Dave Barry's Blog

STRUMPETING UPDATE

Ridley and I have enjoyed our stay on the quaint and friendly island of Martha's Vineyard, but now we must leave for our next stop, Washington, D.C. Fortunately there is a direct flight.

BEAM ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE, SCOTTY

(Thanks to Evan Dolive)

AUSTRALIAN MOTORISTS

They can be stupid resourceful.

(Thanks to Candy Tutt)

STRUMPDATE

This is Ridley and me at the Martha's Vineyard event with the legendary Punkin Poo, who turned out to be way more legendary than we even imagined.

WHEN APPLESAUCE IS OUTLAWED

...only outlaws will have applesauce.

(Thanks to DavCat14)

WHY YOU NEVER SEE PYTHONS AND ELECTRIC BLANKETS TOGETHER IN THE WILD

They are natural enemies.

(Thanks to queensbee)

YAY

(Thanks to all the strumpeting)

PROOF THAT IT'S ALL THE BLOG'S FAULT

Here you go.

(Thanks to alert but cautious Nancy Miller)

MOST UNBELIEVABLE STATEMENT BY AN ATTORNEY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD

"I'm partly to blame for that."

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

ART BUCHWALD UPDATE

Ridley and I went to see Art, who's spending the summer at his home here on Martha's Vineyard and working on a book.  I'm happy to report that not only is he not dead, but he's still one of the funniest people on the planet.

AHEAD OF THE PACK

The Blog's been saying his work has nothing to do with journalism for YEARS.

(Thanks again to Chaz)

WE'RE EXPECTING A LITTLE TURBULENCE AHEAD

But first, a word from our sponsors...

(Thanks to queensbee)

UPCHUCK UPDATE: Are they sure it's not caused by ill-advised bikini wearing?

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

THIS MUST BE STOPPED

(Via Gizmodo)

WHY WE NEED GUYS

Guys see what needs to be done, and they do it.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

ATTENTION, KINSALE NATIVES

Be on the lookout.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

KANGAROO UPDATE: Boy howdy, is our homeland ever secure.

(Thanks originally to Eren Brumley, who sent a longer story that may require registration)

O'ER THE RAMPARTS

Headline of the day.

(Thanks to wolfie, who asks, "Isn't supporting boobs a normal political activity already?")

THIS IS NOT FUNNY

So please do not laugh, except maybe a little at the headline. Thank you.

(Thanks to Chaz)

BOOK-STRUMPETING UPDATE

Ridley and I are on our way to strumpet for our book in Martha's Vineyard. We've never been there, but we hear it's a beautiful place, with interesting wildlife.

BRITISH JUSTICE

It can be harsh.

(Thanks to Grant McEwen)

A LESSON IN COURTESY

This letter was sent anonymously via snailmail (It goes without saying that it was printed and double-spaced on three pages of lined spiral-notebook paper, doesn't it?):

Dave Barry,

Not everyone knows you've quit your humor column, and the repeats are so annoying.

Will you please be courteous enough to notify all who carry your column, and begin with the one listed below?

The Chattanooga Times Free Press
Be courteous enough
Please contact:
M___ K____ via email at:
{email address}

or drop a letter to him at:

PO Box 1447
Chattanooga TN 37401

or by fax at:
{fax number}

Please be courteous enough to readers and other writers to vacate your repeats so we can enjoy new writings, Be courteous enough, and new writers can have room to work, learn, and grow. Treat others the way you would like to be treated if you were at the barn door, and someone else blocked it unnecessarily and repeatedly.

Thank you. It will be deeply appreciated.

Dave, have you been blocking the barn door again?

TUESDAY'S CRIME REPORT

Who cares what they do with it? We want to know how they got it home.

(Thanks to wolfie)

UNRELATED (as far as we know) CRIME UPDATE

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WHAT TIME IS IT?

Time to move.

RIBBIT

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

STRUMPETING UPDATE

We had another excellent event in New York last night. A large squadron of blog personnel came and brought gifts, including Erdinger brand beer refreshing beverages and (I am not making this up) a handsome display case containing the penis bones of a mink, a fox, a coyote and a raccoon. (Yes! Apparently minks have penises!) Shown below in an exclusive photo taken with the exclusive CrapCam with the exclusive Out-o-Focus feature is the entire group with Ridley and me, and a woman with her head on a stick:

Addendum de Tinkerbell:

24

Здесь параметры периметра от 21 часа стоградусных восточных схем downloading время:

Ручка хуторянина все еще держится плененным на борту китайского фрахтовщика, "subplot морей." Audrey может выходить для другой выставки altogether, благодарит Бога Едгар все еще нажимает вверх маргаритки, или по возможности ест их. Мы даем вам теперь amazing Steve.

LITERARY ITEM¹ OF THE DAY

¹Other than Peter and the Shadow Thieves, of course.

(Thanks to Jeff Luhrs)

HEADLINE OF THE AFTERNOON

"Do I hear $27.50?"

(Thanks to gretchen cs)

URGENT 24 UPDATE

Next season, Wayne will be the president.

(Thanks to Tim Hiltabiddle)

Also, this blog has learned that Edgar will still be dead.

ARE THOSE THE EGGS OF AN ENDANGERED BIRD SPECIES IN YOUR UNDERWEAR?

Or are you just happy to see me?

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

CRIME REPORT HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to Joel Srebnick)

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Number 8,47aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

(Thanks to Andy the tropichunt.com guy)

WHILE THE BLOG'S AWAY...

We ladies love to have our productivity¹ enhanced.

(Thanks to Qween Puler)

¹(if you catch our drift.)

UPDATE

(Sent in by everyone in the known universe. You know who you are.)

BOOK-STRUMPETING UPDATE

Ridley and I are now strumpeting for our book in New York City, because, as the song goes:

If you can make it there
You will still be unable to make it across town

It's very hot here. Pigeons are exploding in midair. But we don't care. We're having a terrific time, and I will tell you why: our publisher is paying for it.

FASCISM UPDATE

Now they're taking away our right to throw things at gators.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

We hope these festival goers are using separate hands.

GUYS: MAKING THE WORLD BETTER IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY

When guys do something, they do it right.

STRUMPETING UPDATE

We're running into some famous celebrities on the book-strumpeting tour. The photo below was sent by blogperson Nora, who took it at the  Vero Beach event, where Ridley and I were welcomed by (from left) Carl Hiaasen and Johnny Depp.

We're just kidding, of course. Hiaasen is a cardboard cutout.

GUYS IN SPACE, PART III

After all that work, it's time to take a break breather.

(Thanks to Ryan Jentzsch)

A GRATEFUL WORLD REJOICES

Poo Poo is home.

WORLD CUPDATE

(Thanks to Steve Lancaster)

STRUMPETING UPDATE

We had a very nice event today at Vero Beach. Active blog participant Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa brought us chocolate and Official Corona Beer underwear, which we can be seen wearing in this photo:

BOOK STRUMPETING UPDATE

We had a fine event tonight. Somebody brought us an enormous brassiere, which is a huge literary honor. It almost NEVER happens to John Updike.

ATTENTION, DEPROGRAMMERS

You've got your work cut out for you.

(Thanks to Mike)

CREEPING FASCISM

Now they want to take away our fundamental human right to sunbathe naked with a rat terrier.

(Thanks to Wendy Cloyd)

GUYS IN SPACE, PART II

First they were duct-taping; now they're spackling.

(Thanks to Addicted to Crack 24)

ADVISORY FOR MEN

This is very bad.

(Via Gizmodo)

USE THE INTERNET SAFELY

...or get shot in the thigh.

(Thanks to Hennessy)

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE S.B.

This is illegal. (Who knew?)

(Thanks to 24-aholic)

A MESSAGE TO PUTIN'S PR ADVISORS

This didn't help.

(Thanks to Sarah J., first among many.)