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March 14, 2006

WANT TO WIN THE WOMAN OF YOUR DREAMS?

Give her jewelry that says she'll always have your heart. Or something equally important.

(Thanks to Donald Esker)

Comments

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Eeeeew!!!! and first?

like nothing ever changed?

No need for men to buy them for our significant others - ladies know they have us by the balls without symbols like that.

Although I guess in some cases they'd be appropriate. Can you get them gift-wrapped? I know some people who could use some cojones.

It's a way for a man to show that he's symbolically castrated in a relationship. If he does dishes on top of it all, then I'm all for it.

Ummmmm, guys of the male gender..... Question..... Is this something you want to wear, or you girlfreind to wear?????

And yet when I show off my Neuticles, I'm threatend with ... Oh, never mind.

Key to his heart? - fuggedaboudit! Better to put a chain on his pain.

just in general.....

just wonderin'....

...or a lock on his c...k

*snork* @ the humorously redundant Chianca

nutty idea

JUDI! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

C'bol - you'll be happy to know you can also get a bracelet version.

*SNORK*

The Neuticals hat is ONE SIZE FITS ALL!!!!

well, I thought it was funny.....

*sob*

I killed the thread.....

I prefer to win the woman of my dreams the old fashioned way: Margaritas and Pretending to Be More Than Self Aware

And I thought saving belly buttons in baby books was creepy...

also called,"jackfruits."

With apologies to Lyle...

Can you tell me
What you see in him
He looks just like
All of the others did
And can you tell me
If it will ever end
Can you tell me
Or do you know

You know I told you
What I saw in you
And I sure showed you
When I gave you those two
And I must tell you
That you should just love me too
I could tell you
Because I know

I loved you yesterday
And I love you just the same
But some of the things you do
Are like a shot to the guts
I loved you yesterday
And I love you just the same
When I gave myself to you
You took only my nuts

Can you tell me
What he gave to you
Did he give you
The same things I used to
And are they bigger
And was there one or two
Can you tell me
Or do you know

I loved you yesterday
And I love you just the same
But some of the things you do
Are like a shot to the guts
I loved you yesterday
And I love you just the same
When I gave myself to you
You took only my nuts

Yo te quise ayer
Y yo te quiero the same
But some of things you do
Are like a shot to the guts
Yo te quise ayer
Y yo te quiero the same
When I gave myself to you
You took only my nuts
You took only my nuts!

sorry to threadjack folks. but i just posted something funny on Fark that scott adams printed. but then someone came back and said that dave wrote it. here it is, can you tell me if dave said this or not?......

One of my co-workers (who is originally from Arkansas, just FYI) told
me one day that he knew for a fact that sex feels better for women than
it does for men. I asked, "How do you figure that?" His reply was
(and I am not making this up!), "Because when you put your finger in your
ear and wiggle it around, it feels better to your ear than it does to
your finger."

and now back to our regularly scheduled program.....

chuck norris doesn't need to buy his girlfriends neuticals. he can produce the real thing on command.

/you don't want to know how.
//believe me

Whew! Amen to that, C-bol! I have always found "bisected organ" fashions to be overrated. When Elton John wore a sheep's lung hat to the Grammys, it was novel, it was new. And significantly, it was fresh. When Gwyneth's brian brooch slid off and left that smear on her gown, and when Cher showed up in her liver teddy, and the flies would just not leave her alone, the whole thing started to get old for me. Now, all the kids are wearing intestines (Menudo, they call them)and frankly it's disgusting. So, plastic testicles? give me a break.

Neuticles. Umm.. forgive me, I am but a Canadian woman (albeit a dangerously attractive one - at least on the blog) and unfamiliar with American slang. What are neuticles and where did they come from and why would I want to purchase them?

Not that I disagree with buying women gifts. More women should be bought gifts. In fact, every blogger (of the male variety) should purchase all blogits gifts on a regular basis. Otherwise I'll neutralize your neuticles...

So to speak.

Occam's LS - It's actually by Peter Holder (IANMTU), first published in 2001 here (scroll down to May 14, 2001) - and quoted by Scott Adams in the Dogbert Newsletter.

a delayed but heartfelt *snork* at A Bucket.

Somewhere North - I think they'd make a nice statement, much like the 'kill' stamps on the side of a fighter plane. I was considering a tattoo running down the side of my thigh...

SN: It's not an Americanism. It's the name of a product, and today's target of sophomoric humo(u)r.

S'north - Neuticles are plastic testicles, originally made as prothetics for neutered dogs to preserve their self-image.

IANMTU, either. Look at their homepage, www.neuticles.com.

Dogs who care about their appearance? Hahahahaah! The most my dog has ever cared about his appearance was when he dug around in the garbage for an old chicken bone and I wiped the slimy remains of old chicken fat off his nose. He was insulted.

He never noticed his t*sticles were missing.

Occam - so...when people get drunk at holiday parties where you work, do you catch them with their fingers in one another's ears?

There's a new show coming to Animal Planet - "Fur Real?!" - contestants have to guess whether the dog is "all dawg" or not - friend or faux (implants)...as it humps their leg.

*wife walks in on husband, whose finger is in the baby sitter's ear*

"Oh Harry, how COULD you?"

"No, wait! It's not what it...IT DOESN'T EVEN FEEL GOOD FOR ME!"

dibs on the patent for the vibrating q-tip machine!

*Snork* @ Cbol
*grimace* @ Annie ;)

I guess you'd have to have real balls to wear that jewellery out in public.

Occam: Perhaps you can explain the recent cultural obsession with Chuck Norris to me. I (as ususal) am out of the loop.

Occam's LS - It's actually by Peter Holder (IANMTU), first published in 2001 here (scroll down to May 14, 2001) - and quoted by Scott Adams in the Dogbert Newsletter.

Posted by: Mr. Completely

dang, you're good!

angene15

no one can fully explain the wonder and power that is chuck norris.

but know this, every time a bell rings, chuck norris has defeated an evil foe with a roundhouse kick.

why do you think there's such a demand for neuticles?

ols - is correct. Chuck is also so generous that he has set up a neuticle clinic, where men like adonis can go to seek help....or see kelp....

adonis: Please report to yesterday's SQUIRREL thread. Thank you.

...that explains a lot. It is, of course, common knowledge that Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets. Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

I wonder what would happen if Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer ever got into a gunfight...

Occam's LS - Don't thank me, thank Google.

*follows KDF to "squirrel" thread*

I sense that fun at the expense of adonis will ensue.

*zips out*

A friend of mine had falsies put on his dog. He claimed he didn't want the dog to feel "insecure". And not to say I got close enough to really inspect, but from a distance they looked quite real. I think the dog was rather proud.

What really ticks me off is that I could have gotten away with giving Mrs. G these fake ones instead of, oh never mind, I got nothin.(really)

Worse than a jab in the cuticle
Is the 'cut' fixed up by a Neuticle
If your pooch starts moping
He may need some doping
And care that is pharmaceutical.

...nicely done...

Unfunny post alert:

No fun, El. Just trying to let him know we want him back in the fold. :)

/end unfunnyness

pssst KDF, got it.

I don't think he's gone for good. But if I got squished by judi I might stay away for a day or 2. :)

And you did put out (so to speak) brand new, clean footy jammies for him.

*snork* @ Annie
*grimace* @ Cbol

Lou G sed "What really ticks me off is that I could have gotten away with giving Mrs. G... "

I feel your pain -- theoretically, that is... I remain amazed that my ex didn't take mine, but then she'd never get near 'em when we were married, so I guess it follows...

Actually, I think it was Southerngirl who laid out (so to speak) the footie jammies. He likes those.

and I even gave him a present!

(that was in addition to the jammies.)

*winks at KDF*

Very nice s'girl. I know he'll appreciate that (when he finds it.)

god, i'm so SORRY. i just didn't want to have to fiddle with typepad and those damned italics while the show was on. i didn't want him to get UPSET about it. it was funny the first time, just... i didn't want to spend every show doing that.

AnnieWBH sed "...think they'd make a nice statement, much like the 'kill' stamps on the side of a fighter plane. I was considering a tattoo running down the side of my thigh..."

A good idea! It seems like it would work on a couple of different levels........... NTTAWWT

I am impressed with the restraint of the guys here who have NOT asked how long your legs are! Of course in the interests of self-preservation, *I* would never say such a thing, but I know some others here sometimes exhibit suicidal tendencies.

Judi, you were completely classy, and calm, and appropriate in your post last night. None of us meant to hurt his feelings, and hopefully he'll realize that when he comes back and sees that we've spent a good part of the day trying to track him down. :)

Personally, I didn't ask about the length of Annie's legs 'cause the first thing any guy with more than just a set of neuticles does with a lady's legs is throw them to the side (NTTAWWT). But I digress...

I believe women prefer a man who has had some part of his body pierced...because he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.

*SNORK!* at C'bol and insom!

I wonder what would happen if Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer ever got into a gunfight...

Posted by: Mr. Completely

dare you mention the name jack bauer and chuck norris in the same sentence? BAH, i say.

chuck norris vs james t. kirk, well, that's another matter altogether.

hmmm...Chuck Norris could easily take Bauer, probably take Kirk, but NEVER take me once Stupend-oink Man has PISSED ME OFF! ARRRRRGH!!!!!

judi, you were fine. Not to worry. :)

He's probably just playing hard to get and blurking and enjoying all the attention. :)

I remember an article in Jane Magazine a couple years ago where they had mini-oosik necklaces...apparently there is some kind of other animal with a penis bone that they used. Apparently they were a hit.

That was before Jane got bought out by whoever bought them out and it became another generic women's magazine.

"I believe women prefer a man who has had some part of his body pierced...because he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry."

Since we are busting for plagerism today....

Rita Rudner

That is all.

Who also said, "Whenever I see a man in a red Ferrari, I call out, 'Sorry about your penis!'"

Which, I think, brings us back around to Neuticals™.

AlanBoss - TNX for pointing out the plagiarism(?). I couldn't remember where I'd heard it. In fact, I didn't even remember it exactly right, if your quote is correct. So I left it up to the collective recollection of the blog denizens to supply an answer. Voila! TNX, again. I was beginning to think no blogsters remembered it.

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