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February 15, 2006


If you are a man of the male gender, for God's sake do not click here.


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being a female of the female gender, i still found that painful to read.

i wonder if he used his unit to sign the admittance papers.

I need to throw up and lie down now, in no particular order.


Was it an Eberhard Faber?

For God's sake, I hope he used a #2 pencil!!!


I see a Darwin Award in his future.

How the ph*ck did he think he'd get it out? Did he at least tie a string to it? Need more info!

I'm having one of those days where I believe the world is populated by pencil neck idiots. Dave, you just reinforced that belief - at least the pencil part. Thank you.

Lou - wouldn't he need a no. 1?

Why the hell am *I* crossing MY legs????


I understand the couple went out to a movie first: "Eraserhead"

I'm guessing that his lady friend is very grateful that the pencil didn't get lodged in her uh whatever.

penile implant, pencil implant--see how important good spelling can be?

It must be true.

After all. it was on Ananova.com

he was so bad in bed, when she asked him to "get the lead out", he couldn't!

I guess he doesn't have any lead in his pencil!

Okay, couldn't finish reading that . . .

It's gonna take me a few days to get over this one...

Nope, I got nothin'.

Let's see... I can pencil you in on Friday night.

really bad idea of the day SO FAR?

OK, if it gets worse than this, I'm goin' back to bed

I heard a pen is better..

Talk about a pencil dick..

In the immortal words of David Lee Roth, "I've got my PENCIL, gimme somethin' to write on!"

Oh, yes, this guy got it bad, got it bad, got it bad.

This 80s moment brought to you by the letter P.

Tupic said he had no idea there were things like Viagra available but agreed that in future he will try pills before he takes any more chances with pencils." - Ananova.com

Good thinking, man!!!
And yes, I'm of the female gender and I said "ouch"! :)

"At first the patient did not tell us what really happened, but x-rays proved the truth."

Not to put too fine a point on it, but did he believe they wouldn't find out?

Dr: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but there is a pencil in your hoo ha."

Patient: "How did that get there?"

Whew! I'm really glad I heeded Dave's dire warning and did NOT read that item!!

I need to throw up and lie down now, in no particular order.

Fed, my reaction *exactly*

You warned us and I looked anyway. My bad. Now I'm trying to type this while doubled over holding my groin with both hands.

This makes it hard to type.

Hmm.. so let's see - bright idea #1 - insert pencil into dangly bits. Bright idea #2 - sharpen the pencil first so it punctures your bladder.

How did this guy get a woman to have s*x with him in the first place?

Mr. Tupic must be the only person in the universe who does not get spam.

"Tupic said he had no idea there were things like Viagra available but agreed that in future he will try pills before he takes any more chances with pencils."

Next week's news from Belgrade:

A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after sticking several Viagra pills inside his penis to keep it stiff during sex.

This is a clear case of a man thinking with his...ah...pencil.

(*snork* at crossgirl and mathmom)

Qetzal: Brilliant!

Ya know doctor, for all the good those suppositories did I could have just stuck them up my a**.

"Mr. Tupic, it says here on your resume you are a pencil pusher..Exactly what is that supposed to mean?"

Hey Tupic--Remember how your mama used to tell you never to put anything smaller than a watermelon in your ear? Same thing applies down there.

I enjoyed Tupic's rap music, however.

OH OWWIEEEEE, and i am not a man of the male gender either, but OWWWIE, oh, and here is my fist in your face for being a complete bozo. not saying serves ya right, not saying it doesnt hurt.... but WHAT WERE you thinking, dumbkopf?

*snork!* at everybody who has posted to this thread so far this morning.

Now let it be told, this is surely (not Shirley) an urban legend, 'cause I have heard it dozens of times in one form or another. And might I add:

Q (male): What does it mean if you get writer's cramp while spanking your monkey?
A: It means your d*ck's too small.

Maybe he should have tried using a tu-pic (toothpick). But really people, what's so different about this from how Walter the oosik was used in his day?

He should have known better. It's like they say, " The pen is mightier than the sword. "

The poor girl..Sounds like he really lead her on.

"Tupic said he had no idea there were things like Viagra available but agreed that in future he will try pills before he takes any more chances with pencils."

Okay, so if the pills don't work it's back to pencils, right?

Brad, you're right. Walter was a built in "pencil". I imagine in the arctic, you'd need that kind of reinforcement.

I like to leave my mark, but this guy likes to leave his signature!

Ok, I got nuthin....

I just want to add my name to the list of women of the female gender who nevertheless are experiencing both physical and emotional pain as a result of this post.

Fellas? Remember that ONE time you had a problem? Well, it's o.k. It really is. Let's just watch TV for a while; we're tired too.

Tupic probably tried this after hearing about the constipated mathematician who worked it out with a pencil.

i just looked at the pen i was using, it said 'uniball'. after that, i had to cross my legs all over again.

LTTG and all of my comments have been taken.

And I agree with the other women, reading that is enough to give a woman pain in her va-jay-jay.

*snork at Sly*

Yes...I also got a pain there...

I will never view pencils the same way again. I will be thinking of it everytime I see a pencil. Even if I banned all pens and pencils from the house, my tablet PC's stylus looks like a writing implement. GAH!

Speaking of which, why didn't he use a PDA stylus? At least it isn't as pointy.

He was just tryin' to put some lead in the ole' pencil, IYKWIM, wink wink, nudge nudge.

Nope, still got nothin'.

Good for you, Betsy!

Tell it like it is.
Now we can only hope they hear you. :)

To add [more] shame to misery, it's been reported (not really) that the implement in use was actually a golf pencil.

Um...how do we know that Mr. Tupic wasn't, ah, en flagrante delicto with a person of the male persuasion?

Thanks Prarie Dog, but I imagine if you're really a prairie dog, you have one too. One of the most disgusting things I ever read on the Internet (in its early days) was a breeding guide for small dogs (presumably including prairie dogs). One thing you have to be careful of with Maltese and the like when breeding is that the female can move too much and break the male's wee-wee. For a prized stud, this is a career ending injury, but worse, it often necessitates putting down the male :(.

Sean stole my thunder. I was going to say this gives a whole new meaning to the words "pencil pusher." If they had been in an office it would probably be a "desk job," you think?

I was gonna say maybe he should have tried raw oysters...but I realized they're probably limper than his original problem. So I decided not to say it.

...and S Man executes a perfect praeteritio followed by a triple toe loop!
Eleanor...Yeah...I don't know why that's such a sensitive (har) topic. Maybe we should teach the guys how to say, "Y'know, honey, I'm getting a headache" instead of going for the pencil, the brick on a cord, and/or the blue pills. But then, judging from the amount of time this blog spends nervously discussing the Mighty Wurlitzer, there's not much hope of that, is there?

*zips in*

Betsy, I think it would be a fair statement to say that "it" - oh wait, that should be a big "IT" (sorry, guys) is a total obsession. I don't think we would ever hear from the other gender, Not tonight dear, I have a headache.

*zips out - dinner time*

(Just cleaning up after Eleanor's zipper. Carry on.

Forget it. I don't know how to clean up other people italics. Sorry.

All better now?

Betsy sorta give new meaning to the phrase Gee, Dad ... it's a Wurlitzer! doesn't she?

CandyT - if he were consorting with another male, most likely he would have used a #2 pencil.

"Dearest (grunt!) Mother (umph!),
Having a (grunt!)wonderful time (unnhhh!)...
Ooops - erase, erase!"

Annie - bad dog! No biscuit!

Earworm alert:

The Wurlitzer Prize

...They oughta give me the Wurlitzer Prize
For all the (fill in the blank) I let slide
Down the (fill in the blank)
Tryin' to (fill in the blank) you,
Tryin' to (fill in the blank) you.

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