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February 28, 2006


Key Quote: “I’ve been pumping doo-doo for 27 years and never saw a snake in a septic line.”


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Careful with your eggs...

Woohoo First!

Oh, gross!

It's bad enough that since Jaws, I'm afraid to go in the ocean. It's a good thing I'm on a sewer system, now.

That’s where this story has its silver lining.

“Could you imagine,” Wilson said, “sitting on the commode and having that snake come up between your legs?”

No. But if you hum a few bars, I can fake it.

Re: the question about what I'd do, a phrase that ends in ...a brick." comes to mind.


Do you think this guy was in some sort of olympic euphemism competition?

I mean, I might believe "pumping doo doo" isn't a euphemism, but when you add "snake in the septic line", well, come on.

“He said the tank was stopped up,” Wilson said. “I told him to unstop the line.”

Problem solved.


"Ma'am, we found the trouble with your septic line."
"Yes ma'am. There was big ol' boa constricter stuck in it, all dead and bloated and poopy and whatnot."
"Is that common?"
"No ma'am. I've pumping doo-doo for 27 years, and also working on septic systems, and I've never come across a snake in a septic line, literally speaking. Are you missing a snake by any chance?"
"Come to think of it, I haven't MY boa constrictor for a couple weeks now! Do you think the one you found in my plumbing could be the very same snake?"
"Well, I wouldn't want to speculate, ma'am."

Of course, yaknow, anyone who would keep a ginormous boa constrictor in a trailer house (NTTAWWT) might be considered to have DESERVED a plugged septic line...

Go ahead ... speculate ... isn't that what bloglits are for?

Snake goes into orifice. What's news about this?

*Snork* at C-bol, and everybody, including the master of euphemism. To produce that story without using s**t, f**king, c**pped my p*nts, m*th*r-f**ckin', and "Bigg*st d*mn c*cks*cker I ever seed" is truly a major literary achievement. Definite P*litz*r material.

*Snork* at C-bol, and everybody, including the master of euphemism. To produce that story without using s**t, f**king, c**pped my p*nts, m*th*r-f**ckin', and "Bigg*st d*mn c*cks*cker I ever seed" is truly a major literary achievement. Definite P*litz*r material.

It wasn't me that double-posted...I swear. It was the robot, who asked me for identification on my very first post. Too many asterisks, I guess.

"Pumping Doo Doo" would be a GREAT name for a rock band!

I thought you used a snake to CLEAR septic lines????

In an unrelated/related story - in college (where else) one of the guys in the dorm excreted an amazingly long, snake-like poo. He was so proud, he fished it out and froze it for all to see.


I'm wondering if the journalist decided to clean up the actual quote from the plumber - siphoning sh!t, conveying cr@p, etc.

You know how they make those really cute, subtle t-shirts for certain professions? Like:

Fireman Have Really Big Hoses

I wonder what the equivalent is for septic workers? I mean, when they head to the bar after a long day of fishing bloated boas out of the trailer park septic lines, do they stop off to change into a clever t on the way?

Ladies, would you find it even remotely possible to resist a guy wearing a t-shirt that said:

Been Pumping Doo-Doo For 27 Years

My mind is clearly in the gutter because the line about having a snake come up between your legs has me crying I'm laughing so hard. For shame on me. *SNORK*

I keep a close watch on your septic line
I keep the seat down for your peace of mind
I keep the ends clear to make sure nothing binds
Because you're mine, I clear the line

I find it very, very easy to get clogged
Still I find myself alone when the air gets fogged
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool to have this blogged
Because you're mine, I clear the line

As sure as night is dark and day is light
Please keep your snake caged up both day and night
And the plumber's bill will just prove I'm right
Because you're mine, I clear the line

You just gotta make him keep his butt outside
Last time he got in there I almost cried
For you know those rats he eats just make him wide
But, because you're mine, I cleared the line

I keep a close watch on your septic line
I keep the seat down for your peace of mind
I keep the ends clear to make sure nothing binds
Because you're mine, I clear the line

(RIP, Man in black)

*slithers in*

Betsy, your post was so funny I'm sure the robot just wanted us to read it twice. :)

The neighborhood I live in is very nice, but old, and we have septic tanks, and I do NOT appreciate this story.

That is all.

Thanks Blue M!!!! John (snork) would be proud.....

Maybe that's what's in the 24 canisters - poison gas from decomposing snakes in septic pipes...

Excellent, Blue!!!
Well done!!

The Man in Black (RIP) would approve.

(your song wasn't there when i posted before)

the local septic cleaning guys drive around in trucks with a big tank on the back - on the side of the tank is painted the slogan:


oh, and punkin - I have a freind who was so proud of the gimoungous turd he produced one night that he took a picture of it with his cellphone, and e-mailed it to everyone he knows

the picture's still on his phone, and he shows it to people when we're out drinkin' - he also explains that he didn't want there to be any toilet paper in the picture, so he had to waddle out of the bathroom unwiped, with his pants around his ankles, to get his phone

needless to say, he's single, and probably destined to remain that way

Punkin and TCK, thanks for making me laugh so hard (silently) that I'm crying. And I'm monitoring a class of kids, fercrissakes.

But then, they always look at me like that.

*SNORK* at c-bol and everybody else.

TCK Uuuhhhhh- Yeah. And still you say "when we're out drinking....."

Eleanor...thanks for your kind words. And I really like your neighborhood!

Blue...*snork* and a tear...but thanks for a good earwig for the day.

TCK...Good God, man. Still single? How can that be?
"Mother, Tomorrow, I'm inviting Dickwad for dinner. I just met him, but we're getting married Saturday."
"But Cecily, this is so sudden! Can he support you?"
"Uh...I dunno what he does for a living, akshully; but [brightly] he has a cellphone!"
"But dear...I'd hate to see you mesmerized by some handsome slacker!"
"Oh no, Mom! He's butt-ugly! And has halitosis something fierce."
"Well then...dear...why the rush???"
"Well Mom...you should see the gigantic turd that he popped out! He has the picture on his cellphone; and it's -- I sweartaGod -- the BIGGEST turd I've ever seen!"
"Oh. Well, then. I'll make sure your Dad will be home for dinner. He'll want to meet him."

TCK - even for YOU isn't it a little early in the a.m. for such disgusting stories????


I'm sure that ALL THE WOMEN ON THE PLANET would agree with me that a man standing with his pants down around his ankles is most unattractive. And I've noticed - er, I mean I've been TOLD that men really don't care because most of the time in that position they think they're about to get a bj.
Unfortunately, this is true.:(


First of all, which part of my story was disgusting?

Secondly, I'm afraid I will have to disagree with your assertion that men are about to get a bj most of the time that their pants are around their ankles - in my experience, exactly the opposite is true.

*Cautiously recommends that El make further comments on this thread without zipping in/out*

*Shields up!*

Nice digs, El. If you live that high up you must get some pretty awesome sunrises and sunsets. Not today, of course, being that it's all rainy and such.

*snork* @ blue for creativity in the face of muck

El-Good news. Since a septic tank isn't connected to a city system, the only way a snake can get it there is if: a)like in this case it was already in the house, or b)there was a hole in the tank where it could crawl in from outside. (in which case it would also be able to crawl back out)

I think you're safe.

I also have to add that I never thought I'd hear a story that actually made me feel sorry for the SNAKE!

...and Re: your experiences w/men w/pants down. They might want that, or they might be thinking about that, or, more likely, dreaming about that but if they're expecting that well, that's not the kind of guy I'd want to spend much time around.

Lisa Thanks so much for pointing that out. I feel better now - really.

TCK - All of it.

Scott - I live at the (almost) bottom of the hill, but on the uphill side of my street facing west, so yes, I do see pretty sunsets - no sun today though. But I remembered to turn off my automatic sprinklers yesterday, so I feel pretty good about that.

Blue - Sweetie, YOU don't need a shield from me. :)

well, maybe if you're an over-sensitive southern california goddess

BTW El - why is my story disgustin' and not punkin's? the guy in her story actually froze his, um, by-product...

do I sense some sort of double standard at work here?

Eleanor...Upon reviewing this thread, I find that I owe you an apology. I din't mean to get all icky, like TCK, but I was always one of those girls that periodically hung out with the guys,'n' got all muddy and scraped my knees 'n' tore my jeans 'n' stuff. I'll try to be more ladylike.
*banishes self to room with latest Nancy Drew book for company*

To sum up: Men are pigs.

Carry on.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

pssst to Betsy, come out of your room. YOU didn't bother me at all. No apology needed. Wanna play paper dolls? or color in my Barbie coloring book? :) OH - we could cook in my
easy bake oven! All we need are 2 light bulbs!!!

way to cave in to peer pressure Betsy

and Mr. C, I prefer to think of myself as more of a boar (not a bore) than a pig - boars have tusks, which makes 'em way cooler than pigs

but the really important question is: which side is "Blue Sweetie" on?

but a simulpost with a certain badass southern california goddess always seems to make my day

"Ladies, would you find it even remotely possible to resist a guy wearing a t-shirt that said:

Been Pumping Doo-Doo For 27 Years"

Cbol! I saw that slogan on a road sign near Brokeback Mountain!

Thanks, TCK. I always try to cave in gracefully when possible. (*deliberately ignores TCK's scathing sarcasm*)

and Eleanor? You reminded me of the year I got my EZBake for Christmas: my mom and dad had a cocktail party for their academic friends; the men played with my Lionel electric train in the living room, and the wives baked several adorable little cakes in the kitchen. (I went around polishing off the funny-smelling liquids in the chunky little glasses.) A fine time was had by all.

This man would never run from a snake in a septic tank. He'd get this man to build him a snake extractor, probably from one of these.

Did someone call for a southern california goddess?

Tough call, T(don't call me Timothy)CK.

hey Auntie - ya gotta love the red green show, best thing to come outa Canada since moosehead beer

Annie - that would be me, 'cept I was referrin' to a certain oversensitive southern california goddess, which would not be you

Are you saying that I'm NOT oversensitive?

guess not

That's better, then!


TCK, Laynie said your nostrils are filled with boogers!

Laynie, TCK... is in the room! Look! Get him!

OK, I don't know who Laynie is...

But, just to make you happy, I'm pretty sure I've tried to pick fights with El, with Betsy, and with Blue Sweety - nobody seems to want to fight

I almost accidentally picked a fight with Annie too, but I had to back down on that one (don't tell Annie, but she's scarey when she starts capitalizing like that)

Um. "Laynie" is my nickname for "Eleanor".

Next time I will type more slowwwwly.

OOOH, hey, can WE fight?

ah - typing more slowwwwwly would be helpful, thanks - don't think El's here tho

but I'll fight with you, specially if it's gonna involve lotsa rollin' around and such - we might get too hot and hafta remove clothing too

Who's not here???

Let's review....

As long as we all remember that love is in our hearts... the FIGHTS are FUN!!!!!


*claps hands and hoots in riot inciting manner*

*runs in, armed with pillows*

Did I hear the word FIGHT?

Can I play?

Sorry, KDF. Forgot I had that other persona.

Take that!

ooh - pillow fight!

*ducks out to go find down-filled pillow - you know, for maximum impact*

Beer Can Pillow Fight!!!

Starting to like this....

*Flails randomly with a sock-full of Grape-Nuts...*

Lethal pillows !

them is lethal - but I doesn't think them is pillows

Betsy - maybe you shouldn't have said "got all muddy and scraped my knees" right after El mentioned men with pants around their ankles thinking they were going to get bjs. YKWIM?

heads out to find a few buckets of cold water to throw on the combatants, especially TRWC, who, based on her recent posts, is beginning to honk when she walks

*waits around to attack the first person who doesn't defend her honor*

I mean--I am much too dear and sweet and adorable to have any clue as to what that man could possibly have meant.

*skips away to play hopscotch and jump-rope*

Speaking of buckets of cold water, AND being like, totally, like bored with the whole pillow-throwing thing, I'm *zipping out* to get ready for the
next event!

woohoo! I'm with El on this one! Which way did she zip?

*tosses Tamara an umbrella, a towel, and a supersoaker on the way out - you know, so she can shoot back*

So, El, which one is you? Are you the demure young lass on the left?

There's this one guy who calls into the office every once in a while to talk to the big boss, and I always race to answer the phone when I know it's him, and I always get flustered.

*whispers to that guy* Psst, I know you're single. I know you're a doctor. I know you think I'm adorable. I know you'll like me even more when I'm walking funny, so why don't you stop by?


That is the posse, right?

TamRWC: I can sympathize with you though I usually get tongue-tied when dealing with women instead of men. I'm sure that if I were to meet any of you wonderful women (Tamara, Eleanor, Annie, Bumble, etc. etc. etc.) I would have the same problem.

OMG! Not that I'm trying to hit on you or anything! *blush*

Scott - Why not?

Yeah! Why not?!


Fun's over. I'm too old and out of shape for anything involving buckets of cold water. Just put my cold water in a glass with ice and lemon, please, and point me in the direction of a nice warm bubble bath.

Scott, by the way? We are way cuter than that.

*hair flip*


(those chicks in the picture)

Umm... Cuz... Uh, why are you all staring at me!

In college, I had a button that said, "So many women, so little nerve." I've always been an introvert though I am *much* better, now. I also get real uncomfortable if I feel I'm making someone *else* uncomfortable.

(I wasn't *really* blushing but I'll bet you knew that.)

*SNORK* @ Hanna!

KDF: I have no doubt that every one of you is way cuter than them. You all have character. AIMTITMRW

(And I Mean That In The Most Respectful Way)

Oh. I got everything except the "R", which I thought stood for "Raunchy".


A fight? 'Scuse me while I "RUN AWAY!!RUN AWAY!!"

It apparently drowned from being submerged in water.

Or something.

TamRWC: Uh, yeah, that's what I meant.

>> “Could you imagine,” Wilson said, “sitting on the commode and having that snake come up between your legs?”

Now that you mention it... I can think of nothing else. As if I didn't have enough to worry about.

StuMan...I believe you will find, upon review, that there are FOUR -- count'em, FOUR -- posts between the gentlemen with their pants around their ankles and my innocent girlhood recollections of skinned knees. You, sir, are beginning to sound like a prevert with an icky mind. I forget if you're currently in the doghouse, but if not, you should be. And if you are, stay there until you can carry on polite conversation.
*summons huff; departs in same*

Betsy - Is "huff" my new nickname? If so, I'll heel.

This thread is like a cross between the Jerry Springer show and Judge Judy...


*snork* now THAT'S the Betsy we all know and love - no cavin' in ta peer pressure there

psssst - Scott, it's OK to kiss up to them if you're in trouble - but you shouldn't waste it when you're not - then what're ya gonna do to get outa trouble? And trust me, if you hang around here, you will eventually get into trouble - no matter how quiet and non-confrontational you are, sooner or later some female will take offense at some perfectly innocent comment you have just made, and into the doghouse you'll go....

at which point you're gonna wanna have some good suckin' up lines saved up

just sayin'

Scott of course is hitting on all of us. He's just using the "shy guy not hitting on you reverse psychology" hitting on chicks method - DUH!!

Like he thinks such sophisticated, beautiful, independent women like us would fall for that - HA!

pssst, we didn't, did we???


Re: "I have no doubt that every one of you is way cuter than them. You all have character."

I think I can speak for the posse when I say we love you. You are sweet and cute and shy and adorable.


I don't have a clue what it means, and I can't translate because it's not in Canadian (cross-thread reference,) but I see "AIM TIT" at the beginning so I'm guessing it's naughty. Somebody 'splain please.

Stupendous Man: I'm with Betsy on this. When I read the lewd comments about Betsy's skinned knees I thought to myself, "Self, this is obviously a TimothyCK post." I was shocked -- I say SHOCKED -- to see your signoff at the end.

On the other hand, TRWC, I think he was innocently calling you a clown with the "honks when she walks" comment, which could be good or bad depending on what sort of mood you're in.

Anybody got the keys to the tunnel? Time for a beverage.

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