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August 28, 2006


Here is where we stand:

Agent Jack Bauer is still being held prisoner aboard a Chinese freighter, where he is undergoing brutal torture in the form of being forced to wear a suit while holding some kind of weird-ass Tinker Bell statuette. Audrey is beside herself with grief. Edgar is still dead. Meanwhile Hurricane Tropical Storm Ernesto appears to be taking a dangerous path. Everybody should remain calm. We now turn you over to the amazing Steve, who will amaze you.


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Last Time: Madam Haig has temporarily replaced Bill as the head of CTU, while Bill recovers from singing bad karaoke. Ex-President Manilow has a new career as a TV evangelist. Curtis, Chloe and Jack went to a television studio lot and found an actor that looked almost exactly like Jack. After RoboEdgar played tennis with one of the bad guys using the giant leg of Godzilla, the group rushed to the zoo where Audrey was being held hostage. Snakes and monkeys in the cage also appear to be held hostage by Audrey.

The following occurred between 8 pm and 9 pm, but some of the speeches have been running long, so this might stretch out well beyond midnight if we’re not careful. We’ll try and keep it to the allotted time.

8:00 pm – Jack tells Audrey not to worry, because he’ll get rid of the snakes and monkeys, and everything will be OK. Then he tells the snakes and monkeys not to worry, because he’ll get rid of the Audrey, and everything will be OK.

8:01 pm – Curtis stares at Audrey and tells Jack that she’s the bomb. Jack tells Curtis that Audrey would really appreciate the complement. Curtis says that he meant that Audrey IS a bomb, and points to a device with a clock that is counting down. Jack takes about two steps towards the cage, and someone starts shooting at him! They all dive behind a barrier.

8:03 pm – Jack says they need some kind of diversion. Chloe suggests that she might be able to hook into the zoo’s security system, and release some of the animals. She presses a single button on her watch. Jack asks how long it’s going to take for her to break into the security system to create this diversion. Chloe says she already did it, and points towards the cage.

8:04 pm – The front door to the monkey cage swings open. Very hesitantly, the monkeys inch towards the door, while at the same time trying to maintain has much distance from Audrey as possible.

8:06 pm – Nearly all the monkeys are out of the cage now, and are generally creating havoc everywhere. Jack tries to make a move towards the cage, but more shots are fired as he does so. Jack tells Curtis to move around in the opposite direction to try and find who’s been shooting. Curtis leaves.


8:11 pm – Time is running out. Jack wonders out loud if there’s any way of disabling the bomb that’s on Audrey. Chloe says there’s probably a way to do it, but it’s going to be pretty risky, and it could make the bomb explode, taking Audrey with it. Jack tells her that it sounds way too risky, since it could explode. While he’s saying this, Chloe hits a few more buttons on her watch, and then looks really disappointed. Jack asks what’s wrong, and Chloe tells him that she think she must have disabled the bomb.

8:14 pm – Curtis has made his way to the roof of one of the other cages, and is sneaking up behind the guy who’s been shooting at Jack. As Curtis gets within a few feet of the guy, he notices Curtis and starts to turn. Curtis charges him, and they both go over the edge of the roof! Jack sees this, but has to run to Audrey to try and get the bomb off of her. Chloe suggests that he can wait a few minutes since the bomb is disabled, and should go help Curtis, but Jack doesn’t hear her.

8:15 pm – There’s a huge splash as Curtis and the thug fall into the water that was below them. It’s freezing cold. We can tell that because of the “Freezing Cold Water” sign that’s conveniently near the edge of the water.. Below the water, Curtis and the thug struggle as the thug attempts to point his gun at Curtis to shoot him! As they struggle, a large dark shape swims by in the background. Just as the thug turns the gun right to Curtis, the dark shape looms up behind the thug, grabs him and pulls him away! Curtis surfaces, takes a deep breath, and scrambles to shore.

8:16 pm – Jack struggles to get Audrey freed, trying to keep his mind of the snakes. He starts to sing the first thing that comes into his head, which unfortunately, is one of the Barry Manilow songs that he heard at CTU. The snakes start to go into a frenzy, so Jack stops immediately. He finally gets the bomb off of Audrey, they run. They get about 50 feet away from the cage and whole thing blows up. Jack looks up, and Chloe mouths the word “Sorry!”


8:21 pm – Fire engines and police are everywhere around the zoo, and several are even trying to help clean up things. Several animal psychologists are with the monkeys, debriefing them about their ordeal. A reporter tries to talk to the zoo director, but is told that the zoo isn’t releasing any information until the snake’s next of kin can be notified, and that it could take a while. Everyone’s ignoring Chloe, Jack and Audrey.

8:23 pm – Hollywood slams down a phone he was just talking on, and he’s furious! People can’t tell if he’s a Hollywood Writer Terrorist Mastermind, a Hollywood Agent Terrorist Mastermind, or just a guy that looks like that. He’s also pretty mad that Jack seems to have escaped harm again. Hollywood calls Marwan. He says that Marwan and Julian better have a good plan, because they’re running out of ways to try and get Jack Bauer.

8:25 pm – Curtis stumbles towards Jack, Chloe and Audrey. He’s completely soaking wet. He tells Jack that there’s something dangerous back there, and points towards the water. They turn to look, and an enormous animal bursts through the surface of the water. Jack yells that it’s a walrus. Chloe takes a step closer, and says that it’s RoboEdgar!

8:28 pm – Chloe runs to RoboEdgar, and asks what he’s doing here. RoboEdgar points to a nearby walrus and says, “Mom!” Chloe patiently tries to explain RoboEdgar’s mistake, and suggests that he fly back to CTU so he can help out there. RoboEdgar looks a bit sad about this, but flies off, headed towards CTU. Chloe looks over in another animal area, and swears she sees a warthog and a meercat singing “Hakuna Matata”.


8:34 pm – Madam Haig calls Jack, and tells him that the local college campus’s quad area has got some sort of disturbance going on, and that he better get down there right away. She says there have been reports of some group down there causing trouble. Madam Haig suggests they all wear togas to fit in with the college kids, and Jack asks her how long it’s been since she’s actually been on a college campus.
8:36 pm - He also asks why they should be headed down there instead of campus security handling it. They both pause a moment, and then laugh at their little joke.
8:37 pm - Jack finally says, “No, seriously… Why do I have to head over there? Isn’t there someone that can handle it?” Haig replies that they’re getting reports of some of the students hacking into the computers at the Emmy awards because somehow Barry Manilow received an Emmy award. There’s also really odd student behavior, and that Jack’s team is the closest to the disturbance.

8:39 pm – Curtis, again breaking all land and air speed records and possibly a few of the lesser known and more amusing laws of physics, gets the group safe and sound to the college campus. He’s unable to find a free parking space, so he parks in one of the rental lots.

8:41 pm - Just as they park, a woman in a ball gown runs up to Jack, hands him to Emmy awards, congratulates him for his performance, and for the show, and then runs away. Curtis and Chloe look at Jack. Jack shrugs and puts the Emmy awards in the car. They head for the quad.


8:47 pm – There are a large number of students milling around at various student activity sign up booths. Curtis goes up to a booth marked "Perimeter Makers", and starts looking at some of the literature. The guy sitting at the booth is about to ask Curtis if he can answer any questions, and his eyes open wide. He stares at Curtis while tapping
the shoulder of the woman sitting next to him. Her reaction is the same. She stammers, "Are you… Are you…. Curtis Manning?" Curtis looks a little surprised, but says "Yes". She grabs a pad of paper and a pen, and asks for his autograph. As he's signing, she tells him that she's always admired the perimeters he's done, and that they're studying them in Advanced Perimeter class. Curtis signs several more autographs for the students that line up.

8:52 pm – Chloe walks a booth that says, "Fantasy Sports League". The guy sitting at the booth smirks when he sees her, and asks what she wants. Chloe says she wants to hear about what he's promoting. He tells Chloe that "a woman wouldn't understand" what they're trying to do here. Chloe says, "Fantasy Accounting. You're playing Fantasy
Accounting! Sure, it looks like you're talking about sports, but all you're doing is keeping track of numbers and statistics! You're in the Accounting Club!” The guy looks stunned as Chloe walks away.

8:55 pm – Jack walks along looking at the student booths. There's no sign of any serious disruption. There is, however, a sign of completely not so serious disruption, at least from the looks of it. There are a large number of students, both young men and young women dressed up in the same type of business suit, and all wearing really bad toupees. Jack makes his way towards these people.

8:57 pm - Jack walks up to one of the women and asks what their organization is called. The woman answers, "The Manis. We used to be Moonies until we found out about President Manilow". When she says the word "President Manilow", the entire group says, "The Great President Manilow!" Jack thanks her, walks a few steps away, and calls Madam Haig, telling her that the situation is even worse than she described.

8:59 pm – Just as he hangs up, Jack hears someone say, "Turn around, Mr. Bauer". Jack turns, and sees Julian standing there, holding some kind of weapon. Julian says, "I am Habib Marwan's brother, Julian Marwan! I am here to avenge my brother's death!" Jack points out that Marwan is still alive, and Julian tells him to shut up, just as
he raises his weapon.

9:00 pm – Time's up!

Taser jolts, thigh shots
Bring 24 three Emmys.
Bauer Power rules.

Blunt observation:
No Emmy for Best Writing.
How did that happen?

They need new writers
For more realistic plots.
I nominate Steve.

Chloe says she already did it, and points towards the cage.

like I told ya, I love Chloe. That's efficiency.

8:52 pm – Chloe walks a booth that says, "Fantasy Sports League". The guy sitting at the booth smirks when he sees her, and asks what she wants. Chloe says she wants to hear about what he's promoting. He tells Chloe that "a woman wouldn't understand" what they're trying to do here. Chloe says, "Fantasy Accounting. You're playing Fantasy Accounting! Sure, it looks like you're talking about sports, but all you're doing is keeping track of numbers and statistics! You're in the Accounting Club!” The guy looks stunned as Chloe walks away.


Good one, Steve! I'll have to remember that one for my fantasy football-addicted coworkers...if I can keep from *snorking* myself to death when I tell it...

Jack Bauer saved the Emmys!!


Sorry, I don't know how to link here.

Wow, Steve: That was a trip!!!

Steve...you know you have something coming soon...wait for it...


Tropic Hunt Guy... Can't wait to see the rest of 'em!

Ok...finished reading!

Dave - GREAT intro as usual...*snorks* all around!

Steve - Excellent!! LOVE the Hakuna Matata & Emmy references!

Dave said the "a" word!!!!!!

My innocence is destroyed. Seriously. That kind of potty-mouth talk doesn't do one bit for his status as Beloved American Humorist Not Painted By Norman Rockwell Only Because Said Painter Is Pushing Up Daisies.

If he wants that kind of salty, Marine-infantry-type language in an entry, he should do what he always does, and let Judi write the post.

Yeah, bravo for 24 and all that, but where is the hilarity over you know who (BM, that's who)winning for MUSICAL PERFORMANCE? how can I post snide responses if nobody is talking about it? Did ya'll take a vow of silence & forget to tell me? Hello?

DOH, some dogs are better left sleeping. ;)

Wow. Just that. WOW.

Steve, you are like Wonderwoman. I mean this in the nicest most possible way.

Okay, I go away to Yosemite for ONE weekend and Barry Manilow wins an Emmy? Whose job was it to guard the perimeter while I was gone?

Audrey's newest headshot nearly made me spray water all over the place. Thanks.

Dave, go to bed. The damn thing is heading up here in North Carolina. I would like to borrow your generator though, and I have have rented a Mack flatbed to come get it.

Steve-you are amazing!

Oh, and I forgot:

*Bows in the general direction of The Amazing Steve*

24 wins prize for being best drama without a dectable plot.
Jack wins for best thy shot in a drama without dectable plot.
Chloe wins nothing.
Edgar is alive! I saw his picture with the rest of them holding strange objects.
Will wonders never cease?


Hahaha!! Tinkerbell statue?

Hey Chloe has a small (very small) role in Little Miss Sunshine! I got my Chloe fix! Edgar sadly was not in it.

I used to like the show "23"..."24" is too much for me

Has anyone noticed the resemblance of "sum" of Dave's posts to the puzzles in the bottle caps of Brown Derby Beer? Hmmmmm.......

Hope you Floridians hang onto your shorts.... and your bra Siouxie. And punkin's breasteses, er floatation devices may come in handy.

Wonder what Jack would do in the face of the oncoming TSHTSTS? Would his cell phone still work? Cuz I can't get mine to half the time here in the flatlands.

Meditrina, I am hanging on to my bra!! Although Punkin's bra would be better...covering the perimeter of my HOUSE!

Dont mind me I just had to be the 24th poster here.

Chloe disabled a bomb on Audrey? Chloe could never make a mistake like that! ;-)

WTG Amazing Steve !!!

Technically, wouldn't that be the "w" word, since it's hyphenated?
Not defending, just curious.

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