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March 14, 2006


If anyone ever makes fun of you for refusing to ask for directions, show them this story.

(Thanks to Luis Calvo)


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She's stolen my driving technique!

OK, either the Blog gremlins or my medication is out of whack... did I just imagine the post I THOPUGHT I was commenting on was about a lady smashing other cars? Do I need to make an appointment with LucyVP?

So now you get arrested for asking directions.

It's a man's world.

Guy #1: "Geez, Guy #2, I think we're lost. Should we pull over and ask directions?"

Guy #2: *POW!*

Guy #1: "Ahhhhhhhh! My thigh!!"

(50 points to the first one to identify Guy #2)

I'm starting to think that anyone convicted of any driving infraction worse than speeding or an occasional illegal left turn *looks around guitily* should be just sent to Florida, where apparently, no one will fint their driving out of the ordinary.

Must have been my meds....... anyway, it was a FIRST, which makes it all worthwhile. I'll think of a comment for the right post in a sec..... maybe....

Mad - Are you saying you DO stop and ask for directions or you don't?

Punkin - do we get 20 questions?
1 Did you stop at CTU?


Yes, was that wrong?

The moron deserves to have her car stolen. You don't ever leave your car running if you're not in it or by it. Unless it's a crappy car nobody would steal.

And the thief should have a special place in this book.

Punkin - Chuck Norris?

So, given the region where this incident took place, what were the chances the thief could have asked for directions from someone not related to the vehicle owner?

Mmmmm.... lets just say inadvisable...

2 are the shooters initials "J.B."?

Bumble - I beg to differ - I start my car and leave it running in my driveway every morning that it is either below 15 degrees or so, or when the windshield's frosty and I'm feelin' too lazy to scrape it - which is most mornings this time of year...

OK, that may have been the wrong approach - I think i just admitted to being a moron who deserves to have my car stolen

I'll sometimes leave my car running to warm it up, but I ALWAYS lock it.

Sometimes I even have a spare key to unlock it.

Wish I could find an example, but a couple times a year there is a story like this in MD. Since it is illegal in this state (what isnt) the story usually ends with "The alleged thief was free on 15,000 dollars bond, and the victim was cited for abandoning a vehicle with the engine running"

Most directions I hear are like this.
"Ok you take a left on specialinist street,"
"Ok wheres Tha-"
"Then you keep going till you see whamercromber."
"And then another right at Lilly's house."
"You should see the underground pool in the backyard. Thats the house."
Then some other guy comes in and says.
"No you take a horizontal at Whambercromber and Lilly moved."

For this reason I usually tell them to draw a map. I then tell them to make it as if I have no idea where anything is.

A - Yes.


"No! I mean NO!"

(ouch, my thigh)

And now for the obligatory input of religious doctrine (with apologies to secular judges everywhere).

Verily, Moses wandered in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights....

Hey he was a guy, and refused to ask for directions...

And now for the obligatory input of religious doctrine (with apologies to secular judges everywhere).

Verily, Moses wandered in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights....

Hey he was a guy, and refused to ask for directions...

Errrr...profound apologies for the double post; on reflection, it wasn't even very funny the first time...

I leave the engine running sometimes when I run into the store (if it's for something quick, like lottery tickets or beer) - never been stolen yet!

and *snork* @ slyeyes!

People like this guy are a CDA's bread and butter!


And who said that miracles did not ever happen. This must surely be one.

Punkin, that would be Andy, er, I mean Jack. Jeez, for 50 points you'd think there'd be no beating around the bush.

Tiberius~ Only if you have a nice car. I do that in cold weather, too. Nobody wants my car.

FCDA~ Guess what? I have another brief to write. Grunt, grumble, moan, etc. And I'm slipping. I only got a B on the first test we had in there. But that's probably because my teacher's a moron who can't teach, right? Not because I'm lazy about studying. Right? ;-)

Also, contract law sucks rocks.

Bumble - I'm sure you rock. Teachers tend to give grade lower at the beginning of the semester right?

Adonis - welcome back! We missed yooooouuuuu!

Thanks Annie. Got an explanatory post on the squirel thread. Don't worry, I didn't bring back any automatic weapons, or italics

I don't mind italics...but some of those greeks bother me.
*rim shot*

Yeah I here Nuklear weapons are a seasonal item anyway.

Greek? Who's greek? What's she talking abo ... oh.

Al- Seasonal in the sense that you'll only be able to post for a season before your (not you're) IP address is blocked. Although, italics are more of a biological weapon, slowly spread bloglit-to-bloglit.

BTW, does anyone else see the irony in how I found my weapon of choice? We were testing something new, and infected ourselves first.

ah the memories

Annie~ Maybe if it was something subjective. But it was multiple choice. :-)

You crack me up Alfred, but that's only noticeable upon close inspection. Probably why I'm on sale

Welcome back, A-man!

snork at multiple choice, but in a good and caring way*

*Major hug for Bumble*

I think multiple choice questions suck. I've never done well on them and I graduated with honors from law school, so don't let it bother you.

We'll just have to get another A on the new brief - I'm ready.

*zips out to sharpen pencils* :)

Talk about the story of my life KDF! Seems you either love me or ya hate me. Oftentimes, I turn the former to the latter!

Nah. We wouldn't torture you if we didn't like you. :)

Just put down the hot poker and we'll be okay...

And keep up the hot looks.


Jeez, you guys are relentless. :)

I'm not sure it really counts if you say YOURSELF that a given comment was smooth. Talk with Tennessee, he's more experienced with smooth talkin'!

We're a team, Alfred. Or maybe like the odd couple. One a goofy dork, the other a cool German! (right? I thought I read that somewhere. Now we just need to figure out which one is Jasper...)

hey Bumble - on multiple choice, the answer is always, C

well, except when it's B

Actually I just felt like making a smooth pick up line.

I figured that was a good one.

I've got an "A" on my briefs...butt that's because my name's on them....makes them easier to identify in the laundry. ;)

and ol'tennessee's not doin' so well with the smooth talkin' tonite, so don't ask

Ok lets see now. Not smooth lines

Whats April 7th 1981. A date? Why sure.

Quick before your boyfriend sees me. Date me.

Did you know that some people think there drunk because they are told they are. So how many glasses of Alcaholic Dr.PEpper do I have to get you for a date.

Ol' Tennessee. Hmm, sounds like a particular brand of moonshine, or cheap bourbon. It fits! Also, I mourn your unsmoothness. I mourn with candles.

OK, the second one might actually work on the right girl

So Adonis, I see you're using the "A" again. So you're all better now? :)

Yup. Merely took a breath, now to annoy anew.

Toppingham, you sayin' anyone here is the wrong girl?

Adonis - don't waste fire on a candle - smoke somethin' fer craps sake

and moonshine - my granpa bill made the best damn moonshine, and it had not a thing to do with tennessee

So I got to find a girl with a ba boyfriend?
Will do.

what I'm sayin, Ms. KDF, darlin', is that that particular line would not work on just any gal - the gals in present company, for example, would not likely be impressed - my point, however, is that there are gals in exisistence that would go for that line - the trick then, is to find the right one


I know what you meant. Was just trying to incite another riot. ;)

Maleness boiled down to one long sentence.

Alfred Riots and begins to dust the furniture.
When over 6 feet tall you see a lot of dust in places most never see.


'night all! I'm takin another sabatacal, but I promise I'll be back.

Now you're talkin'.

The real way to a woman's heart: pitch in with the domestic chores.

*winks at Alfred*

TCK - wow- you're obviously experienced at tiptoeing through mindfields (sick). That was almost painful to watch. But I would suggest that the 'trick' is the one to find.

*sisterhood snorks* to Annie for mindfields (sick)

thanks, KDF. And you're right about the household help....sometimes at work, a guy will make a pot of coffee, and we all stop to watch...almost like that sexy diet coke commercial....mmmmm.

OK, I'm not sure, but I think somebody just said I have a sick mind

It has more to do with Homework. I would rather dust then have to write one more page on my finals project.

Oh, Alfred, you say that to all the girls.

Alfred - there's gotta be somethin' better than dusting to avoid homework....

hmmmm - you don't drink, do ya?

KDF- Except my mother.


ah - more power to you - drinkin's bad for ya anyway, or so i've been told

OK, watchin' tv beats dustin' 10 ways to sunday, and doesn't involve violating any major beliefs

Thats ok. I finished dusting. And I can't figure out what next to write.

Wait figured something out.

Geez.... leave the blog for 4 hours and somebody steals your points.........

Dusting's easy! Just spray the old lady's lapdog or cat with Endust™ and chase it around the room a couple of times. Doing dishes is easy, too, if you have a pickup. Just load the dishes in the truck bed and head to the nearest automatic carwash. Of course, if you'd read my recent book Fifty Ways to Lose Your Lover, you'd already know these helpful household hints.

Get on the Bus Gus
Go on the lamb Sam

Sorry just remembered a great Muppets episode.

By the time I'd read all the messags, I forgot what the thread was about. Is it midnight wandering?

When I steal cars, I always use MapQuest, duh!

Really Map-Quest has a portable usage. Or are you saying you install it into the car so the police can track you.

Omigoodness, Alfred - pick-up lines, riots, dusting, to muppets...the way your mind jumps around, poor ol' Theodore is gonna get tired trying to keep up.

All the while writing a 12 page essay on way a mixed-bag sytem works. All made up within 24 hours.

Going to bed and not getting up for a long time.

Whoa Whoa whoa
Long long time.


And now for the (second) obligatory input of religious doctrine (with apologies to secular judges everywhere and tsktsk).

Two thousand years ago, three wise men (though they weren't too wise, since they were riding camels instead of in air conditioned SUVs, of course, if they would have been riding in SUVs, they wouldn't have had gas yet and would have been just sitting in the desert in hot tin cans, so they were actually pretty wise after all. But I digress...) Anyway, these Wise Men were looking for the hospital where a baby had been born, a new king even. So they stopped to ask directions from the current king-in-charge, instead of simply following the big bright shiny thing in the sky that had led them this far. It was probably their wives forcing them to stop and ask. One wife you can ignore, but a harem of 100 or so, depending on if they were traveling light or brought the entire harem along, makes it difficult, but I digress again… So these women in the harem forced the Wise Men to stop and ask for directions – all the time Moses is saying, “Don’t do it, you can make it.”

Needless to say the king was upset that someone would take over his plushy job, so he told the Wise Men to find out where the baby was and let him know. They didn't, probably again because their wives were “tired of traveling, started whining and wanted to get back home by a shorter route.”

The king promptly went out and killed all the babies.

This is the first and last recorded incident of any man asking for directions. Ever since then, men have refused to risk the life of a child for simple directions.

AB asked "Are you saying you DO stop and ask for directions or you don't?"

The answer is yes, that's what I'm saying.

PS, I'd have been back here to comment sooner, but I made a wrong turn somewhere....

Those of you who leave your car running and unattended please provide me with details, location, description of car, fuel level in the tank, etc... my car is STILL in the shop (6 weeks now) and I'm really getting tired of this rent car. I'll leave it for you.


beanie - remember that if it had been 3 wise WOMEN, they would have arrived on time and brought a casserole. (old joke, not mine)

I always thought that story was a joke anyway - after all, it starts out, "Three WISE MEN..."

So, Annie ... These two Irishmen walk out of a bar ...

(BTW, I corrected your erroneous assumption r.e. "Springfied, Nodak" on the other thread, with a proper discourse on the concept of "town" vis-a-vis "township" ... merely [and politely] sayin' ...)

Mad: Hasn't anybody heard of keyless entry. I understand an (idiot) car thief not knowing, but why not just take the clicker with you while the car warms up. What else were those things invented for if not that and for me to be able to find my car in the parking lot?

u.o - no correction needed - I replied to YOUR erroneous assumption on the other thread whilst you were trying to keep up with me on this thread. :)

daisymae, I've seen keyless systems with a remote starter button, which I would assume is intended for just this purpose, even better than going outside to start up, then carrying the button back into the house. Never had one myself, but it seems like a good idea. Oh, and I found another good use for the car remote: I had a few neighbor kids on bikes riding around the 'hood once, going up my driveway between the cars, which I saw from a second floor window. Of course, most kids on bikes appear far drunker than the population of Dublin will be come Friday night, so, fearing for my paint jobs, I hit the "parking lot locator button" and you should have seem 'em scatter. I thought I was gonna split a gut..... never saw 'em near my cars again.

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