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February 04, 2006


(Thanks to Poop Dogg)


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Do you have to go to school to learn how to be a hermit? I think lesson one is Hermitology 101: How to survive public transportation without a cell phone. Maybe I could test out of that one....

Well, the right to bear arms in the subway should soon follow I think. Level the playing field somewhat.

KOW, I think your on to something there - since you need a permit to carry a gun in many states, lets introduce cell phone permits for subways, busses, restaurants, grocery stores, bingo halls, funeral services.... you get the picture. GREAT IDEA!!

SUVs, bicycles, grocery carts....

"It's a time when people should unplug," said Jon Giswold, a personal trainer in New York. "I rely on my cell phone, but I find it a safe haven on a train when people can't get a hold of me."

Suggestion for Jon... does your phone have an "off" button?

CoastRavens: And make all movie theaters no phone zones. Where people are frisked and wanded before going in and all phones confiscated so they don't 'accidentally go off' (why is it that when there is a cell phone warning at the beginning of movies, people don't think it applies to them?)

homes, bathrooms, outside, inside, while inhaling, while exhaling, day, night, sunrise, sunset, during digestion, on an empty stomach

I've found "Cell Phone Solitude", it's called VIBRATE!!!

Call me any time you want.

the subway used to be the one place where if a person was talking loudly to themselves, you knew they were demented!!

To be fair, I can't survive without mine. I go into a hypoglycemic attack whenever I forget it. Communication, timekeeping, calculator functions, this thing has it all! (BTW, lying on the floor shaking isn't considered very "polite" either.) I am very apologetic and concilliatory when I do use it though. And when I make fun of them on text message, I'm sure to speak in l33t so they can't understand. Its all about fellow-feeling

Guys, remember - we're not discussing normal people here. We're talking about New Yawkers with cell phones. Loud, blunt folk who twist, chew, bend, and morph innocent little words, then spit them out like gravel under a spinning tire.

So, I'm fine with it. :)

so ... not to be personally critical of one's choices, but how did anyone survive before cell phones?

It's an addiction.

The first step (of 12?) in solving or dealing with a problem is admitting that there is a problem.

Really, I'm not 100 percent sure how I feel about the whole question, but I think that I'm leaning toward the concept of allowing use of cell phones in public places ONLY in a life-or-death situation ...

For example: If you annoy me enuf with your cell phone addiction, it could mean life changes to death ...

Merely sayin' ...

Hey Annie, watch it! We New Yawkas can insult each other but we don't appreciate you outsiders doing it.

This is getting very bad. Soon I'll have to quit flying and riding the subway.

kibby- Even vibrate isn't safe for silence. I was taking my finite math final last semester, and we were about a quarter of the way through. The room was very quiet, and all the sudden we hear bzzzzzz! bzzzzzzzz! The teacher looked around, but the sound stopped. We all got back to work, and a few seconds later, bzzzzzz! bzzzzzzz! It was so loud I could hear it from across the room. And the guy didn't even know it was his cell phone buzzing. The teacher had to tell him. *rolls eyes*

Oases of solitude!!!!!!!!!

WTFBBQ??!! What #&*%ing line do they ride? Have they ever been on a subway? In New York? Ever? Anywhere? What?

Then again, I'd enjoy seeing some panhandler's spiel get interrupted by his cellphone ringing and him checking the caller ID and saying, "Hold on, I've gotta take this."

Btw: KOW, you mean we don't have the right to bear arms on the subway now? Uh-oh.

kibby F5™: Vibrating in solitude is a subject unfit for this family-oriented blog.

You have been warned.


Oh, and thanks, Judi. And for those of you who want to be posted on this blog, your naked picture really works. Trust me.

Poop D., your naked picture of what?

Stupendous Man, of yourself. Unless, of course, you didn't get to that menswear store in time, if you know what I'm sayin'.

*A "friend of mine", sure.*

Jeff - Annie was a new yawker efore she became a southern california goddess

Bumble - the "vibrate" setting on cell phones may not be silent, but it can be fun

AnnieWBH - I'm from N.Y.!!! So - what Jeff said!!
We're not rude, we're just efficient!

TCK~ I wouldn't know.

*straightens halo and flicks the small devil on TCK's shoulder*

I think cell phones on subways make NO sense, especially since: 1) they have very little strategic weaponary value, (which is necessary for any self-respecting New Yawka) 2) the noise byproduct is right in the range for the best cell phone interference, 3) I really don't feel like hearing someone talk about how bad their boyfriend is treating them at 394 decibals, and, 4) booger. That is all.

Rather, weasel booger. that is REALLY all.

Bumble - that little devil dude really enjoyed that - he asked me to ask you to do that again

El - you were also a new yorker before becoming a southern california goddess? Guess that explains why you're a badass southern california goddess

*smacks TCK*

Still sucking up to El, I see. El, has he redeemed himself yet?

Bumble - El and I already made up - that was just a little preemptive sucking up

Jeff M - TCK is correct! My parents are from Brooklyn but pulled a 'Green Acres' and moved upstate to live with the deer, the snakes, and the poison ivy. Actually, they moved to get away from their parents. I moved to Socal to get away from them. Anticipating our family tradition, my children are already studying Japanese. ;)

There is one accent I've heard more grating than a NY one - the skank Val-speak I hear sometimes. It's like, totally grody to the max.

Bumble - he was starting to, but he's backsliding.

Sometimes people, just speaking generally here, go a little past funny.

But I'm not going to be around here too much longer so - whatever.

El~ Don't leave us! We promise to stop at funny, if we can get there!

Key quote:

"The Straphangers Campaign, which represents the interests of city subway riders, is "firmly and resolutely ambivalent," said Gene Russianoff, attorney for the group."

3 questions:
*The Straphangers Campaign Whaa?
*You guys ride all the time and you don't care about this?
*How much of a dork Gene must be if he is the lawyer for the straphangers campaign?

Bumble, does your curriculum include anatomy? Apparently, when you flicked the devil on TCK's shoulder, you missed by a torso. BTW, at your school do the boys and girls matriculate together?

(passes El a cool compress for her brow while peeling her a Ghirardelli's, pouring her a chilled glass of Moet and gently massaging her swanlike neck...hopes she's feeling better...and he's NOT joking)

I feel great, SM - and I love all the goodies, but Kevin Costner is calling me.

Must run.

Bumble, take over! :)

SM~ I flicked him in the head. Apparently that turns him on. Maybe it woke up his brain or something. Yes, the boys and girls at my school matriculate together. Sometimes they even osculate together, but I've never been asked to participate. The boys must be intimidated by my level of intelligence. At least, I hope that's it...

On a NY subway, if somebody gets outta line with a cell phone, do you really think all the other New Yawkers are gonna sit there quivering in their booties? Things like this have a way of taking care of themselves, IYKWIM.
Sample responses include:

"Yo, Chatty Kathy, you got another call coming in. It's from a Mr. Shut-the-f*ck-up!"

"You call dat a cell phone? I got ya cell phone, right here, bay-bee!"

"Would you keep it down? I can't hear dat other guy on his cell phone over there talking to his mistress, and he's much more interesting than you."

Jawohl, meine El!

Whoa! I had to go to m-w.com to figure those out. I guess if you can't understand something you can't be afraid of it. Or wait, do I have that backwards? Or opposite? Or with a dangling participle? See, I can be smart too. I have to go lay down now, I think I broke my think bone.

Glad you're feeling great, El, but what can Costner do that I can't do, Huh? Can he make music with his armpit, huh? Does he have a collection of Elvis black velveteen art, huh? Can he empty a room just by turning his eyelids inside out, huh? Can he repeatedly say huh, huh? Well, I guess tha settles it then.

Bumble, I'm glad to hear the boys and girls at the institute (is that the right word?) where you drain the Cup of Knowledge not matriculate, they also osculate. I am saddened to hear they are not osculating with you, but as long as they continue to matriculate with you, half the battle is won. I think you're right. They are probably intimidated by your intelligence.

In my last post, insert the letter t where it is obviously missing and insert the word "only" between the words "not" and "matriculate." That is all.

And another thing, Bumble, as far as TCK's brain is concerned, I'm sure he won't mind me directing your attention to this timely bit of information:


Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a
man's head. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried alittle louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to
feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice,


Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away..............

"We're down here ..."

"...unfortunately she could't fit down there because she was WAY to big."

(Obviously trying to make up for earlier comments)

SM~ *snork*

I'm sure you've heard this one: God gave men a brain and a penis, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.

THAT explains a lot.

Yes, Bumble, I've heard that one from every one of my ex-wives and ex-girlfriends an nth to the tenth number of times! But it's still funny! *snork!*

So, pigeons will be riding subways now?

i dont have a cell phone, but am shopping for one....maybe. not sure why i need one. but if all the people who picked on, and continue to mess with smokers who are now forced to smoke furtively in back alleys, would please redirect their attention to the cellphone morons riding around on public transportation, we might have something going here. if not, i'm gonna have to join the nra.

*zips in on Super Bowl Sunday*

SM If I had seen that you have Elvis black velveteen art, I'd never have left you for Kevin! :)

TNX, El! I'm glad that's settled!

(faxes El a mimosa)

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