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March 31, 2006


Cow of the Future


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Moo! (first?)

Udder madness.

When will the technology advance to the point that the udders will be labeled "skim"; "whole"; "2%"; and "Chocolate".

And do you know what time it is?

It's time for Cows With Guns.

"While the mechanism for directing cows is still unclear, methods are already in place for dog control through radio-controlled systems by using a small electric shock, a puff of water or through the use of eucalyptus"

wasn't this how they got ferret nasal secretions also??

Next: "Smart Cows" that self-marinate in your choice of sauce.

I bet the media really milks this story. Somebody will make some moo-lah from it, that's for sure! But I will not udder anundder word.

Beef-irst in your neighborhood! But steak-alm, there's enough farm everyone.

"less junkier" ? Wouldn't it be "less junky"?

Grammar police?

sounds like Brave Moo World to me...

"Them in the pasture are my Chocolate Milkers, out back are my buttermilk heiffers, and in the barn we're milking our coffee-creamer Gurnseys."

Pretty soon they'll be able to engineer the cow so that it is just a giant udder with a head. No intestine needed, as every square molecule (are they square?) of grass will turn into creamy milk.

Oh, and as far as no legs - easy - the headudder will roll itself around the pasture.

No, no, no, no. Leave the cows alone. Look what happened when someone got the bright idea of grinding up dead cows and feeding them to live ones to increase their growth rate.

Of course that did produce a whole new genre of mad cow jokes that the world otherwise would have been without but I'm not sure it was worth it.

Somewhere North - Have you read Fast Food Nation? Eek. And I agree, the bad beef jokes are good for a laugh, but the price is outrageously high.

/end serious post

I herd that they wanted to do more research on this but they couldn't because they lacked aid.

KDF - no, I haven't read it. I really don't want to know what is in my food. I like to pretend everything is fine.

*sticks fingers in ears* LA LA LA LA LA LA

I was hoping for a boneless cow - you know, just slice and eat.

a haiku

first post at new job
fart jokes on company time
same old mudstuffin

Gotcha, SN. ;) You didn't hear it from me.

*deletes disgusting ground beef statistics*

SN: Do not read:
My Dad worked at a meat-packing plant, and would not allow hot dogs in our home.....

LALALALALALA You people aren't listening! LALALALAALLA

78% of ground beef samples tested contained... you don't want to know.

Intel Inside!

Where's the beef? *Goes to MoogleEarth v.9.0 and locates herd*

What are current methane output levels? *Uploads sensor data to MS Exhale spreadsheet*

Where to direct cattle for optimized yogurt production feeding areas? *Inputs parameters to GPS-driven MS CowerPoint*

*zips in with a tiny pout*

1. sly took my chocolate milk, etc. line.

2. mathmom took my less junkier line although I might add that even more junky is not Pulitzer Prize winning journalism.

3. KDF, I've read Fast Food Nation, but I've forgotten every word, praise the Lord. :)

*zips out to look for uniqueness elsewhere*

*snork* at Blue for MoogleEarth

"Action figure?" Have you seen the udders on a dairy cow lately? Poor cow can barely mooooove. Even that b00b model Jordan is envious.
How about we quit messin' with the cows, and cut back on eating so much? Then WE can be action figures.

I wish to point out that I already own a cow from the future.
I assure you that it can make more then milk. -To this day I can't figure out how they built a cyborg cow that can make Orange juice and donuts.

You quiero Asado

I've read _Fast_Food_Nation_ by Eric Schlosser, and everyone should read it. Then no one will ever eat fast food again. *has a cow at the very thought of fast food* Watch the movie "SuperSize Me" [The DVD version comes with an interview with Mr. Schlosser]and buy all-natural Maverick Ranch beef. Following that public service announcement, I think it would behoove me to come up with a good cow joke. Personally, I think the whole idea of futuristic cattle is a bum steer.

Forget about the milk production ... will they taste better? Or, simply have better taste?

They will know the difference between a Chapo and a petante.

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