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April 14, 2006

POOPED-BEAN COFFEE

Despite my efforts, this concept is not going away.

(Thanks to Marie in Kourou)

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I like my coffee Strong, but that is gross.

Oh yeah, I forgot.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Mr Gross said he was surprised at how much he liked it, comparing the taste to fermented plum...

That says it all.

"Coffee, Jim?"

"Sorry, no ... My doctor says mongoose poop makes me nervous."

civit coffee is one of their best kept secrets?? They can KEEP their secret as far as I am concerned!

"Man this coffee is strong - It's as thick as mud!"
"Nope - but yer close!"

At some point, and I think drinking poop may be it, there is a sign you have too much money and not enough common sense.

Envision "coffee farms" of elephants doing the same thing....except on a much larger scale.

"There's obviously some substance to this in terms of what waves I am getting" Mr GROSS said "hmmm - the first wave is hard to pinpoint, but the closest way I could describe it would be nausea"

*tries feeding coffee beans to his cat*

*okay, step one: stop bleeding*

If I ever find corn in my coffee, I'm switching to tea for life.

Pssst! Hey, bloggers!

I got an email from a reporter from the LA Daily News who wants to do a story on us. Us!! Has anyone else gotten this?

Really?

Haven't heard, but I DID get an e-mail from some guy in Nigeria who wants the blog's help in transferring $70 million to a U.S. account, and wants to give us half of it for our help! He picked us because we're so discreet and confidential!

Suzy Q.

Any details

*snork* @ JT

This is how Charbux got the idea to soak their coffee beans in cat urine.

Gee, it makes my chockfull o' nuts seem tame. The name is still dorky but it didn't pass thru fur to get to me. *sigh*

I bet that when serious heroin addicts go to purchase their heroin, they do not tolerate waiting in line while some dilettante in front of them orders a hazelnut smack-a-cino with cinnamon sprinkles.

*snork* @ Dave!

"Sometimes it's a big civet and then the droppings are also big, but sometimes it's a small one and then the droppings are small," she said.

Let's give this gal a gold star!

Texas and others who are interested: Here's the email I got:

Hi,

I'm working on a story about online reactions to "24" and would like to talk to you about being a member of Dave Barry's online viewing parties, about the love-hate relationship everyone seems to have with the show, etc. (Obviously, I don't get to play along because I'm on the West Coast, but I read along as I watch.)

We can even do the interview via emails if you like. Let me know if you're interested.

Thanks,
David Kronke

I told him, sure ask your questions.

Is the caffeine really what they should be "extracting" from coffee beans pooped out of civet cats and other critters?

JT: I just emailed that guy from Nigeria my bank account info. Was that wrong??

Key Quote: "Dark Chocolate"

Bwahahahaha.
Gross.

Holy Crap, wait, can I eat whole coffee beans and sell them for $500 a pound?
Why haven't I tapped into this market yet?

I wouldn't call it "holy crap", exactly....

Jeezely ... I'm feelin' left out of this "LA TIMES" interview thingy ... mebbe if I sent him some Civet Coffee as a bribe, I could get in on this deal?

Will those Nigerians accept coffee beans instead of bank account numbers?

Hey I participate in the 'online viewing slam.. erm.. party' how come I didn't get and invite to the interview?
Oh wait.. they would need an email addy for that huh? Suzy Q you may be the only one there who uses a real addy.

Great...next time someone says my coffee tastes like sh*t, I'll just smile and say "thanks!"

This David Kronke person is going to think we're all on hazelnut smack-a-cino with cinnamon sprinkles. We're going to drive him over the edge, maybe even to the point where he starts drinking Kopi Luwak. You know, just to stay alert in case Jack Bauer comes to shoot him in the thigh.

Also, he is going to see no end of the jokes involving his last name rhyming with certain words that are probably not in the Oxford or Webster's dictionaries.

(A big hit of smack-a-cino with ground LSD to Southergirl, who alerted me to the fact that Dave and Judi blogged my link. *smooch n' grope* )

Look, I happen to like a Smack-a-cino right before I watch 24 reruns.

Wildass Conspiracy/Six Degrees Theory: Colombia, which is renowned for its coffee beans, is named in honor of (Christopher) Columbus, whose name in Spanish is Colon, therefore . . . oh, nevermind.

I may have already had too much coffee today.

wolfie: Yes, I use my real email addy. I've got nothin' to hide. Well.....more or less.

Does this mean that if I ever wanted to email anyone here, I wouldn't be able to? Hmmm....

If anyone else wants to participate in the LA News story, email me, and I'll pass it along to Mr. Kronke. I'm sure he'd appreciate more than one of us ranting....er, participating.

Dave -- you now have an objective reference for the taste of a$$. Everything else should reference its proximity to a weasel's tush...

Thank you Dave for bringing order to chaos!

Suzie,

Tell him we're all eagerly awaiting the big-screen adaptation, "2.25!"

We keep our e-mail addresses private to avoid the evil spammers and the total nutjobs.

Unique =/= good. When will people learn? I was taught never to eat things that fell on a floor, much less what fell down out of doors, much less droppings. Does money make you stupid? Or do you have to be stupid to have money? In the meanwhile, I'll just stick to tea and cola as my caffeine sources.

In a similar vein, I once drank six quarts of iced tea at a halloween party...right before I went out to t.p. a friend's car...

Someone should have explained the concept to me a little more clearly, is all I'm saying.

Reading the story about scat coffee today is kinda funny. All of downtown Baltimore smells like scat today for some unknown reason. *checking to see if our governor is in town today and stinkin the joint up again*

Suzy Q, actually I think the majority of us use real e:mail addresses, many of which I have mailed to! I set up a special blog one to keep out the spammers, creeps, etc. One problem: if you include an e:mail address and a web address (as I do,) it seems to default to the web address.

Thought: could this be like the guy in a bar who says "Hey baby, I'm a photographer and you're cute. Have you ever thought of being a model? My studio is right down the street."

Kidding.

Key disgusting quote:

Ms Montenegro puts the droppings in two containers - for the old ones, which resemble chalky beans, and for the fresh ones, which look like yellow beans in gravy. (emphasis added)

*bup*

I wrote a poem about this phenomena just yesterday in the "ancient worm poop" thread. To wit:

the gourmet searches
for petrified poop to make
ultimate coffee

So now I'm having deja-poo or something. Maybe deja-poopacino.

In the future, Crash will never eat any beans in gravy again.

Kronke, eh? Sounds like the name of the *real* star of The Emperor's New Groove.

Well I for one use my real email address, and would be pleased to participate in this forum. L.A., I mean; not the Nigerian one.
Pssst: will we have to explain what ramparts and parfait are???

Here's my key quote/photo caption:

Mr Gross said the coffee had 'some substance'.

Unfortunately, the civet's out of the bag on what that 'substance' is.

mudstuffin - mayhap it was just one of them thar premo-emissions

Another key quote from the article:

"It's more oily, there's more aroma..."

This gets more disgusting, the more you read about it!

Betsy: Yes, ramparts would be one of the ones to be explained. But, parfait? I have NO idea what you're talking about! That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

i knew there's a reason why i prefer tea...

Oh, fine, I've been harvesting my poop all these years and now I got competition from a freakin' civet? Hmph!

Oh, fine, I've been harvesting my poop all these years and now I got competition from a freakin' civet? Hmph!

(Sorry, all these coffee beans are makin' me jittery)

Is poop coffee kosher?

A big hit of smack-a-cino with ground LSD

mmmm...thanks, Marie!

*gropes back*

I feel left out too. I didn't get an email either. Maybe the "reporter" is just trying to hit on sweet and innocent SuzyQ.

I did get a marriage proposal from a Nigerian heiress who is looking for a prospective husband to help her smuggle $30 million out of the country, but my wife said that I couldn't go out to play.

I just googled him and there is a David Kronke at the LA Daily News as a TV Critic.

Oh SuzyQ, baby, Kronke loves you, Suzy Q!
He likes the way you blog, He'd like the way you snog.
Even though he's never seen you true,
SuzyQ.

Cheryl,

Yes, as long as you don't have cream with it.

Right, El?

"Sometimes it's a big civet and then the droppings are also big, but sometimes it's a small one and then the droppings are small,"

I can only picture this type of wisdom coming out of someone under 4 feet tall.

"Yes dear, go back to your 'Everybody Poops Coffee' and leave me to my artificially caffeinated carbonated beverage sweetened with aspartame."

I get that they are finding coffee beans in poop. What I don't understand is how they know what kind of animal the poop came from.

Also, can you imagine how deperate the guy must have been for coffee who first saw the beans in poop and thought, "Hey, I could still use those."

Mr. Gross really is gross.

Dan, reminds me of that line from Cheech and Chongs Up In Smoke. Cheech explains why he calls his stash Maui Wowie and Labrador. After the explanation, Chong says "This sh!t is sh!t?"

"There's obviously some substance to this in terms of what waves I am getting,..." Yup. It's a substance alright. One could honestly say it "tastes like cr*p" and be accurate.

Customer: "Say, is this coffee decafeinnated?"

Barrista: "Do mongeese poop in the woods?"

Customer: "Monkeys? What?"

Barrista: "Not monkeys, mongeese."

Customer: "You mean mongooses?"

Barrista: "Yeah, whatever. You want the frikken coffee or not?"

Customer: "What's that animal on the counter behind you?"

Barrista: "That's a civet cat. You're not gonna change your order now, are you? Jeez."

And people keep asking me why I don't drink coffee. They really need an explanation???

*snork* at Crash

Thanks, ArcticAl, I should've thought to google him, too. *looks sweet and innocent*

Coffee beans from poop
Not Juan Valdez's donkey!
Mrs. Olson wept

EWWWW! What id you step in?

I don't know.

Ick, it's coffee grounds. Wipe it off on the curb.

("Summertime Blues")
Gonna ride the geezer bus
Gonna raise a holler
Coffee's overpriced
If they charge more than a dollar
My trendy friends say that I'm out of style
"The most delicious beans come out of
somewhere vile"
Sometime I wonder if I'm out of the loop
They say the best brew comes from civet-cat poop!

In my cause, there's no way I'll be defeated
Ain't drinking nothing that's already been excreted!
Yuppies might laugh at my lame wit but
"Putting it briefly you're all just full of sh*t"
Sometime I wonder if I'm out of the loop
They say the best brew comes from civet-cat poop!

Yeah, Kronke's for real; he used to write for one of the Dallas papers (can't remember if it was the dead one or the one that still exists).

You know how Starbucks has moved away from using the plain brown bags for their coffee and gone to those exotic color-coded ones that reflect what country the coffee comes from? If they ever started selling civet-poop coffee, they'd have to go back to using the brown bag again, just 'cuz.

I have pet ferrets, also members of the weasel family, and this article disturbs me greatly. I am not sure what distubs me most. The idea of eating anything made from what comes out of them turns my stomach. The idea of my dear little devil's imp Pickle on caffeine makes me hide in fear for my life. Nothing would be safe.

Hooray for SuzyQ!!! Will you be getting a new outfit for the interview? I think you should, he may want to take pictures!

Correct Sarc! Poop is - no, it's too gross, I can't say it.

Memo to all potential interviewees:
The meaning of parfait is classified and may not be disclosed.
I don't even know what it means.
*wide-eyed look*

I thought you'd plead the 5th El, being a lawyer and all....

Eleanor: I would have to be some kind of reeeeallly long telephoto lens, cuz he's in LA and I'm in Miami. No, I don't have a webcam, and I'm not gonna get one! *cheezy grin*

If you wanna join the fun, email me.

So is this David Kronke guy gonna get back to us via Suzy Q or not? He'll probably have his people call our people - that's how it works when you get big time like us.

Will all of us fit on the cover of "People?"

We could be TIME's first "Blog of the Year."

They say coffee is a laxative, but this is ridiculous.

sparrow: I don't have any people...or minions...*snif*

If he wants to talk to me, he's gonna have to do it directly. And with no underwear on!

Suzy Q; when is the interview?

How exciting!

My guess is little Kronke didn't know what he was getting himself into. Muwahahahaha!

To be serious, I would want to break the story on our Jack Bauer Power Hour™ if I was a reporter. I would guess it is unrivaled by any other blog. Four to five hundred posts in an hour and a half? Unbelievable. The writers should read this for instantaneous review of the show and plot lines. Anyway, I think it'll be cool.

bb - in this case, it's an emetic also!

I know it would make me hurl.

El said:

The meaning of parfait is classified and may not be disclosed.
I don't even know what it means.
*wide-eyed look*

You mean it's not the parfait/sundaes from McDonalds?
*deer in the headlights look*

GEEZER BUS WARNING

*Mrs Dave thinking to herself: "Dave NEVER has a second cup at home."*

Chock Full Of Crap is a heavenly coffee,heavenly coffee,heavenly coffee,Chock Full Of Crap is a heavenly coffee,better coffee a Philipino's beans in gravy can't buy.

Luwak coffee is expensive because of the labor involved running after the civets, looking for their poop. So if this catches on, why can't we have cultured Luwak, where the animals are raised in captivity and force-fed a diet of coffee cherries. Later, the beany poop gets collected, cleaned, and the beans are more abundant and sold cheaper.

There's money to be made here. Civets: the new chinchillas! Two drawbacks: Another PETA issue, and I worry about job titles. "Poop Washer" doesn't really look that good on a resume. Guess that's just another job Americans won't do that we'll set aside for immigrants.

Kopi Luwak or Civet Coffee is coffee made from coffee berries which have been eaten and "digested" by the Asian Palm Civet in jungles in Southeast Asia, specifically the Philippines and Indonesia. The civet cats eat the coffee berries normally. However, the coffee beans pass through their system undigested.

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