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March 16, 2006


OK, this may well be the crappiest CrapCam photo ever posted. This is a shot of me and Ridley (Ridley on the left, wearing a pirate-style bandana) on the River Thames aboard a barge hired for the evening by our lovely London publisher, Walker Books. Behind us is the famous Tower Bridge. In honor of the occasion, our barge flew the Jolly Roger, which we were told is a violation of British nautical law, but the British navy did not mess with us, on account of how fearsome we look.


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"Foisted" by me own Petard!

Wait a second....a pirate BARGE? WTD? What self-respecting pirate would....oh, never mind.

"Knock, knock."*
"Who's there?"
"Pirate who?"
"Pie...right in the face!"

*This is btw, two towns in Ireland.

Yup...that's a pretty crappy CrapCam photo, but my phone takes crappier ones.

Go to Erin, a million comments.
Get lost en route to Scotland - everyone blogs.
Show up in London......cough....is this thing on?

I love Jolly Rogers! Especially the watermelon ones......

Dave's wearing the blue shirt again!
(Is it me or is that the hash talkin'?)

I love pirates! Especially the Johnny Depp-like ones...

BTW, when is "National Talk Like a Pirate Day"?!

What's the difference between 'fearsome' and 'fearless?' Scars? Missing teeth? Missing in-laws?

"Hash"? I love corned beef hash....

"Pi Day" was this past Tuesday. Get it - March 14th is 3.14, and pi is 3.14159...also was Einstein's birthday. I had to bring pies in for pi day at my kids' school. They measured the circumferences, and ate the 'remainder.' :)

I think "fearsome" means that you invoke fear in others (you know, Like a Barry Manilow or a Richard Simmons) and "fearless" means you are brave (you know, like a..uh...uh...someone who's brave that I can't think of right now).....

Annie, you are brilliant!!!

Thanks, Ramona. I guess I could have looked that up. But wow, I can't think of a brave person either. That can't be good.

Ramona - thanks!.....um, why?

National Talk Like a Pirate Day is September 19.

Oh yeah, Dave, sure. That's a terrific story, that.
Wanna know what it really looks like? You're holding Walter up to Ridley's head.

Just Finished a 12 page report on Lord Horatio Nelson. He was pretty famous for taking French and Spanish ships for Her MAjesties Royal Navy. So when a pirate was commisioned by the crown he got knighthood and a commision for his theivery.

Seeing as Dave is being supported by the Navy. And is about to attack London. In his barge are thousands of pirate Ninjas with books. I would say he has earned a fair commission for his Pirate Strump.

Ever notice that pirate songs sound Gaelic. And Dave went to Ireland and is now attacking London.

My impersonation of a pirate on Wheel Of Fortune

"I'd like to buy an eye"

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! Dont forget to tip your servers.

Annie *snork* at your wonderful Foist:)

By the way, I'm sure we're all aware that a petard is a small explosive device used during medieval times, the root of which word is an Old French word for...you got it!!! "Fart"!!!
Here on the Blog, we are multilingual, diverse, and amazingly consistent:)

Wellll... The Gaelic pirate songs sound gaelic, but the Turkic pirate songs sound Turkic, and the Chinese pirate songs...


I haven't heard any Gaelic Pirate songs so I apologise.
The Chinese Pirate songs sounded more Phillipino and Thai to me. The Chinese outsourced a lot.

Wait I mean Turkish songs.

Stupid Gaelic Pirates stole the Turks songs.

You guys are having a fantastic adventure -- COOL!

Alfie - there's no such thing as a STUPID Gaelic Pirate.

Fine super intelligent Gaelic Pirates bent on a Corprate overtaking of Turkish Pirate Territories.
They will be having specialized gang wars now. The judge will be a clown and a mime. It will be sort of like Penn and Teller.

Did someone mention GARRRRlic Pirates? (har) Where's Peg Leg Pete when ya need 'im?

I'm glad Dave told us that was a pirate-style bandana. I thought for a second maybe it was a rainbow pot holder.

The Ilanun of Borneo, the most feared pirates around Southeast Asia during the mid-1800's, wore sarongs and embroidered belts with matching scarves. We all know that styles repeat over time . . . Is this the newest male fashion trend?

Only if you like downloading illegal songs.

That was a pirate joke. It didn't come out right.

I meant pirated songs. blah blah blah.

Alfred - just for that -
Pie-right in the face!
(That came out right and it was barely funny the first time.)


Alfred, You make me to laughhhh! Arrrr!



AARRGH! The British Navy didn't mess wi' ye, but there will be a gallows set up by dawn!

Gallows? Cool! What should I wear?

And then there was blackbeard, whose beard was really red. Or...was that redbeard, whose beard was black.

Oh well anyway, did anyone ever hear what happened to that whale who wandered into the River Thames? Did they save it and get it back out to sea?

And Annie, on a completely off-topic note...do I remember you saying somewhere that you had a conversation with George Clooney?

Come to think of it, he would make an excellent movie pirate. *There. Back on thread.*

Pi day which was also Einstein's birthday was also Cheryl's 40th birthday.

Geezer alert! Somebody bring the bus around.

I'm glad you told me that was a CrapCam photo. Just thought the peepers were going. Now I'm going to put some tea on ... and you kids try to KEEP IT DOWN IN HERE!! :-)

Ahoy cap’n, thar be a steerin’ wheel in yer tousers!

Aye matey, it be drivin’ me nuts….

Oh, and boogARRRRR.

Happy Birthday Cheryl!

Happy BiArrtheday Cherarryl.

And now another Arrrr
Arrgetina. Arrosco. Arroscopes. And a arelative arr to just about anything.
Looks into getting the nail out of hsi hand.

LisaBFF - I think the whale died. *snif*

On another note, I love it when Alred talks to Alfred. As Annie said yesterday, it's great when someone can entertain themselves. :)

Are you SURE Dave & Ridley are in England?? Looks more like Key West. I mean, I knew they were close...NTTAWWT

I'm not inferring anything. But I may be implying something. I'm not sure.


Of course, after buying an "eye" on Wheel of Fortune, the pirate would buy an "Arrrrr!"

Check, please!

El-Oh that's sad. I knew they thought it was in distress but I hadn’t heard the final outcome.

*snork* at Lairbo!

I am fairly certain that if they intended to blow it up its chances would be very slim.

I agree. It is the crappiest crapcam photo ever posted.

Alfred...ever hear of Horatio Hornblower (a fearsome admiral was he)?

The book series? Yes I have. He starts out as a 12 year old kid trying to stay alive.
I like the Aubrey Maturin series. The movie caught me. They books gutted me and put me on the wall.
Kind of hope I am one of those singing fish. Get some revenge.
Unless there is an old trick to turn fish into flying zombies. Yeah, fish zombies. One bite and you can't stop. Muahahahaha.

Cheryl - did you say geezer alert for being 40? H*ll, you're (not your) not even middle-age, yet!

You want lousy CrapCam photos?

I got your lousy Crapcam photos here.

Amy Tam and RBR members in St. Louis

Ridley at same concert;

and of course, Our hero, Dave.

Don't you agree, those are the *crappiest* of CrapCam photos?

*snork* @ sly

(Dave's picture was the best)

sly-Those are great CrapCam pictures. I haven't had a chance to see the Remainders yet. ;-(

I saw on the news today that there is a group of politicians copying Dave's idea. They've started a band called the "Second Amendments." (seriously, they travel around to schools and meetings and stuff)

Lisa, if you ever get a chance, DEFINITELY GO! to an RBR concert. They look even better in person.

And sound pretty good, too.

Mrs. Blog performed at that concert, too, "La Bamba" was her song. I tried taking her pic, but it didn't turn out.

Yeah, just imagine how badly that one looked!

Sly I really want to see them. Plus I hear there's a dance floor at every concert. How fun! What other stuff did they play?

Did your barge sail in guns ablazin'? Get any good pillage?

Couldn't Walker Books do better than hire a "barge?"

*visualizes a long, flat boat carrying logs or something down the Mississippi*

Great shot of Tower Bridge though.

when is this blog going to join the 21st century and let us post pics, me hearties?


Congrats on the crappiest crapcam pix ever!

Lairbo-Congratulations on another hysterical column on the Almanac.

Thats ok. the ancients used to use 40 man power ships. Even 120 man ships. Later on they where able to fit horses. Which turned out to be donkeys.
Lying asses.
I think a barge would work perfectly. Its built to carry large amounts of stuff. Like treasure. For some um.... special accaisions.

Congratulations, Dave. I put your photo through just about every PhotoShop clean-up trick I know (and a few that I don't), and it still puked out an unsalvageable image. Sometimes even a much worse one than the original. That's quite a craptacular accomplishment!

Oh, and on the Events Page, under New News there's a Robert Benchley contest.

Well I hope it's a nice barge and comfortable - I can't really tell from the picture. The word "barge" just doesn't conjure up those things for me...

"if it flies,it dies"


why is cheney so fun to make fun of?

*barges in*


didja hear about the pirate basketball player? he was devastating outside the arrrrrc!

ar yeah du en.

TCK- I think its because he is such a smart but quiet guy. We expect him to do all this stuff and then find out he hunts. And of course only rednecks hunt. And only a redneck would shoot a friend. You where all waiting for him to turn into the dark lord of the Sith. And then proof. He shoots a guy.

Anyway, I was with a friend the other day. he grew out a nice long Pirate like beard.
Anyway, We where joking about what would happen if such and such blew up. The question came up on what would happen if a ketchup factory blew up. Could anyone tell what was blood and what was ketchup.

The CSI people would have conflicting emotions.
total abject horror at the gruesomeness of all the blood.
And a large urge to grab some fries.

Yes Lairbo - he WOULD ask for an rrrrrrrr ... Then he would win TWO dollars ...

You know whats next ...

Wait for it...

Tim Allen Grunting competition?

Because he's...

OK, only rednecks hunt?


define "redneck"


Buck An Ear!!

BWAHH haa hahahaha...

Sorry bout that folks.

BTW- shootin' tame birds that some paid lackey scares up for ya ain't huntin'

A buck an ear


and I was gonna say "that's what she said", but then I decided that was just wrong

LBFF, TCK, Thanks for stopping by. Y'all come back now, y'hear.

louis g: "barges in", Nice.

Before anyone even thinks it, Ridley is not my father!

Nice hat, however.

Of course not. Ridley is the Great something or other of Ridley from Alien. He is just hiding as a pirate right now.

The children all gathered to hear Father Milary on the stump. He was a kindly old soul. Had fathered 12 children with out many worries. Of course the Catholic church had some qualms about his being a parent. But what did he care. They had assigned him here right next to the girl he gave up to join the ministry. And things where changing around.
There was the hint of waiting in the air. The rest was being used up by the kids horrible breath. It seems that some fool had it that Garlic was healthy. It smelt bad so therefor the flu would not go near some one with this on his breath. How little did they know that the garlic was the reason why Father Milary could no longer smell.
He sat there waiting for a thought to come to his mind. And when finally he arrived he looked very gravely at the children.
"My young children. I am here to tell you my final words." The parents where in tears over this. Finally the old man would shut up. "i have lived for many years. More then all of you combined I believe." He was right. But nobody was going to hold that against him.
"I think you should know the truth. I have not always been the man you see here." Oh yes there would be some complaints about this to the Church. "I was once a young boy like some of you." The parents felt a collective sigh.
"It was a long time ago and I was ready to take on the world. When I joined the ministry I thought I would see much of it. Instead I was assigned 20 miles away from where I was born. Yet I have never seen my home since." Yes that was a terrible fire now could you forgive us over that thought some of the older men.
"I have seen children grow from your size to taller and then even lower." Oh now this was nonesense. How on earth could a person become lower then a child.
"In fact soon I will become one of those people. Lying still in there graves." Well ok now that makes sense.
"I simply want you to know. That when you are troubled in your hearts. And in need of great thought. Many will be there to see you through." The childern looked around wondering who the spook was.
"Don't let your hearts be saddened by my passing. Think of the new Preist who will come. He will help you through this."
With a loud shout every one yelled, "We will not be saddened by your death."
"Good, "He said with an odd twinkle in his eye, "Now for my burial. I would like to be buried near the stream where I was born." Everyone promised this. And soon he was buried there. That my dear children is why our water tastes so bitter. Maybe next time I will tell you the story of how we figured this out.

*Hands Alfred a sackful of commas, 'cause he seems not to have any of his own.*

ok, I think we bloglits really need to see about arranging an intervention of some sort for Alfred.

cuz quite frankly, altho he makes me laugh - a lot - he kinda scares me alot, too.

*smiles in a friendly, non threatening sort of way towards Alfred*

Takes them but doesn't know where to put them.

Please do not go throught the entire thing and tell me. I had a guy do that and every time I made some error he would do this
And then she.
You can't capitalize And it is an extension of a sentence. Also if the sentence is a run on.

Said hello
You forgot the proper punctuation and the thing is to trite.

He did this with a 10 page essay. I asked what he thought about the ideas on it. He never even thought about them. He went so far as to say that I would fail terribly with my essay because it was not gramatically correct. I handed it to some one else. She helped me out. Wrote some notes here and there.
I ended up with an A. Never told him. Thanked her.

Sorry, they guy still corrects my English. At one point I was debating the higher merits of some peice of art and... Sorry rambling.

How should I end this?

Thank you for the comment on commas. Here have some sarcasm.

Sorry for scaring you who ever you are.
How can I correct my self to not scare you.

Sorry unwinding from a very stressfull finals week.

forget the jolly roger. just have them fly the skull and crossed oosiks.

*Wipes glasses* Hmmmm....no help.
*Cleans off monitor* Still not helping.
Oh, well....go with the flow:

Do we have clearance, Clarence?
Roger, Roger.
What's my vector, Victor?

Never heard of Talk Like a Pilot Day, but, whatever....

Aarrrrggghhhh. Haven't been to the blog in a little while, but alas, I'm back...and just in time for some pirate jokes.
Did you hear about the new pirate movie?
It's rated "Arrrgggghhhh."

If there's anything better than a good (by which I mean, bad) pirate joke, I haven't heard it.

no blue shirt?? crapcam couldnt indicate. ,,,,,,,,,,,,.,. just some commas for alfred.

Avast ye harties and midship the mizon mast!

I am not at all sure what I just said but I hope I didn't invite a pirate to have sexual relations or something.

Could alfred use some semi-colons? I have some extra lying around.

*snork* @ Lairbo and Coast's vaudeville routine

With apologies to Puke & Snot for paraphrasing...(They are one of the greatest unknown comedy teams ever)

P - "Mine uncle was a pirate; Percy the pirate - he had a hook arm and a patch over his left eye!"
S - Oh really? How'd he lose his eye?
P - He lost his eye when a seagull shat it it!
P - You CANT lose an eye because a seagull shat in it!
S - You CAN when it's your first day with a hook arm!
*rim shot*

'Morning, all.

Alfred, I couldn't read your story although I'm sure I'd have enjoyed it - but with the no comma thing, and me being an English major - well, I'm sure, you see, the problem, for me.

sly's pictures came up "page can't be displayed". Now I'm sad and it's only 7a.m. here in
ssu.so.ca. .


Note to Alfred: "Clarity is the end in style." - James Whitehead, my creative writing teacher in college. Style is not an end in itself.

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