24

I have been on bated tenterhooks of pins and needles all week, because tonight is the night when AUDREY FINALLY GETS IT. At least I hope she does. Last week the Evil Thong of Doom Sex Temptress Collette told Jack that Audrey sold her some secret information to give to the terrorists running around Los Angeles with the Killer Kanisters of Komplete Karnage. We know from the previews that Jack is going to throttle Audrey tonight, but I'm worried that the only reason they showed that was to get everybody's hopes up, and there's going to be a Shocking Plot Twist and Audrey will somehow manage to weasel out of this and remain in the show, and I will have to beat myself to death with the remote control. We shall see.

Meanwhile, President Complete Handbag, acting under the influence of Vice President Flagrant Villain, has placed Los Angeles under martial law. Naturally, since Los Angeles is a gigantic densely populated metropolitan area, it took the government nearly six minutes to clear every single human and vehicle off the streets. The lone exception was Deceased Former President Allstate's brother Wayne, who was trying to deliver some shocking information to (I think) the Secret Service agent who we suspect might be secretly servicing the first lady, when he (Wayne) got run off the road, possibly at the behest of Vice President Villain. Fortunately Wayne was able to escape into a forest. (There are forests all over Los Angeles.)

Edgar is still dead.

Also there is now a German agent in the plot. Yes! A German! Like it's 1945! I don't really know what the German is up to, but he's really ticked off at Jack because Jack gave him an exploding memory chip, and you just know the German is going to be on hold with Technical Support for HOURS before he straightens that out. ("You say the chip exploded? Do you have the serial number?")

So that's where we stand as of just before 9 Eastern Thigh-Shootin' Time. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted, and nothing has happened yet.

UPDATE: You know, Jack is actually kind of short.

UPDATE: They're gonna torture Audrey! Be still my heart.

UPDATE: Jack wants to handle it heheheheh.

UPDATE: Proof? He wants PROOF? This is 24, you moron!

UPDATE: I like the way the main terrorist explains to the other terrorists, in English, what they're doing, for the benefit of us viewers at home.

UPDATE: Audrey's a SLUT! Chloe has the proof.

UPDATE: Chloe's a fun co-worker.

UPDATE: The WHAT Matrix Analyzer? I think Chloe just makes this crap up.

UPDATE: Just shoot her, Jack! Time's a-wastin'!

UPDATE: BUSTED! Shoot her!

UPDATE: We HAPPENED TO BE THERE???

UPDATE: Oh NO. Jack still has feelings. I can just feel it.

UPDATE: See? When he throttles her, they're like the same height.

UPDATE: Sherry Shari is, what, 13 years old? And already a Provisional Level 3?

UPDATE: OK, even for Jack, that was pointless.

UPDATE: Chloe is a standup gal.

UPDATE: Too much computering, not enough shooting.

UPDATE: Even the terrorists have a perimeter!

UPDATE: Oh man, these hardhat dudes are so dead.

UPDATE: What kind of substance, indeed.

UPDATE:Wayne, deep in the forest of LA.

UPDATE: The torture guy is gonna MAKE Audrey purchase the extended service warranty.

UPDATE: Jack spits on your "immunity agreement."

UPDATE: Natural gas! Those BASTARDS.

UPDATE: Jack and his freaking feelings for Audrey. You know?

UPDATE: Oh, puke.

UPDATE: Soft romantic string music! On 24! Where'd I put my cyanide?

UPDATE: This is basically an advertisement for the all-electric home.

UPDATE: OK, the 13-year-old is as weird as Chloe.

UPDATE: Good old Aaron.

UPDATE: Chloe knows everything.

UPDATE: "The noise from the plant should cover our descent." Thanks, Mister Scriptwriter!

UPDATE: Heat signatures AND approach vectors!

UPDATE: It is GO TIME.

UPDATE: Jack always has some C-4.

UPDATE: Think Jack'll make it?

UPDATE: They didn't show Jack in the previews! Maybe he's dead! Har.

Comments

[Bob]

first

[jim]

get youself a drink...
bolt the "cone of delusion" on...
get ready to relax and enjoy...

[Steve]

Hey, to get ready for "24" tonight, listen to this:

http://www.paulandstorm.com/sounds/mellencamp_24.mp3

from this page:

http://www.paulandstorm.com/sounds.htm

I heard it on the radio this morning.

[slyeyes]

wine; check

popcorn; check

laptop; check.

remote; check.

[oatbagg]

Regardless of what happens, Chloe will save the day.

[«LabSpecimen»]

Steve: Thank you! snorkilicious!

[wordsure]

I'm looking forward to seeing if "the target" the so-called "terrorists" keep refering to is actually "a Target," as in www.target.com They could cause create havoc at those pre-Easter White Sales.

[Jerry]

we better get twice as much knee poppin fun this week to make up for lamo last week

[ArcticAl]

In my newspaper (Globe and Mail) today the TV critic talked about tonight's 24 episode and all of the main characters getting killed off lately. He talked about Audrey and then gave a big hint. The actress who plays Audrey is listed as an actor in a new series starting on another network next fall that the network has been previewing to critics. So one way or another, Audrey appears to be gone for next year. I'd love to provide the web link but it's by subscription only. By the way, the critic hates Audrey too and mentioned that many others do too.

Maybe she's shot in the thigh by Jack or maybe she just dissolves into a big puddle of tears (I'm melting, I'm melting!)but she will be out of our misery!

[homeybeef]

jack bauer jack bauer jack bauer jack bauer jack bauer jack bauer jack bauer jack bauer jack bauer jack bauer jack bauer

[wolfie]

If Audrey doesn't bite it tonight I'mma find her and cough on her and give her the flu.

[MaryContrary]

I'm also worried Audrey will weasel out somehow. Hopefully, if that happens, it will only happen only AFTER Jack shoots her in the thigh, a minute or so after he gets her in the stranglehold. That would be some consolation, at least.

Maybe she tries to knee him you-know-where, and THEN he shoots her in the thigh!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

YAY Dave, for a thigh-shootin' good recap and ramp-up all in one!

Okay--Everybody into the pool!

[Glow]

It's time for DA TRUTH! Can you handle it???? (Putting on sunglasses)

[ZP]

Woo Hoo! Audrey is the new Nina Myers!

The next synopsis installment for everyone's reading pleasure.

[Betsy]

Splash! In the pool! and they're already talking about "skeemotics"

[Jerry]

why do terrorists shoot tires instead of nice juicy heads (or thighs)?

[bizrey]

Enter : CA39A
... - Blog Access Granted!

[Glow]

My price is...those pair of stiletto boots, dammit!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

She's gonna says she's been framed!

[Betsy]

Yeah I always say, "That's impossible" when I'm accused of something.

[bizrey]

Woo hoo! Prepping her for interrogation!!

[Glow]

You are no longer a privileged girlfriend, Audrey! Jack sanctioned it!

[Jerry]

enter torture equipment....

[judi]

betsy: and does that work for you?

[bizrey]

Oh yeah, Burke will do a great job of interrogation *Snort*

[Glow]

First her brother, now her. The Secretary of State's children really have some bad luck.

[Betsy]

Yep...we can torture our ownpeople as MUCH as WE WANT!!! So There!!!spbblpt!

[slyeyes]

SANCTIONING TORTURE!?!?!?

Clearly this is fiction.

[philintexas]

"insufficient action taken now"? damn it... where's my bureacrathaurus when I need it

[Betsy]

Judi...yeah. They say, "Are you sure?" and when I say, 'uh-huh', they say, 'Oh. OK, then'

[judi]

oooh, kinky!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Uh oh, has anyone thought that maybe Audrey is the gatekeeper, who alone with the keymaster can keep the attack from happening???

Yes, we better let Jack talk to her first!

[Jerry]

dhs likes torture too

[Glow]

Jack is DA MAN! He knows how to shut the Homeland Beartch up.

[bizrey]

Oh no she did not just throw Nina in his face! Maybe Karen needs some "interrogating" too.

[slyeyes]

I think the dufus sitting in Edgar's chair is a traitor.

[judi]

"eating her alive" i mean

[jim]

what do you think the bloopers for this show look like?

[Glow]

Oh it's the old "let's have a fistfight" trick!

[slyeyes]

??? '

Dave's not joining us down here there week?

[Glow]

Look at all the canisters of evil coffee still to be shared with the population.

[philintexas]

what kind of connection? They were schtooping each other Jack!

[Betsy]

The SAME ROOM??????

[slyeyes]

How did Chloe get to the manager and show him photos so quickly?!??

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

There ya go Dave! That's proof enough to shoot Audrey in the thigh.

[Glow]

How could Chloe know? You ask her now??? When she has shown you that she can find out anything? Jack!!! Just shoot da thigh already.

[judi]

who's ea...

whoops... never mind.

[bizrey]

AHHHH!!!IWASRIGHTIWASRIGHTIWASRIGHT!!!

[Sam G.]

I love Jack's look of inner torment: "Should I shoot her in the thigh, or use some kind of injection?"

[spikesmydog]

yo, shes Chloe...catch up!

[Dave]

I'm blogging up there so I don't have to deal with the Spam Robot. Neener!

[bizrey]

Wow! Cinema-sized thigh-shootings!

[Cheesewiz]

no one goes to Pikesville for romantic tristes. There may not even be a hotel.

[slyeyes]

Is this a commercial for 24 DURING 24?

Oh.

A movie.

Nevermind. Move along.

[Varjak]

Wow, he's playing Jack in a movie. That's range, people!

[Glow]

Audrey Double-Agent in highheel boots in a hotel room! Ugh. Just lost my appetite.

[MaryContrary]

Has anyone ever figured out why Bierko speaks with an English accent? (apart from the fact that he's played by a British actor) Is he going to turn out to be a deep-cover British agent who is trying to get revenge for the American Revolution or something?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

All: I am on the West Coast this week, so my running commentary will come later. Maybe. At the very least, the bleeps and bloops.

Adonis: Please be aware that I apologized to you at the end of this thread. While the Jack Bauer of the Blog™ can be ruthless, he's not heartless!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Hi Dave! The robot is diabolical!

[Varjak]

I like it when Dave does the updates. It makes it easier, and more fun, to read Dave's Episode Summary [tm] all at once.

[homeybeef]

I know I could get crucified for this, but am I the only one who thinks Chloe might just have helped the terrorists in some way? Just a thought and I'm sorry for bringing it up but I just have the feeling

[Betsy]

people should we take umbrage at being neenered by His Daveness, or be flattered at the attention?

[bizrey]

Someone needs to release some gas in the Unanimous command center there :/

[Sam G.]

Uh Oh! This girl's gonna have a hard time.

[judi]

I KNOW WHERE SECTION FIVE IS.

[slyeyes]

OK, *THAT* look meant something.

[Jerry]

bad eye contact

[philintexas]

Chloe help the terrorists? Next you'll suggest that Edgar was on a diet for the last year of his life...

[spikesmydog]

hey beef - leave chloe alone - shes saved you and the rest of the world a couple a times already....jeeze. show some gratitude!

[bizrey]

Also, if you are going to replace Edgar, get to work on those doughnuts!

[Glow]

oh eye contact between new girl and homeland security dude.

[Betsy]

whoa! I know that look from every soap opera ever made!

[Cheesewiz]

is Edgar's replacement older than 15? Must be a matrix savant.

[slyeyes]

A neener from Dave is flattery by any other name.

[judi]

LIAR!

[jim]

are you sure???

[Betsy]

Liar liar wonder-undies on fire!!!

[Cheesewiz]

is Edgar's replacement older than 15? Must be a matrix savant.

[Sam G.]

Uh oh, she's lying to Jack. That's not an easily escapable offense.

[Glow]

he wasn't you Jack

[bizrey]

Ha Ha, she "broke it off"! XD

[spikesmydog]

that audrey - she quotes from heritage foundation reports, lies straight to the jack and she WAS masrried to that god awful Tory bastard...

[Bucket]

uh oh, she's gonna cry.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

GASP! Oh, the old rebound excuse! Gimme a break.

"Because he wasn't you." Oh, she's good!

[Sam G.]

Haha, crying won't save you now!

She doesn't want Jack to think less of her.

[Glow]

Wow! Did she say that too? Wow.

[Sam G.]

Over?! That was it? Jack caved like President Manilow!

[Betsy]

Yeah but interrobitch can't wait to see her tortured...

[slyeyes]

OK, I officialy destest Karen.

[philintexas]

OK Jack...you know the protocol... Red is positive ... black is negative

[bizrey]

I bet Jack is regretting letting Hot Mom girlfriend get away now.

[Cheesewiz]

no wedding is planned for this year.

[Glow]

I am Section Five now, dammit!

[FleaBailey]

Friggin' soap opera.

[Sam G.]

Wow, who's Bob Evil there?

[bizrey]

Ah, the old "enemy of my enemy" gmabit. Don't fall for it Chloe!

[judi]

he got off with a warning.

[slyeyes]

"don't worry, I don't need details because I'll hack into the file"

[Bucket]

I LOVE chloe!!!