A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE IS ON ITS WAY
...to this multitasking motorist.
(Thanks to Chris DeJarnett)
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July 01, 2006
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At least he wasn't talking on his damn cell phone.
Posted by: Zoodle | July 01, 2006 at 11:27 AM
That is a nice way to start my Canada Day celebrations!
(Um...with a FIRST! not by being drunk and masturbating in my SUV. Just to clarify.)
Posted by: Zoodle | July 01, 2006 at 11:31 AM
"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son."
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | July 01, 2006 at 11:35 AM
But it's how a lot of guys go through life - just sayin', Jeff....
Posted by: Kathybear | July 01, 2006 at 11:37 AM
Alert - non-humorous comment:
What a well written story. All my questions were answered, all the sentences were complete, and there was a logical order to it all. What a breath of fresh air. Thank you, Dave.
Oh, and ... multi-tasking motorist...lovely turn of phrase.
Posted by: Sondra | July 01, 2006 at 12:10 PM
Thank the lord the moron doesn't have a smell-o-phone...
Posted by: marfie | July 01, 2006 at 12:23 PM
There's got to be some kind of hands free set for a guy like this.Would medicare cover that?
Posted by: MoFaux | July 01, 2006 at 12:25 PM
I can't go to jail
why not? then you'll won't have to play by yourself...
Posted by: insomniac | July 01, 2006 at 01:27 PM
If only he were a congressman. They'd just tell the press he spilled coffee or something and we'd have nothing at which to laugh.
Posted by: Brainy Jello | July 01, 2006 at 02:35 PM
I'm confused. He was masterbating with his drunk cell phone while mounting a DVD player that was showing a porn film on his dashboard? I must have gotten that backwards. I guess I shouldn't try to operate my computer while driving.
Posted by: catharine | July 01, 2006 at 04:08 PM
The location where Griffin crashed is located a couple miles from the Target Center where Griffin had played with his team several hours earlier.
The rub on Griff is that he's never been a real team player.
Posted by: Brad | July 01, 2006 at 05:12 PM
Key questions are why Griffin wasn't tested for alcohol and why the officers drove him out of the city to his home in St. Paul. Griffin also received tickets for not having a license and inattentive driving.
The officers also received tickets for next season's T-Wolves home games.
Posted by: Brad | July 01, 2006 at 05:16 PM
When he was interviewed by reporters after the crash happened, he said he had dropped his cell phone as he drove.
Is that what they're calling it now, "dropping your cell phone"?
OMG Dave, this story is too good.
Posted by: Brad | July 01, 2006 at 05:19 PM
That would never happen to some T-wolves players!
YAY! for Mark!!!
Posted by: Sarah J | July 01, 2006 at 05:35 PM
"Masturbating himself" Isn't that the only way to do it? Otherwise it's a date/assault/foreplay? Talk about redundant!
Posted by: PeeJay | July 01, 2006 at 06:30 PM
Whose dumbass notion was it to mount video players for DRIVERS to see? Backseat ones, OK, but a driver who uses such things while driving is bucking for a Darwin Award!
Posted by: Kid Charlemagne | July 01, 2006 at 06:47 PM
If he's lucky, and this goes to trial, maybe he'll get the judge with the pump and they can swap tips on technique.
Posted by: marfie | July 01, 2006 at 07:52 PM
Sarah, Thanks for the link to Mad Dog's blog. Reading a few posts there, I found out that he went to my high school (a few years after). When he played for the Lakers, I would watch the ends of the games hoping he'd get in. His "and for those who speak Spanish" yell at the first victory party is still one of the funniest damned things I have ever heard. Thanks again!!!
Posted by: Brad | July 01, 2006 at 08:03 PM
I like Mark, really nice guy. HIs sister was a friend of mine, but we've since lost touch. I liked spending time at their parent's house in UT really great place, with a climbing wall in the basement- tons of fun!
Posted by: Sarah J | July 01, 2006 at 08:09 PM
I actually saw a guy doing something very similar, (I don't know if he was drunk or not but since he was honking and waving at my friend and I to make sure we saw him, I can say he was definately not in his right mind)and yeah Dave, this happened to us in Florida, how did you know?!?
Posted by: Laura Vona | July 01, 2006 at 08:19 PM
Laura V - if a guy in Florida was driving and doing the other thing at the same time, that wouldn't leave a hand for his Smith & Wesson. Are you sure it was Florida?
Posted by: Stupendous Man | July 02, 2006 at 01:01 AM
Did he get called for "double dribbling"?
Posted by: Layzeeboy | July 02, 2006 at 01:05 PM
The location where Griffin crashed is located a couple miles from the Target Center where Griffin had played with his team several hours earlier.
so why was he playing with himslef if he had already played with his whole team?
Posted by: Chaz ( I just threw up a little) | July 03, 2006 at 08:37 AM