab for a pity party, I must tell you all that I started my SECOND job this weekend. While everyone with any sense was still in bed snuggling with their (not there or they're) significant others, I was out delivering newspapers and cursing my deadbeat ex. On a brighter note, my sweetie made his world famous smoked ribs for dinner last night, and there were enough left over for me to take for lunch today--YUMMY!

[blurk]

24, if I drive 30 minutes, I've gone through town, out of town and I'm about five minutes from Wolf Creek Canyon. Which also offers excellent kayaking, BTW.

[Jazzzz]

Well, we have 25 beautiful acres in The Ark. Mountains (kinda like speed bumps to Blurk and Wyo) Typing slower now since reading other mortgage payments I slit my wrists.

[mama_bel]

"Everyone NOW...look under your bed. Chances are there is a python there."

No problem there- just put your mattress on the floor like a traditional futon!
Of course, that makes it much easier for them to ssslip under the covers with you.
(this post brought to you by Snakes on a Bed&trade)

[24-aholic]

Blurk, what part of shut up did you not understand?

hey, look, shiny nekkid women....

[crossgirl]

damn, i forgot the mangos!

[Wyo Cowboy]

*snork* @ 24

[blurk]

ooooohhhhhhh! Shiny AND nekkid.

[Jazzzz]

"shiny nekkid women* WBAGNF...anything

[pepe]

counter with "shiny nekkid mangos".

[Clean Hands]

Hmph. I guess I've got the best of both worlds... nice chunk of land (overgrown with the most incredibly LIVELY blackberry bushes you could never hope to meet), AND a thirty-minute commute (on a good day...). And I don't even want to THINK about my mortgage payment. Make my own dang coffee else do without.

No ramparts to report from this weekend, either, but lots of blackberry scratches. I did, however, have a nice ginger old fashioned to lull myself to sleep last night. So the weekend wasn't a total loss.

[e-mails]

all e-mails are bouncing back...

[Betsi]

hey blurk, I didn't know you could tell a gynecologist just by looking at her.

[Wyo Cowboy]

you all have a nice day, I gotta work for a couple of hours to make my mortgage payment.

Blurk, I'll keep an eye out for anything nekkid.

[blurk]

Oh, I almost forgot. For lunch yesterday, after my sandwich. I had blueberries and choke cherries straight off the bushes. It's a rough life but somebody's gotta do it.

[24-aholic]

choke cherries? sound dangerous...I prefer bing cherries, they're funnier

[Betsi]

also, they can sing "White Christmas"

[24-aholic]

Could they be any sweeter?

[mudstuffin]

Wyo & Blurk: You apparently don't understand that some of us actually prefer being 'citified'. The descriptions you provide of your relative isolation do not sound inviting to me. Your cost of living (i.e. mortgage payment) is a point in you favor, as is is spectacular scenery, as you describe it. These are on the 'pro' side of the column for rural living. You seem to ignore any potential 'cons' such as the availability of emergency health care, or the lack thereof, your proximity to the less charming species of wildlife, such as mosquitos, chiggers and ticks, and the fact that you have septic systems and wells (don't tell me you haven't had fun with those.) I live less than a mile from a hospital, I know people who don't even know what a chigger is, and I write a check every quarter and my poop disappears and water keeps coming in. Magic.

[24-aholic]

aw, mudstuffin, they were just being silly boys teasing us suburbanites! Don't be too rough on them...

[Wyo Cowboy]

Mud, to each his own, and most people must agree with you, 'cause there are so few people out here. (Thank God)

That's just fine for both of us. If you did care to visit, however, we do have city water/sewer, and the hospital's about 1/2 mile from here.

[Siouxie]

Good morning all!!!! and boogers□

1) MAJOR *snork* @ mud and his interesting day at the water park!!! been there done that and it's not fun!

2) Wyo - HUH?? on the monsters?? I'm glad your weekend was fun and that you have all that lovely land at your disposal out west.

3) blurk - Again, glad you had a pleasant time enjoying the great outdoors and God's creations.

4) 24 - Good morning just cuz!!!!

Having said that...I live in Miami...

'nuff said...(what was the sarcasm symbol again?)

p.s. like crossgirl I spent sat afternoon at SoBe having cocktails...so not too shabby!

[O. the U(manity)]

Chokecherries? My (former) job useta be trineta KILL Chokecherries ... they're a weed, unless you WANT 'em there ... which BTW, we have a Chokecherry tree in our back yard, and MB(RH?) has a bunch of syrup she's made from prior crops ...

Wyo ... yer job pays better'n mine ... I gotta werk almost six hours (a month) to make my mortgage payment ... oh, well ... that still leaves an average of about 44 hours (per week) or 150+ hours (per month) when I'm earnin' otherwise spendable spondulicks ...

[24-aholic]

Hiya Siouxie

[Siouxie]

oh...btw..I own my house free and clear...no mortgage :P

[O. the U(manity)]

... well, this one is our second home ...

(the other one's been paid for since about 40 years ago, when my parents owned it ... I din't hafta buy that one, but I've had to paint it and stuff, and other maintenance costs ... )

(and when I consider whut my son has for a monthly mortgage payment, I'm glad I'm as old as I am, when money seemed cheaper ... but worth more ...)

[blurk]

Sorry, mud, gotcha there, too. Don't forget, I live on an Air Force base. Free water/sewer/trash pick-up/electricity/gas and if something breaks in the house I call the housing office and a nice repairman comes and fixes it. The hospital is about 5 minutes away.
As are the mountains.

[mudstuffin]

Wyo: NOW you got me. Properties like that are long gone around here. If they ever do on the market, of course the price is astronomical. Congratulations. Crack a cold one and watch where you step.

[Siouxie]

blurkie, Wyo...can I move there??? I'll feed the chickens or sumptin'! (course I'm NOT waking up at 4 am - darn chickens can eat at noon right??)

[24-aholic]

I just got out the ruler, but I'll put it away if you boys are finished with your one-up-manship?

[24-aholic]

Siouxie - I'm an early riser - I'll do the morning feeding!

[crossgirl]

*snork* at 24

[blurk]

24, put the ruler away and get out the yardstick.