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January 28, 2006


I am definitely in California. I know this because my booksigning last night was attended by a man wearing a penguin costume and playing a blue ukelele.
I assume it goes without saying that he has a blog.


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Dave...dude: Earlier this week, being held hostage by SpongeBob, you looked like Elton John. But when standing next to a giant ukelele playing penguin, you look kinda like Bill Gates.
I'm sure this has some psychological or geopolitical significance; but I'll wait for the other bloglits to suggest interpretations.

He's very cute! And his blog is called Penguin Blog!!!

Go figure!

I think it's called a Blukelele..So the bigger question is do guys dressed up in a penguin outfit carry enough money to buy the book ?

I shoulda said, "FIRST, you looked likek Elton John..."


Well, I was SECOND! And since I like Betsy, I'm OK with this. :)

Does Dave have on glasses in this pic?

Sean...You know guys in tuxes never carry cash. Their PEOPLE carry the money.

Thank you, Eleanor; I like you, too;) *blows kisses from Chicago to CA*

Come on - penguins dont have to carry cash - they just put everything ... on .... their... I JUST CANT SAY IT - I CANT I CANT I CANT.


*blows kisses back to Chicago*

Dave, did you ask him to come and play with the RBRs? In costume, of course! :)

Betsy~ I think Dave's face is kind of general. Like Johnny Carson's. Depending on what you do to it, he can look like anybody. (In various sketches, Johnny managed to pull off looking exactly like Ronald Reagan, Willie Nelson, etc. I always thought it was uncanny.) But I like the glasses on Dave. They make him look distinguished.

CoastRaven~ Don't cry. Take a deep breath and just type it. You can do it. Their...

I think it's the ukelele music that's making him look like that. He's either in pain or dreaming of Hawaii (or both).

Bill - Their Bill They put it on their BILL! There I said it, and ya know what? I feel better!!!!
(Please note proper use of "their" and "there"!)

You know it's the CrapCam when you can't tell if your subject is wearing glasses.

daisymae, I met dave once while Whale hunting near Nova Scotia.Those are defintely NOT glasses he's wearing.they are the worst bags I've ever seen under anyone's eyes! Saddest thing this side of China.He has a scar on his left temple that you might be mistaking for the temple on a pair of glasses.He kept unbuttoning his shirt Al Pacino fashion, to show us his Richard Nixon tattoo.I know it was him, because he was playing the guitar so badly.

Dave, that guy escaped from SeaWorld and they've been looking for him, so thanks for the heads up- I'm placing the call now.

Dave, no offense but you look like you haven't slept in a week. Get some rest, dude!

I'm sorry I have to agree with Betsy on the slight resemblance to Bill Gates. Thankfully, Bumble also makes an excellent point on Dave's wide range of looks depending on the environment, much like a mood ring. But wow, I'm seriously impressed with the penguin-ukelele combo. It's not often you see elements of the South Pole combined with Hawaiian culture, and given that context, I think Dave's scholarly appearance is perfect. He looks a little as if he's proud of a recent discovery.

Looks like Penguin Man had a very interesting evening...

Loved the "hookers and drugs" story...

Ha ha...

I may have to bookmark that blog and see what else he gets himself into..

Too bad the pictures aren't showing up...

Look out Dave... he's planning to see you again today!

Dave, step away from the penguin. Sometimes they explode, you know. (Or at least that's my inspired guess. Burma!)

*snork* @ CoastRaven. Great spelling, btw.

Mo: definitely not glasses...? Hmmm..

*snork2* at CR. You were very...brave

Thank you all for your (not you're) support through such a trying moment in my blog development!

*pats CoastRaven on the head*

Well done. Don't you feel better now? :-)

Duh. You already said you did. My brain's scrambled from trying to write (not right) (well, maybe right is right) my brief. I pity poor El. She volunteered to read it for me.

Yes, kids, Dave is wearing his reading glasses. In ATL, he was quite studious about removing them for each photo, but notice he's not wearing a blue collared shirt. No blue shirt = no pocket for glasses.

PS When Dave was speaking here, I was surprised he wasn't wearing glasses. He is 58 years old (right?) and a writer, after all. I wondered if he'd had Lasik surgery. But then he pulled out the glasses, and all was made clear. (rim shot?)

Yes Bumble I feel much better - thanx for your encouragemtent!

ummm - can I have one of those "t"s back I migh* need i* la*er... damn I knew I'd pro'lly used *he las* one of *hose

penguin lust - thanks for the earwig

("Tainted Love")

Sometimes I feel I've got to
Swim away
I'd rather
Fish all day.
Though these feelings are a part of me!
In the mating game
We all look the same
It just don't feel right
I toss and turn through 6 months of night!

Once I ran from seals
Regurgitate my meals
This penguin lust I'm livin'
I gave you all a mate could give you
Guard your egg and that's not nearly all
Penguin lust, Penguin lust

When there's snow and wind that
Never ends.
I'm huddled with a
Thousand friends
Wonderin' when you'll waddle back!
On film they stare
Think we make a pair
Though it don't seem right
Among penguins I'm just not that bright!


I penguin-lust you, Insom! :D

That penguin has a first name, it's L-I-N-U-X.
That penguin has a second name that doesn't rhyme with "X."
Oh, he loves to eat fish every day,
And if you ask him why he'll say,
His fetid breath will make them pale
When he sings his icy tale.

Dave's wearing the shirt he wore in Naperville. Hopefully he's had time to clean it.

Dave, this is the first time we've seen you looking utterly disgusted. Could Penguin Man possibly be worse than Barry Manilow?

Our sympathies for the indignities you suffer on the road.

Holy smoke!

His crap cam makes yours look top of the line, brand spankin' new... and so on.

PS. He woke at 6:57 this morning, just in case you were worried.

Oh, and did anybody else read Penguin Man's lyrics? Dave is a strong man for not decking Mr. Man right then and there.

Poor Dave. Those ARE eye circles! That's what a couple of spirited weeks of coast-to-coast strumpeting will get you. Take two naps and call your doctor in the morning. Besides, at this point, he could do these appearances in his sleep, right?

Actually -- taking another look at the CrapCam photo -- that's what he might be doing now ...

CoastRaven~ tttttt There you go. I hope you're happy. Now I'll never have enough to spell "titillating" when I play cutthroat super scrabble with my bro-in-law. Or "cutthroat." :-)

At least it wasn't a penguin thong!

Looks pretty normal for EssEff if you ask me. Penguin suit? That's nothing. We've had people swimming naked at the wharf! People swimming in the water near the wharf. That's strange. Not only is it freezing cold, it's full of sea lions (rats of the beach) and all kinds of icky stuff and surrounded by pigeons (rats of the air).

Summary of thread so far: Penguin Man is...unusual; and Insom, PB, et al, need not feel threatened by his lyrics. Dave is (a) possibly wearing glasses; (b) definitely on the ragged edge of total exhaustion; and (c) may actually be asleep. Some portion of the preceding confusion may be due to the quality of the crapcam. It is also quite possible that Dave has huge bags under his eyes, AND is wearing glasses while sleeping standing up.
Dave...please wake up and get some sleep! Even God rested on the seventh day. (Of course He wasn't on a book tour...)

WOW - Bumble flashed her T-Ts on the blog!!! Thanx for reloadin me!!

Did anyone listen to Penguin Man's lyrics? I think the picture is of Dave steeling himself to endure the song.

CoastRaven~ You twist my words. Or in this case, my letters. :-P

Yes Betsy, God did write a book. It is called, if you haven't heard, The Bible. He goes on tour every Sunday morning at a church near you. He also works on Sunday.

Betsy: thanks for the clarificatition

hmmm...I think I just married certification and clarification. CR you can have the extra letters...I never seem to run out

Penguin Man~ God didn't write it. He's just the main character. OK, maybe "just" isn't the right word to use there, but you know what I mean. And yes, God works on Sunday. But he intends for us non-omnipotents to have a day of rest. That's what Betsy was getting at, I think. :-)

My vote: Dave is catching some shut-eye.

shoot. in new yawk city, nobody would even notice him.

Bumble...Thank you;) That's eggzackly what I was getting at!

P.S. Penguin Man...You're our eye witness: was he wearing glasses, or just really, really tired???

Poor Penguin Man. He has an endorsement from Molly Ivins. He makes her proud to be an American. Guess she couldn't be proud to be an American for any of the real benefits her citizenship brings.

Poor Dave. He's being serenaded by a guy in a penguin suit...and the guy was endorsed by Molly Ivins.

Hang in there, Dave. What does not kill you makes you stronger. By now you must be able to benchpress a Buick.

I'm sorry you're not coming to L.A. Dave. I need to have one of your books signed as a wedding present. I guess I will send it by mail.
PS I read your new book today, I liked it!

Dave - you need to have security people at Cody's check for penguin costumes. He's planning to be lurking again tonight!!!

Eleanor - I certainly hope it's not a formal event tonight, or he'll blend right in!

Betsi - Dave's in LA in April at the UCLA Book Festival. I don't think the peguin will be there since they are flightless birds and have no thumbs with which to hitchhike.

Dave - While I admire your work ethic, I just took a nap in the sun and it was great (no penguins).

Dave ~ You need to come to BOSTON. We have very few penguins here. And NONE of them play the ukelele. Most of them just park cars.

We do, however, have Bruins. But trust me, they're no threat.

Betsy~ No problem. Always happy to put in my two cents if it means I get to procrastinate on doing my homework some more. :-)

Yes Dave was wearing glasses. He was reading from a list and I guess he forgot to take them off. They were reading glasses. Maybe he needs them for autographing too. So they are reading & writing glasses

Weather sucks today even for a penguin with no thumbs to hitchhike. We swim at 30 miles an hour so that is only 10 minute swim but hours to hitchhike or take the bus

Penguin Man...Thank you for resolving the question of Dave's reading/autographic glasses!
Re travel plans: Have you tried going to the wharf and hitchhiking with your flipper (or wing -- what's the proper word for penguin 'arms', anyway??) Your blog indicates impressive results hitching on land; maybe marine-types would be equally responsive to an itinerant penguin. Just a thought...

So ... it's already been done by several of y'all, but I'll add the comment that when I useta get a photo of someone (photojournalistically, or casual/candid) with their eyes closed, I usually titled or cutlined it as: Dave Barry takes a nap." ... ISIANMTU ... just sayin' ...

Apparently El's keyboard has contracted laryngitis.

No ... El, wonderful person that she is, was kind enuf to remove my italics, which I fergot to do, 'cuz I wuz in such a hurry to leave for dinner ...


And ... she was so much a lady that she did it without any cheap shots or snide references to "aged people" or "senile old f@rts" or any such general crappy behavior ...


OK, I'll stop yelling now ... I wuz just trineta see if she could hear me in San Diego ...

Yes, I see that now, U.O. I thought the squiggly lines in your previous post were the result of my Beerbot's ministrations.

Dave is a little confused as to what book tour he's actually ON. He's gotten himself mixed up with his buddy Stephen King again.

Btw, read Cell if you haven't already. How the man continues to turn out scary stuff is just amazing.

S Man: LOL

No...I think Dave looks more like Eric Clapton in this picture

Hey! Big Steve is wearing a blue shirt! A tribute to The Blog, maybe?

Sparrow...I googled Eric Clapton, and while there's a grizzled Clapton who looks vaguely like Dave (or Bill Gates -- same thing), there's also a picture of a young Eric Clapton who looks vaguely like....
Neil Diamond!!!!

I must withdraw to my tower room and ponder this startling development.

(and is that upholstery disaster in the next post the iconic Not Even, the Chair?)

People, people....with the casual wear, Dave is CLEARLY Steve Jobs.

Also, with attractive glasses and his hair looking good, it was only fair that he and the blue shirt have to grimace next to what is CLEARLY the result of the breeding of Hannity and Colmes...

Doesn't he have to wear a turtleneck to be Steve Jobs?

No ... only when he gives the annual review and/or product development intro ... otherwise, it's perty much ... blue shirts and tennies ...

U.O. No pants???

Well, does SpongeBob wear pants? I dunno ... I never looked ... din't wanna after Pat Robertson and them others said SB was gay ... thot I might be accused by the extremists religious wackos of having prurient interests in cellulose ... which, ya gotta admit, SB looks more like (an O'Cedar ™) than a real, genuine undersea critter ... unless the critter had a haircut/stylist session, so he could pass as a kitchen utensil ...

Huh? Whut wuz the question? Wuz there a question?

Oh ... pants ... ... boxers, or briefs?

U.O - your cabin is low on oxygen - SpongeBob SquarePANTS. Guess what shape his pants are? He's a sea sponge who happens to look like a kitchen sponge, just like Pat Robertson is a hypocrite who just happens to look like a moron. ;)

I'm sorry Annie ... just finished my first cuppa coffee in 48 hours ... brain is back to normal (?) functional levels (??!!!) now ...

I guess I don't watch SpongeGuy RhomboidalUndies with my grandsons enuf ...

(Luuuuv your analogy ... I'd've said somethin' like Holier-than-everbody aspiring to become a Preying BibleSpouter ... but I like yours better ...)

U.O...No, no...,I wasn't inquiring about SpongeBob, who obviously flaunts his nether portions shamelessly. The subject of my inquiry was Steve Jobs . See, YOU said SJ is perty much blue shirts and tennies; and then I asked if that was the total extent of his wardrobe during the annual review and product intro.

I've met this guy, the Penguin man. Three times. I live near that booksigning, it's a fun place to live. :P


the truth is he's homeless and needs medical(psychological)
help. He's too proud to ask-so
he's taken this alter ego to please
rich Marinites. It's sad, but most
of you really don't care.

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