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February 19, 2006


A son wants his mom to travel.

(Thanks to DavCat14)


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That sounds like the only way I will be able to get someplace nicer than NJ....

Having a wonderful time, wish you were here.

Well, I guess it's better than the backyard.

Maybe he should get in touch with the NHL and have the ashes put in the Stanley Cup for a couple years... that thing travels a lot, and has some interesting stories (Getting lost, babies peeing in it, climbing mountains etc)

This is freaky! After reading this posting, and the John Denver jokes, I felt this one deserves to be posted here. These are the actual song lyrics, ISIANMTU!

Forest Lawn, by John Denver

Oh lay me down in Forest Lawn in a silver casket,
Put golden flowers over my head in a silver basket.
Let the drum and bugle corp play taps while cannons roar
And sixteen liveried employees sell souveniers from the funeral store.

I want to go simply when I go,
They'll give me a simple funeral there I know,
With a casket lined in fleece
And fireworks spelling out "rest in peace."
Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn.

Oh lay me down in Forest Lawn, they understand there.
They have a heavenly choir and a military band there.
Just put me in their care, I'll find my comfort there
With sixteen planes in a last salute they'll drop a cross in a parachute.

I want to go simply when I go,
They'll give me a simple funeral there I know:
With a hundred strolling strings
And topless dancers with golden wings!
Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn.

Oh, come, come, come, come,
Come to the church in the wildwood,
Kindly leave a contribution in the pail.
Be as simple and as trusting as a child would
And we'll sell you the church in the dale.

To find a simple resting place is my desire;
To lay me down with a smiling face comes a little bit higher.
My likeness cast in brass will stand in plastic grass
While hidden weights and springs tip it's hat to the mourners filing past!

I want to go simply when I go.
They'll give me a simple funeral there I know.
I'll lie beneath the sand
With piped in tapes of Billy Graham.
Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
For a slightly higher fee!

Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn!

To quote from the "Wizrd of Oz":

"That's you all over!"

"scuse me, "Wizard"

damn fingers...

I just want to understand why one commenter said it was morally wrong, since the guy's not making any money doing this.

Selling his soul, well, as an atheist, does he believe in a soul?

On the itinerary:

Blue Ash, Ohio
Fire Island National Seashore, New York
Burnt City, Iran

Perhaps Tom Cruise will purchase his soul for the "church" of Scientology.

I hope my son doesn't love me this much - eeekkkkk!

That's a tough way to urn frequent flyer miles...by making an ash out of oneself. Still, it's something to aspyre to.

I'll shut up now.

Now that the traveling gnome thing has lost its novelty, can we expect those nutty Gen X, Y and Z'ers to take pictures of Mom's urn in global locales?

I'm thinkin' Ashland, Oregon sounds like a good resting place. Just stay away from Hell, Grand Cayman Island.

Ford79-That was really good!

Pirate-I could be wrong, but I don't think JD wrote that song. Still, your sentiment is well received.

(Ford79 - nice work ...)

I fail to see the Big Deal in the comments of those who criticize this loving son.

There are numerous examples of this sort of thing already out there in the world ... ashes scattered on the ocean, from a favorite scenic view ... hunters can have (some of) their ashes loaded into shotgun shells and a friend will shoot them into the air at a favorite hunting spot ... ashes are (perhaps, someday, if they haven't already) going into space to orbit for eternity ...

Regardless of your religious belief/nonbelief, this is one way a mourner can honor the memory of a loved one ... I hope he has plenty of responses ...

I'd be willing to help him out, if he hears of this thread and checks the posts of sympathetic readers ...

Hey Kaf-
You live in New Zealand, you've gotta bid on this!

So ... I'm old and stoopid ... one of the posters on that story gave the item number, but I don't seem to be able to find it on eBay ... ???

How would an old, clumsy and forgetful geezer bus driver manage to find that?


Living here in Kalifornia, I wonder if she'd like to "visit" Disneyland? Knowing the corporate mindset of The Mouse, they would probably insist that I purchase two admission tickets...

P'boy - probably not worth it. I'm guessing she's no longer tall enough to go on many of the rides.

Pirate-Plus you could sue by saying she was incinerated on one of the rides.

*I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. First I skipped church this morning, and then I made an irreverent post about communion and now this! I'm going to hell for sure! 'sob'*

Annie --

As long as you'd hold on tight to her, any rides should be OK ...

(I mean, one would only get a pinch of the cremains, in an envelope ... how much could that weigh, by the way ... ? I'd merely suggest that when "distributing" her, one should not stand up in the roller coaster, fling your arms [and the pinch of Mom] to the four winds, and shout, "Here ya go, MOM! Have a good time!" ... that might attract the attention of security ...)

Lisa - I'll save you a comfy spot - I've had my name reserved on a suite there for awhile now.

He should have released his mother's ashes at 30,000 feet into the Jet-stream.

CoastRaven-We can attend religious counseling together.

Dr. Doug-I would respond, but I'm afraid I'll say something else irreverant.

I would recomend Hells Canyon Idaho. It has all sorts of adventurous rapids for the mom to go over. And it will fertilize so many more potatos.
I wonder if I can sell my imaginary friend on Ebay? Or a good Air Guitar.

Alfred - I thought you were our imaginary freind

Well, if the item number that the poster gave in the comments section of the article is accurate, the listing has been pulled.

I work for eBay, and I was wondering how long it would take them to pull it - selling remains (and souls) are both against policy.

Ya wanna sell an imaginary friend or an air guitar? Include something material with it, like a guitar pick or a certificate of authenticity for your imaginary friend, and make it clear that the auction's for the material thing. Otherwise it's a No Item sale, and then Vinnie and Guido who pull down listings get cranky.

This is definitely off the Beaton track.

*zips in*

This is a humor blog. We don't need lessons in How To Sell On EBay. WE DON'T CARE.

TCK, FIRST, *snork*. Second, I thought that about Alfred too but if you hop on over to the Cruise thread, you'll see that Alfred has had a breakout moment.

*zips back over there to wait for TCK*

all i could think of is the cannibalism skit on python where john sortakinda ... um, well, we can bury her,[oo bugs and nasty weevils], we can burn her [crackle, crackle] or we can.... eat her.....well, i am a bit peckish.... ewwwww! [but its a great skit].

Did he strangely discuss this BEFORE she died?

This kid might not fight global warming, but you should.


The eBay guy said you can't sell dead people on eBay. But you can sell "stuff" from dead people. (Elvis' toilet brush, Britney Spears' training bra, etc..) Why can't that guy just tape a sock to the side of the urn and sell it that way.

Just trying to help! I don't really believe in selling dead people on eBay.

Alfred, don't let them get you down. ROOT beer and witty comments to you! Yes, D. Leanord Barry is a great prophet of FSM, as he did post a pithy statement regarding it about 36 A.F. (After Fermentation) We are an all-inclusive group, and want merely to take over the world. Rejoice all true believers! And drink beer, not that demon liquid "chiante"!

Scatology chimes in on this thread:


A nice young son
gift to his mum:
sends on a trip,
but just a bit.
Sells on the web
a piece of head
to the U.S
wishes all the best.
She gets a tour,
enjoys a Coors.
Before we close
this piece of prose,
she is adored
for her award:

Best Traveled Mom

I am just as much Adonis' imaginary friend as the rest of you?
Is this why you act so betrayed. At least it wasn't like when Bruce found out I was a member of MI6. Ugh. He always checked his belt for tracking systems.

So I guess this means you can sell me over on Ebay. Or at least my sock. Quick some one sell a sock and say its mine.

I just hope noone from Athol, Mass., has a winning bid.

when my 16 year old german shepherd died, we had her cremated and her ashes scattered in the desert. we never discussed it with her first, we just kinda figured she would want it since she enjoyed exploring the desert with me. *ok, to weird to post, even on DB.* DELETE.......... DELETE......



Happy Birthday, MacEleanor!

(But Lou G gets the "First!")

Feliz de Anos a mi amigo El

I smell a breach of contract suit when someone purchases his soul. Or would it be fraud when he's trying to sell something he truly believes he doesn't have?

Happy Birthday Eleanor!

Feliz cumpleanos, Eleanor! -

Happy Berkeley to you,
You live near the Zoo,
You "zip" past the doghouse,
And you *snork* at us, too!

Yeah ok. I am getting a C+ in Spanish. Sue me. Not directed at El.

Sie Habla Deutsch?

Parlez vous Svenska?

(A good other-lingual phrase in awkward situations is Haisa Nuppa ... which is ... um ... nevermind ...)

(Har! It'd been so long since I thot about it, I misspelled both words slightly ... so, you can't even find them ... I'm still safe ... sorta ... unless someone out there is multilingual in that perticular vernacular ... phew!)

Whoa, Alfred. I didn't mean to correct you. Eleanor's in San Diego (I think), so I thought your Espanol was appropriate. I was just tryin' to get on the happy day bandwagon. Pastafarians unite! (but stir until fully cooked)

The sun never sets on the Barry Empire. Soon the Right Coasters will rise, shake the sleep from their eyes, load puns into their pun guns, and set out to booger the world. Or sleep in, which also is cool. Judi, feel bedder.

Right "Coast"er checking in - bloodshot and bristle tongued (NOT Bright eyed and bushy tailed) echoing Annies wishes for judi's speedy recovery.

Didn't I read somewhere that the appropriate distribution location for ashes is the Small World ride at Disney? Could have been in a book. Or a toilet stall.

Dayum, Annie! Don't you ever sleep? Or do you have an aversion to sunlight, hmm?

*zips in*

Muchas gracias a todos de ustedes por los b-day wishes! :)

I like your poem AnnieWBH, and Blue, I love bagpipes! I've never heard Happy B-day on them, so that was a treat!

You guys are great!

*giant hug to the posse and a pat on the head to all the guys*

Alfred, today is a Court holiday here in su.so.ca. so I couldn't file a lawsuit against you even if I wanted to! :) which I don't because it's my b-day and I like EVERYONE (pretty much) today. :)

And yes, I live in beautiful (but cold)
San Diego!

rundogrun- a little confusion - "It's a Small World After All" is the official theme song to Purgatory.

Stupe - you just WISH I'd nibble on your neck, don't you?

El - thanks for the hug - have a fine, fine day.

San Diego is cold? When? I lived in Phoenix. They said it was cold when it got down to 30.

Muchas gracias a non hace derecho para mi.
Your nickname is funny. El also means you in Spanish.

UO- si mein spreche

Alfred - When I woke up this morning it was 47F. Here in su.so.ca. we call that cold, very, very cold. :)

Purgatory, huh? Perhaps I should follow the advice and go straight to hell.

Happy belated Birthday El

from 80 degrees in Miami

(still under the weather)

Seattle has a fairly consisten 60 degree weather.
But my folks in yakima just had a temp drom from 60ish to 20ish in one night. The wind was about 96 mph. It blew over two of our trees. Blue Spruce. And my parents cam over to visit me so my mom could get Lazik. She looks different now.
The wind is chilling any water we spray out. Some of the locos call it the north eaterlies.
Right now my parents are hoping for 40s.
On the other hand. I would walk around in 115 weather all the time. And then enter into a 60 house and freese to death.

I just realized how confusing that last sentence was. I apologise completely

I got it, Alfred. The hotter it gets outside, the colder they make it inside, like it's some sort of defense against nature. Instead it shocks your system.

A gorgeous, CLEAR day in socal-LA adjacent. Snow on the mountains, but it's in the 60's here.


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