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April 14, 2006

SOON TO BE A MADE-FOR-CBS MOVIE

Iguanas!

(Thanks to chicomathmom)

EASTER

It's a good time to take some wholesome family photos.

(Thanks to Brad Slager)

ATTENTION, HOME DEPOT SHOPPERS

Run.

POOPED-BEAN COFFEE

Despite my efforts, this concept is not going away.

(Thanks to Marie in Kourou)

A GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Tainted Meat

(Thanks to Karl Weckstrom)

¹ Also "Free Meat" and "Mountain Meat." In fact pretty much anything you want to pair with "Meat" WBAGNFARB.

April 13, 2006

CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE

Now they want to take away our fundamental right to take snakes into a bank.

(Thanks to Mollenkamp)

SEDER UPDATE

During the Seder last night, the phone rang. I answered it, and the person on the other end was -- I am not making this up -- Shadoe Stevens. He said: "I'm here with Ted, and I have to tell you, I'm not seeing that much of a mullet."

After I hung up, my wife said, "Who was that?" I said, "It was Shadoe Stevens. He says Ted doesn't have a mullet." If you think I got a Look for getting Charoset on the ceiling, you can imagine the Look I got for that phone call.

In other Seder news from last night: During the part where my wife, acting as Leader, was reading about the ten plagues that were visited upon Egypt, I looked down and saw, crawling across the floor, a Florida cockroach the size of a small dog. It was not one of the official plagues, so I stomped on it.

WORMS IN THE NEWS

Yumck!

(Thanks to Stupendous Man)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using radioactive seagull poop.

(Yes, this is old. But it was sent by Ridley.)

ATTENTION, GEOLOGISTS

Time to party.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

April 12, 2006

ATTENTION, RIDERS OF THE GEEZER BUS

Hold on to your pacemakers; it's the end of the world as we know it.

(Thanks to Adam Moser)

SOUNDS LIKE FUN!

Maggot talks.

(Thanks to artchick)

UPDATE: They should hold those talks here.

(Thanks to Rick Harover)

UPDATE ON THE ARTS

MiniKiss vs. Tiny Kiss

(Thanks to EducIntel)

LEGAL EXCUSE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to RussellMc)

WHY WE LOVE JACK BAUER

Because he teaches us how to succeed in business.

(Thanks to Michael Stern)

WHY WE LOVE DODGEBALL

It builds character.

(Thanks to LadyBug)

WHY WE LOVE FLORIDA

It has values.

(Thanks to insomniac)

UPDATE: Also, Florida is taking on unwanted snakes. (Although "unwanted snakes" seems redundant to this blog.)

(Thanks to CoastRaven)

SPEAKING OF VOLCANOES

If you happen to be making the traditional Passover Charoset, using the ancient Jewish method of putting the ingredients in a blender, be advised that if you remove the blender top to poke a piece of unblended apple down toward the blades, you may experience a violent eruption resulting in a good-sized glob of traditional Passover Charoset on the kitchen ceiling, and your wife will give you: The Look.

MOAT OF DEATH

WBAGNFARB. As would Toothpaste Squirts.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

ADVISORY

I am off to do what I imagine every son of a Presbyterian minister will be doing this afternoon: Making matzoh-ball soup.

Happy Passover, to those who celebrate it. And happy Wednesday to everyone else.

ATTENTION, NOBEL-PRIZE JUDGES

ADVERTISING MEDIUM OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Via Gizmodo)

SORY ABOT TH TYPOS

...bt it's hrd to prss th righht kys wit ths stickk

TECHNOLOGY UPDATE

For now, this is only a dream....

(Thanks to Marie in Kourou)

ATTENTION, LADIES

There's wayyyyy too much interest in soccer in this country too, these days, don't you think?

(Thanks to Sarah J. and wolfie)

April 11, 2006

BORED AT WORK?

Get productive with The Blog.

UPDATE: For those who couldn't attend, but would still like to waste some time enhance their productivity.

WORST RECIPE NAME OF THE DAY SO FAR

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

IF ONLY THEY COULD DO THIS FOR PROSTATE EXAMS

Treat your pain by phone OR email!

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

UPDATE: Apparently people think I did not realize that judi already blogged this, and that therefore I must not read my own blog. Hahahaha! Of COURSE I know that judi already blogged this! I blogged it again  because.... because it's a tribute to judi. Also because she failed to mention to the prostate angle.

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now they're using salad frogs.

April 10, 2006

24

The entire nation remains in a state of shock tonight as we continue trying to absorb the astounding plot twist from the end of last week's episode, when we found out that the evil genius behind the fiendishly complex (in the sense that nobody understood it) Killer Kanister Konspiracy was none other than.... Edgar!

No, sorry, Edgar is still dead. The evil genius turned out to be none other than.... President Manilow! All this time we thought he was a total dipweed wiener loser, but in fact he's a total dipweed wiener genius mastermind! This shocking development raises many questions, including:

1. What the hell is going on?

2. Seriously, does anybody know?

3. Is that German agent going to come back? The one Jack got with the old exploding-memory-chip trick? (Har!)

4. What about Jack's hot new girlfriend?

5. They're not going to try to resurrect the China subplot from last season, are they?

6. They better not. We HATED that subplot.

Meanwhile CTU, whose employees have been valiantly trying to continue the fight against terrorism despite the fact that half of them were killed by nerve gas and the other half are moles, is now being overrun by Homeland Security bureaucrats who behave as if they all have prizewinning zucchini up their butts, which means we're supposed to hate them, which may mean that they're part of a shocking plot twist and we should actually like them.

Speaking of people who are not easy to stomach, Audrey -- who apparently slept with not only all the writers for this show, but also every employee of the Fox network above the rank of assistant custodian -- is STILL IN THE PLOT. She has formed an alliance with Chloe.

Speaking of Chloe: She had better not get Edgared, or this blog, for one, is going to take to the streets with the righteous wrath of a million undocumented immigrants.

Anyway we begin tonight's episode with a Duel to the Death shaping up: On one side, we have an Evil Dipweed Wiener Genius Mastermind who commands the mighty massive might of the U.S. government, including tanks, missiles, nuclear weapons, a virtually unlimited supply of manpower and -- most chilling of all -- the IRS. On the other side, virtually alone, we have Jack Bauer, armed with little more than his wits and a Cell Phone of Death, plus the fact that he just signed a $40 million contract for three more seasons. So if I was the president, I would be purchasing some thigh armor right about now.

That, in brief, is the situation as we begin tonight's episode. It's Jack Bauer vs. The Handbag-in-Chief, with just eight more nail-biting hours to go. Followed by at least three more nail-biting seasons. It's going to be a wild ride, so grab somebody you love and hang on tight.

UPDATE: Propel Fitness Water? What the hell is "fitness water?"

UPDATE: If they get a hotel room right now, they can watch themselves on TV!

UPDATE: Audrey's uploading to Jack's PDA? That's Chloe's job!

UPDATE: Dr. Jack.

UPDATE: Jack is off-grid.

UPDATE: Does the president carry around a creepy red light that he shines on his own face at all times? I thought so.

UPDATE: I'm glad I'm not the bank manager.

UPDATE: Why do they need guns? Do they think the BM has a perimeter?

UPDATE: Four neckties! That bastard!

UPDATE: William Devane is back! Yay!

UPDATE: Chloe is too smart for them. That is why we love Chloe.

UPDATE: That poor little girl: Her mom is hurt AND the music got really scary.

UPDATE: Aaron is about to make a move....

UPDATE: Aaron is going to keep his eyes open AND watch his back. Good plan.

UPDATE: LA is a very heavily forested city.

UPDATE: I think it'd be cool if, when Jack got inside, just for fun he applied for a mortgage.

UPDATE: Subpoena! Har.

UPDATE: Henderson is showing real promise as the heir to the Marwan role.

UPDATE: I think the Handbag's gonna get LUCKY 2-NITE.

UPDATE: This is like watching your parents do it.

UPDATE: Showdown at the bank....

UPDATE: She's heading for the Sepulveda Pass!

UPDATE: Don't you like hate it when a vector is locked out by a class one priority override?

UPDATE: The perimeter is secured AND they have a visual!

UPDATE: I frankly don't see how Jack is going to get out of this alive. Other than the three-year, $40 million contract, I mean.

UPDATE: Funky New Age music = trouble ahead.

UPDATE: Chloe's login name is.... CHLOE! Genius.

UPDATE: That IS James Bond music.

UPDATE: Chloe blows off the Homeland Creepster!

UPDATE: Firefight!

UPDATE: So much for the Bank Manager who decided to go with Jack.

UPDATE: Next week: shooting, helicopters. Also Secretary of Defense Devane confronts the Handbag. Which means maybe he gets whacked. Which means the plot would no longer need Audrey! I'm probably just dreaming, here.

24

Get ready.

ATTENTION, SCHOOLCHILDREN OF AMERICA

Be glad you weren't born in Belgium, where you'd be forced to drink "lite" beer.

(Thanks to Artchick)

ATTENTION, PARENTS OF TEENAGERS

This could easily happen to you.

(Thanks to Janice Doeringer)

IN KEEPING WITH THIS BLOG'S STRICT POLICY OF NOT MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE'S NAMES

...we will be unable to provide the following link.

(Thanks to Mike C. for alerting this blog to the link so that we can be sure to avoid providing it)

ATTENTION, TED

Next time you take a break from searching the internet for rampart-related "news" items, please forward this instructional link to your stylist.

(Thanks to Amanda Wolfe)

THIS GUY IS SOOOOOOOOO LUCKY HE ESCAPED WITH UNSHOT THIGHS

Hi:

Enjoy your blog.

Look I don't watch 24, but I did go to school with Mr. Sutherland.  He was three years under me and we were in the same house (Fourth House) St. Andrew's College in Aurora Ontario (he is wearing the school tartan in that photo). When I was in grade 13 and he was in grade ten I gave him an ER (early report) for screwing around the  house.  An ER or early report is a punishment making a junior student appear at 7am the next morning and do x number of laps around the quad. Other than that he was a good kid.  This was back in 84.

Keep up the good blogging
.

regards

Mike Leavens

FATHER'S DAY GIFT ADVISORY

Dad wants this.

ATTENTION, BARBADOS RESIDENTS

Stay inside.

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using library-storming turkeys.

(Thanks to Jeff Walling)

ATTENTION, THIGH-WOUND SURGEONS

You're going to be busy.

(Thanks to Ted Hbt-Gbr)

UPDATE: Here's a nonregistration link.

URGENT UPDATE from judi: THIS POST IS ABOUT "24"!! Please stop sending in this article! REALLY. Thank you.

April 09, 2006

INSECT/BAND NAME OF THE DAY SO FAR

The Yak Killer

(Thank to Paul Masters)

YET ANOTHER REASON TO LOVE THE INTERNET

Long-distance chiropractic: Bahlaqeem¹

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

¹WWABAGNFARB

DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME

There are all kinds of benefits.

(Thanks to Trish)

A GREAT NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Squeem.¹

(Thanks to espinosaj)

¹Also, what you do when you use it.

April 08, 2006

ROCK BOTTOM REMAINDERS DALLAS UPDATE

It says here we're going to trade "bon mots." So I guess we'll need to get some.

Advisory: This site may require you to register. If it does, and you don't want to, be advised that the gist of the article is that when the Rock Bottom Remainders are in Dallas, we will be trading "bon mots."

GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Snake Hearts

OK, THIS IS A NEW ONE

I'm sitting here in the airport in San Luis Obispo, and they just announced that, because of a mechanical problem, my flight to Los Angeles has been delayed "until it is light."

UPDATE: I made it to Los Angeles in time to get on my Miami flight, where the captain has just announced that the right engine will not start. So the flight is delayed while they decide whether we should just go ahead and fly to Miami on the one engine, or what. I personally don't care, because the way this day is going, if I ever get to Miami it will have been destroyed by a tsunami anyway.

April 07, 2006

24 INTERVIEW

Here's a story with a lot of information, including the fact that Deceased Former President Allstate Spokesperson is not happy about being deceased. There is also this deeply troubling Q-and-A exchange with one of the executive producers:

 I read that Kim Raver, who plays Audrey Raines, got a pilot for another show. Do you know if she is coming back, or if anyone is coming back?

“Don’t know yet. Don’t really know.”

(Thanks to Tallulah)

SAN LUIS OBISPO EARTHQUAKE UPDATE

So I got here, finally, and I asked the person who picked me up at the airport about the earthquake. And she replied, basically: There was an earthquake? Here? When?

So I guess they have recovered.

 
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