24

Here is the situation as we begin tonight's episode:

Jack Bauer, the person solely responsible for protecting the United States from terrorism, faces the deadliest menace he has ever encountered: Audrey. Jack has discovered that he still has feelings for her, which can mean only one thing: Jack needs to have his vision checked.

Speaking of which, we're concerned that Jack has gone soft on us, because last week he totally failed to gratuitously remove an eyeball belonging to Walt Cummings, the exposed weasel mole aide to President Manilow, who continues to be a horse's ass with a shirt collar at least three sizes too large for his neck. Meanwhile, terrorists from the former Soviet nation of Formersovietnationistan have gotten hold of canisters of nerve gas. We frankly find it hard to believe that this is the real threat, but it's all we have to work with at the moment, tensionwise.Something big had better happen tonight, or we're going to start seriously asking ourselves, as concerned Americans, what else is on TV.

UPDATE: Bruce Jenner? Skating on TV? What the hell is happening to this nation?

UPDATE: Years from now, a grandmother will tell her grandchildren, "Kids, I once played a dancing tomato in a Whopperette commercial." And the grandchildren will edge out of the room.

UPDATE: Yes! Graphic violence!

UODATE: Chloe is set up for the trace.

UPDATE: Jack is NEVER going to gouge this guy's eye out! Man.

UPDATE: Gosh. You think Jack's gonna quit?

UPDATE: They want to use the gas. That's how it is with gas: You get it, you want to use it.

UPDATE: Subplot alert! The Hobbit has a crazy sister.

UPDATE: Jack has been given full autonomy.

UPDATE: Jack is going to the penthouse. They're going to reconfigure the codes! He's running out of time! He needs vectors! It's hard to get good vectors these days.

UPDATE: Edgar is jealous of Spenser.

UPDATE: Audrey talked for like 35 seconds there without weeping.

UPDATE: Apparently you can use motorcycle tools to reconfigure the canisters. Let's hope the Hell's Angels don't find out.

UPDATE: The First Cleavage is accompanied by spooky music.

UPDATE: She slapped him, and I think he liked it.

UPDATE: I get the feelting that any minute now the First Lady is going to order, say, the invasion of Canada, and she will get it, because President Manilow doesn't want to get slapped again..

UPDATE: Do not mess with Chloe, OK?

UPDATE: Jack is going in. This better be graphic, dammit.

UPDATE: Unit one is going number one.

UPDATE: He made him interlock his fingers! That has to hurt.

UPDATE: Jack was clearly attracted to the mystery young woman. He didn't shoot at her once.

UPDATE: Reconfiguring canisters is boring.

UPDATE: That shop guy is sooooooooooo dead.

UPDATE: Nothing for the pain! That's our Jack.

UPDATE: He wants a lawyer! Har.

UPDATE: Go down that road, Jack!

UPDATE: Dang the Hobbit.

UPDATE: Does Hobbit have one "t," or two?

UPDATE: One. Whew.

UPDATE: A transponder! Good idea. 

UPDATE: Jack draws the line at 15.

UPDATE: Chloe is mighty weird. MIghty weird.

UPDATE: The First Cleavage is currently running the world.

UPDATE: UH-oh. Mike knows something.

UPDATE: So much for the weasel.

UPDATE: Is it just me, or is this plot moving kind of sloooooooooooowwwwwwwww? I mean, take the canisters, please. How long does it take to reconfigure a canister?

UPDATE: Subplot time!

UPDATE: Hobbit down!

UPDATE: Only 15, and already she has a bad fake accent. Kids today.

UPDATE: Trust me, says Jack. My plans never go wrong.

UPDATE: They shot the shop guy. Never saw that coming.

UPDATE: It's hard to find somebody to install an encoded binary chip.

UPDATE: That's some good shootin', li'l gal!

UPDATE: Next week, they're going after a MALL. Those bastards.

Comments

[tropichunt.com guy™]

24th!

[weaselbooger]

first

[baligurl]

And I'm in!

[baligurl]

Wel, at least I didn't claim first.

[daisymae]

Excellent!

[weaselbooger]

See? Tequila makes your (not you're) reflexes slower.

[baligurl]

weasel...says you...and thanks.

[daisymae]

I think Dave's got the cannisters mixed up with the First Cleavage!

[weaselbooger]

That is most likely the best Jack Bauer pic ever. It makes one of the dangerous men on record look like a total garik. (Am I using that word too much in an attempt to make it "hip"?)

[Kat]

of course, i know nothing abut t his topic...

[Brian Day]

Greetings All,
I'm joining in late. Hope there is room for more players.

My Prediction: The cannisters are coming to the presidential retreat so that Jack can capture them personally.

By shooting the terrorists in the thigh.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Okay, the Red Bull is down. Bring on Jack!

Jack Bauer Power Hour™!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR™!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR™!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR™!
(with a special appearance by JackSack™!)

[crossgirl]

edging out of the room before ya'll find out that i've never watched this show..................

[Kat]

im in the same boat. cross

[reneviht]

Whoa. Somebody made a show based on Dave's blog postings? What's it called?

[slyeyes]

Anyone else notice that as Scott Hamilton loses his hair, his voice gets higher

(but I saw him skating a few years ago and that guy is awesome!!!)

[daisymae]

Here we GOOOOOOO!!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!

[homeybeef]

they're taunting us with graphic violence again

[Angie]

I sure am glad Dave's back. This show's far too serious without him.

[bizrey]

Brooke Burke embedded in a hamburger. What more could you want?

[daisymae]

Eek...I wish I didn't know he wasn't going to cut out Walt's eye!

[Sam G.]

Cool. They replayed the eye scene.

I'm really looking foreward to this episode. It should be good.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I don't remember this from last week's show...I think I watched the Food Channel by accident...

[sgt sickler]

so, the terrorists don't negotiate with other terrorists?

[daisymae]

"This was not supposed to happen." Walt whines

"We're patriots."

[Sam G.]

Walt gets into bed with terrorists.
Now I know a lot more about his character.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

President Weenie is screaming like Jack. How interesting. Five bucks says he redeems himself by picking up the knife and stabbing his Chief of Weenie Staff in the eye...

[Kat]

Eye gouging? hope this is on when im eating

[crossgirl]

hey kat, meet me out back for some tequila. i've found you don't really have to watch the show, just read the posts tomorrow when you come to.

[sgt sickler]

omigosh! rogue terrorists! acting on their own!

[Stormy Dragon]

Wow, Jack turned down an oppurtunity to torture someone. I'm shocked!

[Cheesewiz]

The Weasel in Chief is not even a good actor.

[slyeyes]

I feel so sorry for Walt. It wasn't his fault. Those dirty rotten low down terrorists lied to him.

(searches for sarcasm emoticon)

[Sam G.]

"What do we do now?"
President Weenie's catch phrase.

[weaselbooger]

Wow, a four-person simulpost. You guys sure are eager!

[bizrey]

Just almost naive enough

[Kat]

wheee cross.... < slips into barwench outfir... teases hair

[sgt sickler]

'well, mr. president weenie, i realize the country is in mortal danger, but i need to see my daughter so when i die THIS time, she'll know it was for real.'

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Only Jack can do the job.

[slyeyes]

"we have a complicated history"

I've used that same language in a break-up.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack has to decide between his daughter and a chance to stab/shoot more people in their thighs...hmmm...what to do, what to do...

[daisymae]

Pres: "Pretty puleeze, Jack." (grovel, grovel)

[judi]

woohoo, he's almost as tough as jack!

[bizrey]

I wear the yellow tie in this outfit! Understand!?!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hey, it's Al Michaels. He did a decent job at the Super Bowl last night. Where's his fat buddy?

[Sam G.]

Great...another subplot.

[judi]

who's she?

[homeybeef]

oh great, the hobbit has a sub plot

[Varjak]

Does everyone who runs CTU have an annoying relative to distract them?

[daisymae]

Who's Jenny?

[bizrey]

Ah those Sackville-Bagginses, down on their luck :/

[slyeyes]

dunno. These guys have a whole stable of chicks who pick the wrong times for phone calls.

[judi]

oh! thanks for clearing that up, actress playing the hobbitchick.

[Angie]

That poor actress always has to play drugged out weirdos.

[Jessica R.]

oh dear a subplot sister.

[sgt sickler]

does EVERYBODY know where CTU is? i mean, it isn't strategically hidden or something?

[Cheesewiz]

another unnecessary character..Welcome Lynn.

[Stormy Dragon]

Is having an embarrasing relative who insists on you dealing with their personal problems during national crises a requirement to get a management position in CTU?

[Kat]

< sits in corner with "star weekly" and the leftover tequila from parrot chat...tryin to catch up

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Lemme get this right. CTU Hobbit Samwise is going to leave in the middle of a national threat to give a recovering junkie $500?!?

[Varjak]

STATCOM scans! Chloe's on it.

["The Good" King Wingbipeekaboo]

Of COURSE The Hobbit has a crazy sister. Dave.

[slyeyes]

They've GOT to take down that neon sign with "CTU" and the arrow.

[sgt sickler]

hey! isn't that terrorist guy from 'alias'?

[Sam G.]

You need to reconfigure the remote...oh, forget it.

[Jessica R.]

tap tap tap tap...keyboard tapping

[bizrey]

Yeah! Don't mess with channel-scanning Chloe!!

[Stormy Dragon]

Wow, that terrorist has THE deepest 'I'm thinking hard' furrow I've ever seen. It's like his forehead is a model of the grand canyon.

[daisymae]

CUT INTO THE CANNISTERS! EEEK!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

They're running Allstate commercials with President Allstate on the monitors in CTU. Talk about product placement...

[slyeyes]

schematics and vectors!

I just got wet.

[bizrey]

Jack wants vectors for the building entrances or Rosslers?? :P

[Jessica R.]

OMG Marwan grew a beard? need a schematic! send me a small unit of four?!

[daisymae]

vectors, Jack needs vectors

(whatever they are)

[Sam G.]

Chloe wants Spencer back...
Haha, Edgar doesn't approve.

[LucyVanPelt]

Wait, did the terrorists call technical support for the trigger device?

And why doesn't my tech guy ever call me back?

[Stormy Dragon]

Hey, don't mock the risen former president Insurance Jesus! He died for your claims.

[daisymae]

(d*mned robots!)

[Cheesewiz]

jack looks distracted. I don't think his heart is in this one.

[judi]

chloe is so fUNNY.

[Varjak]

Real life lesson: When you're good at what you do, you have total impunity from authority.

[slyeyes]

OK, what exactly IS the wrong way to find out your dad is not dead?

[Sam G.]

Perfect. Kim and Audrey. And I bet we haven't seen the last of NGF.

[sgt sickler]

i'm not real sure i would care what the president thinks is best at this point...after all, the mole was just about running the country before this whole 'canister' issue...

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Noooooooo...not Kim.....

She's going to find the ONE bear trap they keep around CTU and step into it.

[daisymae]

Audrey and Kim. Hmmm.

[Glow]

Just wanted to chime in:
"What's the Vector, Victor?" Heh heh.

[Jessica R.]

Slyeyes, you go to the graveyard and he walks out of the tomb at dawn.

[bizrey]

Earwig is like the most vicious muppet ever

[daisymae]

Quadruple post.

[Sam G.]

Glow-Do we have clearance, Clarence?

[Kat]

ok got it, i have to find what channel this is on...
to follow along.. and me remote is broke, i gotta sit at the tv and press those anoying buttons... oh geez....

[BLaaa]

boy, you called it daisymay

[Jessica R.]

Dave, She's saving it for an all out howl in the last five minutes of the hour.

[homeybeef]

not kim. Almost anything but Kim

[Cheesewiz]

yeah, cut the cannisters and we will let you live.

[sgt sickler]

Roger, roger. *snork*

[Sean]

See what happens when you take shop class? You have to cut open the canisters..

[RichM]

Wait! For every red-blooded male on the board...we get to see Kim again!

Too cool. (we don'te really care about the plot,,, when this one is is involved)