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April 07, 2006

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TRADITIONAL EASTER BEVERAGES...

...you're talking PeepTini.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

LET'S JUST HOPE THEY REMEMBERED TO BOIL IT

(Thanks to thornapple river)

THE NEWS FROM SWEDEN

There's a new political parrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty.

(Thanks to Michael McElree)

SCIENCE HEADLINE OF THE DAY

Stop giggling, class!

(Thanks to Mew)

FASCISM UPDATE

Really.

(Thanks to Candy Tutt)

UPDATE: REALLY.

(Thanks to CoastRaven)

PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER OF THE DAY

While The Blog's away.

(Thanks to Schadeboy)

NOTE: Please post LINKS ONLY in the comments section if you make your own.

ATTENTION, HIGH SCHOOL SENIORS

Please study your College-Prep Handbook.

(Thanks to CJ)

UPDATE: Don't forget to pack your cannon.

IN SOPCHOPPY

Odd grunting sounds fill the air.

(Thanks to DavCat)

IN FELTON, NORTH OF MORPETH

Terror hops the streets.

(Thanks to Prasenjeet)

TRAVEL ADVISORY

Blogging from me will be light today, as I will be attempting to get to San Luis Obispo, California. Although at the moment I am asking myself: Why?

GEEKS:

You know you want these.

(Via Gizmodo)

DANG

ATTENTION, MEN

Missing anything?

April 06, 2006

ATTENTION MUSIC FANS WHO ARE NOT TOO DEMANDING

The World Famous In Some Regions Rock Bottom Remainders are "hitting the  road" again for a major international tour (we are counting California as a separate nation) that will take us to...

Dallas on April 26
Denver on April 27
and
Los Angeles on April 29
.

The Dallas and Denver concerts are fundraisers to benefit two fine programs for inner-city kids, Dallas SCORES and Denver SCORES. For ticket information, please go here. The Los Angeles concert is part of the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books.

We hope you can come out and "get down" with us, because we have been practicing hard, and this year we plan to introduce some new musical wrinkles, including tuning our instruments before we start playing.

AND THEY CALLED IT BUNNY LOVE

Hey, if it's not belittling to humans.... oh wait....

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL PROGRAMME

Unfortunately, we're already pretty sure this works on teenagers.

(Thanks to Rick K., first)

FLORIDA

The Inappropriately-Tasering-Everyone-At-Random State

(Thanks to Reddsuss)

TRAINING PROGRAMME

Will it work on teenagers?

(Thanks to Joseph Hession)

CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE

Now they are striking down our most fundamental human rights.

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)

MOVE OVER, MARTHA STEWART

IN OTHER SOCIAL NEWS

Ollen Henderson of Fruitridge Circle in Fruitdale gets a little wacky.

"NURSE, I NEED THREE CC'S OF VAMPIRE-BAT SALIVA STAT!"

SOCIAL NOTE FROM SPRINGFIELD, MASS.

Everyone had a lovely time.

(Thanks to many people)

April 05, 2006

HEE HAW

Ladies, do we have some "good humor" for the men of Rajasthan?

(Thanks to Isabel Briand)

WHY WE LOVE THE INTERNET

We love the Internet because no matter what topic you pick, somebody, somewhere, has taken it very seriously.

ATTENTION, COLLEGE STUDENTS

Road Trip!¹

(Thanks to David Zinger)

¹Okay, we realize there are no roads in space. Also, we are ignoring the sentence that says "Methanol is not suitable for human consumption." Have you located a lake yet?

FOR HEALTH REASONS

...the stealth bloggerette is forced to tell everyone to go jump in a lake.

(Thanks many moons ago to the incredibly stressed yet always friendly, thus apparently soon-to-be-dead, Albert Franquiz)

VACATION DESTINATION OF THE MONTH SO FAR

Rockford, IL

(Thanks to Dan Sauberlich)

ATTENTION COLLEGE STUDENTS WHO, BECAUSE OF BAD LUCK OR BAD PLANNING, HAVE TO ATTEND EARLY CLASSES

Here you go.

(Via Gizmodo)

ART B.

Here's another nice piece on him.

OK, ENOUGH GOOFING OFF FOR ONE MORNING

Time to get to work.

ADVISORY TO DINERS IN THE HAWALLY AREA

Skip the baked goods.

HARD TO BELIEVE

It turns out that maybe it's not such a great idea to feed your child the gallbladder of a snake.

In other snake news: Doesn't this violate some law of physics?

April 04, 2006

YOU'LL FEEL TOTALLY, NATURALLY RELAXED, AT LEAST UNTIL THE FIRE ANTS CRAWL INTO YOUR BUTT

Presenting: The Chia chair

(Via Gizmodo)

THE APOCALYPSE

It is definitely happening.

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr)

BATHROOM SAFETY UPDATE

Maybe hovering is not enough.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

TAKE TOMORROW OFF

It's Consecutive Numbers Day!

ADVISORY TO RESTROOM USERS

Hover.

FLORIDA: WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

...in your garage.

April 03, 2006

24

Things are looking good this week. Jack finally got rid of the Killer Kanisters by blowing up the gas works. Granted, the explosion probably killed everybody within a 50-block radius, but as the old saying goes, "you can't make an omelet without leveling a large sector of Los Angeles." The important thing is, the Kanister plot line, which was a total snore-a-palooza, is DEAD. Tragically, Audrey is not, but we can't have everything.

With the Kanisters gone, we can now get to the REAL plot, which probably has something to do with the Big Secret being carried around by deceased-ex-president Allstate's brother Wayne. Last week Wayne was being chased by bad guys through the vast Central Los Angeles Forest. Wayne was rescued by Agent Pierce in an exciting scene, which is described as follows in the official 24 web site episode guide (the entry for 9:46 p.m.):

Pierce and Wayne make their way past his flipped car. Suddenly, a missile wheezes past them. Wayne is knocked down. Pierce returns fire into the darkness at the gunmen. He puts Wayne into his car and they escape.

Yes! A wheezing missile! Probably the deadly AsthmaSonic 2000.

In other news:

Chloe has a new sidekick, Shari, who is competent, dedicated, and, in accordance with the Counter Terrorism Unit's strict hiring guidelines, insane.

Edgar is still dead.

We didn't see the President last week, but we're sure he's still a huevos-free zone.

So that's about it for the plot as we... No, wait! We almost forgot! Jack might be dead. At the end of last week, he disappeared in a ball of flame with the evil terrorist leader Bierko. They didn't show Jack in the previews for this week. Is he dead? Is the season over? We will just have to wait and see!

Also we have a minor conflict caused by the fact that the NCAA, which is apparently run by idiots who did not have the simple human decency to check the 24 schedule, decided to hold the national college-basketball championship game tonight. We here at the blog may have to cut away from 24 from time to time to monitor the game, because we have strong ties to the University of Miami, which means we have to root for the Florida Gators to fail. It’s not personal, Gators fans! It’s just that we hate you.

UPDATE: Audrey sure recovered quickly from extreme torture.

UPDATE: JACK! What a shock.

UPDATE: They do not make terrorists the way they used to, when they made Marwan.

UPDATE: Jack thinks this is bigger than anything they ever imagined! That's pretty big, for a show that had Edgar in it.

UPDATE: Who are these sneaky people?

UPDATE: Mrs. Logan's assistant! That bitch!

UPDATE: They took Evelyn's daughter? Does anybody have ANY idea what's going on? No? Me either. At least there's no canisters.

UPDATE: Evelyn's going to give them the evidence!

UPDATE: Chloe and Shari are so busy THEY CAN'T EVEN SIT DOWN WHEN THEY TYPE!

UPDATE: A unit-wide backslash protocol! Those bastards!

UPDATE: Who are these greasy quiet-talkers? What do they want with Audrey?

UPDATE: Did Wayne say he wants to meet Jack in an old barn? In Los Angeles?

UPDATE: They really want us to like Audrey. WHY??

UPDATE: Jack needs the satellite, dammit!

UPDATE: Audrey must be sleeping with the scriptwriters. All of them.

UPDATE: UCLA 2! Gators NADA.

UPDATE: UCLA 3, Gators 2.

UPDATE: UCLA 4, Gators 4.

UPDATE: The Gators have obviously bribed the refs.

UPDATE: The UCLA cheerleaders are a great deal more attractive than the Gators cheerleaders.

UPDATE: Chloe is gonna deck that woman.

UPDATE: This kind of reminds me of "Days of Our Lives."

UPDATE: They're patching Jack in...

UPDATE: There is nothing lower than kidnaping a child actor.

UPDATE: Chloe's re-tasking the satellite for a full infrared sweep. That is why we love her.

UPDATE: We have no update at this time from the UCLA game.

UPDATE: There's the old barn, such as you find all over the LA area.

UPDATE: Chloe can't BELIEVE the vice president is involved.

UPDATE: I want a PDA like Jack's.

UPDATE: President Handbag! I kind of missed his huevos-free self.

UPDATE: It's almost go time...

UPDATE: Chloe has a nice set of schematics.

UPDATE: The idiot NCAA can't even time the commercial breaks right!

UPDATE: OK, I am going to have to estimate here: UCLA 78, Gators 14.

UPDATE: One down.

UPDATE: Jack has the PDA of DEATH.

UPDATE: Wayne! You go!

UPDATE: Jack is showing a full range of lethality this evening.

UPDATE: Henderson is the Marwan of this season.

UPDATE: It's NOT the vice president! IT'S THE HANDBAG!

UPDATE: UCLA 173, Gators 6.

YOUR OFFICIAL FINAL SCORE: UCLA 687, Gators minus 14.

PREPARE TO SET UP YOUR PERIMETER

POLICE BLOTTER

You can't make this stuff up.

(Sent in via snailmail by Betsy Beckerman)

MISLEADING HEADLINE OF THE DAY

But an innovation that no doubt will reach Florida by morning.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

A SERIOUS QUESTION

What are they smoking in South Bend?

(Thanks first to DavCat)

MEN: DO NOT READ THIS

Really. Do not click the link.

(Thanks to Glenn Schein)

ATTENTION, SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS

Your days are numbered.

(Thanks to DavCat)

SELF-INFLICTED INJURY OF THE MONTH SO FAR, NUDIST DIVISION

TECHNOLOGY UPDATE

OK, this story is a little scary. Check out the video, then ask yourself: What happens if, say, Furby learns how to do this?

(Via Gizmodo)

NEIGHBOR FROM HELL

Four million cedis is not nearly enough.

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now the bastards are using broccoli snakes, which would be a good name for a rock band.

 
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