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February 28, 2006


... but the grandmothers are even manlier.

(Thanks to Claire "Crocodile" Martin)


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...but she still thinks crocs are fascinating!

I guess she wouldn't be satisfied by 24 for thrills, would she?

What a croc

Oh...and, heh, FIRST!!!

(Now I can go to work feel like I've accomplished something)

"two metal plates and 12 screws in her arm"
A few of them are more than a little loose!
Seems her friend still owed her the deposit on the trip.

Quote: She now has two metal plates and 12 screws in her arm but she still does not have full movement back.

Well add some more plates and screws.

Hmmmm.... I wonder what I could do to get a bravery award...

*still thinkin'*

"And then I fed it a few motzah balls and it curled up like a puppy."

Well, someone give her a hand! Oh.

Considering even the dust mites in Australia are wicked deadly, the Australian Bravery Decorations Council has to be one of the busiest frikken offices in the world.

FOR SALE: Slightly used salt water crocodile. Great Condition. It was only driven by a little old lady from Brisbane.

Is this Steve Irwin's granny by any chance?


OK, my gramma would never, never wrastle a gator - she'd shoot it, like everyone else's gramma

"I liked crocs before and I still do."

On the barbie, with dippin' sauce, I suspect.

So what happened to the friend? Does s/he have plates and screws and stuff holding her/his parts together aftetr being dragged off by a croc?

she's going to be the subject of a biopic:
Crocback Mountin'

Blue, pass the sauce...

Bumble, Irwin's a wimp compared to that Granny! He's got a TODDLER croc, not a 14-footer...

Note to self: "Self, do NOT mess with Aussie Grannies!"

TCK - your gramma shoots everyone else's gramma?

That's mean.

C-Bol - not all of 'em

just the bitchy ones, and the ones that look at her husband

I not only snorked at insom, I flopped about on the floor some. Not a pretty sight but it felt great. Except for passing most of my (formerly) tasty diet root beer through my nose.

"I still like crocs."

Yes indeed, VERY brave, but also VERY dumb.

Camping in a place where 14 foot crocs come into your tent and drag someone off? I'd make sure I was sleeping at the very back of the tent and only camping with some disposable friends.

Actually, nothing would convice me to camp in Australia - everything, including most of the sheep, can kill you.

"maybe the crocodile ate your granny"

(say it in an Aussie accent, to Meryl Streep)

Now she deserves this and this

Right Peri, and if the sheep don't kill you, then they just want to have sex with you.....:)

I once received a valor award for saving a platoon by throwing my body on a can of C-rations Ham and Limas...but that was nothing compared to this.

Mr.C~ An irrelevant story related to that word: I have an unfortunate tendency of blowing my nose very loudly. It's annoying, but I can't seem to clear my sinuses quietly. Anyway, I lived with my sister and my nephew for a while when he was a baby. He used to stop whatever he was doing to stare at me whenever I blew my nose, and my sister, in her best Steve Irwin imitation would say, "Crikey! It's a wild Aunt Bea!" and my nephew would giggle. We took a trip to NC to visit my parents when he was just over a year old. He was in the living room, I was in the bedroom, and he heard me blow my nose. When I was done, I heard his tiny little voice say, "Crikey!" Everybody cracked up. Now he says that every time anyone blows their nose. It's too cute.

Guess you had to be there. Oh, well.

*snork* at Chianca and insomniac. and fivver

and Bumble

Crikey! I got a snork!

Off-Topic Quote of the Day:

"I have no faith in human perfectability. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active - not more happy - nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago." --Edgar Allan Poe

Ooooh! *snap!* Consider all o' y'all-selves DISSED!

you might be a redneck if...

Peri-I'm with you. Surprised Australia isn't a wasteland with nothing but snakes, scorpions and 'roos left alive.


Mud-I like it!

Peri - you seem to think that crocs have the good manners to enter via the door of the tent.

Not only would my grandma have shot the thing, it would have been the main course at dinner.

off topic:

I learned something the other day. I learned that if you eat one of those bagels with the asiago cheese on it, and drink coffee with it, and then belch a little later, it will smell really bad.

Thank you.


I am ready for a new job.

Someone make-out with me! Or something! My brain aches with boredom.


your toenail clippers say Craftsman on the side.
you videotape fishing shows.
you've ever videotaped a dog loving on someone's leg.
your favorite kind of wine is strawberry.
you have seasons tickets for the tractor pull.
your granny wrestles alligators and wins.

Corollary Off-Topic Quote of 2:40pm

"I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - the same E.A. Poe

Self-dissin' guy, too, that Poe.

for mudstuffin's off-topic

all this grumblin' from E.A.P. he's got a freakin' football team named after his poem and he's got the nerve to complain about human perfectability!

and then there was that movie he wrote about breast augmentation: The Pert and the Pendulous

Somebody drag Tamara RWC screaming from her tent so I can jump on him.

There ya go, TRWC. That should wake them up.

*goes to get El's shotgun*


Your mother ever got into a fist fight at a high school sporting event.

and my personal favorite:

Your mother doesn't bother to take the Marlboro out of her mouth before telling the Highway Patrolman to kiss her ass.

Anybody mind if I quote myself? Aww, thanks; y'all are such pals!

Somewhat in line with Mudstuffin's "OT" comment, read Number Three here.

For Tamara Rhymes With Ennui.

Mud, thank you for that announcement -- I will remember to stay upwind.

Sorry SMan, I'm not too impressed with your sacrifice... I spent some time involved in a military operation (Bosnia, on contract) where we had local nationals preparing so-called hot meals for us that were so bad we quit eating them and actually PREFERRED the MRE's we were able to get from the troops. Would have killed for some BBQ'ed croc, or even wrestled the bugger myself. Hmmmm... I bet mud's asiago-bagel-breath would knock a croc out in a heartbeat!

I once sold the wheels off my house

amd MRE's - one of those things that are disgustin' at first glance, but somewhat more than edible when you're really, really hungry, cold, and haven't slept for about 36 hours - American ingenuity at work

Should you ever be drowned or hung, be sure and make a note of your (not you're) sensations.
This Ravens fav PoeQuote

P.S. - I've had the name longer than Bawlmer has had the team.

TCK got my favorite YMBARI almost. "If your richest relative buys a house and you have to help him take the wheels off..."

Hawt dawg! Blue, does this mean we're running away together now? Hang on, I'll get my hat!

New Komedy Kategory:

You Might be a Crocodile-Shooting Australian Grandmother if. . .

A croc bites your arm nearly off and you still think that "they're a fascinating creature."

ps: Does she think there's only one of them?

I wonder if she said, "SCUSE ME WHILE I WHIP THIS OUT!!!"

HA! Heh! Heh...

Oh, come on, it was funny last night when Curtis was ready to draw his gun...

Never mind.

Yes, yes.

Thanks, Blue. Haven't heard that in a while. If ever smoke poured off a tune...

Mad Soupblower posted this: Sorry SMan, I'm not too impressed with your sacrifice... I spent some time involved in a military operation (Bosnia, on contract) where we had local nationals preparing so-called hot meals for us that were so bad we quit eating them and actually PREFERRED the MRE's we were able to get from the troops.
Well, Mad S - would you have been impressed if I had thrown myself bodily on a Vegetarian Patty in Tomato Sauce MRE? Or a case of Soup-for-One? Or a rutabaga?
Was it the quality of the food product that made a difference to you, rather than the selfless manner in which I threw my manly body on said dangerous item?
Frankly, when it comes right down to it, nobody can beat my ex-wife's cooking...although the Army did come close.

Stupe - Regarding ex-wives' cooking abilities: Ketchup does not qualify as spaghetti sauce.

CR - Regarding E.A. Poe's request for details: Reminds me of the scene in The Princess Bride (which, BTW, is a GREAT movie) where Count Rogan is torturing Wesley and documenting the procedure, and asks him, "How do you feel? Remember, this is for posterity, so be precise."

Mr C - not just a GREAT movie, the BEST MOVIE EVER!

Mr. C, is this Edgar Allen Poo related to Punkin Poo?

SMan, yeah, veggie burgers or rutabagas are FAR more dangerous and protecting your buddies from them would have been more honorable. Other inedible food-like substances would qualify: tofu (bricks), sushi (bait), brussels sprouts (WMD), light beer (put it back in the horse). A comment on Army food, if you have to eat it, do it in Germany -- it's nearly impossible to get bad food in Germany, even in the mess hall. (Quick aside: was chowing down in the mess hall in the vicinity of Stuttgart once, cockroach crawls across the back of the bench across from me. Gunny Sgt Fire Plug studied it and says "Yeah, we brought that one with us -- promised him a European vacation.") [rimshot]

Yes Mr. C The first time I saw the movie (when I was a wee little Raven) I thought of that quote, and wondered...
1) Is this a direct quote from the novel (Which I have so far failed to read, but is always in the top 5 on the "I Want" list), or something Reiner added to the movie?
2) If so, was it a nod to the great writer buried in my hometown?
3) Who the hell leaves roses and Cognac at Poes grave every year on his birthday? (OK - I didnt wonder that at the time, but it is on my "To Do" list to visit once before I die and witness the event.

Mad S - I've taken your caveats to heart and am now planning for the day I save my companions by throwing myself on a serving of Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast (aka Sh*t on a Shingle, not to be confused with Creamed Dried Beef on Toast which is also known as F*reskins on a Shingle).

*moseys back to "trailer trash" thread where rumor has it a gigolo (which is an Italian wet t-shirt contest) is about to bust (ahem) out and where he is in grave danger of being shunted to the doghouse to consume beer and parfait. is heard to scream, "Please don't throw me in that briar patch!!!"*

Mr Completely - You are correct. Ketchup is not spaghetti sauce. According to the Reagan Administration, ketchup is a vegetable...and gravy is a beverage...and garden hose is kielbasa. Glad I had a chance to clear this up.

BTW, Mad S - Edgar Alan Poo is related to Sham Poo...on his stepmother's side, twice removed.

CR- Princess Bride is a great book, and an even greater movie IMHO. The book confused me (which admittedly is not hard to do) because the author pretended to be editing the original book, and mentions all the stuff he skips, such as chapters largely about trees. But it was still very entertaining, desptite the fact that the Wits Skit is no where near as good as in the movie.

LOVE THE AUTHOR who wrote many other things including the screenplay for Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.


I've got 10 or 12 screws and three plates in my arm (most of the motion has been reestablished, however) and all I did was fall down ... guess I won't be wantin' to arm-wrestle that granny ... merely sayin' ...

Just for the record. The author of "The Princess Bride" is William Goldman. He also wrote the screenplay. And, he wrote the screenplay for "The Excorcist." Not to mention the definitive book about the movie industry, "Adventures in the Screen Trade," where he sums it all up with the line, "Nobody knows anything."

Hey, I read that book! I was dying to know how the industry worked, so you can imagine how confused I felt after spending hours reading it, only to find out the key was sitting right there between Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

Is that the same Goldman who wrote The Lord of the Flies?

Ahhh, Australia, where the grannies are manly, and the sheep say, "MaaaMaaa!" or "I'm reeaally outta here!" Take your pick.

... um ... Stupe' ...

That'd be William Golding ... but yew gnu that ... (an' if yew din't ... don't let it bother yew ... 'cuz I always hafta stop and think for a millisecond or six, whenever those two are brought into the same conversation ... merely saying' ...)

I read it too, Annie -

It was great!

Right you are, U.O. I did know that, but the knowledge slipped away long enough for me to look really ignorant (again) in my last post.

I own Princess Bride Movie, soundtrack, original script, and a copy of the novel that no longer has a cover. Personally while I LOVE the movie I think the book is even better. and of course if you read the book after seeing the movie you can't help but here all the lines in the characters voices. I believe William Goldberg was also involved in the original stepford wives.

Just for the record. The author of "The Princess Bride" is William Goldman. He also wrote the screenplay. And, he wrote the screenplay for "The Excorcist." Not to mention the definitive book about the movie industry, "Adventures in the Screen Trade," where he sums it all up with the line, "Nobody knows anything."

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