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March 20, 2006

URGENT UPDATE ON THE AUSTRALIAN TOAD WAR

Suddenly, this blog wants to go over there and lend a hand.

(Thanks to Karl Weckstrom)

Comments

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The Aussies have ALL the great ideas!!!

Except for that 6 toad per day limit..... :(

"How'd you do?"

"Bagged my limit!"

"What happened to your pants?"

"I said I bagged my limit, didn't I?"

1) It is soooo not all about the toads, unlike what they are trying to claim.
B) ``Everyone who takes a cane toad to the RSPCA to be disposed of humanely gets a voucher for a free pot of Coopers ale at the Cav,'' How big is the pot? And can I bring my own pot?

*flash forward 20 years*

"I'll have a pint of Coopers."

"That'll be six dollars."

"Crikey! What a rip off! I remember when you could get a pint in exchange for a live toad!"

"Sure ya do, old man. And a thick steak and a hooker for a couple croc teeth, no doubt."

Key Quote: Healthy, live - no squashed cane toads.
What about crunchy frogs?

Live Toads at the Pub wbagnfan Aussie Beer-drinkin' band ...

"this offer also good at your local Outback Steakhouse"

That's it. Im moving to Oz and starting a cane toad breeding farm.

Oops! My Bad!

That should be NO Live Toads at the Pub ...

sorrysorrysorrysoverysorry

``The idea is to get people catching toads and taking them for humane disposal, not to get people too drunk,'' Mr Simmonds said.

well, if they're gonna take all the fun out of it...

i think i'd have to be drunk BEFORE i went out toad catching.

I've had a few toads buy me beers in a pub. Didn't have to catch them, but they sure were pests. Could have used some of that sodium pentobarbitone.

I attest with great pride that, in the past, I have always been able to drink any toad pretty...

Wait a sec... I'm confused! I always thought the "pot" was were you recycled the beer after you'd filtered it through your kidneys. I know they do things differently "down under", but I really don't like the sound of this...

There is also the law of diminishing returns at play. The more toads you catch--the more beer you get--the more impaired you become--the fewer toads you are able to catch.

ain't life that way

Mmmmmmm...Coopers

If Australia is like merry olde England, then a "pot" is 20 oz. OTOH, if a standard can of Foster's is a pot, then it's 25 oz. Either way, it's worth the Quantas ticket. Seeing as the earliest you can turn in toads is 1 pm, then you should have enough time to sleep off any impairment. Why don't we do this sort of thing in the States? I'll bet plenty of Floridians would be happy to dispose of lungfish in this way.

Uh oh.... it would appear that I've already bagged MY limit. What I MEANT was "... the "pot" was WHERE you recycled..."

Anyway, thanks Bob, for the clarification -- must be "pot" is related to "pint" in the merry olde sense of things. After 6 of either 20 oz or 25 oz whatevers, my ability to capture a toad or anything else that moves would be somewhat reduced, I'm sure.

PS, are you going to be sitting in with Dave's band any time soon?

I have heard that 'The Hudsons Bay Company' made the same kind of offer to keep rats out of Alberta, (Canada) a long time ago. They offered whiskey (instead of beer) for any dead rats caught within Alberta's borders. I am not sure what the exchange rate was. I don't think 'The Bay' still makes this offer. But try and find a rat in Alberta today.

"That is a lovely rat fur coat you are wearing!"
"Thank you, I got it at The Bay."

Frog Kissin'
(Words and music by Buddy Kalb)

Do you remember in the fairy tale, how the wicked witches spell
Turned the handsome prince to a toad?
By the power of a potion, she handed him the notion
He was lower than the dirt in the road.
And though she left him green and warted, her evil plans were thwarted
When there chanced to happen by a young miss
Who inspite of his complection, offered him affection
And broke the wicked curse with her kiss

(Chorus)
So if you've never been frog kissing
You don't know what you've been missin',
There's a wealth of opportunity under each and every log.
And if you've never been charm-breakin',
Then you've never been handsome prince makin'.
You've got to slow down, turn around, bend down,
And kiss you a frog!

Once upon a time ago, I was down and feelin' low
Like a lonely frog in a pond
My life was just a joke, and I was just about to croak
Cuz I'd been zapped by life's wicked wand.
But in the depths of my depression, there came a true expression
Of love from a person so sweet.
She gave me warm fuzzy feelings, feelings that were healin'
And she knocked me off my little webbed feet.

(Repeat chorus)

There's a happy-ever-after-land, deep within the heart of man
Where a prince and princess abide.
But all we get are glimpses, of the happy prince or princess
'Cause they're covered with a green warty hide.
Though they're full of life's potential, they're lacking one essential
To enable them to shine like a star.
That's a handsome guy or missus, to smother them with kisses
And love them just the way that they are.

That's the secret of frog kissing
You can do it too if you'll just listen
There's a wealth of opportunity under each and every log.
That's the secret of charm-breakin',
That's the secret of handsome prince makin'.
You've got to slow down, turn around, bend down
And kiss you a frog!

Not so great an idea - I've drunk Coopers and I'm in no hurry to repeat the experience. Rumour has it it's made from the water in the River Torrens, which is a dark brown, foul smelling little creek that wanders through the city of Adelaide, South Australia, looking for someone to drown. I think they're just trying to get rid of the stuff...

Anyway, here's the official word on measures of beer in Oz, State by State:

Western Australia -
* Pony 140ml (4.75 US fluid ounces)
* A Beer 200ml (6.75 US fluid ounces)
* Middie or Pot 285ml (9.65 US fluid ounces)
* Schooner 425ml (14.35 US fluid ounces)
* Jug 1140ml (38.55 US fluid ounces)

Victoria -
* Pony 140ml
* A Beer 200ml
* Pot 285ml
* Schooner 485ml
* Jug 1140ml

South Australia -
* Pony 140ml
* Butcher 200ml (sorry, no idea why it's called a butcher - perhaps it's Coopers and that's what it does to your insides)
* Schooner 285ml
* Jug 1140ml

New South Wales -
* A Five 140ml
* A Seven 200ml
* Middie 285ml
* Schooner 425ml
* Jug 1140ml

Queensland -
* A beer 200ml
* Pot 285ml
* Schooner 425ml
* Jug 1140ml

Northern Territory -
* Seven 200ml
* Pot or Beer or Handle 285ml
* Stubbie 345ml to 375ml (Varies)
* Schooner 425ml
* Jug 1140ml

Tasmania -
* 6 oz Beer 170ml If you're an old guy and asked for a beer you'd get a 6oz
* 8oz Beer 225ml
* 10oz Beer 285ml If you're a young guy and asked for a beer you'd get a 10oz
* Jug 1140ml

Normal beer is 5.5% alcohol, light beer is 2.5%.
Cans are 375 ml, a stubbie is a short, stubby glass bottle.
A jug, by the way, really is a jug i.e. you pour the beer from the jug into a glass then drink - unless of course you're really thirsty and in a hurry.
Fascinating ain't it? Notice that in the Northern Territory and Queensland you can't get a beer smaller than 200ml? You bloody beauty! (As we say.)

Tasmania (a small yet barely remembered island to the South of Victoria) still hasn't caught on to the fact that we went metric 35 years ago - perhaps someone should send them a letter? See how all their drink sizes are just called beer? A very practical bunch of people!
And Mr Dylan, Australia ain't NOTHING like merry olde England! The only thing we have in common is a Queen and our sense of humour. If you served English room temperature beer in an Aussie pub they'd burn the place down! And rightly so.

There is only one place on earth where you can find good beer. That's Germany. Not a surprise, ah?

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