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April 18, 2006


I have not been blogging much today because I dropped my phone, so I got a new phone, which means I have been shuttling back and forth between my house and the phone store trying to get the email part of my new phone to work. The phone store is 83 blocks from my house, and I have made three round trips so far in Miami traffic, which means in the past four hours I have taken 23 years off my life.

The good news is that, if I ever get my new phone to work, it has a less-crappier (but still crappy) CrapCam. But that is a mighty big "if." Right now I am blogging this from the phone-store computer, which they are letting me use because at this point I am viewed as practically an employee. Robert (the guy who has been helping me) has taken my phone into the Back Room. I think maybe he is beating it with a pipe. That's what I would do. We have tried everything else.

Gotta go now. I have a customer. 


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I hope to see you at the Gypsy Tea Room (or the Typsy Gee Room) to get a CrapCam picture with you.

OK, geeks need to know - what brand, model number and wireless technology is this phone?
And what is the megapixel rating of the camera?

I'm in the backroom helping the employee with his self esteem.

I'm in hell too. All the time.


Dave, I'll be right down to help you! Now, let me get my phone out... bleep booop braaaaap... Lessseee, MAPS beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep *Camera flash goes off* beep boop boopbeepbeep *MP3 Player starts playing "Mandy"* beepbeepboop bwaaap boing "If you would like to make a call, please hang up and dial again..." beepboopbeep *battery bursts into flames*...

Or not.

*drives into bridge abutment trying to put out fire*

Immediate suicide is the best option at this point. It is quicker, less painless and will be less of a burden on the family.

"... because at this point I am viewed as practically an employee."

Well, Dave, you have been on hiatus for a while. Guess they figured you looked like you needed a job. (Are you wearing that blue shirt again today?)

How funny! Good luck with your new phone!


*snork* at djtonyb!

Speaking of 'less painless,' punch it in the throat. That's what Daddrey [slyeye's ?] would do.

Can you see me now?

"Taking it into the Back Room" is code for giving the phone a "Bauer". It'll either never work, or be too scared to mess up ever again.

When will they invent a phone that doesn't break when you drop it? Then you'd never have to replace it. Oh, wait a sec - never mind.

I'd really like to see Jack Bauer drop his phone...especially when he bent over to pick it up.

The phone store?

Dave! Can't you get one of your people (judi) to call one of Kiefer's people (dead Audrey?) about getting you hooked up with a Verizon® Jack Bauer Every Day In Hell Cell™?

This is your chance to upgrade! Don't blow it, Dave!

Dave, make sure it's the special Jack Bauer edition, with remote terrorist detonation capabilities!

More effective way would be to shoot it in the thigh.

cj...daddry is Betsy's

One of my favorite movies is The Breakfast Club Now, thanks to a little $19 piece of software (which I refuse to plug here) I was able to transfer my Breakfast Club MP3 sounds into cell phone ringtones. Now, when I turn off my phone, I have the voice of Judd Nelson ("Bender") saying "Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?"

I just wish I had a good answer as to why....

Dave, if you truly want to get out of there (I somehow get the feeling that you do), ask to see every single phone, one at at time. Ask them to set each one on vibrate, then put them in your pocket....aaaahhh. They'll have you out of there in no time.

"beating it with a pipe"!?

now c'mon Dave - you know that won't do any good. if there's one thing my grandpa bill taught me, it's that if you want to do a job right, you have to use the proper tool. For example, the proper tool for checking for a propane leak is a bic lighter - not a zippo.

and this is the proper tool for fixing a cell phone

now, don't you feel silly?

Um . . . .why don't you just trade that one in for another cell phone that works?


Had the same experience with new phone. Am in pre school with the technology. All I want is a phone that is small (I'm a little woman), rings when someone calls, takes a message when I can't answer and let's me know if I want to talk to whomever is on the other end.

The salesperson (I think he was about 12) started to rattle off the music downloading, picture taking, flash drive attachment, attracts verile men features when I stopped him.

"Uh, does it have voice mail and caller ID?" You'd thought I'd asked him if I had to crank it to get it to work. The salesperson looked at me and his eyes read "Piltdown" (to quote a famous American).

I got out of there without the Swiss Army knife, GPS/North Star and the Low Jack features.

I hope no one calls me since I can't find the talk button.

Mine whinnies. 'Nuff said.

Hello? Hello? TC may I borrow the tool you recommended to Dave?

Thank(s) God. 'pologies Betsy. Daddry would punch it in the throat in the back room.

Mikey, why? To whack Lmd33 for his overly simple suggestion?

Next on 24 - Jack sends Audrey to the phone store, where she eventually dies from boredom...this is good for at least 5 episodes.


:) Thought it might help me find the "talk" button. Hello? Hello? Dang it!

Annie-WBH: So if this blog ever had an audio c.h.a.t. (Gotta escape the robot!) and dialed your phone, you might sound a little horse?

Mikey - sorry, can't hear you - call back later!

P'boy - absolutely. It's "Frau Bruja" all over again. It also has a dolphin - sometimes I make it ring on porpoise.

My teenage son likes to show me all the cool stuff my phone does, the games I could play, the music I could download. Doesn't do me much good, because I like to keep it turned off. I mean, otherwise people could call me and tell me to do things!

He also reset Mr Artchick's ringtone so it plays the "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies" and we are too pathetic to know how to change it back. Breaks the ice at business meetings though.

At least it isn't playing Witchy Woman

My son's ringtone is the Knights who say Ni. He is much cooler than we are.

I don't have a cel phone, am I missing something? {I think I'm the only person I know that hasn't got one, oh yea and my girlfriend,...are we deprived???

artchick: the only reason i would ever trade in my crummy does-nothing-but-work-as-a-phone phone is to have a cool ring-tone like your son's. or the *the peanut butter/jelly song*. or... *this*. but that's just me. : P

slyeyes: If you're out there tonight, please email me. I have something to forward to you. It seems that, after last night, we have an "admirer."

I reaaaaally hope it's the Magic Jack Bauer PDA. My dad got one that's almost magical, but no, he refuses to get the internet hooked up to it. *sigh*

Maybe this is a sign you need to use a simpler phone without all the weird add-ons that actually distract you from talking to someone with it. But I sense that after four trips you really want one with the bells and whistles.
   Now, there’s an idea. Say, can you get Robert to attach a bell and a whistle to the unit after he’s finished beating it with a pipe?

"I just wish I had a good answer as to why...."

Oh, so do I. So do I.

Dave, you really don't live THAT far from a phone store. Why'd you choose the one that's so far away? Surely there's one in South Miami.

djtonyb - I actually had a cell phone replacement battery explode and burst into flames.... at the store in germany when I took it back to complain it wouldn't charge... while it was sitting in the palm of the hand of the snotty (german) salesman who kept pretending my german wasn't clear enough to tell him "it won't charge".... yes, it was worth ALL the aggravation he put me through trying to get that battery in the first place! (it wouldn't have been funny if he got burned, but it jumped out of his hand when it exploded.)

That's what Daddrey [slyeye's ?] would do.

Posted by: CJrun | 05:38 PM on April 18, 2006

I was beginning to just wonder how much wine I'd had last night. I completely forgot who's my daddrey.


Dave, Judi, why isn't this up yet?????

What could be more important? Where are we supposed to get our news, if not the blog?

Wahooligan, I wondered what all the yelling was about.

I sent that story in earlier...although I'm ashamed to admit it. Suri Cruise....sigh.

SuzyQ, check your e-mail.

Gotta go now. I have a customer.

HA! :)

I have not been blogging much today because I dropped my phone
Like that's an excuse. (just kidding)

My sympathies are quite profound, since this reminds me of the 6 months it took me to get DSL up and running. Just don't ask, don't even ask.

Dave-- hope you enjoyed working @ the cell phone company. I don't think I would have -- I'd a been too p*ssed about the phone.

Dave, I'm getting a new phone tomorrow. Mine broke because it got "moisture" in it. *How could that happen in Florida??!*

Anyway, I'd love some pointers on the best model. I'll tell Robert to give you the commission. 'kay?


You didn't drop it next to the stables last night, did you?

My 9-year-old wants a cell phone. Maybe if I get him one he can help me program mine.

*whinny!* at slyeyes.

... um ... yeah ... my cell phone has a decent ringtone, but the company phone I've got (rhymes with Shmerizon) has got a bunch of buttons in the wrong places, and every time I pick it up, it starts to do something I don't want or need ...

OTOH ... when MB(RH?) wuz last visiting our grandkids, our granddaughter reset her "ALARM" ringtone to be: Good Morning, Grandma ... spoken by her ... it's pretty cool ...

and ...

speakin' of cool ... y'all will never guess from whom I just got an email ... wowser, this place is fun!

Dave, the important aspect of your new "phone" that you have not mentined is: Is it capable of downloading schematics? If not then all the other hyperbole is moot! (Is that redundant?)


Special favor request time:

I told my kids about getting an email from a sorta perty famous-type person (not you, nor judi) and now my daughter wants me to use my "connections" to get a backstage pass for my granddaughter when Alice Cooper plays in Fargo ... um ... please?

It's my grandkid's faith in her grandpa that's at stake here!

(OMG! I am laffing so much at the whole concept, beside my brazen gall and effronterty to even bring it up ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)

Dave, did you get one of those Treo 650 Jack Bauer Power phones?

I thought SuzyQ liked me best but now it turns out that slyeyes is her favorite. I love slyeyes too, but stil.....

I feel used.:(

Why anyone would want a cam-phone is beyond me. The advantage of phone conversation is that you can roll your eyes in disdain, flip the caller off, etc. all the while engaging in polite, Miss Manners conversation. With your hair net on!
Privacy is becomming a thing of the past.
Much like me.

genteel *snork* @ adrienne

I used to tell my office folks that they could make any kind of faces or scissoring-the-phone-cord gestures they wanted, as long as they got more and more polite as their gestures got ruder. They were frequently lauded for their impeccable phone manners:)

My favorite Dave Barry blog entries are when his brilliance comes through the same usual day to day situations that everyone else also goes through. A great lesson to see the humor in everything! Thanks Dave!

Dave, do what I did. I got rid of ALL the family cell phones. You just borrow everyone else's since they will feel sorry for you!

pssst, Eleanor, I think it's a redhead thing

Time for a cell phone update, Dave.

hi dave! i'm waving at yoou!!!

*tosses smooches at Eleanor*

Dave - maybe when you put the self-exploding thumb drive in the computer, something went kaboom inside the phone thingamajiggy...

Dave, I recommend buying a parrot and let him figure out the phone. You can train him to squawk ringtones and even have him screen your calls. ;)

Dave, we have a radio station is Columbus, OH that will give listeners $1000 if a famous person calls and leaves a message. I sure could use the moolah - are you willing? I would consider re-naming my son Booger or my daughter Oosik...

I was one of the few hold outs on the cell phone craze. I finally got my daughter's prepaid cell when she went to college. She and my husband got a cell phone each, so we could stay in touch.
I never have the stupid thing on, and when I do have it on, I forget about it and then need to charge it. Since I very rarely charge it, it sits in my purse with a dead battery for a week.
I hate cell phones.

OMG! Quick, drive down to the $6 Billion CSI MIAMI headquarters. I am certain that Horatio (I'm sorry everytime that I hear that name I have to yell "Look Out Hor-ra-shee-oh!" from Tiny Toons summer vacation)..sorry. Anyway, from deep within their NASAesque digs the CSI staff can solve anything in exactly one hour.


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