24

Here is the situation on the ground and in the air as of 2100 hours Eastern Perimeter Time:

Chloe is in a hotel bar with a laptop and a taser and a drunk named Ross, whom Chloe keeps tasering. This has been, hands down, the coolest action sequence of the season so far. We hope Chloe stays in the bar and continues tasering Ross and anybody else stupid enough to try to mess with her. We hope that by the end of this season, there is a large pile of tasered drunks surrounding Chloe, who is still pounding away on her laptop and uploading schematics, manifests, recipes, etc. to Jack's PDA.

Meanwhile, Jack is on a diplomatic flight with the Secret Tape Recording That Will Bring Down The President (STRTWBDTP), which Jack obtained via the clever tactic of repeatedly threatening to kill everybody on the plane. If only Jack can make the STRTWBDTP public, the president will be doomed, and the Evil Plot (whaever the hell it is) will be foiled!

(Many of you have asked why -- since Jack is in constant contact with Chloe, and he is an extremely high-tech individual, and he has a PDA that can do pretty much anything, including remotely detonate terrorists -- Jack doesn't simply transmit the STRTWBDTP to Chloe, so she can broadcast it. There is a simple, logical explanation for why Jack has not done this, which is: Shut up.)
   
So as we tune in tonight, Jack's plane is trying to land, but President Manilow, acting on orders from the Evil Bald Guy Puppetmaster of the Week, is about to order the Air Force to shoot the plane down, which means in a few minutes Jack could be DEAD. Also a race of giant Swedish-speaking oysters from Jupiter could land their spaceship in Milwaukee and dance the macarena.

In other plot developments:

The First Lady of the United States is stoned out of her gourd has taken some medication and retired to her room.

Edgar has embarked on a new career as an underwear model.

No -- Sorry! --  Edgar is still dead.

Audrey -- we are trying not to get too excited about this -- was missing altogether from last week's episode. Maybe the writers forgot about Audrey! We can dream, can't we? Meanwhile, we still are not totally 100 percent certain about the fate of Secretary of Defense William Devane, who drove into a lake two weeks ago, but may have figured out some way to survive.

So that's the situation, with four hours to go: Chloe in a bar; Jack on a plane; no coherent plot anywhere in sight. Just the way we like it.

UPDATE: We just realized that during tonight's episode we will also be monitoring the NBA playoff game between the Miami Heat and the New Jersey Sewer Discharges. So we will be busybusybusy. But that is why this blog makes the large dollars.

UPDATE: The Discharges have evidently bribed the officials.

UPDATE: At the end of one quarter, the score is: Miami 21

UPDATE: Ooooh! Jack broke his nose! Poor baby!

UPDATE: NOT AUDREY! DAMMIT!

UPDATE: Secretary of Defense Devane has survived two episodes underwater!

UPDATE: They are going to arrest Jack for the 362nd time.

UPDATE: "I know Jack."

UPDATE: Jack Bauer? ERRATIC??? WHO THE HELL ARE THEY CALLING ERRATIC????????

UPDATE: Point Magoo? Did Bill just say something about "Point Magoo?"

UPDATE: No biggie. I often land on the freeway.

UPDATE: Wait! When did Chloe leave the bar? WHERE'S ROSS?

UPDATE: "Everything's going to be fine," says Jack. Usually this means... DEATH.

UPDATE: Chloe is working on it.

UPDATE: He's not gonna make it!

UPDATE: Why do they need oxygen masks? They're almost on the freaking ground.

UPDATE: I believe this violates many California traffic laws.

UPDATE: I miss Ross.

UPDATE: "Thank you for flying the diplomatic flight. We hope you'll think of us again next time you need to nearly die eight different ways."

UPDATE: Two batallions of Marines against Jack? Those poor Marines.

UPDATE: Perimeter! Seriously, has one single perimeter EVER worked on this show?

UPDATE: Curtis! Making them stand down!

UPDATE: Uh-oh. Karen's gonna spill the beans to the creepster.

UPDATE: Wait... Isn't Bierko from the old Killer Kanister plot? Why's HE back?

UPDATE: Miami 54

UPDATE: They really need to do something about the lighting in the presidential retreat.

UPDATE: JUST PLAY THE FRICKING RECORDING, JACK.

UPDATE: Oh not Audrey again pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

UPDATE: It's over! Sure.

UPDATE: Suicide time?

UPDATE: Speaking of suicide: Miami STILL 54

UPDATE: Not now. The First Lady has a headache.

UPDATE: Look, just kill yourself, OK?

UPDATE: Lotta moping around in this episode.

UPDATE: Don't drink and shoot! Ask the vice president about that!

UPDATE: The creepster! That slimeball!

UPDATE: Taser him, Chloe!

UPDATE: Plotwise, this was a snorefest. Too much brooding, too much Audrey, not enough Chloe, zero shooting.

UPDATE: Next week Jack goes after the Evil Puppetmasters. Call me naive, but I believe that eventually a plot WILL evolve.

UPDATE: Miami 64.

UPDATE: Seriously, did anyone else hear Bill say "Point Magoo?"

Comments

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLE...

Oops! I hate always being the first to a party...

(Comin' at ya from Troy, Ohio...where they make you put your troys away before dinner...)

[wolfie]

OMG! Good thing this blog makes the large dollars because I clicked on the underwear link and now I need therapy. I'll be telling them to bill the blog.
*twitch*

[Suzy Q]

Third!

[Glow]

Darnit, tried to be first! :-)

[puppytoes]

glen beck had/has your "evil president" on his new show on headline news tonite...(had/has because it will air again at 9 and again at 11...i think)

that's all. have fun. hope no one gets shot in the thigh.

[wolfie]

*shakes off the evil images*

Beer.. check
tv.. check
need for plotline.. obliterated

[WoosterGirl]

Sixth?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

SuzyQ: I must do the honorary kissing of the celebrity's hand again this week...

No, not yours. Dave's.

;)

JUST KIDDING! :)

[WoosterGirl]

Nope...

[Renee]

I was having lunch with some people from church this weekend, when one of the guys suddenly piped up that I look like Chloe. (Albeit a brunette version.) I don't watch "24," but I'm worried that this is not a good thing. Especially since he hastily added that Chloe is very smart.

Anyone know where I can go for a makeover??

[Glow]

OMG on the underwear model link. I need a drink now.

[Suzy Q]

Hi, all! Topichuntguy, you....errr... shot your wad a bit early. Try again, I'll be waiting. :)

24 countdown checklist:

wine: check. And nonna that boxed crap, either.

dinner: check. Tonight's repast was a blast from the past. From about 3 weeks ago. Pesto pasta with grilled chicken. Yes, I over-toasted the pine nuts, again!

wolfie: check

remote: phhhft!

Bring it ON!!!

*waves to the BEST boss in the world, who may or may not be blurking tonight*

Do I have to be on my best behavior? *snork*

[pepe]

*clicks on link* *returns from link*
i'd like to rinse my eyeballs in bleach please...

[wolfie]

*blush*
Ty SuzyQ

Glow ~ I'm sending the therapy bill to the blog. We can make it a group session if youd like.

[Glow]

I sure missed you guys last week! I was watching the show with the satellite of doom up in the mountains. Wahhhhh.

[Suzy Q]

Uh, can I add my bill to that, too? I'm just trying to forget the image......

[Suzy Q]

Hey, WoosterGirl! *waves*

[Glow]

Yes--therapy AND new contact lenses bill. Mine have permanently fogged up at the sight of those huge...umm...arghhhh.

[Gretchen]

I see everyone was as upset by the pic as I was. FYI - flushing your eyes repeatedly helps NOT AT ALL!!!!

[Suzy Q]

Gretcheeeeen!

[wolfie]

huge um... globes of edgar?
*giggles*

[Gretchen]

Helloooo!!! Gotta love the blogparty!

[Glow]

Well, at least the fogginess helps me to overcome the inability to hang up my disbelief at Prison Break tonight ;-). See, Jack NEVER resorted to shuffling his feet like an insane prison inmate....

[pepe]

no he prefers to shoot'em in the you-know-where...

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Hello all.

[Glow]

Yes, God help you if you see the Great Globes of Edgarness!

[Brad]

I am hoping for a surprise guest appearance by the cougar who will maul Awdrey just like the good old days with Kim. One can only hope :)

[Suzy Q]

Lisa! I'll take a size 4, please.

[Gretchen]

lbff has arrived. Welcome! Have you seen Jack's thighs? (If I'm going down, I'm taking EVERYONE with me!!!)

[wolfie]

Hiya Lisa
*waves*

[Wes S.]

Thank you all for the warning about the "underwear model"...I'll definitely be avoiding that link.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Oh, HI EVERYONE as well. :)

Anyone seen Qetzal recently?

[Glow]

Well, Gretchen, if you want to see Edgar's thighs, just click on the LINK provided by His Daveness.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Waves @ Suzy and wolfie

[Gretchen]

Sorry, Wes. We were all creeped out, you gotta be creeped out, too. Why should you be the only one who gets sleep tonight?

[WoosterGirl]

Ooooo, Suzy, hey!

*waves back*

How are things in FLA?

Checklist for this week:

Eldest Spawn and DH on camping trip so I have sofa and big TV ALL TO MYSELF: check

Youngest Spawn in bed w/ Bendadryl so he'll fall asleep quickquickquick: check

jammies on: check

alcohol of choice: check

Hi everyone! Jack Bauer Hour, bring it ON!!

[Gretchen]

Thanks, Glow. Saw those, too. And still, Kiefer teabagging the banquet freaks me out worse.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Wooster, that's Jack Bauer POWER Hour™...

[WoosterGirl]

Sorry, THC. Got so excited, drank Benadryl instead of beer.

[homeybeef]

tonight: 5 minutes of Jack in a plane and 55 minutes of Chloe tasering Ross. A man can dream, can't he?

[Wes S.]

...Why should you be the only one who gets sleep tonight?

Posted by: Gretchen | 08:50 PM on May 8, 2006

It's like this, Gretchen: I've only got enough Jim Beam left for one good stiff drink...and I'll need that to make it easier to swallow this season's increasingly implausible plotline. I can't afford to waste it on ugly underwear models...

[FleaBailey]

Hellooooo all!

Dave, how come you didn't run the lovely shot of Jack with his pants down?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Flea, judi DID post it. Click on the 24 link on the left and you'll find it...

[wolfie]

Oh it passed up ugly underwear and headed straight into OMGWTFBBQ territory.
Trust us. You haven't seen anything like it. Click it. It'll only hurt for a moment.

[KOW]

Okay. I JUST finished watching last week's. OOOOOOOOOOH this is going to be good. Death and maimage to president handbag. This is going to be a long night (I have to read last week's comments as well). I have a feeling I'll be calling into work sick tomorrow :D

[Glow]

Okay, I got the OMGWTF but BBQ? BBQ as in Barbeque? Snork*

[Gretchen]

KOW - you wanna REALLY be sick??? We have a photo for youuuuuuuu.....

[Suzy Q]

Whoo-hoo, WoosterGiel! Sounds like you're all set up. What the heck is a DH? Dumb husband? Dick head? Dread hickey?

As to the Benadryl, oh, yeaaahhhh!

[Wes S.]

Please. Maimage first, then death.

[Betsy]

Hey lees! Howya doin? DON'T look at anything they tell you to look at, ok? I'm tellin you this for your own good.

[Bill Peschel]

Hey everybody. Since I don't have a TV, I'll be reading y'all's comments, so please be specific.

Those of you who can still see, that is.

[Gretchen]

Betsy: from the French for buzz kill.

[Suzy Q]

Graphic violence ahead! Well, there'd BETTER BE!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR™!

FEATURING SPECIAL APPEARANCES BY JACKSACK® ("Supporting your man WHERE it counts!™") AND CHLOESACK® ("Lifting and separating since early 2006!™")!

BOOYAH!

[daisymae]

Hey everybody, Hi Wolfie (waving madly)

Here we go!

OMG it's the bad guy from the Nextel commercial!

[Suzy Q]

Yay, tropichuntguy!!!

[WoosterGirl]

Suzy, re: DH, all of the above.

[Glow]

"Please be specific." Hmm. Someone please tell the writers of this show to do just that about the plot ;-).

[wolfie]

It looks wayyy better when they slap all the explosions into one montage. Unlike the hoursss we've wasted watching touching moments.

[Betsy]

"We have to take him down, dead or alive"

What the heck does THAT mean?

[daisymae]

(why do I keep wanting to call tropichuntguy tropichopguy?)

[Suzy Q]

snork at daisymae!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

That plane looks a lot like the plane from airplane...

[wolfie]

*waves madly to daisymae*

I think Jack is THE only person who doesn't have to pee when they reach cruising altitude.

[slyeyes]

Whew! THought I was gonna be late.

*waves at Lab*

Just got your text.

[Wes S.]

Bummer. According to the credits, Awwwdrey is in this episode....guess they finally got her and her severed artery to the hospital...

[daisymae]

Are we still in the previews? fer crying out loud?

[Gretchen]

I think you broke my nose? What A WEENIE. Be glad it was just your nose.

[Suzy Q]

Crap re: Awdrey.

*waves to sly*

[tropichunt.com guy™]

NooooooO!!!!!!! AUDREY IS OK!!!! SHOOT HER NOW!!!!!

[wolfie]

D@mn!She's gonna be okay.

[Gretchen]

Damn it! Awwwdrey survived.

[Sam G.]

Devane...survived?

[daisymae]

Daddy's ALLIIIIVVVVEEE!!!

[bizrey]

When are the Germans goingtopayJack back forhis double-cros...Wha?!?! He survived ?!?!

[Glow]

"Do not let it fall into the hands of anyone who's loyal to the president." Bwahhahaha.
Oh wow, Daddy Secretary of State didn't swim with the fishes!!!!

[slyeyes]

Secretary of Defense Devane/Kennedy is alive!!!!

That's because he's not at the CTU hospital

[Betsy]

BINGO!!! Devane Lives!!!!!

[FleaBailey]

OMG Curtis! Are you lying to her?!!!!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

As long as Audrey's dad can talk, he can go after the President.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

daisy: Um...ignore my peg leg, please...

GET AUDREY OFF MY SCREEN NOW!!

[ldouthit]

Dave called it HE HAS Survived

[Suzy Q]

Awdrey really needs a shampoo and blowout. Preferably a blowout to her knee!

[NY girl]

Dang! Audrey's back.

[Betsy]

Let's circumvent the protocols!

[Glow]

Awwdrey's hair is sticky.

[Varjak]

What's the deal with the lighting where the President is? Is his office underwater or something?

[Suzy Q]

Dr. Romano is evil, I tell you, EVIL!!

[slyeyes]

Secretary Devane is gonna make David Blaine look like an underwater wimp.

[WoosterGirl]

Snork @ Varjak

[daisymae]

Ooooooo, baldie is so sly and devious!

[ldouthit]

Curtis is going to have to take a helicopter to save Jack!

[wolfie]

Consequences? We don't need no stickin consequences!

[NY girl]

Maybe CTU can send Audrey to pick up Chloe, and Chloe can taser her!

[FleaBailey]

I love the evil bald guy. "None of us is happy about this..." He sounds like an HR Manager putting someone on suspension.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Varjak: Maybe he's got some sort of James Bond Villain complex...

[daisymae]

They want Chloe's help in securing Jack.

[ASK]

At least they aren't happy about shooting down the plane.

[Suzy Q]

SNORK @ sly!

[Glow]

Hahahahaha..."I'm going to shoot a plane down full of innocent people." This coming from a guy who was going to use nerve gas...and also sacrificed his wife...and...the list goes on....