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May 23, 2006


This one, and this one.


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Poor Santa. I told him she was no good!

I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

Oh, and if that ugly beoch had her mouth anywhere near my tasty bits, I'd have them removed just to avoid rabies or whatever she caught that made her face look like that.

AFTER allegedly being punched, kicked, bitten and headbutted repeatedly by a writhing, naked woman he was trying to detain,

*thinks to himself: hmm sounds like a typical Saturday night at the fivver household*

"These little town blues
Are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it
In old Mumbai;
If I can make it there,
I can make it anyAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHH!!!!"


Sittin' in a railway station,
Gotta a penis that's been separated hmmmm, hmmmm
I wonder if it'll ever stand,
I think things just got out of hand,
This wasn't at all what I'd planned
I need someone to stitch the gland.

Thane Ward bound,
I wish I was Thane Ward bound
Thane, where the nurses sooth it
Thane, where the doctors smooth it
Thane, where the stitches hold it silently for me.....

I'll bet she has teeth like a tasmanian devil.Punkin, after knowing so many , I have given this spelling alot of consideration: Bey-awtch is the actual spelling according to the Guy's Dictionary which no ladies are allowed to ever see.zI'd rather be bitten by a quilting machine....

*SNORK* at russell!

Thanks, Mo. I guess it depends which area of the country you're in. But, afterall, a B*TCH is a B*TCH.

i find it interesting that the guy in Mumbai has no memory of the incident that left him with 4 (count 'em four) stitches at the base of his... um... trouser trout. i mean, come on... don't most guys keep better track of these things?

Constable Jennings said he later checked inside his trousers "and everything seemed okay".

I really want a look at the unredacted police report on this one. I'm sure it makes for some hilarious reading.

Thanks Aunt N... sorry for all the typos... must've been in a hurry...or just VERY nervous re: the topic!!

Wasn't "Woman Bit My Penis" Frank Zappa's follow-up to "Weasels Ripped My Flesh"?

How could the Aussies have missed the real story?
That's not a woman!
It is obviously Keith Richards.
I guess the fall he took from the coconut tree rattled him up more than anyone suspected.

Where else would you expect a wet, crazed, naked, penis-biting woman to live but Maroochydore - Aussie for "nut house". Wow, she is scary looking.

Usually people like the first link are on PCP when they become so violent and difficult to restrain.

But what I'm wondering is - how, in the instant it took him to open the prison van door that she had the time to unzip, whip out of his briefs or whatever and bite and have him not notice until the bite...hmmmmm

FCDA - There is an easy explaination... he's an ex Baltimore Cop.

When traveling in old Australia
here's a tip that never will fail ya
if you try to mix it up
with a woman / taco-bell pup
keep an eye on your genitalia

I've just met a 'girl' named Maria,
And suddenly what shame
Willy won't ever be the same
To me.
I've just tazed a girl named Maria,
And suddenly I've found
I'm squirming on the ground
That 'B'!
Say it loud -I'm in agony,
Say it soft while I check my peepee.

I'll never stop cursing Maria!

snork at Annie. still laughing.

Stranded and REALLY hungry. Offered oppty to turn a trick. Figured what the heck. Things got out of hand (so to speak).

The rest is all post-traumatic stress.

Next time, try Travelers' Aid.

Betsy - yes, his post was quite traumatized.

Betsy, The FCDA agrees.

Mumbai have BAD dream.

Shaka Laka Baby! There's a lot of content there! That first story may be the only time you'll ever see phrases like "...repeatedly by a writhing, naked woman..." and "...met a wet, aggressive Ms. Klaus..." and it turns out to be a bad thing. I bet Santa is at half-mast from the latter phrase alone.

And in the second story the guy only required four stiches to re-attach? Pity.

El...I knew we'd be on the same wave length (6") Us women of the world know a convenient memory lapse when we see one:)

The songs/poems on this post are great (I recognize all the songs).

wow - a compliment on the post's music...and the Grammy goes to..."MUMBAI DREAMS!" Woohoo!!

Yeah, American Idol meets Dave Barry... The RBR is taking notes on all these, so if you want royalties, you better copyright.


That's somewhere near Bombay, if I'm not mistaken.

Don't mind me. I'm just enjoying myself here reading a book about the Shroud of Torino, while I eat a tasty Beijing Duck and waiting patiently for a newscaster in Spain to say "New York" instead of "Nueva York."

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