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January 16, 2006

WHY YOU DO NOT WANT TO MESS WITH JACK BAUER

Because he will take you down. Even if you are a Christmas tree.

(Thanks to tavesawyer)

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Is this a true story? COOL!

Oh - and FIRST on a MOnday morning -
That's cool too!! :)

So that means that I will have been the first FIRST for the entire week!!!

and SECOND, and possibly third, and if that's the case then where is everyone?

YOO HOO, YOO HOO, Wake Up!!!!

And you're West Coast! Wow, El! And this says Kiefer is now single, and we know tabloids don't lie. Mondays can't be all bad...after all, I don't have to do a book signing today.

El - you also had a hat trick!

YES!

*takes a bow*

My oh my - what rich people think they can get away with simply because they have money and a famous daddy.

Sounds like your average Canadian celebration of the New Year. Whats wrong with that?

Party on, Jack!

Kiefer warned staff: "I'm smashing it - can I pay for it?"

Jack warned everybody: "I'm going to shoot you in the thigh - can I pay for it?"

Just a little life imitating art

Keifer told this story on David Letterman last week.

(Pats self on back for being ahead of the curve. Pulls muscle. Goes back to bed.)

No freaking way. He is 39? Sorry, he looks at least late 40s. Seriously, if I were standing next to Kiefer, I could be mistaken for his son (you know, the ugly one he had with Chloe who just happens to be about 5 inches taller) and I'm 35. Unbefrackinglievable.

Hey, speaking of Kiefer's shortness, did anyone notice how they handled that on Letterman? No shots of them standing together. Even the handshake was from some weird angle with tall Dave on the stage and Kiefer reaching up from below. I bet Kiefer isn't French. But Jack Bauer probably is.

Funny how Germany is not mentioned.
I just realized that Keifer was in one of my favorite movies. I saw it on cable. Loved it. Rented it. Then found out what they had edited out.
To bad. Good movie
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118929/

oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, you've Kiefer S. offended
oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, his drunken revels ended
He tackled low, but why oh, why?
Did he shoot the angel in the thigh?
And so you see, oh Chrsitmas tree
when celebrities are drinking
They only do it seems to me
What most of us are thinking!

Alfred, I'm all curious now. What did they edit out? Your link and the comments therein did not elaborate. Thanks,

Brad - Keifer isn't French, he's Canadian, and English Canadian at that. The news story you referenced did not mention Canadians because the testers only had six inch rulers and they didn't want to discourage the rest of the world's men.

*quietly waving the flag to his US cousins*

Getting back to the willie topic (If not me, who? If not now, when?), something doesn't make sense.

Unless you're a contortionist, most Kama Sutra positions are possible only by Walter and Gene Weingarten's ivory-capped friend. Or, um, so I've heard.

But Indian men have little willies?

(Rummages through 70's souvenirs for black light Kama Sutra poster.)

Yep, this looks like a job for the French.

"job for the French"? That's the first time I've seen that line.

I believe the French were using "le systeme metric."

At least he was polite about it. If you're going to destroy a Christmas tree, always nice to ask permission first.

He can tackle one hundred Christmas trees in Hotel lobbies for all I care, as long as he doesn't come out on some talk show, bloviating emotionally,(O'Reilly just loves that word) that he really HATES guns, which would spoil our Jack Bauer fantasy world.

Then whenever he shot someone..we would be thinking "Poor Kieth, he REALLY hates pretending he can shoot someone, must be tough making a living pretending to be someone you actually think is a moron." Or...perhaps...because of some guilt.(from his father)..he simply had to trash the tree....he just couldn't take it anymore...

Isn't there a psychiatrist on this blog? Liza?

Besides...he looked kinda cute just lying there on the floor, tatoos and all.

Insomniac...must have gotten some sleep. Only a good eight hours could have spawned such perfection.

Targetgirl- The scene edited out was a part where a women was changing. The version I saw showed her face. The Version I rented showed the rest.
This women eventually ends up dead. Lots of blood. I think those where the scenes.
just imagine talking about how great this movie is and then showing the rented version to your friends. Never entirely heard the end of it.

Novanglus- His name is Keifer. not Keith.
i would say that Keifer is suffering from the terrible feelings he has for not being an actual Keith. his father obviosly hated children and wanted this one to attempt a terrible suicide involving a tree so he named him Keifer.
Keifer should sue the tree for not fullfilling its part of the deal set up by his father.

Alfred, what movie are you talking about?

Dark City its on Roger Eberts best films ever list.

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