TOILETS MAKING THE NEWS

Thieves are stealing them! Ghosts are flushing them!

Comments

[fudtheman]

Nothing like a little toilet humor to round out the day.

[fudtheman]

a portable toilet with contents was stolen

Like you would have a choice. And if you're at the point where you're stealing portable toilets, should you really be picky if there's anything in them or not?

[jamester]

"... and some are interested in toilets..."

Interested? Hell, Dave fashioned most of a career out of them!

[fivver]

Um if those folks in Wombwell *snork* don't want the toilet flushing ghost, please give him directions to my office!

[Wahooligan]

Poor Mary, the toilet-flushing ghost. Probably she just had never seen televisions and modern flush toilets in her lifetime, and was curious. Now the mean pub man is picking on her and trying to throw her out. She's already dead, with half her face missing and all -- you'd think he could show her a bit of kindness. Or at least exploit her presence to attract more visitors.

Should I point out that Ghostly Flushing Toilets would be a good name... naw.

[Kathy P.]

"Every thief specialises in something, and some are interested in toilets." And these are Czechs stealing toilets as a specialty. Must have troubles with building inspection codes somewhere and need thos new toilets to meet them. Or maybe they're just exporting them to England to meet the demand of ghosts who flush...

[insomniac]

next time on MTV's 'Spook'd'

Customer: What's that noise?
Pub Owner: Were you just in the bog?
Customer: Uhhh, yeah...
Pub Owner: Well, the toilet is still running. Go in there and jiggle the handle!
(Customer leaves, comes back shaken, not stirred)
Customer: GREAT FLAMING PIMENTOS!!! Who was that?
Ghost: You've been 'spook'd'!!!

[V for Vee]

So what are the thieves gonna DO with the toilets, exactly?!?

[clark kent]

I'm kind of with fivver on this one.... It's those ghosts who DON'T flush that irritate me.... and you KNOW who you are, don't you?.... bastards....

[Gamer]

Is she at least courteous enough to wait for the occupant to finish before flushing? If so, she is at least better than those auto-flush jobs.

[fudtheman]

I'm with you on that one G, those auto-flush toilets are so impatient.

After two minutes they're like: "Get off me bitch! I mean I know you gotta go, but now you gotta GO, savvy?"

[fudtheman]

Oh sh*t I forgot the:

Splooosh!

[Sploosh]

...I guess no one else has been on one of those talking auto-flushies

[ShadowKatmandu]

These stories were both simply flushed with success.

[Sallyacious]

What an interesting way for a spirit to make itself known.

I would like to think that if I were a ghost I'd come up with something that creative.

[MartiniShark]

So if it is a ghost do we refer to it as a howl movement?

[Annie Where-but-here]

Boo in the loo!

[ShadowKatmandu]

If it goes before it reaches the toilet is it a Boo! Boo! ?

[Mikey]

So what are the thieves gonna DO with the toilets, exactly?!?....

It's the newest lawn ornament. Better than the pink flamingos.

[Punkin Poo]

Well, what better place to have the sh*t scared out of you!

[Annie Where-but-here]

ShadowKatmandu - that Depends.

[Wahooligan]

Pssst... if you didn't see it, the Herald's pet lady has an old Dave column on her blog just now:
http://crazyforcritters.blogspot.com/

'Cuz you can never get enough Dave...

I read that blurb wrong. I thought goats were flushing the toilet.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Ghosts are flushing AND apparently posting to this blog.

[Kilmeny]

I wonder what Mary's opinion is on hoverers.

[Annie Where-but-here]

I'll guessing, that since she's a ghost and all, that SHE hovers.

[Andrew]

One, I thought at first that there was a story about GOATS flushing toilets. I wondered how they could work the slippery handle with their hooves.

Two, I think that someone is not only steeling toilets in the Czech Republic, I think someone has stolen some of the vowels from their language.

[Wavey]

"Hluboka nad Vltavou" actually translates to "I'd like to buy a vowel."

[John]

Would the owner have preferred if she didn't flush?

Maybe then the headline would be "Spectral stench fills bar: Church janitor called in to exorcize toilets."

[FleaBailey]

Query:

Why is an article about Czech toilet theives located at a site that advertises itself as "Proudly Searching Only South Africa"?

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Since everyone’s said all the funny stuff, I’ll try a limerick…

There once was a ghost who kept flushing.
Of the humans she said, they keep mushing.
If flush I must not, keep your tush off the pot.
Or I’ll send you to hell, water rushing.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

make that limmerick

[Annie Where-but-here]

Lisa - you were right the first time
You really had quite the good rhyme
I'd give you a 'snork'
If my nose would uncork
But I'm plugged up and it's snot sublime.

[Jessica R.]

15 000 Koruna? Now that is a lot of beer! Where's the potty? STOLEN! Argh.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Annie-you mean it's only one "m"? I was wondering why spellcheck didn't catch it. I should have trusted.

*snork* for your rhyme--hope you "uncork" soon

[Kat]

That's just too freakin' funny. I'll have to pass this link around.

[gwangi]

I can't believe that, after 36+ comments on a story about toilet theft, no one has made the remark, "And the police have nothing to go on." What is this country coming to when the most juvenile humor escapes people of this blog??!!

[John]

Gwangi, if she's flushing the toilets then the police really don't have anything to go on. I mean, you can't go on a flushing toilet, that's just weird and dangerous (although it does take care of those python dangers I keep reading about). I just thought it was nice of the reporter to bring the plight of those unfortunate cops to our attention.

[Ian Woollard]

The latest news is that the police have visited all the toilets involved; but they have nothing to go on.

[WriterDude]

Hello, all who are still awake. Yeah, I'm sure y'all are hitting the "refresh" button like the Titanic's radio guy sending Morse code, but I still should...

...put something up, somewhere, about DAVE TOOK MY SON AND ME BACKSTAGE TONIGHT!!!!

Oh, I'm sorry -- did I shout it out loud? According to Kiss, and I quote: "You got to have a party!"

Every time Dave comes to Denver these days, I am immediately faced with something pressing getting in the way of my blogging the experience properly afterward. This time it's our flight to L.A. in less than seven hours from now, possibly with the sax player, since he's flying United as well. Dave said he's flying another airline to L.A., possibly to his relief.

Hey, it's not like I'm stalking the guy. He did invite us backstage.

I got to meet Ridley, see Ted again and waved at Amy Tan from a distance. I'll do my best to blog from L.A. about tonight over in my neighborhood, but I've never blogged from remote, so we'll see.

[Annie Where-but-here]

WriterDuuuude! From those about to sleep, we salute you! That is soooo awesome man! And I'm guessing this time no one was hit by any flying instruments. Wow. Truly a special night.

[WriterDude]

Truth be told, Annie, there was a forehead/kazoo collision. Much milder than in Dallas -- no blood. Didn't involve the opening act's family either, so that was good.

Beyond that, I will wait for Dave to post. I will let on that I have seen and posed for the new CrapCam. With a bandage on my head. Ridley took the pic.

It's sweet. The new CrapCam, not the bandage.

[King Wingbipeekaboo Etc.]

Fellow bloggies, bloglits, paint sniffers and everyone else:

King Wingbipeekaboo has a dilemma.

When King Wingbipeekaboo has a dilemma, he looks to his friends for strength, honesty, good advice and chocolate flavored paint.

The dilemma is this. As many of us are aware, the Rock Bottom Remainders do not have the chance to tour every year, due to a number of things -- scheduling and time constraints, booking issues, the strict alcohol policies of certain venues against drinking onstage and so forth. But by sheer voodoo magic the Remainders are at least scheduled to appear tomorrow, Saturday, April 29, at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books.

This is all fine and wonderful except that it's the one day all year King Wingbipeekaboo can't go.

King Wingbipeekaboo's girlfriend (who is secretly the REAL Angelina Jolie in disguise) had the GALL to plan her senior voice recital, which is more important than Christmas and Easter combined, for not only the same day as the Remainders' possibly last trip to California, but at THE SAME EXACT TIME and about 50 miles from where the Remainders will be performing. (And if there is traffic this could be a matter of several days' travel. It's often faster to walk than to take Interstate 10.)

So I have two choices. On the one hand, I can go ahead and go to the Remainders show, missing the senior voice recital, and probably end up losing Major Babe Angelina Jolie forever and possibly being followed by a bounty hunter, if she gets half as mad as she was that time I went up to the Hollywood sign with Paris Hilton dressed as inmates. But I would get to see the Remainders, something I've wanted to do since reading Mid-Life Confidential and getting heavy into acid to be more like Al Kooper.

On the other hand, I can go the ding-dang recital and be miserable. Angelina has this wacky idea to sing only in non-English languages, including (this is true) RUSSIAN. But if I go the recital I would have to (sob) miss the Remainders, and I just don't feel right about doing that. I mean, I've been with Angelina about a year and a half now but I've been with the Remainders four or five, and where would my loyalties be then?

Yes, I know what you're thinking, and I have already put the question to Mister Dave. He has this to say: "I think you should do what you think is right, Girly Man." Mistress Judi had a longer comment but most of it was written in hieroglyphic code -- LOL, AFAIK, BYOB and so on. I'll just assume she echoes Dave's sentiment.

So that is my dilemma, but before I come to a final decision, I would genuinely appreciate the input of the people who contribute to the central ideological posture of this blog, namely sniffing paint.

I will check back throughout the day to see what you lovely people have to say, if I remember. King Wingbipeekaboo thinks maybe the Remainders should consider making a DVD. Though just in case it doesn't pan out, perhaps someone can record the concert. King Wingbipeekaboo has money.

Lastly, thank the Good Lord in High Heaven that Angelina has agreed, albeit reluctantly, to attend the Remainders Besides the Music session. I think we're going to disguise ourselves as either street people or English royalty, depending on what's available. Maybe both. Look for us! See you there!

--------------------------------
INFORMATION YOU NEED IF YOU DON'T ALREADY HAVE IT WHICH IS WHY YOU NEED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE:

LOS ANGELES -- Saturday, April 29, 2006
at the Etc. Stage
The Los Angeles Times Festival of Books
UCLA Campus info
2:30 pm Free Concert outdoors w/ Roger Mcguinn

LOS ANGELES -- Saturday, April 29, 2006
supporting 826LA
BESIDES THE MUSIC:
Conversation, Debate* and yes, Music
(*with international scoring rules)
With Frank McCourt,
Craig Ferguson and Roger McGuinn
Royce Hall, UCLA
VIP Reception 6:30pm, West Lobby, Royce Hall
Special Event: 8:00pm
VIP reception plus event tickets: $200
General Admission tickets $25
tickets here or
UCLA Ticket Office: 310-825-2101
--------------------------------

Sincerely,
The Great And Amazing And Sometimes Mischievous But Always Totally Righteous And Infinitely Awesome In All Ways Including Fly Fishing, The Honorable King "Dude" Wingbipeekaboo Etc.

[queensbee]

you've all said it all... i'm late again, and all's been said; haaaaaa boo in the looo.... snork and i am still chortling. scuse me i gotta go potty. i have to jiggle the handle. could take a bit.....

[BillyJoeJimBob]

King, I'd go see whichever act will get you the most post-performance nookie!

[Suzy Q]

Nobody noticed that "Flaming Pimentos" WBAGNFARB?

Also, King: Dump the recital. Go to the RBRs. But her somthing pretty and she'll get over it. It's not like it's her last recital, is it?

[mudstuffin]

"Hluboka nad Vltavou" = "Boatload vulva hunk"

[djtonyb]

Doug - RBR. That is all.

[Suzy Q]

but, buy, whatever....

[V for Vee]

If the RBR is as important to YOU as her recital thing is to HER ... go to the RBR.

Of course, I'm happily remaining single these days, so perhaps I am not the best person to get relationship advice from.

[Glix]

Ghosts in the restroom?

By the way, anyone catch the bathroom documentary on the history channel last night?

[Glix]

And... why can't I get the image to show?

[Mr. Completely]

King Wingbiawforgetit...

You can go with the GF to her recital thereby greatly increasing your chances of getting laid afterward, or go see the RBR thereby earning the wrath and indignance of said GF but immeasurably increasing your social standing both in real life and here on the Blog.

There's really no contest, is there?

[24-aholic]

Did anyone see the website attached to the article www.thoseshirts.com? Some funny shirts (don't open if you are a liberal)....

[The_Bride]

I'm just glad the ghosts found a place to put their doodies. I am so used to opening packages and finding them filled... to the rim... with ghost poops.

[King Wingbipeekaboo Etc.]

Thank you for your glorious and bountiful suggestions. I have opted to go to the recital and try my chances at the (word that rhymes with "rookie").

But after that, Angelina and I are still planning on Besides the Music, assuming we can find a parking space.

His Infinite Foolishness, King Wingbipeekaboo Etc.

[Arthur McComas]

I recently moved into a new condo equipped with low flush water toilets that simply do not do the job. As a retired engineer I have studied this toilet design and noted that the tank is fully capable of holding more water and devised a simple fix to add perhaps anothe fraction of a gallon to the flush which I believe is all that is needed to push the waste beyond the colon or trap. Has anyone else tried this?