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March 13, 2006

FOR EVERYONE WHO LOVES THOSE STORIES THAT, WHEN YOU READ THEM, MAKE YOU SAY, "HUH"

Have we got a story for you.

(Thanks to warren anderson)

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Reminds me of that line from Hamlet...

Where as when a king dies he is eaten by a work which a a poor will use to catch a fish. Thus the poor man may partake of the King.

Take 2

Reminds me of that line from Hamlet...

Where as when a king dies he is eaten by a worm which a a poor will use to catch a fish. Thus the poor man may partake of the King.

Man this Shakespear stuff is hard

"OK, it was stupid but I was broke."

damn, if I had a nickle for every time I said that...

"Roeben removed the body from the freezer and chopped it up with a chainsaw."

A chainsaw?!? Why is it always a chainsaw?!?

I never use a chainsaw for chopping up bodies... the bones dull the blade terribly and sharpening them is such a pain.

*makes note to cancel subscription to "Organic Farmer and Gardener"*

DAMN - Did Edgar Allan Poe write that story?

oh yeah - & may I be the first to say "HUH"

Soap's got a point here - I thought everyone knew that the chipper is the proper tool for shredding a body prior to disposal - if there's one thing i learned from my step-dad, it's: "Always use the right tool for the job"

'course, he told me this in the context of checkin' for a leak in a propane line with a zippo lighter (the zippo bein' the right tool for the job), but still

(and no, I didn't have to run his body through the chipper - turns out there were no leaks)

...disturbing the peace of the dead ...

Huh?

No leaks in the body, or the pipe TCK? By the way - why havent we seen your step dad in a few weeks, and I must say your garden is growing wonderfully!

Now, there's a reason to go vegetarian.

"bio-food" - WTF?

This is NOT a Huh? post. This is an Eeeeewwwwwww! post.

Very distressing.:(

Hey at least he processed the dead guy through the pigs. In "Fried Green Tomatoes" they just barbecued the dead guy and skipped the feeding him to the pigs part....

Bottom line... As long as you've got the right kind of sauce, does it matter?

Goodness - I hope he at least remembered to wear his safety goggles. The guy in Fargo didn't, and it was very upsetting.

It was stupid...he was broke...he used the pension for porn, travel, and booze...for what, the pigs?

Anyone know where I can apply for a heritage change?

clark - the guy was 73 - you're gonna need more than the right sauce.

Annie,
So you're saying the guy was probably a little stringy, huh? That's probably why he fed him to the pigs first....

This guy sounds like a heck of a catch for any ladies out there looking. He's 28, apparently single, likes porn, good beer and travel... And seems to have pretty strong feelings about recycling.... You know, circle of life and all that...

*snork*

Annie's right - old and tough, gonna need to marinate, probably for a coupla days

And no one's mentioned Soylent Green™, yet.

oh, and CoastRaven - my step-dad's alive and well, thank you very much

and before you even go there, the health of my garden is also not in any way connected with the disappearance of several teenage boys who refused to stop sniffin' around my 16 year old daughter - little bastards - ya try scarin' 'em off by shootin' over their heads, but can they take a hint? hell no! too stupid to live and reproduce, i say...

um, right - what were we talkin' about again?

So instead of Mad Cow disease, we now have to worry about Grumpy Old Pig disease.

I didn't know that porn, booze, and foreign travel were life necessities. If that's the case, I'm even more broke than I thought!

...and this little piggy ate Friedhelm!

punchline to joke: "Well, you don't eat a neighbor like that all at once!

Mumbles from the back of the geezer bus: "It's a cookbook!"

As long as he spent the money wisely. I noticed he neglected to mention shoes.

Roeben just wasn't as patient as THIS person with a body to dispose of. Composting takes a lot longer...

PS, yes, this piece is old -- I remember it 'cuz I met the perp a couple of weeks before the "incident", along with her dog "Baby" who dug the remains out and showed them to the woman's son. She asked me if I knew how to get rid of a racoon in her attic. I did NOT tell her to "get a gun"!

PPS, and NO, I did not go to San Antonio with her, either! That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

/tmi

Meals on Squeals.

Thank you, and good night.

Soap & TCK are right - the chipper is the way to go.

I loved this as the excuse of the week: "OK, it was stupid but I was broke. It's not like he could use the money anymore."

Was this guy's name Brick Top?

"The best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You gotta starve the pigs for a few days. You gotta shave the head of your victim and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggy's digestion. They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to do the job in one sitting so be weary of any man who keeps a pig farm."
--"Snatch", Dir. Guy Ritchie

I probably shouldn't admit knowing this, but one would not really need to use a chain saw or a chipper.

Even a few pigs could handle a cadaver in about a day.

Oh, and Baligurl makes me think of Bangi_Gurl.

But "Hi Baligurl"

"Friedhelm - the other white meat."

But the real question is - what type of wine would you serve?
-Cabernet du Cadaver
-Zinfandead
-any type of White Swine

oh, jeez, and a simulpost with Thaddeus - must a full moon AND a Monday.

*sneaks up behind Deon and gives him a big ol' hug*

((((DEON))))

slyeyes - be careful - don't surprise him - the man knows his way around a chipper.

[eyeballs bulging out]

Hey Sly.

Actually, Annie, what I am suggesting is that I know my way around a pig. Did you know they can eat crows in one bite? *crunch crunch* Only a couple of feathers left. And they do munch cadavers (of pigs) in short order.

And now, since I know little about Annie other than that she seems to be prolific and clever, I shall check out anniesway.

I did not know pigs were omnivorous. *concerned*

"disturbing the peace of the dead "

How about some legislation covering "distributing the pieces of the dead" ?

Hi, Deon. I noticed Bangi_Gurl awhile back and wondered if that was me. I've decided it isn't. I've been baligurl since 2002. I can't remember who I said I was before that. Let me know if you find out?

Friendly fact: In fact, pigs are quite much like humans in their eating habits...well, except for the cannibal part.

baligurl, if you have the chance to exchange pleasantries with Bangi, take that chance. She is a riot . . . and actually resides in Bangladesh.

I'll keep my eye out for your pre-02 persona.

Deon - I never watched one eat a crow - eeew. But I like pigs -they're smart. The only thing is that their eyes are incredibly like human eyes. A bit creepy.

Operator, can you trace this call and tell me where I am?

"Does this bacon taste like Uncle Bogner to you?"

"I dunno. Give me another few slices..."

I always thought the most dangerous thing about a pig was that it could throw up on you. (Lame inside joke! I make-a myself laugh!)

"You want fries with that?"


...."Saayyyy - where's my Mr. PotatoHead?"

If the pigs charge you, just squirt cold water on their foreheads. It's kills'em deader'n Cooter Brown.

If the pigs charge you, just get a receipt and expense it.

*snork* @ Lairbo

Annie, I don't have an expense account. I HAVE to kill them.

definitely a ewwwuuuu! post

OK, who's Cooter Brown, and how is it that he's so dead that he's the topic of a deader'n?

How many among us can honestly say he's never fed a friend to the hogs?

Hell, I did it last week and that was just to get him to shut up about Duke. I hate Duke.

Moral dilemma: If you could feed Barry Manilow to the hogs, would you do it even though it's animal cruelty?

*snork* at C'bol's "moral dilemma"!

TCK, I can't say. I signed a paper. Suffice it to say the story is so gory, most everyone in OK knows about.

TCK - don't know who, but I know what!

C'bol - I'd feed him to potbellies and/or boars. The Yorkshires, though, are too cute to do that to...

From eBaum's World
Cannibal1: You know, I really hate my mother-in-law.
Cannibal2: Well just eat the noodles then.

*OT*

so Fed, when are we gonna get to see some pics of your date?

C'mon, you know you have some! :)

Yeah, Fed. How can you deprive your fellow bloglits so? Is it out of respect for our little Tamara?

Fed must be retouching his photo prior to posting it.....read that as you may....

sorry just got here. bizeee day.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

haven't any of you eaten your pork with Kraut?

Gives new meaning to "Oscar Mayer Bacon"

Yes insom I have, but usually the Kraut isnt actually a PART of the pork!

I'M SGIRL'S FAVORITE!!! Plus, El mercifully let me out of my room! Good thing, 'cause I was getting tired of feeding friends to my pigs! I did need that rest, though, what with the tri-simulpost (not that I'm bragging, except that I am!)

Now, do I get my capital "A" back? I did play along with the "small pop-tart" talk.

re: feeding Barry Manilow to the pigs, does anyone else see the irony in feeding a Jewish man to pigs? Just sayin'...

baligurl, not after this. Well, we may notice, but we think it is appropropriate.

Bad link, Adonis! BAD LINK! You are SO not getting your capital A back.

adonis with the small "a" - go back to your room, and take these with you!

*snurklesnork* at Annie. "Zinfindead" indeed.

Adonis, it was not about a "small" Pop Tart, it was NO Pop Tart. It's possible, you know--war, Bobbit's younger sister, bike accident...

You were a terrific sport. I laughed so hard I cried and my better half thought I was having some kind of attack.

As for Fried Green Tomatoes, that is one of my all-time favorite movies. "Secret's in the sauce!" I wonder if that's what they are hinting at in the new commercial about those cooking experiments that you need the air freshener for?

"Using the dead man's cheque card he was able to draw out his monthly pension of £1,500, which he spent on a large pornography collection, beer and foreign holidays."

and the problem is ...?

I may look good in footy-pajamas, but they look better on the floor IFCMD!

I will accept my lowercase a, but I have a HUGE pop-tart.

*snork*

adonis - defendin' yourself is one thing, but dude, now you're just beggin' for it

You be quiet Trent! When I made a good sexist joke, thereby imulating you, I got sent to my room! When I defended my HUGE pop-tart, I was let go, got posse attention (IFCMD), and temporarally got my "A" back, until I linked a BM song (but it was totally worth it!) So I'll just follow my own path, thank you very much!

hey, far be it from me to stand in your way

but I won't be quiet - I'll be the guy in the back, pointin' and laughin'

You can laugh all you want, cause I got "posse attention" THRICE last night while in my room. (btw, being sent to your room seems a whole lot better than the doghouse. I mean, beer is great and all, but ...)

I'm happy for you - really, I am

wait, fed's dating tamara?

He is?! Wow, wait'll I tell the world! Thanks, judi!

this is how rumo(u)rs start.

judi, Fed and Tamara had a bloglit meeting in Chattanooga this weekend.

We know this so far: Fed smells great; Tamara rules the universe.

altho, Fed is publishing Walks By the River - The Tamara Chronicles back on the squirel thread.

adonis - when we pity you because of your missing pop tart, that is not 'posse attention'. Take a note from Toby, there and squeak only when spoken at. And tellin' a senior dawg to shush won't win you points either. ;)

really judi - you should pay closer attention. The movie rights have been sold already with Fabio in the male lead and Paris Hilton as the ruler of the Universe.

I know Annie. I think teddy is gonna jump me soon. I didn't mean to upset the blog Steve McQueen, really I didn't. I guess I got too big for my pop-tart, amazing as that is.

*pointin' and laughin'*

Coast - who greenlighted Paris? Don't I have a say in casting? She's really more of a red-light girl.
For Tamara, I see either Sandra Bullock or Julia Roberts....for Fed Duck, somebody see if that AFLAC bird is available.

Travis - go easy on the multi-tasking, ok? You don't wanna hurt yourself again.

Go ahead and laugh Tennesee! You knew I'd stumble sooner or later, huh. Man, Tanner, I think that Annie should be the dominatrix in the Fed/Tam/KDF love triangle movie. She'll simulpost, then say you don't have a pop-tart for the rest of the night! Can you believe that Tex?

hey, I kinda like "Tennessee"

and Annie - you promised you wouldn't say anything about that time that I got hurt when we....um, right

this is like deja vu all over again...

adonis - when we pity you because of your missing pop tart, that is not 'posse attention'. Take a note from Toby, there and squeak only when spoken at. And tellin' a senior dawg to shush won't win you points either. ;)

Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | 07:34 PM on March 13, 2006

*snork*

I thought I was your favorite! :-( [trademark violation]

I just simulposted with myself and neither Pop-less Tart nor Top-pop noticed.

If Trace is the blog's Steve McQueen, adonis, you're our Martin Short. (har! - I said 'short'!)

oops...gender-bending again...

at least I didn't simulpost again.

oops.

Let's see:

Tennessee Chicken Keeper?

or

Tennessee Chipotle Killer?

I choose to ignore those who abuse me Annie!

Dang!

Unless we simulpost!

Are you talkin' to me?

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