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March 17, 2006

HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to all the lads and lassies out there. Slainte!)

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First?

Second.

Well, yeah - nothing good can come from a flying cow...

Now pigs on the wing, of course, would inspire Pink Floyd, but cows? Not so much.

Usually cows are much more careful.

Was that a cow?

Thank you Chianca, I think I will read my Farside collection this weekend.

What a comedy of errors:
*cow falls out of trailor (who forgot to lock the trailor?)
*cow(s) hit by cars
*police come
*police call for back-up
*speeding illegal immigrant passersby almost hit police (idiot award of the week)
*police give chase (how did they know the car had illegal immigrants...no probably cause...call
EL
)
*idling police car parked in dry grass ignites fire (2nd idiot award?)
*two police cars burn up (taxpayers will pay).

Hmmm....flying cows.....fire....police....havoc....

Nah, I got nuthin'.

Mmmmm...instant barbecue.

Sounds like a win/win finger-licking good situation.

Duck!

No, stupid - cow!

Don't have a cow, man . . .

OK, I saw this for real once (cows jumping from a truck, not the flaming cop cars) - I was drivin' behind a cattle truck on the highway, and one of the big back doors was swinging as the truck drove - after awhile, a cow on the top deck just walked out the door - and fell - and hit the highway. I slammed on the brakes and pulled over to the side - the stupid animal was still alive, layin' there kickin'

but the really bad part was that, after the first cow jumped, the rest of them apparently thoguht they were missin' out on somethin', and decided to jump too - by the time the truck driver noticed somethin' was not right, the whole trailer had emptied out on to the highway - there were dead and dyin' cows scattered for the better part of a mile - I had my gun in my car and helped him put down the ones that survived...

AND, this is why I have no trouble eating beef, cuz cattle are clearly too stupid to live, and if we didn't eat them, there'd be no use for 'em at all

"It was almost hard to believe," said Detective Sergeant Maureen Watson

ALMOST?!?! ALMOST?!? What would make it officially hard to believe for this woman? A monkey riding the cow bareback and eating an order of Chic-Fil-A nuggets?!?

They are great pets too. "You can spend all day talking to them, they will never argue, and when you get tired of them you can kill them and eat them." Thanks to Bill Bryson for that Quote

Boy, you know its a bad case of mad cow when the cow tries to fly.

FAST FOOD!

Sounds like Some_Poeple_Juggle_Cows™ down in San Anton'.

oh tck. i wonder if you know how many women's fantasies just died with that story...

*SNORK* @ judi...ROFLMAO


I'm surprised this hasn't rung any bells.

"Now you cops go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

yeah, they've got replacement cars, but what about replacement cows?

and tck, that was not stupidity. that was suicide.

I suspect this was an elaborate and very stupid plan to get rid of incriminating evidence to be used against crooked cops in an upcoming internal affairs investigation.

You know how sometimes a cop will be walking along, practicing his quick draw routine, and accidentally shoot a nun? You do? Good, stick with me.

Well of course they'll plant a bazooka on the nun and then claim she's part of an elvis impersonating bank robbing conspiracy, and get an award and three days in Branson.

I figure that these cops in Sequin had a quesadilla stain in the back of that brand new cruiser from when they were supposed to be staking out a vice presidential hunting accident but instead had spent an afternoon eating mexican takeout and shooting armadillos, and the best way they could see to clear their names was to burn the vehicles.

That's what I figure.

that's OK judi - I don't need all of 'em

*snork* at C'bol!

Yo, Teensy, COWS are too stupid to live? Have you checked out who owns the vast majority of the Darwin Awards?
"Hey, Vern, hold my beer and watch this...." Boom!

when did Carnie Wilson learn to fly? (I hope there's no metabolism karma)

crossgirl - "replacement cow" My thought exactly.

Posted by SPJG: "They are great pets too. "You can spend all day talking to them, they will never argue, and when you get tired of them you can kill them and eat them." Thanks to Bill Bryson for that Quote"

Illegal aliens?!

no, the cows. 'tis a long story.

Tiny, I'm with judi here. You may not need ALL of them, but if you've got NONE of them poss, are you with me here?), then you got nuttin'!

I was prepared to defend the cow, who(m) I suspected would be blamed for everything, but it died, so I'm off to look for my next case. :)

El - what about the cow's family? Can't they sue for lost earnings?

MS said "Now you cops go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

I too was disappointed that there was no catapult (Cowapult?) involved. It sounds to me like it was more a "Diving" cow than flying. Poor journalism again. Tsk Tsk...

RDR said "Mmmmm...instant barbecue. Sounds like a win/win finger-licking good situation."

You beat me to that comment... I like the way you think! (Just like me, of course.) (Hey! Put that gun down, suicide's not necessary! It's not THAT scary a thought!)

(Is it?)

Eleanor - A lawyer shouldn't care that the potential client is dead, should she?

I'm with Mr. C here - suppose the allegedly deceased potential client pays a nice fat retainer up front?

Actually, PETA might have a case. That's a horrible way to die. The trailer owner/driver was negligent. Sorry - not so funny.

Ha Ha! I got recognized, hopefully as one of the lads.

The cattlepult is available here - Cattlepult with four different cows included.

Cows are SO stupid... only thing more stupid is a chicken.

Mr C, if your chicken is stupid, you can always choke it.

*ahem*

S'girl - What, again?

Careful Mr C, I heard that'll make ya go blind

Tiny, thems that don't care if the client is dead are the sleazy civil attorneys. You must be alive to be a poor, oppressed, indigent victim of society to be represented by a CDA. You can be almost dead from poverty, starvation, homelessness or when the liquor store you rob doesn't have your brand of smokes, but breathing is a requirement.

El - We stand corrected.

I guess we do

and El - I do love it when you get all indignant and stuff, way up there on your white horse

Flaming cows and REplacement Cows. Sounds like a movie.
Passe la Asada.

TCK-Sounds like the Alpha Cow was an idiot.

*hearty applause for El!!*

"(Cowapult?)??" OF COURSE it would have to be "Cattlepult"! Thanks to Kathy P. for the correction. Regardless, the result is the same: "PWANG! MOOOOoooooooo..... RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"

Maybe, if we build, a wooden badger, the bluggers, wouldn't dive out, of trucks.

"They parked their cars in the hot grass, burning two of them including that brand new 2006 Crown Victoria."

So the back story is, these cops stole some marijuana, got stoned, and set fire to their squad cars?

PD - I love how they say "that brand new 2006 Crown Victoria" like everyone knows. Everyone does, of course, in a cow town.

"The two mexican immigrants, ages 21 and 23, are in custody for illegally entering the country and evading arrest. Watson says they have replacement cars for now, but hope the city council will vote to get new cars soon."

So, they caught the two illegal immigrants and immediately gave them each a used car, but they will soon get new cars? Do they need a new editor at this news outlet?

Sorry, Tiny...you and your little gun had better make friends with the cows, or some other mammalian life form, cuz I think the posse is pretty unanimous.
*leaves to roll bandages for injuried bovines around the world*

Yes Annie, that's exactly what I thought, especially with the use of the word that, to specify.

And the entire population of the town shakes their heads and says, NOOOOOOOOOO, not THAT one.

Betsy - how do I say this without twisting my intestines? - Tiny was probably right.
A fall like that at any speed would probably put the poor animals in very bad shape, most likely beyond saving. Waiting for an injection from the vet would be agony.
His mistake was to act macho about it. If he had spun it like he truly meant it, to save them from suffering, he'd have had several blog princesses batting their lashes at him.

Jo: [cow flies by in the storm] Cow.
[cow flies by in the storm]
Jo: 'Nother cow.
Bill: Actually I think that was the same one.


Melissa: I gotta go Julia, we got cows.

TWISTER! The great movie that taught me that nothing on earth is stronger than a leather belt. After all, how else could it hold two people to a pipe in an F5 tornado?

Adonis - the only thing stronger than a leather belt is p***y hair. An old biker told me that, and it has proven true throughout my long life. In fact, p***y hair is widely regarded as the strongest substance ever created. There are many reasons for this, which I will not go into here. Just rest assured that on your jaunt through life, you will no doubt have occasion to remark, probably in futile hindsight, that this is true. You should certainly make a note of it. I promise this knowledge will come in handy...too late, of course, but handy, nonetheless. I believe p***y hair was originally created to hide the hook.

(I can't believe I'm saying this) Thus the reason so many men like it waxed.

Annie - I did not intend to act macho - my problem is often that I am not nearly as well-spoken as you

but, spend a few springtimes calving, and then come tell me that cattle are not too stupid to live

*Looks at cat with new respect*

*quickly leaves after noticing she has accidentally wandered into the men's room*

Twinkie, I gave you a compliment, buried in there somewhere. You were really trying to help the cows not suffer so much. I grew up on a farm, so I've been thru the calving, the separating, the cowpies, the haybaling...our cows were pets so they got a lot more attention. I even snuck mine into my room once. Had a heckuva time getting her back down the stairs without my mom knowing. Anyway, they have the potential to be smart if you work with them early...just like some guys.

*Quickly ups bid for those cow-in-bedroom pictures on offer at E-B*y*

TCK - I thought in Montana they referred to cows as "slow elk."

Stupe - they call them "mooose"...but they also answer to "old lady."

Meanie - bid away, pal. I'm paying for my infinity pool with those pix.

So, Annie, if a guy in Montana's wife or significant other goes to town, is he allowed to tell his buddies, "My moose is loose"?

for the record, i was only talking about the gun in the car. ;)

Stupe: p***y hair? Pissy hair, piffy hair, puffy hair, piggy hair, pikky hair, peggy hair, penny hair, pammy hair? I give up.

daisymae - are you a real blonde? (That was kind of a gross, vulgar, disgusting boys' room hint at what he was talking about. Best just to move on.)

Mrs. O'Leary unavailable for comment.

fetch increase con - that is all that table is capable of when TV do chair bet: http://www.movie-poster.ws/movies/crime/Bullitt.htm , when table is grass it will con boy

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