24

As you know if you follow international events, tonight is the two-hour finale of 24, which begins at 8 p.m. Eastern Canister Time. At 7 p.m. this blog will be providing a synopsis of what we like to laughingly refer to as the "plot." Meanwhile, we offer this prediction from Steve "Steve" McMacken, the man who has been providing the amazing weekly post-show plot summaries in the comments section

CORRECTION: Steve "The Real Steve" Pietrowicz, in the comments section, says that this is not from him, so apparently it is from another Steve. This blog apologizes, and urges parents to for God's sake stop naming everybody "Steve."

The bad guys escape from the submarine after their stupid missile plot is foiled and they all pile into Air Force One to fly off with evil President Logan, who has dragged Martha and Aaron along with him as hostages. (Jack has already holed up in the luggage compartment because Chloe found some vectors and schematics for him.) Also accompanying him is Audrey, who won't be left behind because her father, who was in transit to CTU, is now missing and Jack thinks he's been kidnapped and is on board. The jet takes off and heads out over the ocean. Suddenly, in the cockpit of the plane, the final, absolutely final, without-a-doubt final canister goes off. (The canister has been onboard all this time and is remotely detonated by an unseen person. You just catch a glimpse of a pair of gorgeous, female hands.) Then we watch as everyone - the President, Bierko, the slimy guy from ER, et al - froth at the mouth and flop around a bit in pure agony - in graphic detail, of course - before dying horribly. Then poisonous snakes begin to appear. No, wait, let's save that for another movie. Cut to the cargo hold. We see Audrey begin to cough and act like John Hurt in "Alien."
Cut to an exterior shot of the jet as it heads away from us. We hear Jack cry "No! Audrey, stay with me." Then we hear him, too, coughing and sputtering. Cut to Air Traffic Control. We see a close-up of a radar screen with a green blip moving away. Suddenly, the blip stops blipping. 24 theme music comes up. Fade to black.

THIS URGENT BREAKING UPDATE JUST IN:

I hope this isn't too big of a spoiler, but according to the Yahoo! TV listing tonight's episode is going to have some "shocking developments."  I hope I didn't ruin anything for you.

Don Pratt

Comments

[MOTW]

first?

[«LabSpecimen»]

Et tu, MOTW?

[wolfie]

*dons HoodieOfProtection(trademark pending)*

Okay. I'm ready.
*notices coworkers staring at her*
Oops.

*tucks hoodie away until later*

[Annie Where-but-here]

Et three, Lab?

[judi]

yay steve.

i'm glad to know ahead of time what is going to happen, because i myself plan to be watching the series finale of alias.

[Renee (the First)]

See? We always said Steve didn't need an actual show to provide a great recap!

[Cheesewiz]

And the female hands belong to...

The woman who Jack was shacking up with when this whole zany story began so very long ago.

Rim shot, now fade to black.

[MOTW]

Lab - I blame myself.
*hangs head and shuffles off to Buffalo*

[ldouthit]

First, I thought the finale of Alias was last week...which if not you can still catch for free the next day on abc.go.com What else could possibly happen on that show???

Second, I will sadly miss this blog tonight, because I have to work and am totally bummed that I will miss what promises to be more enolightening and fun than 24 itself.

[«LabSpecimen»]

Overheard in the Fox boardroom:
Exec #1: People are complaining about 24! They say it is stupid, unbelievable, and has no plot! They are making fun of it! There's even a Nobel Prize winning author making fun of it on his internet-thingy!
Exec #2: You mean Dave Barry?
Exec #3: Isn't he a comedian?
Exec #1: That's ridiculous. They don't give a Peace Prize to a comedian. (pause) Do they?
Exec #2: I think it was some writing prize, not the Peace Prize.
Exec #3: Like, he won some contest or something?
Exec #2: I'm not sure. I don't read all that much.
[laughter around the room]
Exec #1: People! We need to focus here! 24! What are we going to do about it?
Exec #2: What? About being made fun of?
Exec #3: Well... if people are making fun of it... then that means...
Exec #2: ... they're paying attention... which means...
Exec #1: THEY'RE STILL WATCHING! BRILLIANT! Good meeting, folks. See you at the club later.

[Chloe]

Don't look at me, they're not my hands...
I think its Kim and her dorky borfriend, you know he's getting shot in the thigh tonight...
Whatever, I'm taking Jack home tonight.

[Renee (the First)]

Too true, Lab. Too true.

[Betsy]

I have to make advance arrangements with my elderly mother to call her either at 6:45 or 9 p.m., because my normal 7:30 time is, um, occupied. Such is the balancing act which must be carried out when two crucial responsibilities conflict.
(Dave...I hope you're happy! You and Jack and Chloe and the bloggits have totally rearranged my life.)
P.S. Thanks.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

There's only a couple things that need to be changed (sorry Steve):

- Jack is saved by his Hood of Protection. It's what got him into the cargo hold before, and saved him from the nerve gas earlier...so the precedent has been set.
- President To Be Dos Cojones "Muy" Grandes never made it to the plane because his car...in a surprise revelation, was actually the submarine (HA!) and explains how he survived the (not so) Fatal Swan Dive of Doom.
- Looking forward, Jack survives the plane's demise thanks to...JackSack™!
- For those wondering...ChloeSack™ had only a small, supporting role. Chloe was wearing a thick sweater the entire time. *shrug*

[MOTW]

SNORK! @ Lab.

[Punkin Poo]

For our deaf, blind, and Amish viewers...

...you haven't missed anything.

[homeybeef]

damn it, I have some job like thingat 6 and it is expected to go till 8! I'll never catch up to watch the "shocking" end with the rest of you =(

[«LabSpecimen»]

My daughter is graduating high school tonight. I'm having my parent's video tape it so I can watch the 24 ending tonight.

[Ann]

The real question is: how many perimeters will be set up tonight?

I know I'll be setting one up around my house before the show starts. I can only hope (SNARKY ALERT) it works as well as CTU's do. Maybe I should consult some experts...does anyone have a copy of Setting Up a Perimeter For Dummies?

[Steve]

Um...I hate to say this, but I have no idea who this other "Steve" that wrote that, but I can assure you, it's not me. Just check my previous postings, and the URL I always give in my sig.

:-(

[Ann]

Uh-oh. A Steve Impersonater! We're going to need some schematics to figure this one out!

[Dave]

Steve -- Sorry! Judi told me it was you. She will of course be fired. I put a correction in the main post.

[Gretchen]

Steve: Say it ain't so!

But wait, maybe you have an evil doppelganger who's posting when you're not looking. A clever 24 tie-in...

Can't wait for tonight!! I've been practicing my speed typing and multitasking all morning.

[MOTW]

My daughter is graduating high school tonight. I'm having my parent's video tape it so I can watch the 24 ending tonight.

Your parents are taping your daughter's graduation so you can watch the 24 ending tonight? Forsooth!

Steve - thank you for straightening the Blog out.

[Punkin Poo]

Dave - Will Judi get Walter in her severance package?

[Mike Antonucci]

Actually, Bierko and his goons took over the submarine because they wanted to defect to the United States. They saw it in a movie once and they thought that's the way you do it.

Meanwhile, President Logan tries to leave the country cleverly disguised as "Steve," leaving false clues on the Dave Barry blog to confound his pursuers.

As for the shocking development, I believe it's this.

[Ann]

MA: *snork* and, yes, that development certainly is shocking.

[Steve]

Thanks for the quick fix, Dave!

...and now, back to carbo-loading and caffiene before tonight's summary....

Steve "Steve" Pietrowicz
[email protected]
http://www.magiclamp.org/

[«LabSpecimen»]

MOTW: Did I type something and you believed it? "Somebody has a case of the Mondays."

[Renee (the First)]

Punkin, don't mention "severance" in front of Walter. He's a little sensitive about it.

[judi]

apparently "are you THE steve?" was not an adequate factcheck. i'll have to brush up on my reporting skills.

sorry, REAL steve. :)

[CoastRaven]

"Shocking developments"?!?!

MORE TAZER ACTION!!!!

*breathes a sigh of relief for not being the reason for judi's latest unemployment check*

Just how many times will the Herald re-hire any given employee? Or does Dave just make sure he only hires people named judi so he doesnt get confused?

[Steve]

No problem, Judi! :-)

As I wrote to Judi in e-mail, whenever someone asks ANY Steve if "Are you THE Steve", we all are required to answer "Yes". This helps keep everyone around us confused, and gives us more time to hide.

[«LabSpecimen»]

I'm Steve and so's my wife!

[Punkin Poo]

We should be smackin' Steve McMacken, for as real Steve, credentials he's lackin'.

[slyeyes]

This "Steve mixup" is reminiscent of how CTU is always getting infiltrated.

"Hi, I'm Steve"

"Oh, OK. Come on in"

[Angie]

I was Steve the week of December 9, 2005.

Hope that helps. :D

[Renee (the First)]

Steve, it sounds something like the "I'm Spartcus!" "No, I'M Spartacus!" scene.

[Punkin Poo]

How do you measure one's degree of "Steveness" or "Steviosity"?

[scat]

My prediction? All I can leak now is a thrilling Segway chase ensues.

[Suzy Q]

This event invitation was emailed to me by the LA reporter. The are apparently serious about having actual terrorism experts try to get some "knowledge" about terrorism from 24. Idiots.

(I cut and pasted which is why it looks so weird)

"24" And The War on Terror: Can Truth Learn from Fiction?

Exclusive Advance Screening of 23rd Hour of “24”

For Television Academy and SAG Members

Followed By All-Star Cast, Producers & Policy Makers Discussion

Of Hit Show’s Relevance In Today’s Ever Shifting World

WHO: The critically acclaimed cast and creators of the hit FOX series“24” including Kiefer Sutherland, Gregory Itzin, Jean Smart, Joel Surnow, Co-Creator/Executive Producer Howard Gordon, Executive Producer, Evan Katz, Executive Producer and special guests including policy experts Morton Halperin a former Government Official & Director of the Security and Peace Initiative, Brian Jenkins a Rand terrorism expert, David Crane a former JAG & war crimes prosecutor and Jack Weiss, LA City Council in charge of terrorist threats.

WHAT: A special sneak preview screening of "24's" explosive 23rd hour (entitled 5:00AM – 6:00AM), 24 hours before its network broadcast on FOX for television academy members. The screening will be followed by a special Q&A panel discussion "24 And The War on Terror: Can Truth Learn From Fiction?” moderated by Matt Miller, Senior Fellow at the American Center for Progress, KCRW Host of “Left, Right and Center” and columnist for Fortune.

WHERE: Wadsworth Theatre

11301 Wilshire Boulevard

Los Angeles, CA 90073

WHEN: Sunday, May 21st

7:00PM Screening

8:00PM Panel Discussion/ Q&A

[Gretchen]

Suzy Q: Oh no they din't!!!

How sad is it that some people are so desperate for media coverage and a speaking engagement that they'll pretty much do anything, no matter how stupid or mock-worthy?

It makes you want to go and ask questions like, "where did you get the PDA Jack uses?" "where can I get a hoodie like Jack's?" "do you think OUR president is in league with the terrorists?" and "if Bush spends so much time on his ranch, should we expect that to be a major terrorist target?" (Where is his stupid ranch, anyway?)

Oy.

Four hours 20 minutes to go...

[DukeMom]

I think some of the Killer Kanister gas has leaked out... what is this world coming to?... advance screenings AND steve impersonators! As our neighbor said when she was on tv, "das a shame!"

[Suzy Q]

Gretchen: Well, I would like to be there to hear YOUR questions asked! :) Seems like they would be the only relevant ones.

[Gretchen]

Another Lost/24 crossover - the actor who played the Russian president on 24 also plays the psychic who Claire consulted on Lost. His name is Nick Jameson.

For those NOT keeping track, the other crossover was Henry Ian Cusick who plays Desmond on Lost and was the German intelligence agent Theo Stoller on 24.

[Ann]

Lessee...what can we learn from 24?

If you're in LA, better go hide in one of the many barns in the area because the terrorists are after you BIG TIME.
If an easily irritable woman applies for an IT job with a national defense or security agency, immediately put her in charge of the entire IT area.
For the love of God, do not bother with perimeters.
One out of every five government employees is a terrorist mole.
If it walks like a creep, talks like a creep, and gives you the creeps, don't tell it that the president Did A Bad Thing.
If a woman is discovered to be a terrorist, the best course of action is to immediately take a romantic interest in her sister.
The answer to every problem is torture (wait: I think they already know that lesson).
Forget flakjackets....hoodies are the cheapest, safest protection you can buy. Stops bullets, bombs, nerve gas, and the sound of Audrey crying (this has to be why he loves her ...he can't hear it).
If you think what the terrorists just did was bad, just wait.
If you think you know who the terrorists are, just wait. Apparently real terrorists are guys who look like the guy in the Mac store who just sold you an iPod.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Boy...I KNEW something was up. The real "Steve" (if that IS what you call yerself ;) ) would never have missed over the points I..er..pointed out above...

;)

[E-Rod]

I'll be watching the Yankee/Med Pox game, but you kids have fun! :)
Signed,
Mrs. Rod

[Proud Member of Red Sox Nation]

Mrs Rod, Is that your cousin, A-hole, on the Spankees? I hope you can get asswhooping stains out of the seat of his pants.

[viennahavana]

I've been a (silent) fan of this blog for most of season 5 and now I'm getting misty-eyed just thinking that I won't get to enjoy my weekly blog-watching Monday nite routine any more. I think I'll miss this blog even more than getting my Kiefer fix.
You guys are the best. Thanks for many many good times. I mean it.
And Dave, thank you for making me laugh so hard I almost shot myself in the thigh.
Hey--Maybe Audrey will get it tonight. Everyone else has this season...we can only hope.

[umfaninnc]

tropichunt guy:

I would like to place an order for 500 JackSack™ but since they are for an upscale department store, they need to be re-branded as Bauer Bags™ to appeal to a more sphisticated clientele. I was thinking they could be called Perimeter Pouches - but nobody can hold a perimeter.

[Mrs. Jeter]

Dearest "Proud Member" (*snork!*)- Mrs. Rod has never had to deal with stains until you came along. But I have been showing her how to polish rings. Now run along before your handler finds out you're out of your cage.

[Punkin Poo]

Mrs J. - Enjoy the game?????

(Mawhaaaaaaa!)

*scampers happily back to cage*

[Steven McMacken]

I know it's a little late but I had an excuse: When I wrote my hypothetical scenario of the season finale of "24," I wasn't aware that another "Steve" had been doing the same thing the previous weeks. You see, I didn't even follow the Dave Barry blog. SOME OF US HAVE TO WORK FOR A LIVING! Sorry, I'm getting a little emotional. Anyway, after I had submitted my recap, Judi e-mailed me back and asked if I were the "real" Steve. Naturally, I said, "Yes." (Seemed like an odd question.)

Why am I writing at this late date? (Has it been SIX years?) Well, I had nothing urgent to do today (other than helping my wife with the chores), so decided to Google my name — and this popped up!

Is it too late to say I am sorry to you all — Dave, Judi, readers and, of course, "Steve" — for causing such confusion and chaos? Really, it wasn't my intent. I just hope you were able to get over it and didn't suffer any lasting effects.

Me? I'm fine. I now live in Hawaii. How could I not be fine?

Mahalo nui loa,

Steven McMacken, Kauai