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May 30, 2006


By President Handbag himself.

(Thanks to "Doug")

(Spoiler: If you too find yourself waiting for the line "And the dog ate mother's toes," don't bother.)


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That is collossally terrible. Epically.

Why, Mr President, that's a long one....

Gregory Itzin deserves an Emmy. And, apparently, a Pulitzer.

I do believe I just heard a Vogon vomit!

I mean, why would he admit to writing something like that? And then SEND it to people.

The Commander-in-Chief's quite a rhymer
As well as a vicious two-timer
And although we all know he's
Got less balls than Chloe
The First Lady got him to climb her!

President Handbag...
Er, President Manilow...
Oh, just forget it.

He used the old " alcoholic pentameter" method..

What a craptacular piece of literary idiocy

He should keep his dayjob...no, wait a second.

2:56 - Gregory Itzin's publicists discover too late that his poetry has broken through the firewall.

"Sorry, sir, but it was dead long before the cannisters got to it."

That's weird.. I was posting a little poem about this and I had the words Nixon and vixin in it and when I hit "post" it went to some GOP site ..No kidding..

I was under the impression that the poem was *intentionally* bad. I mean, with lines like "I am the President of the United States / So get the hell out of my way," how could it NOT be a joke? Also it's called "An Ode to '24'," which in and of itself seems like a dead giveaway that it's not intended to be serious...

Anyway, if that's what it is, it's brilliantly done. If not, we may need Jack back for one more thigh-shooting.

Where's Marwan to take out the President when you really need him?

snork @ sean

An "Ode to 24" Haiku:

President Handbag
Your poetry sickens me
I read, I vomit

*I* thought it was funny


Idle hands are the devil's tools. If ever there were an argument for an immediate start to Season 6, this is it.

I told you Jack should have shot him!!!

Insom and Punkin, excellently done. You've left me no form to work with except straight poetry.

Ode to "Ode to 24"

The Prez picks up the poet’s pen
And tries it on for size.
Jack Bauer takes his gun in hand
And shoots him through both thighs.

With taser drawn, fair Chloe thinks
Behind a scowl unswerving,
“Why waste a charge on poor old Ross
When this guy’s more deserving?”

And Aaron, Martha at his side,
With blood upon his face,
Says, “Charles, that’s just one more way
Your office you’ve disgraced.”

I’d rather be aboard a ship
By Chinese thugs confined
Than have that piece of doggerel
Run rampant through my mind.

Didn't Richard Nixon write poetry, too?

mellio - I heard that too, but most of it was erased.

*snooorrrrk* Annie! Throw in a cymbal-crash for good measure ;)

I should have you all disemboweled.

-President Logan

(P.S. Of freaking course this was a joke... Written April 2006? Puh-lease. President Logan had no idea how the season ended before it aired. Only the producers did, and they keep it all confined to their bluetooths.)

How appropriate that this was posted at "ew.com".

Scoring recap:

AWBH gets a ba-dum-dum.

Ford gets a *snork*

Back after this message...

I thought it was rather snappy!

I thought it was vaguely embarrassing...like The Three Stooges.

His scansion is scandalous ... his meter is off -- by several feet ... his rhyme has no reason ... his sense of rhythm is typical of a WASP politician ...

I say these things merely to be polite ...

(Annie -- ya beat me to that one ... mebbe we could get him to go back to the day job, and then un-elect him? Hey, NEthin's possible, in TV-land ...)

Looks like Gregory Itzin is a 24-obsessive, too. Or he really wants to "go back to his day job"...even if, next season, his day job will look more like Prison Break than 24...

And I thought I was going through 24 withdrawal symptoms 'til next season...

Aww come on guys, its funny! :P
I for one like it... and its obviously meant to be taken tounge-in-cheek.

Either way, he can rhyme better than I can, so i'm not complaining :)
And regardless of anything, the man deserves a freaking Emmy :D

Bravo, Mel, I agree!!

Maybe K-Fed can set it to rap for him ...

Funny stuff! Bad poetry. But funny!

Have I ever mentioned that I once spent a little over a week with Greg? Nice guy. Good actor. Bad poet.

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