PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS ASKING THIS BLOG: HOW DO YOU COLLECT NASAL SECRETIONS FROM A FERRET?

This blog replies: Read the New York Times.

(Via Tim Blair)

Comments

[Punkin Poo]

Step 1 ~ Rub ferrets' nose on your lapel.

[Punkin Poo]

Step 2 ~ Run like hell from angry ferret bites.

[fivver]

Uh, Iris I need to scan you so I can get into the freezer...

*SLAP*

And of course Ferret Snot WBAVGNFARB

[The Sardonicynic]

"Honey, where's the ice cream? I can't find it."

"Have you looked behind the frozen ferret sneezes?"

[Meanie the Blue]

The poker virus is spreading among our ferret population.

[Chianca at Large]

But are ferrets playing poker? Ah, that's the question.

[Punkin Poo]

"Frozen Ferret Sneezes"!

SO much better than canned.

[pogo]

Why'd the dateline have to be Atlanta.

[fivver]

pssst Pogo - just hope they don't hear about that Cynthia McKinney thing today!

[Punkin Poo]

Chianca~ I'm picturing that famous painting of dogs playing poker - but with ferrets....tee hee...

[CoastRaven]

The easier way to get one to sneeze is to find a ferret that is alergic to ferrits.

[KDF]

...anesthetize it, hold a petri dish under its snout and squirt a little salt water up its nose

Coincidentally, this is also part of a pre-concert ritual used faithfully by many pop artists including Britney Spears and Barry Manilow.

[Ernie G]

Of course, a purist would use ferret snot only if weasel snot is unavailable.

[Lairbo]

What they need to do is get the ferrets to snork emphatically. Although, is there really any other way to snork?

So, I guess this means a new career path for insomniac. Go for it, dude, I smell government grant money!

[Layzeeboy]

"Hey, Ed. Is this the container of ferret droppings?"

"No, it's snot."

[KOW]

How exactly does one add that to one's CV? Ferret Booger Collector?

[KDF]

Lairbo - Government grant money smells like ferret?

*cautiously sniffs*

Huh. Guess it does.

[Lairbo]

Memo from the Dept. of Olfactory Clarification Dept.: Smells like teen ferret.

That is all.

[insomniac]

You ferret snot-milkers
Come join in the fun
It's the global struggle
Against H5N1!
If you get the will
To make their noses run
Then employment you'll soon be arrangin'
Just wash your whole body every
ten minutes or so!
Cause the germs ,they are a-changin'!

It started its life a perfect parasite
Unlike Paris Hilton, it stayed out of sight
Then all sorts of critters, the dust they did bite
An avian pandemic was ragin'
The news media try to kill us from fright
Cause the germs ,they are a-changin'

Our guv'mint's resources were put to the task
It helps to distract from Irans and Iraqs
If the eggheads all want it, they just have to ask
All kinds of creatures they're cagin'
If Colonel Sanders were live, he'd be wearing a mask
Cause the germs they are a-changin

Though it seems that sometimes we are clean out of luck
And there's danger where'er we eat, touch, talk or f***.
If you were a ferret your life really would suck
From nasal indignities stagin'
You'd wish you were immune, just like the wild duck!
Cause the germs they are a-changin'!

[Eleanor]

A ferret is neither a human nor a bird, so I don't get it.
And I better not, either.

[Meanie the Blue]

How many songs must a bloglit rewrite
Before they can call him a G*d?
The answer, my friend, is SNORKin' in the wind,
The answer is SNORKin' in the wind.

[D. Esker]

*SNORK!* at Insomniac.

P.S. The easiest way to get ferret mucus is to place one's lips over the ferret's nostrils and inhale. It is important to rubber-band the ferret's mouth closed beforehand, however.

[Bumble]

I think a more important question is why do you want to collect nasal secretions from a ferret?

[Cindy]

I thought my job sucked! I do work with a bunch of snots though.

[Meanie the Blue]

SNOTK!@ Cindy.

[KDF]

Hey, no fair!

Scientists get to wear scrub suits, gowns, double gloves and hoods, breathe filtered air, and play with ferrets. Hmmph, I wish I had that much fun working.

But you know what they say about life. Ferret snot.

[insomniac]

It's not fair etiquette to stare at a ferret
whose nose is extruded of snot.
It would be just as rude to puke as some mucus
was being amassed by the lot!

[Mike "Dr. Mad's" Weasel]

Ahh... AHHH... AAHHHHHHCHOOOOOO!!!!

[Ernie G]

"Snotty Ferrets" WBAGNFARB.

[Ernie G]

I think a more important question is why do you want to collect nasal secretions from a ferret?

Posted by: Bumble |

The same question was asked at Tim Blair's, and the redoubtable Jim Treacher nailed it:

"I take it you’re unfamiliar with French cuisine."

[Punkin Poo]

*Le Snork* at Ernie!

[Bumble]

I know not of the Tim Blair or Jim Treacher of whom you speak, but *snork* anyway.

[daisymae]

Frozen Ferret WBAGNFARB

[Annie Where-but-here]

Ferret snot? How gauche. Real men collect otter boogers.

[O. the U(manity)]

KDF ... Good One!

No ...

Great One!

[Graz]

Nicely Done , KDF!

*polite golf clap*

[O. the U(manity)]

KDF ...

I need to ask you a question, but I'm not ready to sign up for MySpace ... I already told my daughter the same thing ...

Please email me if you think it's not too much of an intrusion.

tnx 4 now

[Pirateboy]

If their little noses are running like a spigot, and you have a degree in biology, are you a ferret faucet major?

[O. the U(manity)]

PB!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[Red Rat]

HOW DO YOU COLLECT NASAL SECRETIONS FROM A FERRET?

Verrry carefully!