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April 12, 2006

ATTENTION, RIDERS OF THE GEEZER BUS

Hold on to your pacemakers; it's the end of the world as we know it.

(Thanks to Adam Moser)

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Another excuse on why my order is screwed up.

And first?

Hey! What if I'm driving the geezer bus? *shudders*

So...when all the burger orders are being taken in Calcutta, can we export our folks there to collect unemployment?

How long until this is outsourced to India with the rest of the call centres?

Would you like curry sauce on your fries Sir?

Great minds think alike Betsy.

*waves at Betsy*

Hey, Al!!!

*waves back happiily*

*returns briefly to delete an 'i'*

The whole idea came about when two guys were standing in front of the microwave a 2AM (after an evening of parfait partaking) heating up some Hot Pockets, and complaining that "this just aint quick enough man!". The whole idea took almost as long as the Hot Pockets.
*Ding*

"Good Evening, my friend, and welcome to RajaBurger. Would you like to try a McCobra Sandwich today?"

And oh, we have very many fine flavors of Slurpee.

so, let me get thsi straight...

the next time i get the monster munchies, and just gotta, gotta have some french fries, and go thru the McDonalds drive thru and order nuggets instead (cuz I'm baked), I'm not gonna be able to just smile at the chick that took the order, and convince her that I really did, really, order fries?

cuz that chick will be in freakin' california?!?

"And then?"

"That's it. That's all.'

"And then?"

"NO and then? We're done!"

I mean, how are we supposed to jump through the window and kick the idiot's ass with this set-up?

They have Mickey D's in Montana???

Sure they do El - but since we got no 'lectricity, everything's cooked over an open fire

"In order to be eligible for this job, you must use the words yellow, pink and green in the same
sentence."

"The telephone goes green,
green, green, and I pink it up, and say, yellow, this is MacDonalds, may I take your order bleez?"

That was just beautiful, Candy

I think I love you.

Vinny

Just remember, when the end comes, it will be our own fault. I hope these records of our madness will be destroyed before future civilizations study us!

Tiny, dear - if a 'chick from California' took your order, I think you'd be so distracted by her sultry voice that you'd forget you ordered anything.

and I bet your Mickey D's doesn't have one of these. :D

Now when I drop $4 on a "Happy" meal and my kid already has the movie character and wants to trade for another I have to make a long-distance call with roaming charges to Omaha and then pay a dial-up fee for the order to come back to my place in line just in order to get a "Free" toy?

...at least this way if you piss them off, they won't be able to expectorate into your meal...well, um, at least they'd have to be organized about it.


I used to like to a big, low, nasty-a$$, super-grumpy voice to order a happy meal, then see the attendant's reaction when I, a teeny little white girl, pulled up to the window.

Sign above the golden arches:

. . . Over 6,000,000,000,000 E-Mailed

"Fast on the Mouse,
or It's on the House!"

And, um, regarding that mouse, I guess they would rather have the order for Scotch food taken fast rather than, ahem, half-fast.

Their job is to be fast on the mouse

Hey, Pixie, insn't that supposed to be Jinx's job?

When the next sunspot eruption hits, this system will be fried faster than a McWhopper.

MOTW - when you're drivin' the Geezer Bus (if I'm not around, or on vacation or retirement rears its lovely head) you just need to remember ... most of these places will give a free meal to the bus driver, for bringin' all them other folks in to spend their money ... merely sayin' ... (that wuz always a little added benefit for drivin' the Band/Pep/Speech/Team/Class tour/PTA bus, when I'd get roped into that job ...)

Judging by my experiences at the local fast-food joints, whatever couple of seconds they might save by outsourcing to a super-efficient worker 250 miles away would be completely offset (and then some) by the slow-moving dillweeds that are actually preparing and packaging the food (and usually messing up the order).

Hey - as long as my fries are 2 cents cheaper, I'm all for it.

I'm with Wavey. I've gotten in the habit of asking them to tell me everything that's in the bag before they hand it to me.

It's not foolproof, but it helps.

Last week I was going thru a Crawl's Jr. drive-thru. I told the guy who gave me my food that there was a snail on the menu. He said, "No, soddy!" with a bright cheerful voice that reflected either medication or severe 'happy meal' training. "No," I explained,"On your drive-thru screen. There is literally a snail crawling across the menu." "Soddy," he repeated, "No snail." I repeated it in Spanish, but "soddy!" To this day he thinks I was trying to order escargot.

It's the end of the world as we know it?

I feel fine...

To quote Joe Pesci in "Lethal Weapon", $#$%ed at the drive-thru!

In Orange County (Kalifornia) they have such a problem greeting drive-thru customers that some chains (Can I say "WeinerDude" and not violate a trademark?) now use a taped greeting: "Hi! Welcome to WeinerDude! Please order when ready!" You order, and they hit another button: "It has been a pleasure taking your order, please pull up to the next window!" But if you try to ask them a question, all they can do is start the "Hi, welcome..." tape again. And when you pick up your order, you learn that "We no speak Engrish".

My own personal favorite is when they try to say "Jumbo Jack" at the home of Mr. Box and it comes out as "Jumbo Yak".

Oh! Big Kahuna Burgers! Now *that* is what I call a tasty burger. <- Pulp Fiction

I suppose now we'll be needing McAfee's McSpam Blocker for drive-thru McWindows to eliminate those pesky offers to "supersize" your order.

-I'll have one 'o them muffin things
Sorry, sir, no breakfast after 10:00 am
-But it's only 9:15!
Sorry sir, it's 11:15 here.

What do you get if you order spam?

Good question, bbescuela. Would you like fries with that?

Spam is not a happy meal, but the toy could be a plastic little old lady - "Auntie Virus."

Note these words: "...a print-out tacked to a wall declares, 'Over 2,540,000 served.'" If they serve just one more, they'll have to kill another cow.

BTW, I'm not driving the Geezer Bus anymore, 'cause last time I drove it through Miami, I stuck my arm out the window to signal a left turn and some lowlife stole the olive out of my martini.

If I am talking to an answer person from California. Will I need to buy time share?

You stole my thought Aunt Leonard.

I'm not afraid.

ArcticAl: the odd food country does have curry sauce in McDonald's here... and also rice buns (Beef FANtastic/ Chicken FANtastic... don't ask why the caps). Also, McPepper burgers sold like hot buns some time ago.

good!!!!ok

*snork* at Stupe...keep 'em rollin' buddy

Stupe, that's what you get for signalling!

Stupe, that's what you get for driving in Miami!

daisy who just moved to FTL

Thanks for the info Pepe.

Incidently I love curry, just not on my Big Mac.

*munchin' on an olive*


What???

daisy - Please keep your hands and feet in the vehicle at all times. It also helps if you hermetically seal your bulletproof windows shut, and keep the doors locked from your driveway to wherever your destination might be.

Well, the good news is that when I "retire" and need a minimum wage job, at least I won't have to wear the paper hat emblazoned with the McSoylent Green logo on it and clean out grease traps at the end of my shift.

The outsourcing of these tasks to India would make for bizarre small talk about the weather,

"Nice day, eh?"
"Oh, my, yes, very fine monsoon. There goes my house. Would you like curry fries with that?"

I make a great curry - with all the fun condiments.

I like Tim Curry.

"Hey - as long as my fries are 2 cents cheaper, I'm all for it." - Christobol

Sorry, C'bol, but you are Unclear on the Concept. The 2 cents saving goes into Mickey's pocket, not yours.

If they could combine this technology, maybe I could order Wendy's when I pull into McDonalds - you know for the one kid that insists he can't eat where the rest of us do.

Also as a side point, did you notice if you only make minimum wage you are subjected to ridiculous scrutiny bordering on violation of privacy but if you're a higher paid executive, oh lets say president, you get enormous amounts of money for doing absolutely nothing constructive. Could we maybe outsource president and keep the call centres?

I dunno about the "minimum wage" dealy ... but when I wuz in Santa Maria (or else it wuz when I wuz drivin' home to Nodak, with stops in Winnemucca and Rawlins -- Or it might've been Beaumont -- I do know it wuz one of those four locales, 'cuz I spent the rest of my time in the last month drivin' on the Interstate Highway system ...) I saw a Burger Doodle-type place with a large banner outside that said somethin' about "Help Wanted - $10 an hour!" or words to that effect ... merely sayin' -- that's considerably over the "minimum" and also quite a bit over the "average scut-work" pay scale in Nodak ...

dj -- Thanks, I know the drill. And I never give anybody the finger, cause I know they might shoot back!

Re the India idea: My understanding is that they do have Mickey D's in India, despite the fact that they can't exactly cook the sacred cows to make their signature sandwiches. If I recall correctly, the "Maharajah Mac" is two all-mutton patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese...

C'mon, people. Dave predicted this two years ago. see www.nydailynews.com/front/story/191195p-165268c.html (sorry, don't know how to add a link). The only reason I know is that I have an official Dave Barry calendar and these exerpts appeared recently:

"When you order a hamburger at a McDonald's drive-thru, the person who's taking your order is actually located in the Philippines. Your hamburger is physically cooked by workers in China, then transmitted almost instantaneously to the U.S. via a high-speed Digitized Beef Patty Line (DBPL). All of this happens in less time than it takes you to pick your nose. (And soon even that will be outsourced.)"

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