HOMELAND SECURITY UPDATE
OK, this is scary.
(Thanks to airsix)
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June 21, 2006
BREAKING (HAR!) SCIENCE UPDATE
Herring escape whales by farting.
(Thanks to rickadjuster)
READER'S DIGEST POLLSTERS: ON CRACK?
We report; you decide.
(Thanks to Josh Zaback)
FLORIDA
Where the Better residents can waste enough money on self-indulgence to support a Midwestern family of four for an entire year. Here's one example.
(Thanks to Russell Mc)
UPDATE FROM MALAYSIA
A survey probes a hard difficult issue.
ATTENTION, COMMOOTERS
PARIS HILTON UPDATE
She continues to be America's goodwill ambassador.
NBA FINALS UPDATE
It is party time in Miami Dwyane Wade City.
June 20, 2006
NBA PLAYOFFS UPDATE
Big game tonight. Good luck to both teams. This blog will of course be rooting for the Heaters, hoping for another good game from promising youngster Dwyane Wade, and also hoping that Shaquille O'Neal avoids foul trouble and is able to keep his free-throw attempts in the general vicinity of northern Texas.
WORLD CUP GERMAN BELLRINGERS UPDATE
There's some video here, along with deeply respectful commentary from a pair of typically reverential Aussies.
(Thanks to Robert)
24
Forget the Chinese freighter: Jack Bauer is really doomed now. They're sending him to the most hostile environment imaginable... New York City. ("I don't care who you work for, pal, you can't set up a perimeter here.")
(Thanks to Annie Where-but-here)
ADVISORY TO ANYONE PLANNING TO VENTURE INTO THE BEAR-INFESTED WILDERNESS
(Thanks to chicomathmom)
ADVISORY TO ANYONE PLANNING TO VENTURE INTO THE MOOSE-INFESTED WILDERNESS
(Thanks to DavCat14)
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM
FLORIDA ALLIGATOR UPDATE
We are fighting back.
THINK THERE'S NOT MUCH GOING ON IN CINCINNATI?
WAIT A MINUTE....
They're doing this on purpose?
ADVISORY TO FANS IN UIJEONGBU
(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr, a big fan of soccer, basketball, and all things spherical)
June 19, 2006
24
As of 2100 hours centigrade, the situation continues to deteereor diterior get worse. Jack Bauer is still being held captive under brutal conditions aboard a Chinese freighter with a cutthroat crew.
Audrey continues to cry.
Edgar is still dead.
DAWN OF THE HYPERCAFFEINATED FREAKS
(Thanks to Emily, Via Mark)
WORLD CUP ACTION
Somehow, this blog missed this. It will not happen again.
(Thanks to DavCat14 and Thomas Nast, although probably not the original one)
ATTENTION, DINERS WHO WERE PLANNING TO DINE AT THE FANGJI CAT MEATBALL RESTAURANT
You will need to make other plans.
(Thanks to many people, but Mollenkamp first)
WHY YOU ARE SEEING FEWER AND FEWER PEACOCKS
They are not the rocket scientists of the animal kingdom.
(Thanks to DacCat14)
WOMEN
They do NOT understand.
(Thanks to Kaf)
BULLETIN-IF-IT'S-NOT-A-HOAX OF THE DAY SO FAR
(Thanks to Juliet)
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
YEP
HIGHWAY-SAFETY-RELATED LETTER-TO-THE-EDITOR OF THE DAY SO FAR
(Thanks to Larry Brimstein)
WHY WE LOVE THE WORLD CUP
For one thing, the fans.
(Thanks to Erik Olson)
SOONER OR LATER, EVERYTHING SHOWS UP ON THE INTERNET
(Thanks to Steve Pietrowicz)
THIS BLOG WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT HE ALSO HAD A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE
Zarqawi reportedly was registered for unemployment benefits in.... India?
NBA PLAYOFFS UPDATE
Another fine outing by the lads. If this Dwyane Wade youngster continues to improve over the summer, he could very well make the varsity squad next year.
June 18, 2006
NBA PLAYOFFS UPDATE
Tonight is game 5, which begins at 9, although the actual tipoff will be more like 11:37 p.m., following the 17-minute rendition of the national anthem, the fireworks extravaganza player introductions, the indoor F-16 flyover, the ritual goat sacrifices, etc.
We wish both teams good luck, though of course we are pulling for the Heaters, led by spunky youngster Dwyane Wade, who continues to show real promise, as we can see by this actual action photograph taken during game four (thanks to alberni):
CREEPING FASCISM
Now they are trying to take away our sacred constitutional right to keep and bear a 200-pound python named named Snooky.
(ADVISORY: When this blog clicked on the link, a tiny perky couple suddenly appeared in the story and did a car commercial)
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY
Enjoy the day, dads. If you receive the greatest gift of all -- beer -- consume it quickly, before the police find out.
June 16, 2006
ICE CREAM
It's not just for dessert any more.
(Thanks to Sol Cranfill, who says: "Why do you think they call it a banana 'split'? Because it has crack in it.)
STILL LOOKING FOR A UNIQUE FATHER'S DAY GIFT?
Do not even think of looking here.
(Thanks to Carolyn Salch)
MEXICO ELECTION UPDATE
This blog wants to vote there .
(Thanks to RussellMc)
BE ADVISED
In this blog's experience, it is easier to remortgage a home than to cancel an America OnLineOrElse account.
UPDATE: OK, here is why I say that:
I called the number they tell you to call if you want to cancel (although they do not make this number easy to find) and I went through the usual two or three or six dozen voicemail prompt/response exchanges with the sweet-sounding recorded voicemail lady, the only glitch there being when she asked me to confirm that I am, in fact, me, by telling her where I was born, which I did, and she TOLD ME I WAS WRONG, as if SHE knew something about where I was born that I DON'T know.
Anyway, I finally got through to a human, of sorts, a very agreeable guy named Jay who was sorry that I wanted to cancel but eager to be Helpful, as in "I can help you with that." His helpfulness took the form of asking me 183 different ways if I didn't want to in fact KEEP AmericaOnLineOrElse, as if I had gone through all that hassle with the sweet-sounding recorded voicemail lady for the sheer fun of it. I answered "no" in a dull monotone every time, until Jay finally gave up on Helping and said he would actually cancel my account. Then there was much waiting and pausing and putting-on-hold and talk of computer problems, and even a few more pitches to keep AmericaOnLineOrElse, until FINALLY Jay said he was going to give me my cancellation confirmation number, and then he put me on hold, and then....
...and then a voice came on saying, "If you'd like to make a call, please..."
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
So I don't know that I have, in fact, canceled my acount. The only way to know for sure would be to call back, and right now I do not have the strength.
Say, do you think....
SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE
Apparently it's starting in Norway.
(Thanks to Robert A. Laszlo)
BREAKING UPDATE ON THE GUY WHO RAN DOWN THE STREET NAKED TO IMPRESS THE WOMAN HE WANTS TO MARRY
Apparently, it worked.
(Thanks to Daniel)
ART EXPERTS: CLUELESS TWITS?
We report; you decide.
(Thanks to Russell Mc)
ANGLER OF THE YEAR SO FAR
(Thanks to RichZ)
ATTENTION, NOBEL-PEACE-PRIZE JUDGES
Check out these people.
(Thanks to Tim Courtney)
MIAMI PRIDE
(Thanks to Chaz Schlueter)
WHY IT'S CALLED THE WORLD "CUP"
They really battle for the ball.
(Thanks to Drew Harchick)
HEY, IT'S FRIDAY
You've done enough for one week.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
PHILIPPINE COUNCILORS LEAGUE MEETING UPDATE
The councilors have a busy agenda.