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April 10, 2006

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using library-storming turkeys.

(Thanks to Jeff Walling)

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It was just looking to snack on bookworms!

“I picked it up and threw it in the air,” Cygirt said.

FLY!! FLY!! FLY, you stupid bird!!

She and custodian Irvin Cygirt watched as the bird hopped around, hit another stack of books and then flew onto a cabinet.


"Hey, Irv."

"Yeah?"

"See that bird?"

"Which one?

"The one what's knocking over them books.

"No."

"There! It just hit another stack of books and flew onto a cabinet!"

"Oh, yeah! Yeah, I see the one you're talkin' about."

"We should do something about it."

"Like watchin' it?"

"Yeah, like that."

"TURKEYS GOT RADAR!!"

This reminds me of the WKRP episode when Herb Tarlek came up with the brilliant Thanksgiving promotion that involved releasing live turkeys from a helicopter, thinking they would fly. Oops.

Is it possible that this turkey was on a mission to destroy the library's collection of all cookbooks containing poultry recipes? Did he succeed? This reporter needs to investigate further.

Didn't you mean to say Basters ?

Key quotes: ... as many as 75 have been spotted wandering the area ...

So ... whut color were they before?

AND ...

The library opened about 90 minutes late so employees could clean up the bird’s mess.

Yeah, I betcha that knockin' over some books wasn't the ONLY mess it made, IYCMD ... merely sayin' ...

(This whole story/concept is very common ... the wildlife folks re-introduce the turkeys to an area, and they gain a toehold in the local environment -- if raptors, foxes, coyotes and other predators don't get 'em all -- and everyone thinks, "Wow, these are so nice ... it's like our own private animal park ... SHOOT THEM? OH NO, THEY'RE SO NICE ..." and that's cool for a while ... then the population grows exponentially, and perty soon those same duck-huggers (not Federal types) are screamin' 'cuz the big birds are crappin' on their Beemers and tearin' up their lawns ... it happens, and so does [turkey] sh!t ... merely sayin' ...)

He said the bird might have been looking for females and lost its way.

“Its radar must’ve been off to be in the city in the first place,” Cygirt said.

sounds like Irv has some bad experiences in the 'looking for females' dept.
and South Bend was where the oven door/flat screen tvs were sold ...


Yup, Windex works on glass.

I wish there were a video of this. I would pay good money to see a turkey loose in my local library. Especially if it came to roost on the snotty librarian's head. Or one of those obnoxious middle-aged people with no life who sit around going, "Shhhh!"

It was looking for a female? It found a female (unless this librarian is a Boy named Judy).

Apparently she wasn't ready to settle down with a just any old turkey, though.

With god as my witness. I thought Turkeys could fly.

*pictures Les Nessman on the supermarket doorstep crying Othe humanity, they are hitting the pavement like sacks of cement.

http://radio.about.com/library/blwkrpturkeydropaudio.htm

With god as my witness. I thought Turkeys could fly.

Well...honest to god, I thought turkeys couldn't fly (like ostriches).

Okay, I Googled.

"Domesticated turkeys (farm raised) cannot fly. Wild turkeys can fly for short distances at up to 55 miles per hour. Wild turkeys are also fast on the ground, running at speeds of up to 25 miles per hour."

Thanks< KDF.

Good to know that it wasn't just something I made up.

*zips in*

I know I'm LTTG, and many have already said it but I love it sooooo much, that I can't stop myself:

As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

One of the Best Lines Ever on any TV show! :)

It was an ROFL, LMAO, VF, et al.

OK, I'm done now.

They released the turkeys into Potato Creek Park? And then expected them to just, oh, hang around?

Now all I can think about is lunch.

so, Bumble - what exactly were you doing in the library that made the obnoxious middle-aged crowd shoosh at you?

OK, how come the "remember personal info" thingy keeps changin' me back to Thumper, when I posted as "Thumper" once, like 4 days ago?

He was a ticked off Tom, because this was checked out

Just one review on Wally's link? C'mon, you guys could have some real fun here (I'm too tired to try now).

I would comment but I am busy looking for something to poke my eyes out with.

this is obviously another staged event by avian literacy advocates.

I don't think this has been said, but "Storming Turkeys" WBAGNFARB

Thumper~ Nuthin...

*wanders off whistling nonchalantly*

*shares bleach with S_P_J_G™*
(aside to wally... dirtball!)

Hey, I work at a library - can we get those turkeys up here? They'd be so much better than the senior citizens who come in for tax help and try to rip the doors off, even though they are there a half hour to an hour before the library opens... A turkey or some wildlife trying to come through a window would be nothing here in NJ... **Eyes roll**

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