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March 17, 2006

ATTEMPTED MEDIA MANIPULATION

NBC6, you are so BUSTED: The very last thing you think of after you see the picture is "Grandma."

(Thanks to daisymae)

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HAH!!!!

Hmmmmm...nice mangoes

I am SO gonna start working out.

TITUSVILLE,Fla

OK kids, time to go to grandma's house.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(that is one scarey lookin' gramma)

what's that date line say??!! Come on, their kidding!

I feel sorry for the big bad wolf...

What is that "enlarge" button in the upper right hand corner of the picture for?

Grandma, what big... um... you have!

Hmm, I wonder what she keeps in her candy dish?

They need to turn up the heat in that gym.

"Davis said she works out at Parrish Health and Fitness Center several times a week. She said she's in the best shape of her life and has no plans to stop competing"

competing for....?

You should see Grandpa.

Are those Ramparts or Huge tracts of land.
Enquiring minds want to know.

those eyebrows just don't look natural!

verrrrry scarrrrry!

Someone, make those nipples go away!

"every which way but loose"

Grandma is Erin Go Bragh less? Ew

I wish to point out that my mother is also 5'1 and can do the same. She has to. All her kids are taller then her.

*snork* at Chianca!

Excuse me, ma'am, you seem to have left your headlights on...

CHIANCA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

*SNORK* O'Chianca!

The funny thing is, I don't know which of those pictures is more disturbing. OK, it's the grandma.

Go granny go granny go granny go!

*snork* @ Alfred

and Wolfie, you took the words right outta my mouth.

I would SO do her.

My standards have fallen off a bit as I get older.

*thinks to himself "Not enough Vi*gra in the 'verse!"*

"Grandpa, tell us how you met grandma again."

"Well, I tell ya, there I was, trapped underneath a pickup truck. See, there'd been a terrible accident, and back in those days we didn't know about safety and whatnot, so seatbelts weren't available. Well, I'd been thrown from the buckseat on the roadster four, which was a real humdinger of the day, mind ya, and got pinned beneath that old Ford."

"Garsh!"

"Oh you betya garsh! Well, it only got worse as a circus train, oh we used to love the circus in those days. Mind ya, we didn't have college girls whipping their shirts off for every reality tv show in town then, and a midget juggling flaming roosters might catch your eye for a moment or two back in the day. Anyway, the circus train hit a penny some dagblasted child was hopin' to bend on the track, and skipped into the intersection, dislodging an elephant from its slumber and landing it on that Ford, which was now bearing down on me in a very unpleasant way."

"Was Grandma in the circus?"

"I don't know, and I ain't asking."

"But that's when you met her?"

"Oh ayuh. There I was, pinned beneath the Ford beneath the elephant, and I looked up and there she was, haloed by the setting sun, walking my way. Well, I started praying like there was no tomorrow. I prayed every prayer I ever learned, and I made up a few as well, good ones, too!"

"And your prayers were answered!"

"And that's true. But I tell you, every prayer is answered, but sometimes the answer is 'no'. So I didn't die there, like I'd asked. Your grandmother flung that Ford, with the elephant on it, like you might toss a frisbee. She did! And I've never gotten away since. Damn, she's strong."

"Oh you betya garsh!"

"Oh ayuh"

Cbol, you are too much!

C-bol-- Nice use of Commas, and Snork.

I am kind of wondering what Grandma would do for her kids recitals and stuff? Hold up the scaffolding on her shoulder. Maybe take on the school bully. Mr.T, and maybe Chuck Norris.

so the police caught the suspect as she was tearing off his shirt?

That was one lucky perp!

Next week "Top 30 Facts about Grandma"

You can lead a horse to water Grandma can make him drink.

Grandma drew a perfect circle free hand.

Grandma goes swimming less than 30 minutes after eating all the time.

etc. etc.

*shakes head in awe at C'bol...*

Dude. Mad snorkage.

yikes. they aint makin grammas the way they used to.

What's the big deal? She only caught one of the three perps! Besides, it's clear from the fact that she "...tackled the man, completely ripping his shirt off.", she's just hot to trot, fixin' to jump on his....um you know, not in the slightest interested in "justice" as the article would lead one to believe. I have it on good authority that it took half a dozen cops to get Granny off of the guy as she was ripping the rest of his clothes off, but did NBC6 report that, nooooo! Poor journalism once again!

PS, although I sleep with a Grandma every night, ain't NO WAY I'm gonna show that photo to her!

As Jackie Chiles says: "Oh, and by the way, they're real, and they're spectacular."

Check out this picture from The Whitehouse St. Patricks Day Party.

http://www.thehollywoodliberal.com/2006/03/white-house-st-patricks-pa_114262853276675310.html

Uh Jack? Here at the blog we kind of operate on the principal that humor is supposed to be... well.. funny.

*snork* @ fivver!

Fivver has, it.

Just for that here is a happy picture.

And she's only 5'1" ... it's a wonder she doesn't tip over.

(Perhaps the town wasn't named Titusville until she moved there.)

Following sarc's lead...

Grandma is so strong that when she exercises, the machine gets stronger.

*snork* @ Brainy J.

Grandma's ramparts are so large, she's probably a DD.

(remembers fondly the time we tried to out-lame one another on the yo mama jokes)

Grandma used to live in the Gobi Rain Forrest.

I got another one.
Grandma eats venison every Christmas

Is this what Mrs. Lima will look like when she gets old? :)

Wow. I became a grandmother at age 47. She's old.

*looks downwards at t-shirt*

*sigh*

El said "Is this what Mrs. Lima will look like when she gets old?"

Dang! Gotta be 44 Magnums!

*o'snork at Cheryl!*
I'm guessing Grandma is a baritone. Even her nips have muscles.

Annie -

No time to chase tomatoes on all the threads since I wuz last here ... so ...

Anent your "erronious assumption" ...

Sorry -- 'twas neither ...

Simple truth (NOT a town), and no assumption (Statement of fact, not guesswork) ...

Besides which already, there's no sheeps in that part of the county ...

To all of y'all ... apologies for not gettin' back here sooner, to wish y'all a Happy St. Urho's Day yesterday ... (I did meet & greet his youngest nephew whilst @ the State Tournament tho) ... so ... Belated Happy St. Urho's Day to y'all ... hope y'all has as much fun as I did ...

Chase tomatoes? Superman (the original TV show with George (not Chris) Reeves) referred to Lois Lane as a tomato.

"Come here honey and shoot some Clear into grandma's backside! Don't be a wussie, grandma needs the juice!"

Gramparts!

*Shudder*

Welcome Adonis. How was your vacation?

Man Meanie, you change your name more oftentimes than I, and that's a LOT!

GOOD GAWD! A $145'000.00 mortgage for under $484.00 per month? Do you have to sleep with that woman to get it?

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! NOOOO! We did NOT simulpost! NTTAWWT, but we just were having coffee, or something. I swear.

Otherwise, okay vacation. Watched TV, lost many brain cells.

Hopefully not the important brain cells.

There ARE important brain cells? I mean, I did mention I'm a guy, right? We don't have, like, important brain cells. (notice all the extraneous commas?)

Re pic of Mrs. Lima,(Eleanor post, 5:05)

That photo caused bloggers everywhere to ask "Are they real?"

Science-based response:

Well, if you drop them in the woods, would they make noise? Of course they would. Is the ocean real? Yes, indeed. Therefore these saline breasts are, in fact, real.

Yes, there are quite a few. Women may have, convinced us that brain cells where for them. But that has nothing to do with our lack of brain power. We are just being nice. Really the majority of things women take for granted, was made by men. Men in tights representing there gang. Er leige lord. Still they wore tights and high heels. What is most interesting is that they had really highstandards for themselves.
Today men are expected to be smart on only one or two subjects. What happend?

I don't know Alfred, but if the answer isn't found within the subjects of beer or M-theory, I can't help you find it.

Well ok.

I just realized something. Why do I care about St. Patricks day.

Sorry just wondering out loud. Enjoy your holiday.

Ah, the days of lore. When the men were men, the women were women, and the sheep were nervous.

I care not Alfred, as I am neither Irish or Catholic.

I would wager that it is always funny to see people puke green beer. Or is that just me?

Looks kinda like Mr. Spock, Pam Anderson and Lou Ferrigno got crossed up in the transporter..

What's it to ya, A-Guy?

Alfred - blame it all on the commas. They're curvy just like us women.

Nothing, except welcome to the club! I change names because I forget mine! What's your reason?

*expects rant*

We had a woman at work who was well-endowed and always had her headlights on. One of the guys opined that she was sneaking frozen peas into the office, two at a time.

************


*sigh*

So when a woman reaches a "certain age", journalists begin identifying her as a "grandma" or "Grandma-to-be." Would a 62 year old man catching a robber be identified as a grandpa or grandpa-to-be?

Sorry, one of my hot buttons.

**

*O'snork!* to judi for 'Busted!'

Meanie - are you sayin' that people pukin' green beer ISN'T funny? Not even when some comes out their nose?

Dhase tomatoes -- (personal slang) -- = "Ketchup" ...

*snork* @ frozen peas from sly

Also, good point about the grandma thing.

Dhase?

I meant "Chase" ... (dang desktop PC NEway ...)

TCK - I was reefering to the Adonis query about my name change compulsion. Of course green beer being puked through someone's nose* is funny! We all know that.

*someone else's nose, that is

Yeah - "Exorcist, the Comedy."

I'm with sly, that "grandma" thing just frosts me. (so to speak)

I pity Grandpa or whoever this Granny's significant other happens to be. Let's eavesdrop outside Granny's bedroom:

ACT 10, SCENE 2(As the lights go up we find Granny [played by herself] and her latest vict...er, love interest [played by Don Knotts{r.i.p.}] in a post coital tete-a-tete while groundswells continue to roll back and forth across her waterbed)

GRANNY: "Whadda ya mean, you limpd****d m%#&@r=+!?^r?! I'll tell you when you're finished, you pencild****d piece of slime! Now get back over here before I snatch yer n*ts out through yer nose and get to work! That's better! Now I'll count the cadence; you count the repetitions! READY! EXERCISE!!! Hup, toop, threep...!"

VICTIM: "Wuh...wuh...one. gasp...wheeze."

You know, I gotta put in a vote for this fine toned lady's cans. I really do think they are hers. And I don't just mean hers, like she has the receipt so they are hers. They don't seem to have that really odd ... well, you know, SHAPE ... that certain things have that certain REAL things don't have. Maybe she's had up lifted a bit, but I think the fine shape and placement are a result of that exercise she's doing in the picture.

And I have now officially put WAY too much thought into this. You boys go back to talking about boobies. I'm DONE!!

From me to the posse:

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

and for judi too of course! :)

O'Stupe: Don Knotts = Mr. Limpett. You knew that, right?

(Hic)

Ewwie-ewwie-ewwie! I do NOT need to look up Sean Connery's skirt!

Thank you, El! Now I know why they wear their 'manbag' in the middle like that. It keeps the drafts away when they sit down.

Come oooon, now....ya know ya wanted to take a wee peek...

*snork* @ "wee peek"

When I saw that pic, all I could think of was Sean Connery from the Celebrity Jeapardy skit on SNL.

"Why would they do that? 'Celebrity Mothers'?"

"HAHAHA! My time has finally come Trebek!"

I have no funny comment. The Poor man is trying to show his Scottish pride by wearing a skirt. Let him enjoy it. Before he tosses a taber with special thrusters right at us.

Be careful Alfred, some things in here do not react well to bullets.

*snork*

stup man - I've said it before, and I will undoubtedly say it again, but that was just, well, stupendous

Sean Connery = proof that real man look damn good in skirts.

OK, speakin' on behalf of Sean, and all men, everywhere:

IT'S NOT A SKIRT

IT'S A KILT!

Adonis- I don't react to well to bullets either. That was a great scene where Alec Baldwin does a pretty good Sean Connery, while being chased by a terrorist chef.

... and that those same real men shouldn't go commando if they sit in the classic "spread 'em" position on stage.

And gets sprayed with hot steam!

On behalf of the little town filled with Scotts I grew up in:
Its a Tartan not a Kilt.

To clarify:

The "spread 'em" post was in ref to KDF's 9:08.

The hot steam post was in ref to Alfred's 9:17.

/OCD

Private message to posse. Everyone else just move along. Nothing to see here.

pssst, posse, seems like the guys are quite enjoying the pics of Sean, eh?

If there's a man worthy of a man-crush, it has to be Sean Connery.

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