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August 30, 2006


Think about it.

Key Quote: "All I want is the man who accidently put the penis pump up his jumper and left the store to come back and pay for it."

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)


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"Mind you, truth is complete defence against defamation, so if this guy has taken the penis pump then it is unlikely to stand up in court."

Who needs blog commenters when the wisecracks write themselves?

Oh, the poor guys privacy was invaded...

It'll not only discourage shoplifters but shoppers in general, I bet.

"so if this guy has taken the penis pump then it is unlikely to stand up in court."

I got news for this guy: I've been to court and it is pretty bloody unlikely whether he did or he didn't. Unless you're a judge, of course. If you're a judge then (boom schwacka)all bets are off.

Oh, the poor guys privacy was invaded

and soon his privates will be as well...

Maybe this was our beloved penis pump judge who had to leave his pump behind in the courtroom?

no, penis pump judge is going to jail, where it is rumoured that these devices are unnecessary.

*starts to think of a quip involving 'sticky fingers'-decides not to* Ewwwwwwwwwwwww

thanks, fivver, discretion is the better part of valor after all.

not a lesson I've yet mastered.

Aww.... Poor guy was too ashamed to admit he needed the pump by paying for it. Not Everyone is Walter. Just ask my ex. Er, maybe not.

Maybe the guy just needs to pump some fuel in Australia. Ethel doesnt care (sorry, betsi).

I have not been to Auckland, so I am assuming that when they say up his "jumper" they are referring to an article of clothing. At least I hope so.

And thx, cowboy. That page was helpful.

Thanks again for last night. Sorry I was so verbose. ;-)

I wonder if he'd do the same for a woman shoplifter who say...sneaks a d*ldo inside her uh...coat?

*just curious, is all*

*puts coat on and goes off shopping*

Med, love it when you talk dirtybig words.

i want pictures of the pervs, errr, perps alongside what exactly it was that they stole.

woo hooo , thankee, Cowboy!!

so....a jumper is a piece of clothing?

he put it in his jumper sounded weird...

I guess I've lived a sheltered life...but what IS it with these particular items?

I've said it before but I'll say it again:

Nice. Soft. Woman.

it's something to perk up the penis, blurk...

blurk: not so sure about the nice ones . . .

blurk, I think it may have to do with enlarging what God was a little less than generous with

get it now???

It doesn't take the place of a woman...just gives it a "hand" sorta...

I am told there are a large variety of these on ebay . . .

People, a 'jumper' is a *dress*

I cannot believe you overlooked this. Timeout for everybody. And no beer until you do better.

This incident never would have occurred if the porn shop would kindly install the "self-checkout" machine like w*lmart has. Or maybe the perv had done too much self checking out before the decision to buy.......

Or in this case, lift.

A Kiwi with a small weewee? (Aukland,NZ)

With that, I must return to workin'. On the way, I'm gonna stop by the pet shop and pick up a dove. I hear there's a weddin' down the street tomorrow. Just thought I'd try somethin'.

I ain't skeered of too much in this world but I ain't stickin' one of them contraptions on the dangly bits. I'm fine with what the good Lord saw fit to provide thankyouverymuch.

*snork* Wyo....blurk...btw (check yer email)

I gotta agree with ya blurk. lol

jumper is british for sweater


Over the years, many men have found ways to solve their penis problems by using whatever technology was available at the time.

Beginning in the 70's, vacuum penis pumps became very popular as a temporary solution to erection problems and as a means to penis enlargement.

The security tape was X-rated
The crime spree soon was abated
The thief was caught
The lesson was taught
And more than his pride was deflated

Thanks CG, I didin't think the guy would be wearing a dress.

I'll have to take your word for it, Siouxie.
I have personally found that a temporary solution to erection problems is a nekkid woman.
Just sayin'.

Yah, pogo, it's one of those cross-the-pond misunderstandings . . . scrolling down the blog, was gonna post the meaning if noone else had, but crossgirl beat me to it.

here is the shop website's "Rogue's Gallery" page. Actual pix of losers heisting sex toys. The rest of the website is a good bit more elevating.

I'm sure YOU would never have the need for said contraption, blurk... some men aren't as horny lucky...

ok I SWEAR that wasn't ME!!!

I paid for those...uh...neck massagers!

i read lots of brit chic lit but it took a while to figure out that most of the stories weren't about crossdressing men. nttawwt.

*SNORK @ wally's link to that site, my co-workers are staring at me for laughing out loud so much....

wally, that site is hysterical! anyone know what scales in a sex toy store are for? or do i not want to know?

*snork* wally...that is TOO funny!!!

What's with the clothing line at this store? Thought that was blurk'sthe point... nekkid.

Siouxie, while you're out shopping, could you pick up some extra batteries?

Ooh... my horns are poking out of my halo. Better go say a hail mary.

Med, I am well stocked in the battery dept...

ya know...for cameras and remote controls and such...

Meditrina, whatcha need batteries for? Hmmmm?

look up ^ blurk...

A Quote from the movie Serenity.
Kaylee Frye: "Goin' on a year now I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries!"

It's a good thing you put the "and such" on there.


Just don't get that thing stuck!!

***Will Slowlayne kindly report to the Breaking Barbie Update thread?***

Thank you.

kids toys are a great source for batteries. you know, for emergencies.

crossgirl, agreed!

not to mention cd players (no kids toys in this house anymore).

Living in Florida during Hurricane Season...you can never have too many "emergency" batteries though...

I once had to use my kid's toy batteries for my massager, yeah massager, and it was just not the same experience...I had to buy them new batteries because I felt a little ashamed...

hasn't everybody done that???

I just want to point out how easy it is to end up ignorant of the world - even the English language - in this country.

Most of the English speaking world calls sweaters "jumpers", while a "bonnet" is a car hood, "right on" means straight ahead, and a "truck" is a railroad-car wheel assembly.

When Harry Potter books are published they have to re-write them in American. My kid was in Europe and got a version where Harry wears a jumper, and surprisingly many other things are called differently. For some reason, a 10-year-old is fine with that sort of thing while we adults seem to go nuts if the world throws us any real-life curveballs.

But what truly amazes me is that Dave apparently didn't realize what the original article meant when he blogged his comment on it. Mr. Language Person has always, in my experience, been perfect.

Avon - having several Brit friends I've picked up a lot of their slang, but "jumper" never came up.

However when you get pissed with a Brit, it's a good thing.

Pogo - I may have known what a "jumper" is (in fact, the NYTimes eventually did a whole article on the translation of JKRowland into American), but I must admit that I didn't realize "jumper" could include such a different garment as a "hoodie" (which is what the story starts by saying the shoplifter wore). I don't think I even knew what a "hoodie" was in NYC until a year or two ago.

And I'm no British expert anyway. I've never done anything in Britain except change planes. Only place I've ever driven on the left is Antigua, and that's yet another whole different English (allegedly).

Jumper? I barely knew 'er!

Thank you! I'll be here all week.

All this talk of "jumpers" reminds me of the time that the young boy asked his English teacher what a "leather" was ...

Not understanding, the teacher asked where he had heard the term.

He said that he was reading Robin Hood and there was a passage that said, "... Robin tore his leather jerkin off ..."

Well atleast the shop lifter came back and paid for it but it is sad that he stole it in the first place.

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