SHEEP IN THE NEWS
(Thanks to Pillage Idiot, who points out it's lucky they're not okapi)
« Previous | Main | Next »
(Thanks to Pillage Idiot, who points out it's lucky they're not okapi)
You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.
As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.
Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.
Your Information
(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)
My goat, Mr. Whipplesworth, poops sapphire doots. But golden fleece? Wow.
Posted by: Federal Duck | January 27, 2006 at 01:24 PM
Shorn once a year - kept mostly indoors - fed a special diet - and they have "Superfine" hair...
Holy Jesus Juice! Dont let Michael Jackson find out about these sheep!!
Posted by: CoastRaven | January 27, 2006 at 01:25 PM
♫ (go)Figure-O, Figure-O, Figure-O ♫
Posted by: MOTW | January 27, 2006 at 01:26 PM
As I've said elsewhere, this reminds me of The Great Pashmina Scam of a few years ago.
Posted by: Eleanor | January 27, 2006 at 01:34 PM
Fed: wasn't "Saphire Doots" a song by King Crimson or maybe the Mahavishnu Orchestra?
Posted by: mudstuffin | January 27, 2006 at 01:39 PM
sapphire doots. (now look sad and say "d'oh".)
Posted by: mudstuffin | January 27, 2006 at 01:40 PM
Oh, just what I want - uppity wool from uppity sheep who listen to opera.
I'll stick with my polyester, thank you very much. ;)
Posted by: JustLinda | January 27, 2006 at 01:44 PM
golden opera wool WBAGNFARB
Posted by: Mad"ly in love with weasel" Scientist | January 27, 2006 at 01:48 PM
No, wait. "Sapphire Doots" was the name of a novel by Ray Bradbury. That's it!
Posted by: mudstuffin | January 27, 2006 at 01:49 PM
And on a hot day, your polyester will stick with you, too.
Posted by: «LabSpecimen» | January 27, 2006 at 01:49 PM
Those sheep sound like they have quite the life and lifestyle. I wish I was a sheep.
OK, not really, cause there are negative connotations to being a sheep - "You just follow everyone like a sheep", and so forth - but still - opera, specially prepared food, shorn once a year. I barely get to my toenails once a year, and I've been eating leftovers for longer than that!
Posted by: Ben | January 27, 2006 at 01:49 PM
Baa baa chic sheep,
have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir;
one bale full.
11.8 microns
I've taken pains to grow.
So Loro Piana
can have fine cloth to sew.
Posted by: Bumble | January 27, 2006 at 01:52 PM
Mudstuffin-
As far as I know (0.042 microns longitude), the King Crimson version was a remake of the popular country song "Lurleene Done Up and Left Me and All I Got Was These Shiny Turds" by Big Earl and the Stumpstickers.
Posted by: Federal Duck | January 27, 2006 at 01:55 PM
Can you imagine what (besides huge piles of sheep doots) these critters would produce if they were subjected to the song stylings of Mr. Barry Manilow. Or, maybe that's where his hair comes from.
Posted by: Lairbo | January 27, 2006 at 01:55 PM
Sheep nutritionist? It's sad to think that they, in all likelihood, eat better than I do.
Posted by: KOW | January 27, 2006 at 01:57 PM
If I had sapphire doots
I'd buy me one of them suits
to match my ermine boots
I'd by snootier than snoot
instead I got the scoots
and my birthday suit
is like an ugli fruit
boo-hooty hoot hoot.
Posted by: mudstuffin | January 27, 2006 at 01:59 PM
Fed - LOL
Lairbo - BM = doots
Posted by: MOTW | January 27, 2006 at 02:01 PM
Sheep nutritionist? It's sad to think that they, in all likelihood, earn more than I do
Posted by: CoastRaven | January 27, 2006 at 02:02 PM
Hagrid turned be into a newt
like blast-ended screwt
get my nine-mil and shoot
that great hairy brute
Posted by: mudstuffin | January 27, 2006 at 02:06 PM
I Googled "sapphire doots" and got squat. How can nobody have a page devoted to this concept?
Any takers? Anyone? Bueller?
Posted by: Federal Duck | January 27, 2006 at 02:15 PM
Duck... I'm not sure how to make a link, but I got this on wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jan_de_Doot
Posted by: HooBert | January 27, 2006 at 02:19 PM
Anything that increases the market for Border collies is cool with me.
*loads stereo into truck and heads for pasture*
Posted by: pogo | January 27, 2006 at 02:20 PM
Key quote: "A painting by Rembrandt portrays him holding in his right hand a scalpel, and in his left hand a large bladder stone set in gold."
Posted by: HooBert | January 27, 2006 at 02:20 PM
Googling "defecating gemstones" led me to some yoga-oriented websites. Go figure.
Posted by: mudstuffin | January 27, 2006 at 02:28 PM
Boy, wait until these farmers find out what kind of wool these sheep can produces after fully penetrative sex!
Oh wait, I reckon they already know that.
"19 microns! Jeff, get in here! I told you just blowin' 'em doesn't work!"
Posted by: Christobol | January 27, 2006 at 02:30 PM
Oh, gawd, Cbol...
*averting eyes*
Posted by: Tamara Rhymes With Camera | January 27, 2006 at 02:39 PM
How many microns in a doot?
Posted by: Reddsuss | January 27, 2006 at 02:48 PM
Okay. Time for a new story.
Posted by: Down in Texas | January 27, 2006 at 02:55 PM
OK, I think *snork*ing at pretty much everybody is in order... Hee hee hee.
"Doot" is a funny word.
Posted by: Kitt | January 27, 2006 at 02:58 PM
I mean the regulars have done their best with a completely lame story but it's time to move on. Dave or Judi, have mercy on us.
Posted by: Down in Texas | January 27, 2006 at 02:59 PM
Lyle: (Baa) I'm getting tired of this Andrea Bocelli stuff. Whad'ya think?
Sheila: (Baa) A little change might be nice.
Lyle: (Baa) I was thinkin' maybe some Wooly Nelson - how about that?
Sheila: (Baa) Nah, maybe a little Johnny Cashmere, though.
Lyle: (Baa) OK, and then how 'bout some James Cotton, just to round it off....
Sheila: (Baa) Alright. Hungry?
Lyle: (Baa) Yeah, but no more of that special feed. I want a Snickers.
*I know - pretty lamb.*
*Runs for cover*
Posted by: Blue Meanie | January 27, 2006 at 03:17 PM
I got nothin'.
Posted by: Mr. Completely | January 27, 2006 at 03:19 PM
That's not what Mrs. ThePoint says.
Posted by: southerngirl | January 27, 2006 at 03:26 PM
Hmm. Must be a Friday afternoon.
*snork* @ S-girl, btw; was thinking the same myself ;)
Posted by: Tamara Rhymes With Camera | January 27, 2006 at 03:29 PM
nuff said
Posted by: daisymae | January 27, 2006 at 03:32 PM
Earwig Alert: Even Now
Even now, when they’re cutting off my hair
When there's someone there who's shearing just for me
Even now I think about ewes, but I know you just don’t care
And I wonder if the other sheep can see?
Even now, though my wool just won’t look right
And I've found a better farm than what I had
Even though I eat my food now in the middle of the field
I can't believe it still could hurt so baaaaaaad!
Even now, when I have come this far
I still wonder at the stars,
I wonder why it's still so hard without ewes
Even now, when this Brokeback fad is through,
I swear I think of ewes, and God I wish you knew
Christobol...
(Apologies to Cbol, but his name fit the rhythm of the verse)
Posted by: PirateBoy | January 27, 2006 at 03:38 PM
"advice from a sheep nutritionist." I wonder what college a sheep has to go to for a "Nutritionist" degree?
Dave, in the interest of a proper scientific study, a comparison MUST be made with other musical genres. Lairbo will be handling the Barry Manilow research flock and I've got a truckload of sheep on the road to YOUR house where they will have "Rock Bottom Remainders" music to enjoy 24/7. The truckload of Snickers for their special diet will be delivered soon as well. We will check back in a year when it's time to shear and see how you've done, micrometer-wise. Oh, and I have a company of ex-Marines en route with 50 cal machine guns, RPG's and other essentials to defend the herd in case Michael "FREAK" Jackson gets wind of them. And of course, everyone within several miles of your house WILL get wind of 'em.....
GOOD LUCK (and happy doot-shoveling)!!
Posted by: Mad Soapboxer | January 27, 2006 at 03:46 PM
"Micrometer-wise"? I mean "Micron-wise"...
Posted by: Mad Soapboxer | January 27, 2006 at 03:49 PM
S-girl and Tamara/RWC - Well, I... um... okay, who am I to argue?
(If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman around to hear him, does anyone care?)
Posted by: Mr. Completely | January 27, 2006 at 03:58 PM
Mr. C. I think what you mean is that if a women speaks will a man listen ?
Posted by: Down in Texas | January 27, 2006 at 04:01 PM
Mr. C:
Is your FIRST name "Mister" which is then followed by Completely Mrs. The Point?
Is that what your wife had in mind? :)
Posted by: Eleanor | January 27, 2006 at 04:21 PM
DiTx - I think we all know the answer to that one.
Uh, I mean, of course we do... (if we know what's good for us!)
Posted by: Mr. Completely | January 27, 2006 at 04:22 PM
The way what I heared it were like this...
If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman around to tell him he is wrong, is he still lost?
Posted by: CoastRaven | January 27, 2006 at 04:23 PM
CR - *snork*
Posted by: Mr. Completely | January 27, 2006 at 04:24 PM
CR, the way what *I* heared it is, "if he's a man he's lost". PERSONALLY, I'm NEVER lost, although at times I am creative in the route I take to get from Point A to Point B...
Posted by: Mad Soapboxer | January 27, 2006 at 04:33 PM
I hearded (not herded) this one:
"If a man speaks in the forest and there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?"
Either way is funny, and that's all that really matters, isn't it.
Posted by: Muffles | January 27, 2006 at 04:36 PM
I hearded (not herded) this one:
"If a man speaks in the forest and there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?"
Either way is funny, and that's all that really matters, isn't it.
Posted by: Muffles | January 27, 2006 at 04:37 PM
Okay - completely off topic here, but what the heck. It has been announced that Stephen Colbert is this years host of the White House Correspondants Dinner. A little after I became a fan of His Humorcolumness, way back when (not so way back for some) he hosted it and gave a GUTBUSTINGLY FUNNY speech about the "Failed Clinton Administration". Does anyone remember that, and even tougher, any idea where to get a copy?
Posted by: CoastRaven | January 27, 2006 at 04:37 PM
gosh, my internet hates me today. I apologize for the multiple posts.
Posted by: Muffles | January 27, 2006 at 04:38 PM
Earwig Alert: I Only Have Eyes...
Are the sheep out tonight?
I just know we're not very bright
Cause I only have eyes for ewes, dear
My wool may be high
But I can't see with hair in my eyes
Cause I only have eyes for ewes
I don't know if we're in a pen
Or stuck in a crowded stall again
Ewes are here, so am I
Perhaps millions of our flock went by?
But they all disappear from view
Cause I only have eyes for ewes....
Posted by: PirateBoy | January 27, 2006 at 05:39 PM
PB - You are getting vewwy vewwy sweepy. Count the sheep, count the sheep.
Posted by: pogo | January 27, 2006 at 05:45 PM
It's time for today's poetry recital. Today's poem is the Lampoon version of See the Merino. (Ahem)
Verse 1
See the merino standing there
With his long shaggy hair.
Verse 2
See the merino standing there
With his long shaggy heir.
Verse 3
See the merino standing there
With his long shag...Grrk! Gaak! Ahggh!
(Shepherd's crook reaches from beyond the curtains stage left. Snatches narrator from stage.)
Fade to black.
Posted by: Stupendous Man | January 27, 2006 at 05:52 PM
Counting sheep, the new math:
Sheep + opera = golden fleece
Sheep + Hasselhoff = polyester
Sheep + C'bol = misdemeanor
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | January 27, 2006 at 05:56 PM
Yes. He's still lost.
Posted by: Eleanor | January 27, 2006 at 06:00 PM
(Enters stage left dusting off cape.)
Where was I? Oh, yeah.
Verse 4
See Dan Marino standing there
With his long...g...g...Grrk! Gakk! Aargh!
(Exits stage left, encrooked again)
Fade to mauve
Posted by: Stupendous Man | January 27, 2006 at 06:15 PM
An Aussie, hiking thru New Zealand, spots a Kiwi farmer having his way with a sheep in a nearby pasture. Approaching the fence, the Aussie calls out, "Y'know in Austrylyuh we shear those!"
The farmer calls back, "I ain't shearin' this one with nobody!"
Posted by: The Bloke | January 27, 2006 at 06:23 PM
Not sure, I may have read this here, but deal with it.
A guy walks into the bedroom, where his girlfriend is in bed. He has a sheep under his arm, and says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache, dear."
The girlfriend says, "I believe you will find that is a sheep under your arm."
The guy says, "I believe you will find I was talking to the sheep."
*rimshot*
Posted by: pogo | January 27, 2006 at 06:37 PM
Bestiality jokes? I thought this was a family-freindly blog...
Posted by: TCK | January 27, 2006 at 06:49 PM
Only for certain kinds of families. The Mansons, perhaps, or the Osbornes, and, well, most of us aparently. NTTAWWT
Posted by: Brainy Jello | January 27, 2006 at 06:52 PM
OMG!
See the Merino standing there,
with his long, shaggy hair ...
I have (somewhere) an old humor book (Campus Comedy? Campus Humor?) with a segment that expounds upon this quotation ... with cartoons to illustrate ... Gawsh, I wish I could find a way to share it with y'all ... it's great ...
examples: p'haps y'all can visualize a bit ... one may only hope ...
See the Merino, Stan Ding, there ... with his long, shaggy hair ... (Oriental-looking critter, holding sign that says "HI, I'm Stanley Ding")
Seethe, the Merino, standing there ... (Boiling mad sheep ...)
See the Merino, standing there, with his long, shaggy hayer ... (Tall, skinny farmer with a scythe ...)
See, thumber Enos, standing there ... (Hitchhiker, sign says "I'm Enos")
See the Merino ... with his long, shaggy heir ...
Well, sorry ... mebbe y'all hadda of been there ...
Posted by: U.O | January 27, 2006 at 06:54 PM
pogo, you made me *snork* beer. I've never done that before.
Posted by: southerngirl | January 27, 2006 at 07:39 PM
mudstuffin: I don't know about the King Crimson song, but the Mahavishnu Orchestra song you're thinking of is "Sapphire Bullets of Pure Love".
/really useless trivia
Posted by: xbalanke | January 27, 2006 at 08:28 PM
U.O, that's from the National Lampoon from many, many moons ago. That's where I got the inspiration for the drivel posted above. I think my copy fell apart in the '70s. It was hilarious!
And, pogo, TNX for a *snork*ing good joke! Kudos also to The Bloke whose email addy says he's "big down under."
On another note, I used to be into sado-necro-bestiality...but I realized I was just beating a dead horse.
Posted by: Stupendous Man | January 27, 2006 at 09:13 PM
Stupe' --
Not to be argufiable, but as to the book (paperback) cited, I'm thinking predated the National Lampoon by a few/several years ... (remember, I'm OLD) ... or, mebbe it was a collection, and they anthologized (anthromorpised? I allus get them two mixed up) it from the Lampoon ...
NO!
Now that I think of it, it mighta been from the HARVARD Lampoon, which wuz a precursor to the NATIONAL Lampoon ... does that idea werk?
Whut ever ... so, you've seen it also ... someday, mebbe I'll find my copy, and I can scan it, and then send it out onto the ether ...
Posted by: U.O | January 27, 2006 at 09:53 PM
... and ... to belabor a deceased equine quadruped ... whut's the deal with the blog clock?
Posted by: U.O | January 27, 2006 at 09:55 PM
The few, the proud, the Merinos...
Posted by: Lairbo | January 27, 2006 at 10:03 PM
*snork* Lairbo. Once a Merino, always a Merino.
U.O, it was the Harvard Lampoon of Playboy magazine where the centerfold was tanned where she should have been pale and vice versa. I think they billed it as Pl*yb*y. It looked just like Playboy and was filled with jokes so lame, without the asterisks it would surely have encroached on Hef's domain.
Posted by: Stupendous Man | January 27, 2006 at 10:28 PM
Stupe' -
Yeah, I dismember that issue ... had it once, lost or threwed away ...
According to the history page of the Lampoon, Playboy actually helped them with production, advertisers and such ...
I tried to google the Merino cartoon thingy, couldn't find it, but some references to the old joke, so ... I'm perty sure that the item I'm citing was taken from the Harvard Lampoon, tho the National might've rerun it ... whatever ... still a great little entertainment item ... and, I still dunno where my copy might be ... stored in some box or plastic tub in some garage or basement ... somewhere in Area Code 701 ... that's about as close as I can be, on location ...
Posted by: U.O | January 27, 2006 at 10:47 PM
Yeah, U.O, it's getting bad when you have to use your GPS to track down your books. Of course, I have to use mine just to track my beer. Gotta get me a Beerbot.
Posted by: Stupendous Man | January 27, 2006 at 11:22 PM
U.O - As a trained technical person with degrees saying so and with lots of experience documenting technical things, my technical opinion is that the blog clock is broken.
Posted by: Mr. Completely | January 28, 2006 at 04:08 AM
Works for me ...
(The theory/opinion, not the blog clock ... altho, now it seems to be back to "normal" ...)
Posted by: U.O | January 28, 2006 at 08:24 AM
"Sheep nutritionist"?
Posted by: Lori | January 28, 2006 at 03:53 PM
"I don't know about the King Crimson song, but the Mahavishnu Orchestra song you're thinking of is "Sapphire Bullets of Pure Love"."
And a They Might Be Giants song as well--surely not the same one...
Also, I can't believe that nobody so far has mentioned that "Operatic Sheep" WBAGNFARB.
Posted by: Kev | January 29, 2006 at 02:55 AM
(using best W.C. Fields voice)
Aahh,yes. I remember Operatic Sheep. I caught their act in a pasture outside Bigbee, or was it Homosassa Springs...summer of '29. Offered the lead singer a ride in my new automobile. Gawd she was heavenly! But when I offered her a drink from my hip flas...Godfrey Daniel, it's the BlogWarden! WHACK!!! (loses W.C. Fields voice) Medic! Hack! Koff! What's she packing in that purse?! I'm taking up a collection to get her an operation! If I have my way, she'll never be called "Sir" again! Sputter!
Posted by: Stupendous Man | January 29, 2006 at 05:24 AM
**loves Stupendous Man a cuppa his favorite coffee .. Chock Full `O Booze**
Posted by: medic | January 29, 2006 at 04:25 PM
Good job, Stupe' ... I gotta say tho, that this whole blog deal is getting to be a little frustrating ... I mean ... I'm trineta dismember a specific scene/dialogue from an old movie/book and so I go to google it ... and I find a quote from here on the Dave Barry™ blog ... posted by ... moi ownself ... at a time in the murkiness of the distant past (anything older than two months seems to fit that time frame) ...
So ... I dunno which is worse ... not bein able to find stuff, or finding stuff that I mentioned before, and fergot I said it ...
the only good thing about getting older is the reminder one gets when considering the alternative ...
Posted by: U.O | January 29, 2006 at 05:08 PM
I think I first saw "See the Merino ...." in the old Saturday Review, probably 30 or more years ago. A wonderful magazine, hasn't been published in years, edited by Norman Cousins. I'd love to find the whole poem again.
Posted by: Margaret | November 16, 2009 at 04:12 PM
U.O. I'm also a past owner of the original joke book containing the Marino Stan Ding and other versions. I've been looking for a copy lately and seem to remember the original title of the paperback as "Sick Jokes". It was a classic for young boys in the '50s.
Posted by: Sam | December 10, 2009 at 12:21 PM
See the merino standing there with his long shaggy hair. MAD magazine ran this sentence as a dictionary example for merino. They then did a bunch of various
phonetically similar sentences with illustrations.If anyone has an old copy and could post it that would be great.
Posted by: DrMelKay | April 07, 2010 at 11:01 PM
Definitely Harvard Lampoon. We had a little paperback. This is the crowd that did Bored of the Rings. Each homonym was also illustrated, barely.
Posted by: Rose Marie Holt | November 15, 2010 at 06:54 AM
I'll never forget Thumber Enos standing there. With his yadda yadda.
Dr Dr Holt
Posted by: Rose Marie Holt | November 15, 2010 at 06:56 AM
Here's your farking reference you OCD tightarses
http://www.thecrimson.harvard.edu/article/1969/6/9/the-lampoon-pbwbhos-put-the-mean/
Posted by: Rose Marie Holt | November 15, 2010 at 07:00 AM