STRUMPDATE
Ridley and I had a fine event in Petaluma. We also confirmed that they do, in fact, sell beer in Petaluma. Thank you, Petaluma. Petaluma Petaluma Petaluma.
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July 26, 2006
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS HEADLINE REFERS TO, AND WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW
(Thanks to sharon share-alike)
COURAGEOUS SNAKE TAKES ACTION TO REDUCE FEDERAL PAPERWORK
From one of the marine industry news roundups some environmental reporters (like me) wade through daily:
Python eats CFR
On Saturday, July 22, the Government Printing Office announced that a 27-foot Bolivian python (an endangered species) from the National Zoo slithered into the underground vault holding the official copies of the Code of Federal Regulations (CFR). Before it was incapacitated by numerous darts filled with strong sedatives, the snake managed to swallow Titles 33 and 46 of the CFR. It took veterinarians 12 hours to extract the important documents. In the interim, the US Coast Guard, Maritime Administration (MARAD), St. Lawrence Seaway Development Corporation, Federal Maritime Commission, and US Army Corps of Engineers had to curtail operations for lack of authority. (7/22/06).
Robert McClure
Seattle Post-Intelligencer
See my new blog "Dateline Earth" at www.datelineearth.com
CANADIAN PRODUCT OF THE DAY SO FAR
What will they think of next?
(Thanks to Karin Dixon)
ATTENTION, POSTAL PATRONS
Could we please all read the rules?
NEW BRITISH LAW
It's hot, but you're not.
(Thanks to Ken Pendergraft)
FASCISM/TERRORISM UPDATE
Now they're taking away our right to.... Hey! What's going on down there?!
(Thanks to Drew Harchick)
July 25, 2006
STRUMPDATE
Tonight Ridley and I will be strumpeting for our book in Petaluma. We have never been to Petaluma, but according to the Internet, it seems to have everything a person could possibly want. Plus we like saying "Petaluma." Petaluma Petaluma Petaluma.
FOR THE ACTIVE CELL-PHONE-USIN' MAN
(Thanks to Qween Puler)
IT'S ABOUT TIME
(Thanks to Russell Mc, who is always looking out for the s.b.)
NO NEED TO EXPLAIN
We have it on good authority that the horse insulted his mother.
(Thanks to Matt Morrison)
ATTENTION, WAL-MART SHOPPERS
July 24, 2006
24
Voici les paramètres du périmètre en date de 900 heures de temps oriental de schémas centigrade:
Jack "la poignée poignée de fermier" de Fermier est jugé toujours captif par des acteurs d'intrigue secondaire de Chinese à bord de la boulette de cargo des mers. Audrey est répandu pour s'être connecté à une autre exposition de TV, où nous espérons qu'elle cessera d'être une musaraigne tailler-faite face sniveling. Edgar est encore mort, et pas du tout heureux à son sujet. Nous rejoignons maintenant notre Steve régulièrement programmé, déjà en marche.
WE WANT THIS KITE
(Also via Gizmodo)
ATTENTION, TOURISTS
UH-OH
If this technology ever falls into the hands of the wrong people -- the French, for example -- we are in serious trouble.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR/NON SEQUITUR OF THE WEEK/THREAT OF THE DAY
i was wondering if you were a reputable web site , but since you did not return my request, i feel that you are not. you publish a blog from a guy that wants to shoot me. this will be forwarded to the proper authorties.
WAIT WAIT WAIT
THIS is the GrossMeOut Headline of the Day so far, at least for those of us who are men. Please note that the doctor in this situation is NOT someone you want to be angry with you.
(Thanks to the steely Drew Harchick)
GROSSMEOUT HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR
(Thanks to Warren Anderson)
THE INCREDIBLE ENLARGING WOMAN
...threatens innocent bystanders in Menlo Park.
July 23, 2006
STRUMPDATE
California has pulled out all the stops for this book tour.
STRUMPDATE
We made it to San Francisco. I know this because this morning, when we went out to get breakfast, we saw a man standing on his head on the sidewalk, singing for spare change. He was upside down when we got there, and he was still upside down when we left. Ridley gave him some spare change, because that has to be even harder than a book tour.
Everybody out here is complaining about how hot it is. Right now I would say it is maybe 80 degrees in San Francisco, but people are carrying on as though we're on the surface of the planet Mercury. As far as I'm concerned, this is nothing like what it was like in New York ("The Exploding Pigeon City").
NOT TO BE REDUNDANT¹ BUT...
Here's the aforementioned Dayton toilet.
(Thanks to Mudstuffin and his children)
¹Dayton residents: It is only a good-natured little joke. Please do not shoot the messenger fly to Miami with guns. We have enough.
ENOUGH ALREADY WITH MORE FROM DAYTON
(Thanks to LabSpecimen [left to right is Ridley, Neophyte, LabSpecimen, InsolentWench, and Peter Pan].
p.s. Sorry about the delayed posting of the Dayton pictures; the s.b. was enjoying a skybox at the Marlins game last night, courtesy of the Blog and Mrs. Blog via the Special Olympics, and by the time we got home, we were too tired to blog.)
DAYTON, LAND OF STRUMPETS
An actual pirate showed up in Dayton, but she was a petite woman pirate, so we were not too nervous.
MORE FROM DAYTON
Blogette Bumble brought us some excellent Hip Hop Pirate hats. We will fit right in when we strumpet in the 'hood.
BELATED DAYTON STRUMPDATE
July 22, 2006
STRUMPDATE
We made it from Dayton back to Chicago (where we began our day) only to be informed by United Flight Delays Airlines that the airplane that was supposed to take us to San Francisco is still at LaGuardia Airport in New York City, and is in no big hurry to leave. So we may be spending several days here in in O'Hare Airport. Stop by if you'd like us to sign a book. Bring the kids!
We'll be fine, because we have plenty to eat.
We thank the blogsterette known as Bumble for bringing about 47 bags of Cheez-Its to our event in Dayton. At the time we viewed it as a humorous gesture. We now realize that it may save our lives. Other passengers in the waiting lounge have formed a circle around us and sometimes make hungry lunges in our direction, but they will NOT GET OUR CHEEZ-ITS.
UPDATE: Our plane is here. Let me repeat that in italics: Our plane is here.
THEY SAY THERE ARE TOO MANY TELEVISED AWARDS SHOWS
But this blog firmly believes there is room for one more.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
(Thanks a big freaking heap to Artchick)
HERE KITTY KITTY
(Thanks to M. Powell)
STRUMPDATE
Ridley and I are starting in Chicago today, then going to strumpet in Dayton, Ohio, then going (Why not?) BACK to Chicago this evening to attempt to catch a flight to San Francisco. So there will likely be very little blogging today from Yours Truly.
We had a fine event last night in Naperville, Ill., which featured yet another appearance by the Mystery Woman On A Stick.
July 21, 2006
FLORIDA COLLEGES ARE PARTY SCHOOLS
Let's get this fire party started.
(Thanks to DavCat14)
A GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
Give it up for the Rude Tubers!
(Thanks to Russell Mc)
FUTURE BOOK TOUR POSSIBILITY
(Thanks to goodbuddy)
PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCEMENT ACTIVITY OF THE DAY
(Russell Mc sent in a ham from the "Son of Cooking with Seven-Up" section, and the s.b. went on to sob her way through the "Patty Cake" book. Find your own way; the man's a genius.)
ASTOUNDING SCIENCE BREAKTHROUGH IN CANADA
Apparently, they have discovered that poop smells bad.
(Thanks to Drew Harchick)
ATTENTION, STRUMPETS OF A DIFFERENT KIND
They are waiting for you in Hungary.
(Note: The video linked in the article would get the DNOAWOIYDWYMTTYNYG warning.)
(Thanks to Eleanor)
STRUMPETING UPDATE
Ridley and I head for Chicago today. Last night we had a very nice event in either Virginia or Maryland, or possibly Georgia. It was definitely a state. A number of blog commandos showed up, including the group shown in the exclusive CrapCam photo below, which included the mysterious Woman On A Stick, whose head is, we believe, getting smaller. We apologize for the quality of the photo, but the CrapCam appears to be getting crappier. Either that, or the actual world is getting more out of focus. There is no way to tell.
July 20, 2006
BARRY SPEAKS OUT ON THE ISSUES OF THE DAY
(Thanks to orcel)
THINKING AHEAD
Someone's preparing for International Talk Like A Pirate Day.
(Thanks to Patrick Brown)
UPDATE, thanks to queensbee.
THE HEARTWARMING STORY OF JENNY THE DISPUTE-RESOLVING HEIFER
The question is: How well did she know her owner?
UPDATE ON HOUDINI THE "VERY MELLOW" ELECTRIC-BLANKET-EATING SNAKE
Houdini is doing better.
UPDATED UPDATE: Here's a photo, pre-surgery, courtesy of Jessica Adelman)