THE ONGOING SQUIRREL WAR AGAINST INSTUTUTIONS OF HIGHER LEARNING

It keeps getting worse, and worse, and worse.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

Comments

[Sean]

The Simpsonian? What next an article from the Daily Farberian?

[Lush]

Bastiges! Hoppin' around with little helmets on and carrying nut shooters....

[CoastRaven]

Dunno - this place we got here started out squirelly.

[Lairbo]

It's just like those little rat-bastid squirrels, just when we had them eating out of our hands, whammo!, they turn on us. Basitds.

Is the Simpson team cheer, "D'oh!"?

[Lairbo]

That's "Bastids". (D'oh!).

[Sean]

Mmmmmm...Squirrels

[Kid Charlemagne]

Of course, "The Mutant Squirrels" WBAGNFARB!

[JT]

Anyone who watched or read "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" KNOWS what these vicious little hellspawns are capable of. And if they're teamed up with Oompa-Loompas, you don't have a chance...

[Lush]

And lazy! If it weren't for terrorizing, they'd just sit around all day playing with their nuts. *Am I allowed to write NUTS?*

[lurker]

& it's just a coincidence that this new wave of bushy-tailed terror occurs right after Bin-Laden releases a new tape?

I think not.

[Boris Badenov]

Do not forget moose! Moose and squirrel cause all troubles!

[Eleanor]

Note to Amy on the FIRST link:

Why don't you just make dinner for them every night?!?!?!?!

The only good rodent is a dead rodent.

Note to PETA: Do NOT call me or send me gross pictures. I won't change my mind.

(Except for Peri's.) :)

[Glix]

Anyone read the comment to the third story?

"I didn't realize that the squirrels had become such an intimidating force on campus. Perhaps if we had refrained from spray-painting them last year, they wouldn't be unleashing their wrath upon us now. After all, if a squirrel spray-painted me, I think I'm might be slipping some arsenic into their food."

Nooo, I'm sure that has nothing to do with it.

[Glix]

Although, I'd kind of like to see the ducks on our campus get the same idea (at least one was spray painted some years ago, and some students are always letting the water out of the pond).

[Sean]

So in the second post, the kid put moth balls under his car to keep squirrels away? Maybe that other guy should put moth balls in his pants to keep them from running up his leg.. And now are there a bunch of sad eunich moths flying around? Stop the madness!

[puppytoes]

f*cking squirrels.

[Laura Vona]

"There was no telling how many others were out there, and if I were to scream, no one would here me."
-Quote from the Simpsonian article

"here me"?
Not that I fancy a trip to Iowa but I'm quite sure that if I were shopping for an institute of higher learning,
I would not be going "their"...

[Sean]

Here in Oh-hi-a, ( Ohio )they would encourage every one to " harvest" the squirrels, after they started printing squirrel recipes on Busch twelve pack boxes..

[pepe]

i like the phrase "booshy-tailed rodents" in the second article.

Also, has anyone noticed "INSTUTUTIONS" above?

[Eleanor]

pepe - WHOA!!!

Dave made a typo and you're pointing it out???
Brave, very brave! Or maybe just - well, just -
No, I won't say it. :)

[Annie Where-but-here]

I'm sure the alleged typo was just a subtle reflection of the egregious use of the English language in the referenced articles. That said, booger!

When I was in college, I was attacked by a squirrel - it made me late for class. The teacher asked me why I was late, so I told him that I was trapped in my bathroom while a squirrel had its way with my breakfast. The entire class roared. ISIANMTU.

[Musically Challenged]

Just say it Eleanor.

Start with a 's' ends with a 'd'

In between is a 'tupi

[Betsy]

Squirrels are some of my favorite people.

And vice versa.

[bahoola]

Q: Why do squirrels swim on their back?
A: to keep their nuts dry.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Squirrels are the original practitioners of parkour.
"Yo, Nutso, I'll bet ya an acorn you can't run up that guy and jump off his shoulder."
"Fluffy - you are on!"
"Extra credit if you stick your tail in his face."

[puppytoes]

hello? INSTUTUTIONS was a joke. as in "instututions of HIGHER learning..."? you kids are slipping...

[bahoola]

http://www.thesquirrelloversclub.com/index.htm

That's because they didn't want to spell instututions correctly. 

[xmnr]

Somewhat off-topic, I bring you good news

[Squirrel Solution]

http://www.creators.com/0423/wiz/wiz0423g.gif

[bahoola]

http://www.critter-repellent.com/squirrel/how-to-get-rid-of-squirrels.php

Squirrels in the movie Bambi were awfully cute, but these little creatures can be big pests. Hungry squirrels have been known to chew their way into an attic, eat the bark off trees, chomp a hole through a birdfeeder, and even rip the insulation off the wiring in a car! When they become pests for you, you can get rid of these pests by turning your place into enemy territory. Shake-Away for Small Critters will repel them safely and easily.

[bahoola]

Shake-Away is an effective all natural animal repellent in granular form. The distinctive ingredient is predator urine from the Coyote, Fox
or Bobcat.
Through a patented process, the urine is integrated with a unique granular material. This special process captures the odor of the predator in granular form, for longer protection and easier application.

Animals have a sense of smell MANY times greater than humans. They use this keen sense of smell to communicate in many ways.

Predators communicate with urine "markings" to establish their territorial boundaries. Animals of prey understand this and avoid an area "marked" by an enemy. The scent of the predator's urine communicates that a mortal threat is prowling nearby.

Now You can use this method of communication to get rid of your invading pests. Shake-Away creates a FEAR Barrier around the area you want to protect.

[bahoola]

http://www.deadsquirrel.com/
Welcome to the Squirrel Defamation League. Our mission is to rid the world of all squirrels. The only good squirrel is a dead squirrel.

Have you ever been the recipient of squirrel damage? Has a squirrel ever invaded your house? Have you ever been taunted by one of these tree rats?

We have been in existence since 1997 exposing the truth about these supposed cute and cuddly animals.

[bahoola]

squirrel sex.com (the hottest squirrels on the net)I need you to click on it as much as possible so I don't have to work on anything else but squirrels having sex. contact webmaster ...

[Annie Where-but-here]

Anyone know where we can get some Spam-Away?

[JohnAnnArbor]

A cartoon in the "Michigan Daily" years ago was perfect. It showed unsuspecting students crossing campus as squirrels conferred over radios. Suddenly, TRIPWIRE! and a student is down!

The squirrles get his wallet, then demand to know why he's carrying only money instead of nuts.

[bahoola]

Wild Squirrel Sex recipe

Scale ingredients to servings
1 shot Stoli® Limonnaya vodka
1 shot Stoli® Strasberi vodka
1 shot Stoli® Ohranj vodka
1 shot Stoli® Razberi vodka
1 shot amaretto almond liqueur
fill with 1/2 sweet and sour mix
fill with 1/2 cranberry juice
top with grenadine syrup

Fill a 16 oz. cup with ice. Add shots and almost-fill with equal parts of sour mix and cranberry juice. Top with a splash of grenadine, and serve.

[V for Vee]

"My expectations for a sensible liberal arts college would include a deviation from the common practice of killing every animal that dares to wander out of their own environment, i.e. the three square blocks of city space we allot for parks for wildlife."
(From 'Oracle Online')

As a graduate of a liberal arts college, I can truthfully say that there is no such thing as a sensible liberal arts college. And I mean that in the best possible way.

JT -- I think you may be onto something. Mr. Wonka is probably using squirrels as part of a coup d'etat on the nation's, erm, instututions of higherer learning.

(That's good Liberal Arts College-learned English on my part, that is. ;-D)

[bahoola]

Step-by-step Squirrels

Dip Squirrel in water. Scrape off fur at base of tail and cut through tail leaving it attached to the back skin.
Extend cut up back.
Cut around flanks.
You can pull the skin off beginning at either end.
Here the skin is pulled over the forelegs first.
Reverse the squirrel, pull the fur over the hind legs and cut off the head and feet.

Squirrel and Dumplings
In a large pot, place 6 skinned and cleaned squirrels, 1 chopped onion and a stalk of chopped celery. Cover with water; add 3 chicken bouillon cubes and 2 tablespoons butter; cover and boil until squirrels are tender--about two hours. Remove and de-bone squirrels. Strain broth and set aside.

With a fork, mix 1 1/2 cups white flour, 1 egg and 1 cup broth, then continue adding flour until the dough no longer sticks to the bowl and is a consistency that can be rolled out. Roll dough out 1/4-inch thick on a floured surface, then with the tip of a sharp knife, cut dough into long, 2-inch wide strips. Cut the strips crossways every 3 inches to make 2- by 3-inch dumplings.

Return broth to the large pot and place under high heat. Bring to a boil and add squirrel meat, 1 can cream-of-chicken soup and 1 can mushrooms or 1 cup of freshly sliced mushrooms. One by one, add dumplings. Reduce heat to low and cook until done. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Barbecued Squirrel
Place the squirrels you wish to cook in a large pot. Cover with water and add plenty of seasoned salt. Boil covered for two hours. Lay two large pieces of heavy duty tinfoil across each other on top of a large serving tray.

Remove squirrels from pot and place them on the tinfoil and serving tray. Add 1 cup broth and cut into pads 2 tablespoons butter and distribute them evenly over the tinfoil. Fold edges of tinfoil over squirrels and place tinfoil and squirrels on grill over low charcoal fire. Cook for 45 minutes.

Remove squirrels from tinfoil and place directly on grill. Brush on barbecue sauce and cook for another 15 minutes. Remove and serve.

Squirrel Salad
Boil 6 squirrels until tender. The last five minutes of cooking time, add 3 eggs still in their shells. Remove squirrels and eggs from pot and let cool. De-bone squirrels. Peel eggs. In a food processor, grind meat and eggs separately. Place in a large bowl and with a spoon or fork, mix in mayonnaise or sandwich spread and pickle relish to desired consistency and taste. Serve on toast or crackers with your favorite garnish.

Squirrel Spaghetti
In large pot, boil 6 to 8 squirrels until tender in water seasoned with 2 chicken bouillon cubes, 1 stalk chopped celery, 1 bay leaf and 1 teaspoon pepper. Strain and reserve 2 quarts broth. In a large roaster pot over medium high heat, brown 1 pound spaghetti in 2 tablespoons olive oil; stir often to avoid burning.

With spaghetti browned, add 2 cans crushed stewed tomatoes, 1 can of a tomato-pepper mixture, 2 cans chopped mushrooms with juice, 1 clove garlic chopped fine, squirrel meat, 2 quarts broth, 1 teaspoon salt and 1/2 teaspoon pepper.

Bake covered in 350 degree oven for two hours. Stir often, uncover last 20 minutes of cooking time and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese and leave uncovered. If you have no squirrels, this recipe works well with one large stewing chicken.

Squirrel Italian
Brown 2 butchered and floured young squirrels in 2 tablespoons oil. Add 1 chopped onion and 1 sliced green pepper. Sauté. Add 1/2 teaspoon oregano, 1/4 teaspoon mace, 1/4 teaspoon cloves and 1/2 cup dry white wine. Cover and simmer 20 minutes. In a separate pan, sauté 1/2 pound fresh mushrooms in butter. Add to 1/2 cup tomato sauce. When hot, pour over squirrels and serve.

Pan-Fried Squirrel
Cut and separate hind legs, front legs and backs of 4 young squirrels. Dredge pieces in flour mixed with pepper and plenty of your favorite seasoned salt. Pour enough vegetable oil in skillet to cover the bottom to a depth of about 1/3-inch and heat to medium-high. In hot oil, cook squirrel until well-browned on all sides. Turn, taking care to avoid knocking off coating. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover skillet and cook until pieces are fork-tender, about 25 minutes.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Okayyy, but is it kosher?

[bahoola]

Princess Diana was extremely fond of the squirrels which made their home at Kensington Palace. The princess frequently scattered nuts with Princes William and Harry for the royal rodents. Shortly after her death in 1997, five dozen squirrels were found drowned in the Kensington Palace pool, allegedly by royal gardeners who were glad to finally rid the grounds of the pesky rodents. An investigation by the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty for Animals turned up empty

[bahoola]

Squirrel: Squirrels symbolize gathering, foresight, energy, erratic behavior, storing, gossip, warning, change, discovery, truth, balance and harmony. They are messengers of the Gods and mischief-makers. They warn you to be careful of useless hoarding and teach you to take life lightly.

[Annie Where-but-here]

remind me never to eat at bahoola's house. Ooh, look - a nut!

[bahoola]

Dave Barry on Squirrels

Dave Barry: "For one thing, if you see a squirrel dancing, you are looking at the final stages of rabies."

[Karen Palasek]

Here's some grat suggestions for the squirrel-embattled public: http://www.birdsforever.com/squirrels.html.

Happily for some of you, not all of them are nice.

KYP

[Charlotte]

My daughter sent me a crapcam photo of a squirrel that scared her half to death on campus at the Univ of Iowa. It lived in a trash can and she dared throw away trash.
Said she wouldn't go near that trash can again after that incident. Said the stupid thing popped out and started screaming at her about throwing away nothing but trash!

[Mr. Completely]

Bahoola - You DO realize this is a humor-oriented blog, right?

Just checkin'.

[Eleanor]

The Food Network web site would be a good place for recipes. Or if it's squirrel stew, maybe The Animal Planet web site. :)

[Kat]

*shudder* At least there were no toilet encounters!

[O. the U(manity)]

As to the second article; the writer mentions (specifically) the ground squirrel, yet the photo and the article deal solely with the "tree-dwelling" variety ... or so it seems ...

Third article: Yes, LV, I also noticed the exemplary level of training by the Simpson College Journalism/English departments ...

Bahoola -- So, the squirrel is sorta like Loki, Trickster or Kokopelli? Merely statin' an observation ...

[Hanna]

"Infiltrated" a capacitor? Euphamism for squirrel flambe?

[Hanna]

So Shake-Away is made of coyote urine. Premarin is made from pregnant mare's urine. What is that supposed to repel?

[O. the U(manity)]

Men?

[AFKAT]

Gawd, squirrel recipes...now my head hurts...

[bill cormeny]

If the squirrel is eating pizza,it's probably an illegal immigrant squirrel from Naples,Italy,as opposed to our native squirrels from Naples,Florida.
How can we rid the campus of these pests? Return to those days of yore when Davy Crockett hats were part of the daily uniform of young men around the great US of A.

[pepe]

i'm not supposed to point out typos? can someone tell me the rules in here cos' i have no idea what they are... besides drinking beer, which i don't.

[Stephen]

Squirrels 3, college students 0.
We are winessing TEOCAWKI!

[Stephen]

those days of yore when Davy Crockett hats were part of the daily uniform of young men around the great US of A.

Posted by: bill cormeny | 07:20 PM on April 24, 2006

Those hats were made out of died bunnies. Or is that dyed?

[exchange scrap gold uk]

well even i dont know that...