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February 04, 2006

WE ARE NOT SURE WHAT THIS ARTICLE IS ABOUT

But we know we don't care.

(Thanks to Sarah C.)

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Thanks judi.
Thanks a lot.
Excuse me while I go wash my optic nerves with some clorox....

"Do they come in non-gay? Oh, those are at WalMart, okay."

I bet I can get a lot more there for $20, though

(whoa, they think I'm a robot! Sweet! Now I just have to learn how to read!)

"...their relationship to their underwear is slowly evolving." What??

That is one impressive pair of man boobs.

MassMich -if you buy only 2 pair of undies a year, something's going to evolve, grow, mutate...and it probably ain't good.

Dolce and Gabbana (sp?) underwear? I'm sorry but if I spend that much money on underwear, you can be darn sure I'm wearing it on the outside too.

In 2005 (note the latest update for astute bloggers) I spent 0 Euros, 0 $USD but 12 grudgingly spent Chinese Yuan (about $USD 1.50) got me a six pack of briefs.
Dolce & Gabbana have got it right that men's interest is firmly anchored in that region and they've (not Dave) got it wrong that I'm gonna pay big bucks for briefs.

I'm sensing a trend here. It seems that guys that spend more on their underthings tend to have more thingy under their underthings. Maybe that's why some guys don't have to spend so much - less to ahem, support.
I think my work here is done.

So, the Europeans only change skivvies twice a year, eh? Mebbe that's part of the "odoriferous" problem some folks have commented upon, whilst visiting Paris ...

Besides which already, $11 bucks for a pair of shorts over there ... one more reason to be happy living here ... BVDs, FTLs and Hanes are about a buck a pair @ Waldo's or other discount outlets ... at least that's the price us fashion-challenged guys will pay ...

Annie - *snork* x 2!!!

I personally spent about $3000 last year. I needed 20 cusom pair of underthingies, complete with double-hinged fly and suspension bracing. Just sayin'.

Let's see. The link was found by a girl (Sarah C.) and posted by a girl (Judi) and most of the guys in this room are laughing or gagging. There is a trend.

99 euros per year on underwear? Haven't these gals heard of value packs ?

For the record, I am laughing, but I am also a girl! (And I'm afraid I spend way too much on underwear)

KOW, I think you just blew the "Clark Kent cover" ...we all know who wears underwear on the outside to support his lunchbox...

MassachuMichigander. Believe me, real men do not wear this type of underwear. Men's underwear fashion is just not very high on our list.

Dadgummit, I never do take those warnings seriously. When will I ever learn...

I mean, I like guys and their nice, thick, heavy, bits and all, but, c'mon, really--an unexpected sighting of a nekkid man is more likely to inspire laughter than drool. Am I right? Am I right? Hey, somebody back me up here!

It's about time Frenchmen, indeed men of every nationality, paid strict attention to their underwear, as is pointed out in this rather lengthy (my apologies, but this is important!) story of what happened to a friend of mine who suffered a persistent headache from young adulthood until January 2, 2006. My friend had been through every conceivable medical test attempting to discover the cause of his persistent headache, but to no avail. He continued to suffer in silence until age 45, and then, this past holiday season, he attended an office Christmas party where he met a General Practitioner who was new to our area. Over cocktails, he bent the doctor's ear until the medico produced a card and told him, "Just before leaving my office today, my appointment for next Monday morning at ten called and cancelled. Be at my office Monday morning at ten, and we'll get to the bottom of this affliction." My friend kept the appointment and underwent every diagnostic test you can imagine, taking most of the day. About 4 o'clock in the afternoon, the doctor entered the exam room and told my friend, "I have some good news and some bad news for you. First, the good news. I now know what's causing your headaches. Your testicles are pressing up against the base of your spine, pushing your spinal column up and against the base of your brain." My friend was ecstatic to find the answer to his problem after over thirty years of searching, and asked, "What's the bad news?" The doctor replied, "The only known cure for your condition is complete castration." "My goodness!" or words to that effect, my friend exclaimed. "That's a very stringent treatment! But Doc, now that I know what's wrong, I can't wait to get it done!" The doctor called the downtown hospital, a room for my friend was found and the OR was laid on for the next morning. My friend spent Christmas and New Years in the hospital, stepping outside the hospital the morning of January 2, 2006, in his words, "Feeling like a brand new man!" In fact, he felt so good, he decided to walk the short distance to his apartment. There was a spring in his step as he walked, and he continually kept thinking, "I feel like a brand new man!" As he went through the shopping district, he spotted a menswear store and said to himself, "I feel like a brand new man, so I think I'l get myself a brand new suit of clothes!" Stepping into the establishment, he was greeted by an energetic middle-aged salesman who inquired as to his needs. He said, "I feel like a brand new man in this brand new year, so I'd like to outfit myself in a brand new suit of clothes!" "No problem," said the salesman, "You look like a 42 regular." "That's exactly right!" cried my friend in surprise. "How did you know?" "It's my job to know," replied the salesman. "Wait here, please sir. I know just what you need." The salesman disappeared into the back room and returned almost instantly with a beautiful wool blend suit in a splendid color that harmonized perfectly with my friend's natural coloring. My friend hastened to try it on and fell in love with the color and the perfect fit. "This is perfect!" he cried. "I'll take it!" "Not so fast, sir," said the salesman. "You've only just begun. Now that you have selected this fine suit, you'll be needing a shirt and tie. I can see you're a 16 neck, 33 sleeve." "That's amazing!" enthused my friend. "You're correct again! How do you do that?" "It's my job, sir," said the clothier. "I'll be right back." He stepped smartly into the back room and returned in a flash with a gorgeous silk shirt in the proper color and a dazzling silk tie. My friend slipped them on and, like the suit, they were a perfect fit. "Now," the salesman remarked, "you're going to be wanting a fine pair of loafers with the proper socks to go with your outfit. I see you wear a 9D." Again, my friend was impressed and blurted out, "How do you do..." The salesman quickly interrupted, saying, "Uh-uh! I've told you, sir, it is my job!" He dashed into the backroom and was back before you could say Grady O. Whipsnade with the most beautiful shoes and socks you've ever seen. They fit my friend perfectly. "There!" he said, "A brand new suit of clothes to match the brand new me!" "Just a moment, sir," said the salesman, "You can't address just the outside appearance! While it's true that beautiful suit fits you perfectly and the shirt, tie, socks and shoes set everything off splendidly, you must know the wardrobe would not be complete without new underclothing. Which do you prefer, sir, briefs or boxers?" My friend replied, "I always wear briefs." "Then you'll be needing a size 36," said the clerk. My friend was shocked and said, "I can't believe it! You've finally made a mistake. I wear a 34." "Oh, no sir! Heaven forbid!" cried the clothier. "If a man your size were to wear a pair of size 34 jockey shorts, they'd push his balls up against the base of his spine, pushing his spine upward against the base of his brain! He'd end up with the worst headache you ever saw!"

Stup--You are so lucky that was worth it, for me. :) *snork!*

Ditto, StupeMan!

Annie, where-have-u-been-peeking (not Beijing)! Damm, no secrets here and the truth hurts nearly as much as size 34's

Texas - Understood. And believe me, most of us really do prefer you real men to those who overspend on undergarments or who are otherwise deemed to be perfect. http://www.brawnyman.com/innocentescapes/indexbroadband.html Tamara: I've got your back, babe.

Stupendous Man, you should get paid for that stuff.

"French men are slowly cottoning on that it's not just what's on the outside that counts, but what is underneath that can be just as important."

Oh, so "outside" is referring to their clothes, and "underneath" to the underware?

Somehow when I read it I thought "outside" was referring to the underware, and and "underneath" to, well, you know....

An easy mistake, and i apologize, seeing as how this is a family-oriented blog and all

SM~ **SNORK**

that's an old joke, but it's still funny (and I knew the punchline two sentences in)

Annie - so yer sayin' that if I don't spend anything on underwear (cuz I'm not wearin' any) then...

look, are you tryin' to pick a fight er somethin?

SM - Pretty long way to go for a punchline!! :-)

But I read it all based on other's recommendations!

stupendous man - I've said it before, and I'll undoubtedly say it again - but, that was just, well, stupendous (albeit slightly disturbing)

Well done SM - but you know a paragraph break every now and then wouldn't have hurt. Still, worth the headache :)

Tamara RWC - are you at the end of a relationship? Just an educated (the hard way) guess. While I agree, I have to qualify it. Guy models look goofy, nearly nekkid or otherwise. They just don't look comfortable pouting in a thong in front of a camera crew,lights, etc. However, if my (imaginary) beau is walking about in his undies, ain't nuthin' goofy about that....until he notices I'm looking and starts the dangly-bit dance and totally ruins the mood! Sigh.

Corollary - Female models tend to look brain-dead, which can happen when you weigh 90 pounds and think looks are everything.

I almost fell off my spin-cycling washing machine the other day when I was folding my husband's laundry - his underwear was - *gasp* - WHITE!!!
Unbeknownst to me, he had purchased a new 6 pk of good ol' American tightie whities. I savored the moment, since the last time it happened was when my daughter was born. She's 19 now.

So either his waistbands finally disintegrated, or he's having an affair. Granted, a very DULL affair.

Annie - I think the pouty-not-comfortable-look is actually something they are trying for (see myspace.com for examples. As for the brainless beauties, speed it will do that do ya.

LOL at the dangly bits - I've been single a long, long time (did I mention I'm single and it's a been a long time?) but I still do not one bit miss the dangly bits dances.

TNX, all. Anything for a *snork*, right?

JoeC, I knew someone in our superhumorous glob of blog humanity would have heard it before. I was hoping to pull some wool over knowing eyes by pitching it as a true story. Dang! Now when I post a true story, no one will believe me!

And TCK, after all the potshots you've taken from the distaff side of the blog in recent threads, I figured you would already be disturbed. BTW, after reading your comment in the Hong Kong thread previously where you advised me: "why not say they're not dogs, just to be safe", I must tell you I just don't have any talent for boot licking;)

Potshots, Hong Kong, dogs and boot licking? I really am missing out on a lot by being gone so much. Not that I ever really understand what is going on when I am here...

TCK~ Don't pick a fight with Annie. She'd whip you good. And she's got a posse to back her up.

*rounds up southerngirl and El for TCK's daily comeuppance-getting*

Stupendous Man - trust me - I was disturbed long before the last couple of threads...

as for "boot lickin'" - damn straight - don't let them chicks push ya around - if you wanna call 'em dogs, I say go right ahead

Dear Sir,
I am disgusted to find people talking about underwear in public.

Artur Pratt

Sidcup, Kent

WHAAA? The dangly-bits dance is our best schtick! It's our version of the mating dance! (hmm...seems to have the opposite reaction though. The Man Council should look into that, right after the SuperBowl)

Whoa. Simulpost with TCK. There goes the halo.

*contemplates next move*

Oh for Pete's sake. *sigh*

Don't pick a fight with Annie. She'd whip you good. And she's got a posse to back her up.

Where's that echo coming from, and why do I keep simulposting with strangers?

Can't fool a foola! Just glad I'm the glob-o-da-blog that rose to the surface. (does that mean I'm the trashy part?)

HAHAHA Bumble! AND with someone named weaselbooger! Oh crap, that's me. Wait, when did that happen? Obviously at 10:03 PM.

Nice abs.

pssst, posse round up in 10 minutes - at the usual place

TCK, instead of "dogs," I was thinking more along the line of Wombats, since it already incorporates an important word used in the indication of femininity.

From the article: Another trend is the teen lady -- the young consumer with money to burn on average 122 euros a year -- which is forcing manufacturers to come up with fresh, trendy collections.

Free the corporations! Slavery is illegal!

weaselbooger~ Unlike most women who simulpost, I won't be angry if you don't call after.

*heads to usual place with an angry dog and wombat*

"that's an old joke, but it's still funny (and I knew the punchline two sentences in)"

ditto

Don't knock the myspace, Jacki. It's horribly addictive once you've got one. (Never as addictive as that blasted game Snood, though.) And once you've got a myspace, you feel obligated to put up at least one "emo" picture just for the sheer cheesiness of it. Not to mention I think there's a clause in the initial agreement bit where it states "Thou shalt put up a moody photo of thyself." If I ever do the "here's a photo of myself taken in my bathroom mirror" thing though, you have my permission to send the airborne crocodiles after me.
As for the male underwear thing, am I the only woman who would be totally weirded out by a guy wearing fancier, more elaborate underwear than me? If I were with a guy wearing D&G underwear, I would begin to have serious doubts about his sexuality. Although, before it even got that far, it probably would have been given away by the fact that I found out he was sleeping with other men. A good ol' pair of boxers or boxer briefs, is fine by me. When I say "good ol'," I would like to clarify, I mean it as in the old standby. I do not mean that old pair with all the holes that you just can't bring yourself to throw away.

Well, I would never do that (sober), so you won't have to worry.

*zips in*

Finding out in a "certain moment" that a guy has holes in his underwear is pretty much a deal breaker, IMO!

*zips out*

I totally agree, Eleanor.

Bumble, you looking for me?

daisymae- As my earlier post was unanswered, I guess that means that we are the surface trash that needs to be scooped off. Oh bother.

I have it on good authority that some of those among us found my above comment to be offensive, and it's been suggested that maybe I should back off a little bit - for anyone that was offended by my comment, I apoligize. Just in case I don't succeed in backing off a little bit, thereby increasing the liklihood of offending you in the future - I apoligize for that too

Stupendous Man - I haven't heard anything about your Wombat-related reply to my apparently offensive comment, so you may still be safe from the gathering lynch mob

southerngirl~ We may need to posse up if TCK starts getting lippy. So we'll undoubtedly need to posse up. ;-)

Jacki, when the words to an old joke (reeaallyy old!) are flying from my brain to my fingertips, I don't take the time to paragraph. When I'm regaling the throng at my favorite watering hole (a Chineses restaurant owned by an African-American couple and called Uncle Tom's Dragon, featuring sweet'n sour blackeyed peas and hamhocks), I don't paragraph, either. But watch, I'm gonna paragraph now.

JoeC, you did indeed float to the top, as did daisymae, identifying an old joke. I hope you politely *snorked, anyway. And no, the trashy part doesn't float to the top on this blog. It seems everyone's at the top in humor, mendacity, perspicacity and the ability to eschew obfuscation. You fit right in!

And simulpost with SM. I think that's four for me tonight. I'd better go to bed.

SM-
I can't figure out if its good or bad if I fit in with this blog, but oh well. Congrats on you missing the feminist lynch mob, though. Don't anyone point any fingers at me, I dig the chicks.

WAAAAAAAAAAA! I thought I was the only one Bumble, besides your checkered past with TCK. Now I need to get a gallon of Blue Bell and watch a movie on Lifetime.

I don't think the D&G logo on the model's tripod is any worse that some of the ridiculous outfits the women models wear - feathered thongs, spangled pasties, leather collars, etc. And just because he's incredible-looking doesn't mean he's gay....please, please, please.

TCK, if the offending statement...(suddenly realizes Punkin' Poo was sitting on top of the dryer. Doesn't she have cell phone? Had the washer not reached the spin cycle yet? Oh, never mind!)...is the one that follows

"as for "boot lickin'" - damn straight - don't let them chicks push ya around - if you wanna call 'em dogs, I say go right ahead"

I will gladly confess I suckered you into that one, 'cause I knew no real man would let it be thought he condoned "boot licking," even on the blog.

I hope this helps. And remember, the secret word tonight is tabmoW. Pass it on.

Stupe - if TCK were dumb enough to fall for your sucker line, and you were smart enought to set him up, then....please refer to bat thread....and get out your size 34's.

goes back, rereads Punkin' Poo's 9:50 pm post, sees she was sitting on the washer during the spin cycle. still wonders, "Doesn't she have a cell phone?"

reads Annie's latest shot to the crotch, gets mad, his lips pooch out...then he realizes wearing size 34s isn't so bad when you're only six years-old, whistles a happy tune as he *ka-ppwwiinnggss* away!

I think I'm stuck in the dreaded Italics Zone! Medic!!!

I think you studdered SM

weaselbooger- Newsflash: Our time together was threesome with BarryFS. You were already sharing me. Besides, no simulpost can measure up to one with TCK. Sorry.

*hands weaselbooger a parting parfait*

weaselbooger, only feminine bloggers are allowed ( actually the word is "encouraged") to use the naughty word studdered when referring to me. Perhaps you meant stuttered?

"Besides, no simulpost can measure up to one with TCK."

Oh, great, Bumble, he really needed to hear that, true or not.

Annie, I wasn't referring to the model. I'm talking about any guy who isn't a model who is likely to be wearing D&G underwear.

And hey, I never claimed all women's lingerie made sense either. A lot of lingerie, in particular the varieties you described, really only makes sense on lingerie models (whose primary job is to stand around looking pissed off that they have to be so sexy and glamourous). Your average guy would probably prefer a few strategically placed cans of beer.

Annie - these back-handed compliments gotta stop - people are gonna talk

southerngirl- I didn't say which way they couldn't measure up. I might've meant none could ever be that bad... ;-)

Bumble, I don't know WHAT you are accusing me of. I DO NOT spend more than 18 euros on underwear, if you know what I mean. I thought BarryFS was just delivering a sandwich. (and I know you said that about TCK 'cause he's feeling mistreated.) But I do appreciate the parfait. Thank you, I hope we can still be friends.

My apologies SM, but I am suprised a six-year-old knows what st*ddering means.

wow Bumble - you're getting really good at this...

(I taught her everything she knows)

see ya guys - gotta party to go to

weasel dear, I'm not accusing you of anything. But let's face it: we barely knew each other. Don't try to make more of it than it was. That'll only make it harder for you to move on. Enjoy the parfait, and don't be cliché. "We can still be friends?" Honestly. When did I become the guy in this talk? ;-)

TCK~ Thanks. I'll see you later, if you know what I mean. ;-)

Bumble, I think you became the guy back when I cried and YOU didn't. Yeah, best we move on. I need to level up on the machismo, so I think I'll join TCK and SM in the Sexist Club:

Generally speaking, women are generally speaking

(Oh crap, what did I just do?)

weasel~ What you just did was earn yourself a night in the doghouse. And you should be grateful it's nothing worse. Now march! Head down, tail between your legs.

weaselbooger, in Guy Talk 101, what you did is referred to as "stepping on IT while wearing your golf shoes."

Just as long as I get ONE more parfait. Deys yummy!

ever notice that a man in a thong looks like a squirrel tryin to escape from a crown royal bag?

Well Kat, unless you wear size 34...

weasel~ Your parfait days are over, buddy. I said march!

The pigs go marching three-by-three. Harrah! Harrah!

KatKatKat ...

LOL!!!

Tnx4 that ...

Weaselb - then it's a chipmunk.

nicole - I agree - average joe in D&G sling = icky. Just like I wouldn't be caught dead as a Victoria's Secret model.

I would like to be the anti-Victoria's Secret model. I would like to stand there fully clothed but looking pissed off (as is required by the National Modeling Code) as my "handlers" were holding up the Barbie doll sized lingerie they expected me to actually wear. It would be for Victoria's Secret's new "You Have Got to be Kidding Me - Real Women Would Never Wear This!" line.

Victoria certainly doesn't have many secrets, does she?

Anyone still home? It's late, I've been myspacing - seriously - who ever commented on me knocking My Space, I am indeed a member.

SM - feel free to freeflow as the spirit moves you. Don't let peons like me discourage you. As I learned in class yesterday, Social (something) theory states that people base thier value of themselves on thier perceptions of the values other people have of them....Maybe I should read my notes again...

BTW - was there a topic? Oh yes, briefly-clad men were pouting while others were eating dogs in a dark restaraunt in Hong Kong and yet others were being reprimanded.

Do I have it all? Will there be a quiz?

"D" and "G" are now my favorite letters.

{insert several swear words here} I Can NOT for the LIFE of me link on this blog!

My MySpace Page (maybe)

Jacki, if you need a member, this is the thread to find one.

slyeyes: Oh goodie! I always miss the parties :(

(PS: Could someone officially announce my entrance - like they do at the royal ball..)

Points to Bumble for using the phrase: "Enjoy the parfait and don't be cliche".

Bonus points for cutting men off from the parfait as appropriate.

Jacki, you can never be a real MySpace member until you've got an "emo" picture of you're own.
Y'all can find me on MySpace via my e-mail address, if you're interested, btw. I don't do links in comments. Besides, typing my e-mail in correctly shows that you took the effort to actually look me up on there. Haha.

Frick. *your own* Dammit. I hate those errors. I feel like such a hypocrite when I do that. At least I didn't say "ur." *cringes*

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