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January 24, 2006


So you're probably in the market for a very special gift.

(Via Gizmodo)


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It's just what I've always wanted!

ummmm - that pro'lly should be tagged (I really didnt say tagged in reference to this did I?) WARNING: DO NOT OPEN AT WORK, OIYDWYMTTY(NY)G

It's just what I've always wanted!

oooo, how much does it cost?! I need one, too! Did you see the life size exam doll? I know some guys who's love that.

I can see this as a great teaching tool in med school. In Colombia, they just have the student practice on cadavers.

Why was there no warning....opened it as a coworker walked in.....eeeewwww

Kat.... Coming from Dave, aren't the words "Valentine's day" and "special gift" enough warning??

Silly me....what was I thinking?

That's... disturbing.


looks like I have been made the meat in a cyan sandwich - NTTIAWWT

I was going to add my thoughts about needing warning; I'm working in the main office of the school here.

My fault. Should have known!

I think this would be a great place to hide your spare key...

"Darling here's a gift original
Good for all your exams digital
The girls I knew ere you were trollops
Let's scan each other's butts for polyps
You deserve a man as wise as Solon
Clean of heart, mind, deed and colon.
So although I know how to select 'em
My gift to you: this model rectum."

"Specifications may change without notice"

Doc: "We're sorry, Mr Barry, but your rectum is no longer your rectum."

Dave: "Then where is it now?"

Doc: "Say AHHHHH"

I know who would have loved that for Valentine's Day! An old friend's wife was in Nurse Practioner training, and she insisted on practicing her prostate palpitation on him.

He would have paid any price for this!

The more I think about it - you could also use it as a vase, a holder for the remote, a holder for sparklers on the 4th of July, what a place to put a cherry bomb....it is a multi-tasker.

so there's this guy sittin' at the bar drinking - a fairly hot chick sits down next to him and starts a conversation - after a few drinks, she gets around to askin' what he does for a living. He says: "well I make digital rectal examination simulators."

She says: "how's that again?"

He says: "you know, fake butts."

suddenly she remembers that she has to go wash her hair...

Point taken... Shouldda noticed it was from Dave and realized that is warning enough... now if jusi had posted that without warning, we would have room to argue.

OWOWOWOWOWOWOWIE! i got uncomfortable just thinking about that, and goodie on you insomniac!!! teeheeeee

ummm jusi = judi ... rotten fingers (grumble)

Insomniac, absolutely your finest verse yet. Kudos.

1 jar of Vaseline

Check please!

Rectum? I hardly knew 'em ...

A Freudian slip there, Coast??

Bumble and I are totally in sync today. I find this quite disturbing and I wish I'd never opened the link!!! Sheesh!

john - its hard to type with one finger up your (not you're)... ummmm nevermind. Wait a minute, just how DO you get a finger up your nevermind?

[Insert celebrity name here] has three of these.

Yes, I said "insert."

You know how your New Year's resolutions to lose weight start to fade at the end of the month and you are ready to eat the entire contents of the refrigerator and then start gnawing on the woodwork so in an effort to distract yourself you sit down at the computer and think to yourself well, lets see what Dave is up to today and you click on an unlabeled link?

Thank you Dave, for saving me from eating my weight in, well, anything.

I have to have a colonoscopy next Monday. Hope the nurse or whatever has had enough practice with one of these, or aforementioned cadavers....

So this is a digital rectum examiner..The old ones must have been analog..

I had plans for a fake butt-free day, but Dave rectum.

Rectum? It damn near killed him....


What 'cha gonna do with all that junk
All that junk inside your trunk ?
I'm gonna get get get you drunk
Get you love drunk off my humps
My Humps
My digital practice Examination Humps
... ( Slap!)

The male catherization model is, if anything, even more tear-jerkingly painful, and a much better Valentines gift. It even pumps up....

El~ Seeing as we're in sync, suppose you project the answers to my business law homework into my head tonight, huh? Oh, and write my stupid case brief. I hate this class. WTD do I know about writing a case brief? I'm not a law student, and this guy isn't much of a law teacher, either.

Wow... seven centimeters.

Two things.
First in chiropractic college, we practiced on each other.

Second. While working at a high tech health care related company that was installing new card swipe locks, someone suggested the install "Auricular scanners". I said, that's your ear. Another guy piped in saying, you mean "Rectal Scanners". I said no he means Retinal for Eye. Rectal invloves you droppin trou.

"SECURITY! Who let this a** hole in?"

I always thought it would be a great story if the pentagon accidentally ordered Rectal Scanners on all thier locks and they couldn't be replaced for 3 months.

Not worth it, judging by the reaction I got from my wife when I gave her one of these last year.

Pogo - maybe your friend's wife insisted on practicing on him as payback for... well, you know.

I can see this as a great teaching tool in med school. In Colombia, they just have the student practice on cadavers.

Cyan, I thought you were going to say "... on each other."

Glad you didn't...

My son is in nursing school - he had to practice "disimpacting bowels" on live patients.

My daughter is in Massage Therapy school - she and her all female classmates had to strip down to bras and underwear and massage eachother.

This is why nurses make more money.

And why my son maybe switching schools!

may (space) be

*decides being a career student at a Massage School would be a worth profession*

Here's a clue to writing your brief from an FCDA:
Acronym: IRAC.

RULE (of law)

El~ Yeah, he gave us a brief format example with that kind of stuff in it. The hard part is pulling those things out of the several pages of incoherent mumbo jumbo that is the assigned case and putting them down in a way that makes sense and is correct. :-) Oh, well. I've got the whole weekend yet. I'll B.S. my way through it somehow.

Bumble, I believe BS comes right after the CONCLUSION part. So you're right on track!

Bumble - Another rule of college writing:

If ya can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullsh*t.

You go, girl.

Sorry Bumble, I tried. :(

Of course, if you're a hopeless romantic, you'll hide a diamond ring in the rectum.

What? I said hopeless, didn't I?

I've hard that the outlook for the practice rectum business is looking up.

Bumble: Here's a shortcut - FIRST read the conclusion of the case; i.e., the decision. It usually spells out the IRAC stuff! :)

Heard, (Not herd). Mrs. PirateBoy says my typo was a Freudian slip....I think it was more like a half-slip.

"All your rectum are belong to us." --Kyoto Kagaku

It comes with a pair of blue balls? Standard with prostate trouble, I guess.

I would suggest that the medical schools get "all of the parts" by buying a blowup doll instead. They're widely available ya know :-^

El- Thanks. I like that better than what the teacher said. He told us to read it three times; read it once, then take a break. Read it again and highlight stuff, then take a break. Then read it a third time and do something else I don't remember. He claims real lawyers do this, but if that's true, I'm not sure why anyone would want to be a lawyer. :-) The problem is it's really long, and the text is blindingly tiny. This guy seems to think his is the only class we have and we sit around staring at the wall when we're not doing his assignments. *sigh*

Mr. C & kibby- I'll take that under advisement. :-)

A friend of mine bought a used one of these and found Michael Jackson's other glove.

Man, reading this story is such a bummer...

I just had to board my dog and when I got him out the bill had detail for the grooming. It included, bathing, trimming his nails and 'expressing the anal glands'. WTF and yuck!

The deluxe model of this comes with an automated "twitch" feature which is activated when the rubber glove snaps on and an external speaker that whimpers and groans during use.

The super deluxe model farts on you when you get close...

*Snorkage* @ Annie!

(She's bad, she's bad...)

Bumble - hope it helps! Real lawyers read the Summary at the beginning, the Conclusion or Decision at the end, and then decide if they need to find anything in the middle (hardly ever!)

Read - take a break - repeat! Who is this teacher kidding!

I could use one of these! I've been up to my elbows in my work, lately. Oh, what's this behind me ear? A rectal thermometer! Dammit! Some as*hole's got my pen!

El- All of us who don't know what we're doing and will cry if we fail a class. :-)

Bumble ...

Lemme see if I can be of some assistance ... after careful reading of these posts, your most productive course of action would most likely be:

Conduct Rectal Exam on Digital Simulator.

Take a break.

Repeat practice exam.

Take a break.

Repeat practice exam.

Tell law teacher what you've learned, and what might be expected if assignments do not reflect real world needs, values and practices ... (i.e. the next rectal exam will not be digital -- a baseball bat might be a satisfactory substitute -- and it will not be similated ...)

This should clarify several aspects of the circumstantial evidence, and render a decision in the favor of the plaintive students.

fivver - trust me, you want that done. If those glands are working properly, they clog and emit one of the most vile, gut-choking fumes ever imagined. It will burn your eyes, curl your hair, and knock you upside the head. Twice.

U.O~ *snork*

WARNING!!!!! TMI!!! WARNING!!!!!!!!!

I do wish that this link had more of a warning, as I was just on the receiving end of a the non-simulated version of this test last week. I'm still clenching. I would have been more comfortable if the doctor hadn't chuckled as he told me to relax. I did receive a clean bill of health. My doctor told me that I have the body of a twenty year old. But I should give it back because I'm wrinkling it. Yeah. Everybody's a comedian.


Rectum? Dang, it almost killed 'em ...

U.O - Westchester did that joke already, way up the thread. Although with this topic, you were probably just looking at the bottom....

no joke, fellow blogsters - if you're 50 or older - GET THE CHECK-UP. Because you'll never find shoes to go with a colostomy bag.

Annie ... I gnu it sounded familiar ... but the joke was old before Westchester was born (I remember it well) ... at least that's whut I'm guessin' ...

and ... as long as we're talkin' about the bottom line here ...

(TMI alert!)

I do get the checkup ...

... with some regularity ...

T-minus 1.4 years until I join that club.

*contemplates light-speed travel to see if time will really slow*

I thought they only sold things like this at Adam & Eve (or so I've heard).

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