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May 22, 2006

OPHTHALMOBLOGGING

I'm sitting in the waiting room of my ophthalmologist's office, waiting for the eye drops to kick in so my vision will be severely impaired. One of the many advantages of living in South Florida is that when you drive home from the eye doctor, seeing nothing but vague blobs, you are still driving  better than 75 percent of the other motorists.

UPDATE: You know how when the eye doctor has you looking through that thing that makes you look like the Bug Monster from the Planet Wagomba, and he keeps going, "Is it better this way? Or THIS way? This way? Or THIS way?" And all the ways look pretty much the same to you? But you feel as though there's supposed to be some difference? And you don't want to disappoint the eye doctor? So you find yourself saying things like, "Well, the N looks a little clearer this way, but the P looks a little clearer the other way. Or maybe not."?

Or maybe that's just me.

May 21, 2006

ATTENTION, STEPHEN KING

As this blog understands the metric system, this thing weighed, like, 14,000 pounds.

GEEZER ALERT

OK, how many of you out there remember Freddie and the Dreamers? How many of you, during its approximately 30-second-long heyday, actually did The Freddie? Raise your hands!

Ouch. Damn arthritis.

(Thanks to kafaleni)

May 20, 2006

SQUIRREL WAR UPDATE

Now the little bastards going after our nation's precious dogs. And yet some communities are practically worshipping them.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

WAIT A MINUTE...

Does this mean that Florida is saner than 41 other states?

(Thanks to John Rice)

TECHNOLOGY LUNGES FORWARD

(Via Gizmodo)

SLOW NEWS DAY IN KANSAS

This bulletin just in.

EBAY ITEM OF THE DAY

Warning to Men: You may not want to click the link.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

May 19, 2006

JUST A GUESS

Is "slapping an ASBO" something bad?

(Thanks to Joshua Evans)

THE WATERCOOLER STORY OF THE DAY

Get the shocking details here.

(Thanks to the Jimmy Olsen of the Blog, Russell Mc)

VINDICATION FOR MEN EVERYWHERE

See? SEE what happens?

(Thanks to CoastRaven [??])

CONFUSION ON THE BLOG

I'm seeing the following links on the blog.  The first set links to human cannonball stories, the second to stores about aging--e.g. Cher, and the Rugby one goes to something about DaVinci code music.  Based on the comments, it appears others are seeing the same stories, but why are the headings I'm seeing unrelated to the actual stories?

WHAT'S IN STORE FOR JACK

GLOBAL WARMING

RUGBY UPDATE

--Kirk

Kirk: Okay, the Rugby one was a huge stretch. Cher... maybe.

This should explain everything.

WHAT'S IN STORE FOR JACK

Or perhaps Audrey.

(Thanks to Candy Tutt)

UPDATE

GLOBAL WARMING

The debate is over.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

RUGBY UPDATE

(Thanks to Brad Slager)

UPDATE

NOBODY-COULD-HAVE-PREDICTED-THIS BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

(Thanks to Ron Barrett)

LITERARY UPDATE

Thighgirls

These young ladies are promoting a book titled (really) "Making Peace With Your Thighs."

RIDLEY AND I ARE IN FULL STRUMPET MODE

Ridleyanddavestrumpeting_1

TRAGIC NEWS FROM ACROSS THE POND

Giant bunny, we hardly knew ye.

(Thanks to CADgeek)

May 18, 2006

WE'VE BEEN TO PARTIES LIKE THIS

(Thanks to Juliet)

THERE IS NOTHING LOWER

...than a yard rustler.

(Thanks to DavCat14)

ATTENTION, WANNABE POLITICIANS OF MISSOURI

There's gonna be an entire City Council up for grabs right soon.

(Thanks to Darrin)

FATHER'S DAY

Yet another perfect gift.

(Thanks to Jen Erdmann)

THIS KEEPS HAPPENING

And yet men continue to cheat and then fall asleep near their wives. What's the learning curve here?

P.S. Men, this is another one of those "do not click the link" items.

(Thanks to Ray)

DON'T WORRY

Be happy. Now.

(Thanks to DavCat)

THE COST OF LIVING

It must be really low in Arkansas.

(Thanks to swilmor)

SCIENCE NEWSFLASH

Competitive Penis WBAGNFARB.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick, always ready to help the s.b. fulfill The Blog's wishes re: "picking up the slack." If you catch our drift.)

TRAVEL ADVISORY

I'm on the road today, headed to our nation's capital for BookExpo America, where Ridley and I will be strumpeting for our new book, which comes out in July. If necessary, we will dress as pirates and pose with women and turkeys; that is the kind of book strumpets we are. At this moment I am in Miami Internationl Airport, Fight Club and Permanent Construction Zone, pondering the eternal question: Why is it that a guy who is perfectly capable of carrying on a quiet conversation with somebody sitting next to him suddenly, when he gets on his cell phone, feels the need to talk in a voice that can be CLEARLY HEARD BY EVERYBODY SITTING WITHIN 50 FREAKING FEET??

But the point is, blogging from me may be light today. Perhaps judi will pick up the slack.

WHERE THIS BLOG IS NOT GOING FOR MEDICAL CARE

China.

May 17, 2006

NEW TREND

Wine snots turn to real estate?

(Thanks to Stupendous Man)

ANOTHER CLASSY GIFT FOR DAD

(Also via Gizmodo)

THE NEWS FROM BRITAIN

We suspect college students were involved in this.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

AND THE ASSOCIATED PRESS BEST-FIRST-SENTENCE AWARD GOES TO...

(Thanks to swilmor)

ATTENTION, FLORIDA TOURISTS

Please be sure you have purchased the appropriate underclothing before making the trip.

(Thanks to Marfie)

LAWHOLE UPDATE

We should sue the Altoona Curve for stealing the Lawyers Night promotion concept.

(Thanks to Andrew Hoenig)

WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO TELL THIS BLOG THAT NOBODY IS MAKING GOOD MOVIES ANY MORE

...this blog responds, quote, "Oh yeah?"

ADVISORY: Do not play this at work, at least not with the volume up. Do not play it at all if you do not wish to hear one bad word at the end.

AND THE SO-CALLED "UNITED NATIONS" DOES NOTHING

WHAT DAD WANTS FOR FATHER'S DAY

Something classy.

(Via Gizmodo)

GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Put your hands together for: Felted Squid

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

They're using toilet snakes again.

UPDATE: It's a snake epidemic! A snake-i-demic!

UPDATE!

ANOTHER REASON WHY FLORIDA IS NOT LIKE WHERE YOU LIVE

And coming soon: Hurricanes!

(Thanks to judi)

May 16, 2006

ARE WE MAYBE CARRYING THE DOG CRAZE JUST A TEENSY BIT TOO FAR?

The New York Times reports; you decide.

Key Quote: Aphrodite Clamar-Cohen, who teaches psychology at John Jay College in Manhattan and sees a psychotherapist, said her dog, a pit bull mix, helps fend off dark moods that began after her husband died eight years ago. She learned about psychological support pets from the Delta Society, a nonprofit group that aims to bring people and animals together, and got her dog, Alexander, last year. "When I travel I tell hotels up front that 'Alexander Dog Cohen' is coming and he is my emotional-needs dog," she said. She acknowledged that the dog is not trained as a service animal.

(Thanks to Rob Yelvington)

LAWHOLE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Also thanks to Paul Levine, who is also an ex-attorney)

ATTENTION JUDI

Judi, if you're reading this: Please contact whoever fixes the blog and tell that person that the blog is broken. Thank you.

UPDATE: Wait a minute! Never mind.

MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

The blog appears to be crashing. Posts are disappearing. I'll hold on as long as I can. SAVE YOURSELVES! GO TO OTHER SITES!

THEY NEEDED TO DO A SURVEY TO DISCOVER THIS?

(Thanks to ex-Miamian Paul Levine)

WHOA

Something weird just happened to the blog; a bunch of posts disappeared. I would claim to be working on this problem, but I have no idea what the problem is. I urge everyone to remain calm.

UPDATE: This one disappeared too... will it re-publish? It's a mystery.

SOON TO BE A MADE-FOR-CBS MOVIE

Crow From Hell

(Thanks to AFKAT)

THE DAILY LOCAL NEWS

(Thanks to Ian Clark)

WHY WE REALLY, TRULY, DEEPLY LOVE THE INTERNET

People with important information can get it out there to the public without having to wait for investigative reporting, official news releases and stuff like that.

(Thanks to Russell Mc and Tom Race)

 
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