24

I am not happy with Jack. And I will tell you why.

The week before last, an innocent bank manager bought the farm in a hail o' bullets after Jack kidnapped him to get the Secret Recording that would expose President Manilow for being behind the Killer Kanister Plot. OK, fine, we can live with that. Hundreds of innocent people have died for being so unfortunate or stupid as to be standing within 25 yards of Jack. That is the price that we, as a nation, must pay to be saved by Jack.

But then last week, having gone through all that hassle to get the Secret Recording, Jack HANDED IT TO HENDERSON. Why? Because Audrey was bleeding! Awww. Poor Audrey!

Sheesh.

So Jack, having totally blown it, is back to square one in his efforts to nail the president. Fortunately he still has Chloe, who would have had the gumption to keep the Secret Recording and let Audrey drain like a cheap wading pool. Chloe has relocated from CTU to a secret workstation, from which she no doubt has access to every database, schematic and missile-launch code in the world.

Meanwhile, Secret Service agent Aaron, who may or may not have been secretly servicing the First Lady, and who was going to spill the beans to her, is missing.

Edgar is still dead.

That is the situation. I will be monitoring tonight's episode and commenting when possible, but my efforts may be sporadic because the Miami Heat are in a playoff game against the Chicago Cow Manures, which means (a) I have to monitor that, also, and (b) I have to put my daughter to bed, which is not always an easy thing to get done before 9 p.m. Eastern Thigh-Shootin' Time. But I will do my best. I know you all will, too.

UPDATE: Heat 55, Manures 47

UPDATE: "Heineken Premium Light?" Light? What the hell have they done?

UPDATE: William Devane is not acting very hard.

UPDATE: Chloe is going to slip in through the subnet.

UPDATE: Chloe, dissing the man's computer. She needs a lot of gigahertz, that Chloe.

UPDATE: He hit a barn! How the hell many barns ARE there in Los Angeles?

UPDATE: The old we're-tracking-secretary-Heller line. Is Jack falling for THAT?

UPDATE: Jack has, like, 18 gazillion things downloaded on his PDA. Any minute now that thing is going to explode.

UPDATE: Secretary of Defense William Devane, realizing that the only alternative was to keep reading really bad dialogue, has driven into the lake.

UPDATE: Audrey has a lot of spunk, for a gal who recently lost 17 gallons of blood.

UPDATE: Wait! Who's the bald guy?

UPDATE: If the First Cleavage gets capped and Audrey lives, I... I just don't know what I will do.

UPDATE: Chloe's backtracing the route.

UPDATE: Jack doesn't feel right about this.

UPDATE: These Homeland creepsters apparently take Xanax by the pound.

UPDATE: Shari is going to get detention.

UPDATE: Somebody is definitely sleeping on the First Sofa tonight.

UPDATE: I think if they got rid of that red lighting, they'd all feel better.

UPDATE: Heat 76, Manures 65

UPDATE: This episode needs less Anguish and more Shooting, is my view.

UPDATE: Who are these guys? And does the bald one realize how stupid those earpieces look?

UPDATE: There is a Much Deeper Plot, huh?

UPDATE: The old Secretary-Heller-might-have-an-air-pocket line.

UPDATE: Curtis! Good old Curtis.

UPDATE: Chloe is on AOL. Bill has the optional $9.95-a-month schematics package.

UPDATE: Heat 85, Manures 69

UPDATE: Hey, that stuntman looked kind of like Jack, only taller.

UPDATE: The creepster figured out Chloe's node. That bastard.

UPDATE: The phone bill for this show must be like eleventy gazillion dollars.

UPDATE: I think Mike and Karen would make a cute older couple.

UPDATE: There better be shooting soon,

UPDATE: Jack is too heavy to be luggage! There's going to be a penalty for that.

UPDATE: OK, that was a lame episode.

UPDATE: Next week: Jack is the Flight Attendant from Hell.

UPDATE: Heat 95, Manures 76, end of 3 quarters.

Comments

[aubrey]

First...

[aubrey]

Now I can go to bed.... the stomach virus has invaded our house times four.

Could one of you get Jack to shoot me in the head?

[Glow]

Well, I am first after the girl that went to bed.

[Steve]

Aaron is NOT missing.

He's cunningly disguised as a cell phone.

[aubrey]

Um...girl?

Maybe I should type in my more masculine font....

[Nora]

Red wine... check

Kids to bed... almost check

Phone put away for the night... check

[Glow]

I'm watching Prison Break, of course, since it has more believable conspiracies than 24. Ha. Poor Tweener. I think he's no longer a weaner.

[Photo Guy]

Written today by a Denver Post TV writer.

http://www.denverpost.com/entertainment/ci_3739365

[Glow]

Ooops, Aubrey darling, you really should go back to bed. You're sick.

[O. the U(manity)]

I like the photo of the First Lady ... looks like the photog got her best side(s) ...

[Glow]

Are there no female present yet so I can direct them to the Yodeling Beefcake ad on my blog? Darn. With the exception of Aubrey, of course.

[slyeyes]

Photo Guy's Link.

I'm here, and so is Nora.

[Kafaleni]

I can be a female.. I've had a lot of practice.

[Drew]

I think you guys might appreciate our student film from last year. It's titled "0.083333" and follows in real-time 5 minutes at Georgia Tech's West Campus CTU. Complete with commercial interruption!

link:
http://www.club409.com/?tid=425

[Kafaleni]

Yodeling Beefcake wbagnf an emetic.. it would work for me, for sure..

[Drew]

0.083333

Linked for convenience!

[Suzy Q]

Good God, people! Come ON!! It's thigh-shootin' time!

24 countdown checklist:

wine: check. In a convenient economy-size glass.

dinner: check. Tonight's repast: a very delicious porterhouse steak, medium-rare, accompanied by crispy fresh green beans, first blanched, then sauteed in a bit of butter.

Remote: Oh, hell, no! I tossed that aside last week.

JackSack: No, dammit. I need one!

Bloglit friends: Here, whether blogging or lurking. (Hi, Jennie!)

Secret possible knowledge of what might actually happen tonight: check. And I'm not tellin'.

Bring it on!!!!!

[Kafaleni]

Drew's Link

Don't they teach HTML round here anymore?

[WoosterGirl]

Ooooh, checklists, my favorite.

Stein o' beer: check

Hubbie putting kids to bed: check

Remote set to Jack Bauer channel: check

*waves "hi!" to Nora and slyeyes*

[Kafaleni]

aaahh.. one minute too late.

Meanwhile I still can't watch 24, but I'm pretty sure this is more fun.

[Glow]

Just click on my name, and go click on the Yodeling Beefcake video on my blog. Good thigh-shooting commercial for females. ;-)

[WoosterGirl]

Oh, and Suzy Q too!

[Gretchen]

I have a cocktail, but a glass of shiraz and some spareribs are up next. Congrats to Aubrey on being the first to establish a perimeter. Assuming you haven't retired for the evening...

[Suzy Q]

*waves to slyeyes*

Hi, girlfriend! Lurve your hair.

woostergirl: make sure hubby stays with them. you need unadulterated Jack time.

[Arctic Al]

Wooster - Did Suzy just say that you're (not your) committing adultry with Jack? I didn't know he was married anymore as his wife was popped in season one.

[MaryContrary]

Geesh, I had forgotten all about Jack trashing the Future of Our Nation to save Audrey.

Maybe he found the time to make a self-destructing copy of the tape? And that's the one he gave to Henderson? That would make as much sense as anything else.

Hoping . . .

[CJrun]

Brigthness turned all they way up? Check!

[Suzy Q]

shout-out to Gretchen: Looks like you're all set.

[Kafaleni]

Brigthness sounds like a small Scottish town

[Kafaleni]

*has frozen Mint Slice and the remains of a bottle of Chilean Chard*

*settles in*

[WoosterGirl]

Suzy, I have tied them down with Spongebob bandanans to the bunkbeds. THAT should hold 'em.

*Takes big swig of Dos Equis*

[wolfie]

*runs thru door.. slides across the floor and slams into wall*
I'm here!! Woohooo!!!
I even got to hear Chloe (may the saints bless her hideous sweaterset) live on the radio this morning. She didn't upload or download or reconfigure anything, but still she was Chloe.
I have wine, the remains of a shrimp n crab dip, and my dsl. I am ready.
Let the thigh shooting begin. w00t!

[Suzy Q]

Hey, whatever Woostergirl and Jack do in their own time is nonna my business.

Go, woostergirl!

[jennieg]

I'm here SuzyQ
Wine: Check
Rabbit ears adjusted:Check
24 Virgin: Check

[Gretchen]

Suzy - I'll pour you a Negroni and keep it on ice for ya!

[JT]

GREAT IDEA FOR NEXT SEASON'S '24'...

Jack has to escape from a PRISON!!!

(These ideas just come to me.)

[slyeyes]

*waves to SuzyQ, Woostergirl, Kaf, wolfie, et al gals*

Wine: check

cheese cubes: check

Hubby putting kids to bed:.......Oh yeah. (1)Divorced and (2) kids are grown

Phone in refrigerator: check (don't ask)

[WoosterGirl]

Oooh, Arctic, that is a rumor you are more than welcome to spread around.

*Imagines Jack tied to bunkbed with Spongebob bandanas*

[Wendy]

I saw a teaser showing Awww-drey looking haggard and pointing a gun at someone and saying something like, make my day. Who will she shoot?...will she finesse Jack? Then she'd HAVE to go, Jack would have to off her.

[Gretchen]

Who's the 24 virgin?

[Suzy Q]

Welcome, wolfie!

I'll try to keep my slimy hands off Chloe. Just for you. I know she's yours. All yours. *snif*

[Sam G.]

I'll be watching this and the movie Pod People, with the help of Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot. :)

[CJrun]

24 virgins is like one-third of a martyrdom.

[slyeyes]

OK, WHO BROUGHT THE 24 VIRGINS?????

[Glow]

Jack can't do too much thigh shooting in prison, though.

[Suzy Q]

*waves to jennieg*

Welcome aboard, virgin! You won't stay that way for long.

She's my fiend, bloglits, please welcome her.

Gretchen: I've got my wine, but thanks, anyway. :)

[jon]

HOLY CRAP MST3K!!! and 24 too.

[slyeyes]

SuzyQ, any fiend of yours is a fiend of mine.

Hi, Jennieg.

[wolfie]

24 virgins? Well, not for long.

viewer discretion advised

[Suzy Q]

sly: It was me! I confess! Be kind. Please?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!

WITH SPECIAL APPEARANCES BY JACKSACK™ AND CHLOESACK™!

[Suzy Q]

Graphic violence! Yesssss!

[Glow]

24 Virgins, welcome!

[nina]

Henderson OWNS Jack.....

[Gretchen]

Buckle up, Jennie G -- it's gonna be a bumpy night!

[daisymae]

Here we go!

[worldwidestudios]

did they change the vocal inflections of the guy who says "viewer descretion is advised"? I loved those inflections!

[Suzy Q]

Ahhhh....I always feel better after tropichunt guy gets here.

[daisymae]

Oh, good, we get to see Audrey bleeding to death, yet again.

[Chris]

24 and HDTV... is there a better combo?

[jennieg]

Hey guys sorry if I break any rules;)Anyway to get over the refresh thing?It is very dramatic.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Let's watch her bleed to death! PLEASE!

No...JACK STOPPED THE BLEEDING NOW! NOOOO!

[wolfie]

well phooey. He didn't sever anything afterall.

[mama jodeo]

More lists:

Drink: The thigh-shooter, yup
snacks: peanuts, crackers and blue cheese, yup
Cats out, yup
lap top Computer with wonky keyboard - typing this using on-screen keyboard -yup
will read and lurk yup

[daisymae]

Uh oh, no Chloe!

[FleaBailey]

Yes, Audrey, it IS your fault!

[slyeyes]

I wonder if the First CLeavage is calling him, too.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hey, a CrapPhone!

[Sam G.]

"Commando Unit"
Sounds cool.

[Betsy]

Yeah Audrey's fine. she's propped up against a dumpster, bleeding out.

[Suzy Q]

Crap! Awdrey's gonna survive.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Best for this country?? That's what they all say!

[Betsy]

Yeh, definite echoes of Hyannisport there....

[Glow]

I'm going to call this the 24/7 Cellphone Service TV show.

[bizrey]

That's a nice home office.

[slyeyes]

Oh, the old "I did what I thought was best for this country" excuse. That's really getting tiring.

[wolfie]

Of course she got away. She's WonderChloe.

[Sam G.]

Heh, Devane just got shut down.

[CJrun]

Chloe will use the Dramatic Refresh

[Gretchen]

Audrey's going to live and her dad's a dumbass.

[Betsy]

Excuse me while i slip into the subnet...it's more comfortable.

[daisymae]

Chloe's going to slip in through the sub-net...

(what's a sub-net?)

[Antonio]

Oh yea, Chloe. Slip into the subnet.

[Glow]

"She was arrested by Homeland Security but she got away."

No REACTION whatsoever. No ATTAGIRL! Just, "Put me through her."

[bizrey]

Although his computer is kinda pathetic...

[wolfie]

Oooo she just slammed his equipment. His computer equipment that is.

[mikeym]

Hi. Long-time watcher. First-time poster. I feel the love.

[Kafaleni]

I'm speechless. Don't worry. It won't last long, it never does.

[Suzy Q]

Chloe needs to use his monitor. Hmmm....

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Chloe's setting up a Vulcan pathway. Where is Spock when you need him?

[daisymae]

Chloe's going to boss Bill around.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Bill, your computer is PATHETIC! Chloe said so!

I wonder what she'd say about Dave's new phone...

[FleaBailey]

Wouldn't it be funny if Jack's battery went dead?

[slyeyes]

*adjusts seams on sub-net hose*

They're worn by sailors

[daisymae]

Time for a Mind Meld, Chloe!!

[sgt sickler]

did chloe just insult jack's manhood, or his computer when she called it 'pathetic'?

[Antonio]

Wait, isn't the dead bank manager still in the black and white?????

[Suzy Q]

*snorks* at Betsy

[Glow]

So is the subnet part of the internet? Confuzzled...

[Steve-O]

This guy's worse than MY boss..have you got that sale yet?