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April 14, 2006

SOON TO BE A MADE-FOR-CBS MOVIE

Iguanas!

(Thanks to chicomathmom)

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Key quote from the article…

“Iguanas are not human”

Y’all are very observant down there in Fla aren’t you?

Can I just say EW?

Iguana Be First?

Yet another reason why I love living in Seattle

Well, they seem to be right up there with those Burmese Pythons we saw in Florida on the Blog the other day. Lots of out-of-towners down there in Florida stay, don't they? Or do the iguanas qualify as illegal immigrants? Will they stage a protest?

they should feed 'em coffee beans - you know the rest.

"They eat your flowers and their feces is everywhere,"

eerie, that's what i have planned for the weekend.

JU

out here in the streets
all sticky from peeps
you know I need a small vacation

there's lizards in the trees
there's one following me
I believe this is an infestation

all the sidewalks defiled
from the pooping reptile
don't even make a decent latte

iguana make a stand
and fight for this land
the beach'll be littered with their bodies

Don't cry - don't raise your eyes
it's only reptiles wasted

yowza, mud! *holds backlit tft pocket pc up in the air*

JU

and this is an "upscale" Florida island?

"I know I left my bowling shoes up here in the attic somewhere ... Ah, here they are, right next to the AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEH!!!!"

That thing in the photo is not an iguana. What that guy's holding there is your typical Florida Cockroach.

that's no cockroach - that's none other than Sgt. Stedenko

What's this country coming to! It's gettin' so's a honest American can't take a dump without having critters crawling outta the jon

That does it. It's time for -

FAMILY FUN WITH THE TEN FLORIDA PLAGUES-
1- IGUANAS -- classic plague material. Fox will have the movie out in a few minutes - Keith Richards will star as himself.

2- ANACONDAS -- another Fox movie - "Little Red Riding Hood in the Everglades" - "Oh, Grandma, what big spots you have!" "The better to sssspot you with, my dear! Eeerrrrp!"

3- ALLIGATORS -- "Ding dong!" That's not Avon calling. They can't help it. They're just trying to get away from the anacondas.

4- HURRICANES -- remember the "Mr. Bill" skit from SNL? That's Florida with hurricanes. "Oh, nooo, Mr. Miami - here comes ANOTHER big pile of water! Oh, nooo!"

5- FIRES-- any organized state would have a hurricane to put out the fires, but nooooo.

6- NEW YORKERS-- Yes, I'm from NY, but I escaped to California before they sent me to Florida. Dave's a retired New Yorker, so he had no choice- it's the law.

7- EARLY BIRD SPECIALS-- is it my imagination or do they keep getting earlier? First one to eat wins what?

8- REALLY BAD DRIVERS--in a hurry on their way to the early bird specials.

9- BLACK SOCKS & SANDALS-- this is so horrifying, I...I can't even talk about it.

10- FLORIDA MARLINS -- win a world series, sell off all the pieces...and hire a manager old enough to appreciate the early bird specials.

New Yoakers move to Florida

Californians move to Montana

guess that makes Californians smarter than New Yorkers

(BTW - Southern California Cowgirl Goddesses that used to be from New York are welcome here - all the rest of you Californians - stay right where you are)

Is that an invitation, Thumper?

it was but not for you

Southern California Green-Eyed Goddesses that used to be from New York are also welcome...

OK, that one was for you (just so long as you bring me a present)

The Arawak indians used to chop iguanas up and make a delicious stew that the British called pepperpot. I remember this distinctly as we were required to memorize things like that and their memorial ceremonies for Caciques [chiefs]. I wouldn't remember it if a classmate hadn't answered the fill-in-the blank question:

How did the Arawaks memorialize their Caciques?

They cubed them and made pepperpot!

Tiny - I wouldn't mind Montana. I'm originally from a small town anyway. Does my hometown make your Butte look big?

Oh, and my eyes are hazel (green/brown).

Annie -- you missed

Palmetto bugs - from Cuba and big enough to knock on the door with a Cuban cigar in their mouths (not to be confused with Cuban rafters, who are also big enough to smoke Cuban cigars).

Chameleons - the all purpose inside/outside insect zapper (you see them in Geico commercials all the time...I think they have a good agent, probably that Jay Mohr guy who represents Pepsi). I like them, but I'm in the minority.

Termites - nothing good to say about them, except your house will tell you, they eat 5 lbs of wood a day.

Mosquitoes - they're everywhere. Killer after a hurricane, when the electricity is off, it's hot, and you get to chose to sweat to death or be eaten alive.

Noseeums - they're near the water, especially in the mangroves.

Fleas - year around 24/7.

Ticks - killed my dog.

Rednecks - they all live in Homestead (on the way to Key West) and hate anybody who speaks Spanish.

Corrupt politicians - you practically have to have a criminal record to get elected to public office. It helps if you are charged with some crime while holding office.

Seedoos - you don't want to live on a lake that allows motorized vehicles.

daisymae - maybe that's why old New Yorkers live there - you have to be deaf and have a thick skin.

*droops in*

Boy, did Thumper ever hurt my feelings.
Yes.

*curls up in ball and sobs*

Oh, Eleanor...why are your feelings hurt? I thought Thumper was inviting you (I even went back and read the last post-don't tell me I can't read, that would be cruel).

(pats El on shoulder)

geez - I just can't win

does this mean you won't be bringin' that present?

and Annie - my butte never looks big

daisy, check my 5:58p.m. post and Thumper's answer immediately following.

What I saw was: it was but not for you. Anything after that was just
c-r-a-p.

*trying to get a grip and face reality*
*snif*

Thumper, the correct response was "yes." This is one of those exceptions to the rule where honesty doesn't get you anywhere.

It's in the m-a-n-u-a-l.

El, you know I wouldn't go without you....and a tetanus shot.

I think Tiny forgot to shift from stooge humor to a more refined level of comedy. But hey, it's Good Friday. Let him hang up there until Sunday.

thumper, nice c&c pull.

(class...Class....CLASS!!)

UJ

Sci-fi channel original movie within two months. Just watch.

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