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July 24, 2006


Voici les paramètres du périmètre en date de 900 heures de temps oriental de schémas centigrade:

Jack "la poignée poignée de fermier" de Fermier est jugé toujours captif par des acteurs d'intrigue secondaire de Chinese à bord de la boulette de cargo des mers. Audrey est répandu pour s'être connecté à une autre exposition de TV, où nous espérons qu'elle cessera d'être une musaraigne tailler-faite face sniveling. Edgar est encore mort, et pas du tout heureux à son sujet. Nous rejoignons maintenant notre Steve régulièrement programmé, déjà en marche.


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Last Time:

Chloe disabled RoboEdgar by feeding him a granola bar. Through some tricky maneuvering, Cheney Looking Guy (CLG) was able to get Wayne Palmer, President Allstate’s brother, installed as president. Jack discovered his Amish heritage. RoboEdgar reveals that everything that has been happening today has been a plot to kill Jack. Jack receives a call and finds out that Audrey was kidnapped and is being held hostage (again). Jack and Curtis are trying to make their way back to California, while Chloe stays behind to repair RoboEdgar.

The following was scheduled to have happened between 3 pm and 4 pm, but was nearly delayed because the flight from New York was late. Fortunately, they’ve arrived on schedule, so please put your tray tables in an upright and locked position.

3:00 pm – Jack calls Bill to let him know that Audrey has been kidnapped. Bill says he knows, and that it’s Jack’s big chance to get out of the relationship. Jack ignores this and tells Bill to send out a team of experts to try and find out which group has taken Audrey.

3:03 pm – Bill quickly assembles some of the cleaning crew and gives them strict instructions to try and find Audrey.

3:04 pm – Jack and Curtis arrive at Curtis’ modified Harrier Jet. Jack says that it’ll be good to fly on the inside for once, since he spent most of the time hanging on for dear life to RoboEdgar while they crossed the United States. Curtis said that he had no idea that Jack was that close to RoboEdgar. Jack tries to elbow him in the face, but misses when Curtis ducks! Curtis tells Jack, “You see there? You can fool me once with…” and Jack hits Curtis with his other elbow.

3:06 pm - Marwan tells the henchmen with him that he’s very unimpressed with the choice of kidnapping victims, since no one seems to want to pick her up. Janosz is standing behind Marwan, and tells the henchmen, “Don’t make Vigo angry!” Marwan looks at Janosz and shrugs when he doesn’t understand what the heck Janosz is talking about. Marwan tells the henchmen they need to continue with the plan, and they lead Audrey into the back room.

3:09 pm – Chloe is trying to explain to RoboEdgar that he died, but RoboEdgar doesn’t quite understand what Chloe is talking about. He keeps insisting that he needs to eat. Chloe does a couple of tests and she realizes that RoboEdgar needs to keep eating in order to remain powered. She asks Jonah, the “Amish” doctor that helped Jack where there is a source of food that can help RoboEdgar while she tries to figure out what to do to fix this problem. Jonah points to a cornfield and says that’s the nearest food supply. Chloe leads RoboEdgar to the corn field and tells him he can eat some of the corn, not ALL of the corn, and if he sees any children in that cornfield get out of there RIGHT AWAY. RoboEdgar goes into the cornfield.


3:14 pm – On a hunch, the cleaning crew investigating Audrey’s kidnapping stop in on an animal shelter to see if someone has given Audrey up for adoption. They leave after they realize the howling they heard was not Audrey.

3:16 pm – Curtis and Jack are now flying at hypersonic speeds back towards California. Curtis says that he’s in no mood for any more of Jack’s punches, and Jack tells Curtis that he’s sorry, but he’s had a tough couple of days. Curtis says that he’s not surprised since Audrey is involved, but Jack doesn’t notice.

3:18 pm – Manilow is wandering the streets, very depressed that he’s no longer President. He tells himself that he’s going to need a job, and probably go undercover in order to not be arrested for everything that happened during the last day. He also says to himself that it would probably be a good idea anyway, since Mrs. Manilow is probably after him too. A panhandler on the street overhears all this, and presses five dollars into Manilow’s hands saying that he’s heard a lot of stories, but this was the most depressing.

3:23 pm – Chloe is still waiting for RoboEdgar to come out of the field. We can see that cornstalks are flying up in the air at an alarming rate while RoboEdgar eats.

3:24 pm – Bill calls Jack, and tells him there’s a strange disturbance north of San Francisco. Bill says he’s trying to get the details, but he’s not sure what it is. Jack tells him it’s a big city on the west coast, but what’s really important is finding out what the strange disturbance is.

3:25 pm – Johan tries to make small talk with Chloe. Johan tells Chloe that she’d probably like living in the Midwest, and then leans in closer to tell her to tell her something. Instinctively, Chloe pulls her taser out of her purse and zaps him.


3:31 pm – Manilow is still wandering the streets when he sees a poster that lists times for auditions for a television show….as President of the United States! Manilow decides that maybe hiding out from everyone isn’t the best idea in the world, and decides to try for the audition. He checks the address and spends a couple of minutes trying to stop people to ask them if they know where the address is. Someone finally stops and points out that the address he’s looking for is where he is right now. The auditions are happening right now, in the building that he’s standing in front of. He walks in.

3:35 pm – Jack and Curtis fly into California on the hypersonic jet, and moments later land the plane. They’re in a parking lot across the street where there’s a huge disturbance at some kind of store. It’s completely mobbed. As they approach, Jack hears a lady say something about seeing a head on a stick. Jack immediately yells, “EVERYONE GET DOWN!” People immediately start trying to dance, and Curtis says if they don’t stop dancing like that, they’ll be arrested. Jack yells that he’s from CTU, and that everyone needs to get down on the ground immediately. He yells to Curtis to set up a perimeter, and Curtis looks happy to do so. Jack enters the building, rushing past a door that says “Book signing”.

3:38 pm – Curtis is doing his best to create a perimeter while people in the crowd ask if he’s someone famous, and asks for his autograph. Several minutes go by. Jack walks out of the book store. He looks completely bewildered. Curtis asks Jack what happened, and Jack explains that there is no terrorist activity going on, but he’s having a hard time trying to figure out what really was going on. Jack says that when he went inside, he saw a crowd of people listening to two men. One of them had a green hat, and the other had a robe with a hood. They were reading from a book. Jack goes on to explain that as soon as he interrupted what was going on and announced “I’m Jack Bauer with CTU!”, everyone immediately went into Flank Two Position. Curtis looks very alarmed by this.

3:42 pm – Jack goes on to explain that several people came up to him and wanted his autograph, and that they loved to watch “his show”. Curtis asks, “What show?” Jack just shakes his head and says he has no idea. Curtis asks, “What about the head on the stick?” Jack says that he saw someone carrying a stick with the picture of a woman’s head on it, and that’s when he left. Curtis tells Jack that someone asked for his autograph too. Jack says that the crowd told them something about “strumpeting”. Jack tells Curtis that something really weird is going on, and they head back to the jet.

3:45 pm – Jack calls Bill. Jack asks if there’s been some sort of leak at CTU. Bill says that he’ll check the plumbing again. Jack rolls his eyes and says that he means an identity leak. Bill doesn’t think there has been, and Jack informs Bill that somehow people at a book signing knew who he was. An assistant comes up to Bill and hands him a slip of paper. Bill says he’ll call Jack back as soon as he can, and hangs up.


3:50 pm – Manilow leaves the audition, completely crushed that he wasn’t a convincing enough President of the United States.

3:51 pm – Chloe profusely apologies to Johan for tasering him, saying that it was just a reflex that she has. Johan explains that all he wanted to do was to tell Chloe that she should buy a house out in the Midwest. Chloe takes a step back and puts her hand on her taser again. Johan quickly explains that he meant because everything is much cheaper in the Midwest. Chloe asks what he means by this, and he tells her that they have prices for “outsiders” and different, cheaper, prices for people here in the Midwest. Chloe says something about how that explains the gas station attendant’s comments when they filled up the Jet. The way they’re able to do this it to make everyone believe that nothing is happening in the Midwest, and no one ever checks. Chloe says that she agrees that nothing IS going on in the Midwest, and Johan says she’s catching on. Just as he says this, RoboEdgar emerges from the corn field, and says “Alton Glowie”. Johan looks perplexed, and Chloe says, “He said, ‘All done, Chloe.’”

3:54 pm – Bill calls Jack and tells him that they just received a message from the kidnappers. They have to get to the Golden Gate Bridge as soon as they can, and that they’ll need to bring Chloe. Jack says that Chloe isn’t with them. Jack hangs up and calls Chloe. He tells her that they need her right away. Jack and Curtis jump in the jet and take off.

3:56 pm – Chloe tells RoboEdgar that they need to get to Jack right away. RoboEdgar tells her that he’ll carry her there. Chloe does not like this one bit, but finally agrees. Chloe puts her arms around RoboEdgar’s neck, and RoboEdgar blasts off. As they leave, we see the field that RoboEdgar was just in. There’s a huge crop circle in the middle of it.

3:58 pm – Jack and Curtis arrive at the Golden Gate Bridge, but don’t see anything. Jack’s phone rings. The voice on the other end, says “Mr. Bauer. You must deliver the sum of 10 million dollars to our Swiss bank account by 5 pm today, or San Francisco will suffer the consequences.”

3:59 Jack asks what “consequences”. The voice says, “If the money isn’t delivered, a sound wave so terrible will be unleashed at it will destroy everything in San Francisco”. Jack says he’ll need some proof. The voice says, “I direct your attention to the center of the bridge”. Jack pulls out a small set of binoculars from his JackSack, and looks through them. We see that Audrey has been strapped the bridge, between a huge set of speakers. A microphone is duct-taped to Audrey’s mouth. The voice on the phone says, “Yes, Mr. Bauer, unless the money is delivered, I’m going to turn on that microphone”.

4:00 pm – Time’s up!

les premiere non.


Steve est l'homme!

Sacre bleu!

Bravo as always, Steve!

Couldn't resist the temptation to take Dave's text and run it through Babelfish. Here's the result:

"Here parameters of the perimeter in 900 hours date of Eastern time of diagrams centigrade: Jack "the handle handle of farmer" of Farmer is considered to be always captive by actors of secondary intrigue of Chinese on board pellet of cargo liner of the seas. Audrey is widespread to have connected herself to another exposure of TV, where we hope that it will cease being a cut-made shrew face sniveling. Edgar still died, and at all happy about it. We join our regularly programmed Steve now, already moving."


I'm going to be in the Netherlands when Dave does the next update...so I expect that...no matter the language...his snynopsis'll make sense to me.

Désirent ardemment Steve de phase !

Breng ons rug sommige tulpen tropichunt.com guy™t.

Excellent Steve! I love the Children of the Corn thing!

Merci, Etienne - c'est chouette, ca!

Tropic...if you are in The Netherlands, nothing will make sense.

With 24 nominated for a bunch of Emmy's (and LOST almost none), on this slow summer day a small team at our office set out to identify some awards that 24 truly deserves to win:

-- Greatest Suspension of Reality
-- Most Annoying Female Character
-- Slimiest President Not Currently Holding Office
-- Worst Use of William Devane
-- Best Use of a Drunken Star
-- Best Offspring Personification of Nails on a Chalkboard
-- Most Creative Use of a Hoodie
-- Weepiest Character
-- Best Impersonation of a Superhero by a “Real” Woman
-- Best Use of Girly Accessories by an Action Hero (the JackSack)
-- Most Versatile PDA
-- Worst Waste of a Fine Fictional President
-- Most Inaccurate Portrayal of a Major U.S. City
-- Best Blog Material for America's Humorists

"Best Blog material for America's Humorists" I love it. I mean really, what kind of jokes can we crack about any other shows? Most certainly Project Runway and Lost are unworthy of anyone's humoristic observations (sarcasm intended). But seriously, 24 seems to have the most fuel for "funny fires."

Yo no hablo elFrencho. To cable TV here, so stuck in 3rd season on DVD, think Kim's a dork. Cute, but a dork.

No Names, outstanding perception. bravo.

Wyo, I know doesn't Kim drive you crazy? I, too, just finished the third season (she's not much better in the 4th) and want her to be killed. With everyone dying, one would think the script-writers could write in one more without anyone being too shocked or awed.

I'm about half way through re-runs of season 4 and haven't seen hide nor hair of Kim and there's certainly NATWWT

Oh, I forgot...


Votre l'histoire, c'est incroyable! (mon spelling, c'est tres mauvais!)

"Most Inaccurate Portrayal of a Major U.S. City"

1. I've never been to L.A. Are you telling me there aren't that many barns?

2. I can't wait to see what's less than an hour outside NYC.


Lisa: I have to go with Jazzzz on this one...and I'm not even in the Netherlands yet! So I give you the official American Tourist "Huh?"™ and blank stare.

tropic-When I first put it into Babel Fish it said: "Bring us back some tulips tropichunt.com guy™t."

When you try to translate it back to English, you get something that makes no sense. Which is part of the fun, I think. ;-)

What I said to Steve was: "Long live Steve."

well I must confess that I was never a huge fan of the show but I've learned to appreciate it and all it's quirks from this here blog - so I thank you all!! I am now looking forward to it!

Jack sacre bleu!

3:38 pm
3:42 pm Classic! Muchas gracias!

STEVE!! C'est Magnifique!

"In honor of our special guest, I've created dinner mon dieu — including Frahnch fries ... Frahnch dressing ... and Frahnch bread. And to drink ..." (holding up a bottle of Perrier) "Pay-roo!"

147 gajillion trillion blogbucks to whomever can name that movie....no fair googling it either!

Steve....also love the "strumpeting" tie-in, and the leetie head on a stick!

plus, I think the dangling t is cute

Lucy - I love all the tie-ins too. Like I said...I'm a new convert!

Steve...Do you realize how disappointing it's going to be when we all start watching the so-called "real" show in January, and have to leave your alternate "24" universe behind??? I'm stockpiling tranqs and Mojitos against that day.

But for Pete's sake, don't stop!!! You're all that stands between the noble blogband and utter psychological disintegration. Bless you, as always:)

I wholeheartedly agree Betsy! although I may not be able to tell which 24-universe is the real one!

Have any of us suggested strong-arming Fox into giving Dave a cameo on the show next season?

If not, I'm suggesting it now.

AlanBoss - even better - we need a MST3000 voiceover option on next season's DVD. Dibs on final script approval, and handling Steve's commission for him. Oh, and I get to sit next to Ridley. :)

Annie ~ Handling Steve's private affairs...well, I'm sure he's in good hands!

..."Audrey is widespread to have connected herself to another exposure of TV"...

I gotta start watching this show.

Me too Mud, I'm usually not one to watch anything but "nerd tv" (news, discovery,TLC, plus occasional Baseball/golf) However, because of Dave, Steve, and the Amazing Bloglits (WBAGNFAsomething) I WILL be watching Jack and the gang.

lucy: better off dead. it's the ONLY reference on this thread that i get!
can i trade in my blog bucks for blog beers?

WTF is going on? I miss one weekday and it seems as if everyone has gone crazy!!!!!!

*Shoots John in thigh*

...and, of course, snorktastic job, Steve.

chaz, honey, we've always been crazy. have another drink.

Craxy, even.

"In honor of our special guest, I've created dinner mon dieu — including Frahnch fries ... Frahnch dressing ... and Frahnch bread. And to drink ..." (holding up a bottle of Perrier) "Pay-roo!"

Isn't that from Father of The Bride (Steve Martin version)?

24-aholic - wasn't it Martin Short's character?? that does sound familiar

oh and btw - I responded on the name suggestion too - I'll have to check out that song ...thanks!

Yes, he was the wedding planner - best part of the movie IMO.

John must be a writer for '24.'

Crossgirls....Congrat's! Better Off Dead, it is! 147 gajillion trillion blogbeers to you!

Boy would that be a sucky song to sing on a road trip 147 gajillion trillion bottles of beer on the blog, 147 gajillion trillion bottles of beer...you watch Jack shoot one down, pass out on the ground....146 jillion trillion bottles of beer on the blog!

Boy would that be a sucky song to sing on a road trip 147 gajillion trillion bottles of beer on the blog, 147 gajillion trillion bottles of beer...you watch Jack shoot one down, pass out on the ground....146 jillion trillion bottles of beer on the blog!

Annie-Was it the "handbag" line that gave him away?

Steve-I think my favorite parts this week are the plane delay and the auditions.

Steve: brilliant, especially Jack goes on to explain that several people came up to him and wanted his autograph, and that they loved to watch “his show”. Curtis asks, “What show?” Jack just shakes his head and says he has no idea. Curtis asks, “What about the head on the stick?” Jack says that he saw someone carrying a stick with the picture of a woman’s head on it, and that’s when he left. Curtis tells Jack that someone asked for his autograph too. Jack says that the crowd told them something about “strumpeting”.

If there was a Blog Emmy you'd get one!

Thanks, Everyone!

*surprised Jack didn't shoot leetiehead in the stick*

leetiehead sighting!!!

Ever get the feeling that poor Leetie is getting fed up with the lot of us?

You know we only carry you around on a stick 'cause we love you, Leetie.

I didn't get to see the links last night, so all I have to say now, having finally seen them, is...


Steve = God.

Guin = someone who has WAY misplaced expectations of divinity...


Je continuera a prier Dieu pour le monde qui s'emprisionne avec cette histoire.

Alors! La cuisse! Qu'est-ce que c'est que ca???

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