ATTENTION, CONSUMERS OF SOY SAUCE

Whatever you do, do not read too far down in this article.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

Comments

[sthnbelle]

OMG - read way too far.

Why can't I listen??

[Punkin Poo]

icky sticky

[slyeyes]

Don't read too far down?!?! How about, don't read the title?

and....it's lunch time.

[Punkin Poo]

I mean, BBBRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Just Happy To Be Alive]

Yikes, I misread "Arousing the Public"!

[24-aholic]

Is the sweet and sour sauce still safe?

[Punkin Poo]

Hey folks - I can make a yummy worcestershire sauce out of my toe jam!

[Leetie]

CONDOM???

[Sean]

Yes, but no MSG

[Meanie the Blue]

*Vows not to return to this thread*

[«LabSpecimen»]

Alert bloggers will recall that Dave warned us against fake hair-soy previously. Of course, alert bloggers that remember that are total geeks in need of a life, since it was over two years ago.

Still, noting like a classic to keep me... I mean the alert geek bloggers happy.

[blurkernomore]

I'm with Meanie. Packin' up and movin' on.

[Jeff Meyerson]

I was just going to ask judi if this was blogged before, so thanks Lab for confirming it.

[insomniac]

Gift of the Magi, updated...

Jim: Oh, Della, what happened to your beautiful hair?

Della: I had it turned into soy sauce for these wonderful burgers you brought home!

Jim: Della, the meat for those burgers came from my ...(story becomes illegible, mercifully)

Della: Oh , Jim, let's never eat again!

[hd4mtns]

Yumm - the new soy sauce, goes well with soylent green.

[Chaz]

I just threw up a LOT in my mouth

[Siouxie]

oh..yuk - had to stop reading...thanks Russell

[fivver]

*snork* My nephew just got back from seven weeks in China. Of course I've sent him this article!

[Ann]

Never in my life have I been so happy that I detest soy sauce.

[otis wildflower]

PEEEEEEPULLLL!!!!! SOYLENT SAUCE IS MADE OUT OF PEEEEPULLL!!!!

[queensbee]

um. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

[Punkin Poo]

*snork* @ insom

Unofficial Blog Contest:

Come up with THE grossest meal you can think of using actual foods...

Example:

hotdogs with soy-hair sauce, blood pudding etc...

Use only real, edible (if disgusting) ingredients and put together a meal with entree, dessert & beverage.

[Punkin Poo]

Oh, and, uh, the Grand Prize Winner will be determined by blog vote and will receive a lovely set of airsick bags with colorful advertisements, plus a large bottle of Pepto Bismol ™ , not to mention the esteem and fear of every bloglit.

[Betsi]

ew, Punkin i'm going to have to leave the blog now...this is why i don't watch fear factor!

i find the timing of this thread funny...my mom emailed me today and said that my dad was in a rush out the door and knocked a soy sauce bottle out of the fridge and it broke on the floor...so she was left with a puddle and a nasty smell this morning to clean up.

[obi wan]

It took 8 posts and 5 minutes for Leetie to ask about the condom... hmmm

*tips cap to Leetie

[fivver]

Gee Betsi, my dog greeted me yesterday afternoon with the same. And it wasn't soy sauce.

[Cheryl]

How did they even figure this out to begin with???

"Hmmm, we're running low on soy sauce stuff. What should we do?"

"Well, we could make it out of my hair, I suppose."

"Splendid idea! This is why we keep you on here."

[otis wildflower]

How about rocky mountain oysters as the appetizer, and haggis with schmaltz for the main course?

Dessert? How about squid ink ice cream courtesy of the Iron Chef...

[artchick]

I think I'm going to subsist on nice, nourishing air from now on.

[Olo Baggins of Bywater]

It gets worse than just condoms....why do I insist on reading these things?

[bookworm]

It wasn't the condom that grossed me out--it was the photograph of the Q-tip™.

[Punkin Poo]

Otis - good try! However my puke-o-meter is only in the yellow zone....

[Suzy Q]

insom: My sister's name is Della. I didn't know she had a boyfiend. Her husband's name is Steve, but strangely, I haven't seen him in awhile.

[catharine]

"The Cheap Soy Sauce That Aroused the Public"- I can't even get aroused with expensive $200+ per hour soy sauce. But I can be turned on by a nice candle light dinner & a bottle of wine....

"Hey folks - I can make a yummy worcestershire sauce out of my toe jam!"
Posted by: Punkin Poo | 01:05 PM on July 28, 2006

Hey Punnkin Poo- What did Jeffrey Dahmer spread on his toast?

Toe jam.

[crossgirl]

that explains the hairball i coughed up last night after leaving the budget priced chinese buffet!

[bookworm]

Appetizer: Fluffy mackeral pudding or Frankfurter Surprise (from the Weight Watchers cards)

Main course: Grilled scorpions and silkworm larvae (from the lovely Chinese slide show on July 18)

Dessert: Bertie Botts™ beans, bacon, soap and vomit flavored

[bookworm]

By the way, Punkin, please say you won't make us actually eat the winning meal, will you?

[Baltimore Kat]

Last nights chinese dinner is trying to make an emergency exit from my body right now....why can't I learn to heed the warnings?

[JEK]

Yuck. This is the most barf-making article I've ever read--exceeded in nauseaous quality only by the comments!!

[Moe]

Super. I went to Benihana for a team lunch yesterday. Now I cannot get out of my head the slow-motion image of our chef pouring soy sauce as he prepared the fried rice. *shivers and cries a little bit

As for the contest, I don't have time to brainstorm a full menu, but I have a few ideas. When I was far less mature and found this type of thing funny, I used to make my fraternity's pledges eat Uncle Moe's Popcorn during hell week. This consisted of buttered popcorn with tripe and sardines. Most retched, but a few loved it. Of course, they had been subsisting on similar delicacies for several days at that point.

[Meanie the Blue]

How fitting - spam.

[Cheryl]

*snork* at the ill-placed spam. :-)

"Great site. Sounds delicious. Good information."

[Punkin Poo]

bookworm - I gotta say the fluffy mackeral pudding caused a little gag in the back of my throat.

But I'm looking for a meal that will make my stomach actually try to leave my body.

Do your worst!

[Cheryl]

Perhaps spam is made with human hair, as well.

EWWWWWWW .... thinking like an eight-year-old now.

[Sarah J]

Yum! Fluffy mackerel pudding!!!

This gross food discussion reminds me of the days my siblings and I made up foods to be sold at the "International Garbage Association" (IGA) We came up with all sorts of things from cardboard graham crackers to dishes involving batter-fried squid eyeballs. We had a song and everything (I was 9 or 10)

[Punkin Poo]

This would be a visual treat - pickled pigs feet & snout on a bed of maggotty looking rice. Mmmmmmm....with Irish Moss Pudding (main ingredient - seaweed), downed with a glass of room temperature egg white. Phlemalicious!

[Meanie the Blue]

You'll also need the right kitchen gadget to prepare the perfect meal, Punkin.

[russell]

(meekly states) sorry.......
I should have realized it's been blogged (dern that brain cell loss and short term memory issue).... Hey look, an Erdinger

[Sallyacious]

hurka-hurka-hurka-hurka-HUAP!

(Sorry, just coughing up a soysauceball.)

[Suzy Q]

Punkin: haggis and head cheese

[24-aholic]

Why do I keep returning to this thread?

[blurkernomore]

Appetizer: Rocky Mt. oysters...raw...dipped in lard.

Entree: Freshly caught rainbow trout...uncleaned.

Dessert: Jello mold filled with cottage cheese and turnip greens.

[Siouxie]

hmm ok...moving right along.... **BARF**

[Brad]

There is only one person to call to solve this soy sauce crisis...

Kikkoman!!!

[me]

SNORK at Brad, and all the menus y'all are creating.

[me]

How about this menu: Bird's Nest Soup (The nests are built during the breeding season by the male swiftlet. The nests are composed of interwoven strands of salivary laminae cement. Both nests have high levels of calcium, iron, potassium, and magnesium. Also the nests contain argan oil made from argan nut which had to pass through the digestive tract of a goat) followed by weasel coffee (coffee beans have been eaten and regurgitated by rare Vietnamese weasels).

[ZBeebs]

Say it's not so, Kikkoman! Say it's not so!

[Rusty1]

Captain, there be children (er... whales) here.

[catharine]

"that explains the hairball i coughed up last night after leaving the budget priced chinese buffet!"
Posted by: crossgirl | 02:10 PM on July 28, 2006

Crossgirl- I just hope you weren't "accidentally" served Hello Kitty!!!!!!!! Yikes!

[fivver]

*still wondering how the Chinese get condoms in their hair? maybe it's some inscrutable **snork** oriental thing*

[catharine]

"Why do I keep returning to this thread?"
Posted by: 24-aholic | 03:13 PM on July 28, 2006

Well, 24. You should know by now that an hour after eating Chinese Soy Hair Sauce you will be hungry for more.

[blurkernomore]

All right, Punkin. You started this little pukefest. Where'd ya go?

[catharine]

"*still wondering how the Chinese get condoms in their hair? maybe it's some inscrutable **snork** oriental thing*"
Posted by: fivver | 04:17 PM on July 28, 2006

Good God, fivver!!!!! You cracked the mystery of the condoms in the hair! It's PUBIC HAIR in the soy sauce!!! Everybody run for your knives lives.

[fivver]

AAIIIIYYYYYEEE. I was hoping it was some bizarre summer of love thing...

If you're going to Peking City,
be sure to wear some condoms in your hair.

[Sallyacious]

catharine -

Thanks. Now I am barfing for real.

[Punkin Poo]

Blurkie - Thunderstorms here.....wreaking havoc with the elec *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzp!*

[Punkin Poo]

Okay - I think raw, rocky mountain oysters dipped in lard are a sickening wonderful appetizer....we'll keep that one......

[blurkernomore]

Yay! I got picked.

Everybody dig in!

[Cheryl]

Rocky mountain oysters dipped in lard = shweddy balls?

[Siouxie]

EWWWW course if ya put soy sauce on 'em they'd be schweddy hairy balls?? *gag*

[Brad]

Show me,
your pubes,
Kikko-man!

[Cat R.]

Cheryl - *snork*!

And Schweddy Balls

is not to be confused with

SNORKBalls!

[blurkernomore]

*SNORK*
Cheryl and Cat R. I'm friggin' ROLLIN'!!!

[Wramblin' Wreck]

Hair soy - Don't knock until you try it. It will put hair on your chest.

[Ann]

The SNORKBalls look like the love child of Pac-Man and the langoliers....

[catharine]

By the way:

The anagram for "Hair Soy Sauce": "Is a saucy hero".

Just thought I'd pass that along.

[Punkin Poo]

Wramblin' - it's the hair in my intestines I'd be worried about!

[Wramblin' Wreck]

Ms. Poo - A good point. But think of it like a fiber filled water bed. No more sloshing!

[me]

Has no one noticed that the author, Alexander Tse-Yan Lee, works for Queers Network Research?