Dave Barry's Blog

RUGBY

A sport we are thinking we could wholeheartedly support. As long as The Blog is in England and all...

THIS CAN'T BE GOOD

(Thanks to Juliet)

BROKEBACK HEADLINE OF THE DAY

(Thanks to sharon share-alike)

RUGBY UPDATE

This headline is misleading. Apparently rugby players aren't so tough...

(Thanks to xmnr)

ITEM GUYS SHOULD NOT LOOK AT OF THE DAY

Also: Huh?

(Thanks to 80 billion people, none of whom, presumably, are guys.)

CORNHOLE UPDATE UPDATE

(Thanks to Charles Simpson, and the guys at 105.9, for reminding us.)

SHOCKING HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to Sarah J. and Betsi Freeman)

QUESTION FOR THE BLOG

Have you noticed anything strange about the water over there?

(Thanks to xmnr)

SPEAKING OF THOUGHTFUL POLITICAL STATEMENTS

Here's how they do it in Taiwan.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

LONDON UPDATE

Everyone here is very thoughtful.

I SWEAR I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP

We went to the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace, and after MUCH pomp and ceremony and marching around by uniformed personnel and horses, the band started playing various martial tunes. And then, as the crowd -- at least my part of the crowd -- gaped in astonishment, the band played.... Copacabana!

Really. I have no idea why. But I do know I would not feel safe in a palace guarded by people playing Barry Manilow.

ATTENTION, WAL-MART SHOPPERS

Be careful.

THEN HE SHOT HIM IN THE THIGH AND THREW HIM OFF THE SKI LIFT

Kiefer meets a real CIA agent.

(Thanks to RSierra)

THOUGHTFUL POLITICAL STATEMENT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to Karl Weckstrom)

LONDON UPDATE

A lot of famous celebrities live here, including Poseidon, who is taller than I expected, but a good listener.

A REALLY BAD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

A POSSE OF CASSOWARIES

(Also The Marauding Cassowaries, as well as Hungry Cassowaries. We firmly believe that no rock band with "Cassowaries" in its name would get much air play.)

(Thanks to Pete)

ODE TO 24

By President Handbag himself.

(Thanks to "Doug")

(Spoiler: If you too find yourself waiting for the line "And the dog ate mother's toes," don't bother.)

UPDATE FROM ENGLAND?

We hope you're okay, sir.

(Thanks to Amanda)

FLORIDA TASER UPDATE

Perhaps this officer could benefit from the previous item.

(Thanks to Jessica R.)

U. S. PATENT ITEM OF THE DAY

(Thanks to Ed Stoudenmire)

UPDATE FROM LONDON

We stumbled into a little pub called the Nag's Head, where little appears to have changed since whenever it opened, my guess being 1327. The man at the bar took our food order mainly by telling us what we wanted to eat, and he was right. When I attempted to order a "lager," he looked alarmed and said, "What, don't you drink beer?"  I had, stupidly, believed that lager was beer, but apparently it is not, at least not in the Nag's Head. So I said, OK, I'll have a beer, which suited him better,  and he gave me a beer, and I have to say it was excellent.

There are also many historic museums, palaces, monuments, churches, etc., in London, and we have admired them all, including the gift shops. Also of course, as required by the British constitution, the government is having a sex scandal.

We're staying at a charming little place which -- like so many charming little places here -- was built before the discovery of plumbing and electricity. Both of these things have been added, but they are intruders -- random-looking pipes and wires snaking around in a haphazard manner, unsure of themselves, not working much, clearly temporary. Kind of like us tourists.

24

OK, here is the situation:

Jack Bauer has been captured by evil Chinese actors from a previous-season subplot and is being held prisoner on a Chinese freighter under horrible conditions. The only ray of hope is that Audrey is not on the ship.

Edgar is still dead.

Those are the main plot points. We do not expect anything to happen tonight.

24

Be ready.

ADVICE TO CAR RENTERS

Decline the python.

HURRICANE SEASON IS HERE

Are you prepared?

COINCIDENCE? DON'T MAKE THIS BLOG LAUGH

So we get to London today... and guess who's here.

VACATION ADVISORY

I leave tonight for a week-long family vacation in a secret undisclosed island nation known for its exotic cuisine. I'll be taking the exclusive CrapCam and will post when I can, but I expect to be fairly busy, so blogging from me will be sporadic. I'm sure, however, that judi will link to photos of naked men keep you up to date.

I wish you all a fine Memorial Day weekend. If you can, try to find at least a few minutes Monday to think about why it's called Memorial Day. Thanks.

IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

YOUR ONE-STOP INTERNET SITE FOR PHOTOS OF GIANT SQUID AND SQUID PARTS INTERSPERSED WITH RANDOM ADS

Right here

(Thanks to RussellMc)

UPDATE: Speaking of bad food: Let's go to Lithuania!

(Thanks to Marie in Kourou)

DUCKS: DEFENDING EARTH AGAINST ALIEN INVADERS?

We report; you decide.

(Thanks to Stupendous Man)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND UPDATE

Here's how we do it in Florida.

(Thanks to Karl Weckstrom)

WOW

Just... wow.

(Thanks to Mike)

Update: Here's proof!

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to chicomathmom)

URGENT BULLETIN ALERT

We have a possible breaking development in the Nun Bun case.

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)

THE CHEEKY SEAGULLS

WBAGNFARB.

(Thanks to GSt.C.)

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to Eleanor S.)

BOB DYLAN? PLAYED BY WHOM?

Sent in by fivver, who comments:

Oh momma,
Can this really be the fact?
I'll be played in a stupid movie
By a chick who cannot act

WHY CONSUMERS CAN'T ACTUALLY GET TO THE PRODUCTS THEY ARE TRYING TO CONSUME

Tales from Packaging Hell

SCIENCE SCUTTLES FORWARD

Robo-roach.

(Via Gizmodo)

YOU CAN'T SEE THIS LINK

 

But it's there.

(Thanks to everybody)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

THIS CAN'T BE GOOD

BRITISH GOVERNMENT BANS RECTUMS

...from school meals, anyway.

ART BUCHWALD UPDATE

Good for Art.

UPDATE ON DEER-ATTACK STORY

This certainly comes as a surprise.

(Thanks to obi wan)

WAIT A MINUTE....

So they're saying this is illegal?

(Thanks to Eleanor Silvers)

BEST ALLEGED-GOAT-THIEF NAME OF THE DAY SO FAR

Yaw Frimpong

FABIO CAREER UPDATE

Fabio is now starring in the Kitchen of Love.

(Thanks to DavCat14)

WHAT IS IT WITH WEST VIRGINIA?

First this, and now this.

(Thanks to Jeannie Kelly)

IS THERE ANYTHING LOWER?